No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

You both sound insecure.   Sorry, he's not pursuing you aggressively.  Didn't I predict that you would be back here asking what to do next?  It goes back to the gif, your poor/immature communication skills and having regret because you are not being true to yourself.  It's all pretty tortured really.

Yeh when he asked if im bored and i didnt answer.

Its a cycle. 🤔

Im just not obvious and feminine/Flirty like how a lot of women are. I tend to be friendly enough but find it difficult to show affection Or emotion 

[Realitysux]

7 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Its only a guess but i think if i was more open he would be more than happy to be open aswell. He used to always tell me to talk to him/open up to him. I just never really did/do. 

On the phone hes pretty open aswell in a way. Flirty and jokey and shows hes interested. But again im just more reserved still. 

It's still new. It could be a relationship that takes time to progress. 

[miranda561]

1 minute ago, Realitysux said:

It's still new. It could be a relationship that takes time to progress. 

🤔 i guess  so

[Versacehottie]

2 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Yeh when he asked if im bored and i didnt answer.

Its a cycle. 🤔

Im just not obvious and feminine/Flirty like how a lot of women are. I tend to be friendly enough but find it difficult to show affection Or emotion 

Yeah.  I think you should work on this for yourself.  It doesn't really make sense to keep up false bravado (bravada) and blow people off if you are really going to regret it.  You can work on that in general by being honest about yourself, TO yourself.  You can start on that NOW even in lockdown, such as on this thread.  I've seen glimpses of it ^^^  You took some responsibility for your actions above, which will help--if you connect it to the emotions you feel as well, you can start to act in your own life with more authenticity.  I would hope that for you.

[basil67]

23 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

 

I know it sounds really bad. But he didnt even seem to care i said that. He was just like why dont you with a couple of crying faces  😢😢. 

That friend( hes a guy) i dont know what his problem is but he always gives me advice or opinions which are negative and would most likely break us apart. Hes tried it several different ways. I just cut him off recently as id had enough. He kept commenting on how this guys not right for me and how he doesnt like me that much and is just pretending to. And various other weird opinions he has. 

But you are right

Honestly, the fact that this guy still speaks to you after you said this doesn't reflect well on him.  If he had self worth, he would have disappeared as soon as you said it.  

[miranda561]

12 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

You both sound insecure.   Sorry, he's not pursuing you aggressively.  Didn't I predict that you would be back here asking what to do next?  It goes back to the gif, your poor/immature communication skills and having regret because you are not being true to yourself.  It's all pretty tortured really.

Oh, and one of your biggest problems is that you see things as "fixed" where as your own interest in things ebbs and flows---that's the truth for everyone.  Things change.  If he had interest in you at one time, it doesn't mean he is a fixed variable in time.  That can change as he gathers info about how you are and his life changes--other people come into it, etc.

Could be so.

Im not  the type of person whos interest is there one second and gone the next. As much as it doesnt show in terms of how i express  myself.

 

 

[Versacehottie]

Yeah one of the best things you can do for your processing of what is going on with interpersonal and dating relationships is realize not everyone will think like you do.  There are a wide variety of possible responses and life is fluid--especially over a longer period of time without much real investment or even a first date (really) so it's more likely than NOT that his situation is different--which could mean that he's dating someone else, he's no longer interested in you or he's only marginally interested in you.  Each time you interact with someone, you push his needle of where he stands regarding you one way or the other (positive or negative)--and your last interaction, I think most of us would agree is a negative perception.  You are jerking his chain--is the way it feels, to most of us and probably more so to him. 

[miranda561]

4 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Yeah.  I think you should work on this for yourself.  It doesn't really make sense to keep up false bravado (bravada) and blow people off if you are really going to regret it.  You can work on that in general by being honest about yourself, TO yourself.  You can start on that NOW even in lockdown, such as on this thread.  I've seen glimpses of it ^^^  You took some responsibility for your actions above, which will help--if you connect it to the emotions you feel as well, you can start to act in your own life with more authenticity.  I would hope that for you.

I know. I blew him off several times but didnt mean to. If it was the other way around and he did that to me i wouldnt think twice about blocking him.  

I think he doesnt trust me as well. He mentioned the catfish word a few times. 😂. Maybe  its because of how i act he doesnt  trust me. 

And thanksvfor that. Im very authentic with everyone else friends family. Bt with romantic interests, its a no no

[Realitysux]

1 minute ago, miranda561 said:

I know. I blew him off several times but didnt mean to. If it was the other way around and he did that to me i wouldnt think twice about blocking him.  

I think he doesnt trust me as well. He mentioned the catfish word a few times. 😂. Maybe  its because of how i act he doesnt  trust me. 

And thanksvfor that. Im very authentic with everyone else friends family. Bt with romantic interests, its a no no

You need to figure out why. I do not crush that easily but when I do then I'm very authentic and I can't wait for the next one. I don't know when it will happen! 

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Honestly, the fact that this guy still speaks to you after you said this doesn't reflect well on him.  If he had self worth, he would have disappeared as soon as you said it.  

Most of the time he acts like hes got a lot of self worth and a lot of ego 🤔

But after that he was like asking if hes wanted by me 😂  and if hes my type so he carried on trying to find out either way. 

[miranda561]

1 minute ago, Realitysux said:

You need to figure out why. I do not crush that easily but when I do then I'm very authentic and I can't wait for the next one. I don't know when it will happen! 

Are you male or female? 

[Realitysux]

Female. I don't crush easily. I'm not a serial dater and I don't need to have a boyfriend. I have not had one in a while and miss the feeling but it is not something I have control over. I have had a few in my lifetime. 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[basil67]

1 minute ago, miranda561 said:

Most of the time he acts like hes got a lot of self worth and a lot of ego 🤔

But after that he was like asking if hes wanted by me 😂  and if hes my type so he carried on trying to find out either way. 

Acting like one has self worth doesn't mean that they have self worth.   The follow up behaviours from him underscore the fact that he none.   

[Realitysux]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Acting like one has self worth doesn't mean that they have self worth.   The follow up behaviours from him underscore the fact that he none.   

Hard to say. I've been accused of being insecure but I'm very confident. I was in a situation that was making me insecure but now that I'm out of it, I'm feeling a lot more sure of myself. I still recognize I have a lot of work to do on myself. 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[miranda561]

10 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Yeah one of the best things you can do for your processing of what is going on with interpersonal and dating relationships is realize not everyone will think like you do.  There are a wide variety of possible responses and life is fluid--especially over a longer period of time without much real investment or even a first date (really) so it's more likely than NOT that his situation is different--which could mean that he's dating someone else, he's no longer interested in you or he's only marginally interested in you.  Each time you interact with someone, you push his needle of where he stands regarding you one way or the other (positive or negative)--and your last interaction, I think most of us would agree is a negative perception.  You are jerking his chain--is the way it feels, to most of us and probably more so to him. 

Jerking his chain as in? Playing him? 

I dont think hes dating anyone else, i mean it was only a couple of weeks he asked to meet me and in quarantine it would be near impossiblefor him to have met another in person at least. 

He was very forward the last time we spoke and was flirting a lot..And overall seemed quite into it. But yeh i dunno things can change i guess 

[miranda561]

5 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Female. I don't crush easily. I'm not a serial dater and I don't need to have a boyfriend. I have not had one in a while and miss the feeling but it is not something I have control over. I have had a few in my lifetime. 

Ohhhh. Im all of those things too. 🤔 

Awww so you want one now😁

[miranda561]

6 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Hard to say. I've been accused of being insecure but I'm very confident. I was in a situation that was making me insecure but now that I'm out of it, I'm feeling a lot more sure of myself. I still recognize I have a lot of work to do on myself. 

Was it a guy who made you feel thatt way?

Yeh this guy comes  across a typical alpha male type and is a big show off. 

But then theres moments he slips up and shows vulnerability. When he said for example im acting like he is an option. To which i didnt help things by saying everyone is an option 😳🤔 

 

 

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Acting like one has self worth doesn't mean that they have self worth.   The follow up behaviours from him underscore the fact that he none.   

He said his ex gf decided to call it quits. Im sure that didnt do wonders for his ego/self esteem. 

I dunno hes hard  to fully figure out. 

Initally when he thought he was just my "penpal" as according to him i was behaving that way, He said he refuses to be that  and simply stopped messaging me. So i guess he showed  self worth  then 😂😂

[Realitysux]

22 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Was it a guy who made you feel thatt way?

Yeh this guy comes  across a typical alpha male type and is a big show off. 

But then theres moments he slips up and shows vulnerability. When he said for example im acting like he is an option. To which i didnt help things by saying everyone is an option 😳🤔 

 

Would you want to be an option? I certainly would not want to be. That's a good sign right there. You should show him by your actions that he is your first choice until he gives you a reason not to. 

I don't want to make your post about me but yea, it was a man who made me insecure. I'm not prepared to talk about it or mention it further. 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[miranda561]

7 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Would you want to be an option? I certainly would not want to be. That's a good sign right there. You should show him by your actions that he is your first choice until he gives you a reason not to. 

I don't want to make your post about me but yea, it was a man who made me insecure. I'm not prepared to talk about it or mention it further. 

Is it a good sign. ? As in him saying the option thing. 

Yeh i need to i suppose. Sometimes time just honestly goes by so quick. And i tell myself yeh tomorrow ill call him and then the new day comes and the same thing happens and before i know it, weeks have passed by 🤔. 

It's worrying that he even suggested i found someone else the time that went by before when neither of us contacted the other. He thought i had someone else and when that didnt work out i came back to him. I said no that wasnt the case but it might still be in the back of his mind. He may think i wasnt telling the truth. Kind of sad really he thinks i deleted his number jjust because  i found another guy 😳 

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

Jerking his chain as in? Playing him? 

I dont think hes dating anyone else, i mean it was only a couple of weeks he asked to meet me and in quarantine it would be near impossiblefor him to have met another in person at least. 

He was very forward the last time we spoke and was flirting a lot..And overall seemed quite into it. But yeh i dunno things can change i guess 

Listen, honestly you are analyzing this to death and making a lot of assumptions and conclusions.  Focus on the basics:

 *If you want to talk to someone, you don't disappear when they reply. 

*If you're interested in general, you ARE interested and going to see the guy ever, you don't string him along for 6 months; hence catfish references from him.

*Those are the basics--interested and worthwhile people follow through and don't play games like this.

 

*have you never heard the expression "jerking his chain".  You can google it but it's not quite playing him like a con artist meaning but it's unnecessary games and back and forth, ie exactly what you have been doing (with each other but yeah you quite a bit).

*assumption that he is not dating anyone else: laughable. He's on a dating app and you've made no real attempt to date him.  If he's decent looking and cocky, it's actually more likely that he is dating other people.  One emoji 3.5 weeks ago and a catfish vibe doesn't really keep people hanging in there.

 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Versacehottie

[miranda561]

16 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Listen, honestly you are analyzing this to death and making a lot of assumptions and conclusions.  Focus on the basics:

 *If you want to talk to someone, you don't disappear when they reply. 

*If you're interested in general, you ARE interested and going to see the guy ever, you don't string him along for 6 months; hence catfish references from him.

*Those are the basics--interested and worthwhile people follow through and don't play games like this.

 

*have you never heard the expression "jerking his chain".  You can google it but it's not quite playing him like a con artist meaning but it's unnecessary games and back and forth, ie exactly what you have been doing (with each other but yeah you quite a bit).

*assumption that he is not dating anyone else: laughable. He's on a dating app and you've made no real attempt to date him.  If he's decent looking and cocky, it's actually more likely that he is dating other people.  One emoji 3.5 weeks ago and a catfish vibe doesn't really keep people hanging in there.

 

Good points. 

Well i dunno who he will be able to meet during a pandemic. 

But he may be talking to others. 

I guess i will have to speak to him. 🤔

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Honestly, the fact that this guy still speaks to you after you said this doesn't reflect well on him.  If he had self worth, he would have disappeared as soon as you said it.  

I am quoting this^ again for emphasis because I think it's worth repeating. 

Men with self worth do not go around chasing or even interacting with unavailable women, in this case you. 

He may have passive commitment fears and once you become available, HE suddenly becomes the unavailable one. 

Research attachment theories,  it's quite common.

I would also exolore your own intimacy and commitment issues and fears, your behaviour with the men you interact with and date is classic case imo.

I mean no disrespect when suggesting that, I just think it's worth at least considering and exploring within yourself and/or with the help of a qualified therapist.

All the best.

[CaliforniaGirl]

You played too many games, he isn't interested anymore.

[Realitysux]

7 hours ago, miranda561 said:

Is it a good sign. ? As in him saying the option thing. 

Yeh i need to i suppose. Sometimes time just honestly goes by so quick. And i tell myself yeh tomorrow ill call him and then the new day comes and the same thing happens and before i know it, weeks have passed by 🤔. 

It's worrying that he even suggested i found someone else the time that went by before when neither of us contacted the other. He thought i had someone else and when that didnt work out i came back to him. I said no that wasnt the case but it might still be in the back of his mind. He may think i wasnt telling the truth. Kind of sad really he thinks i deleted his number jjust because  i found another guy 😳 

I'm sure this is normal. If I liked a guy and I hadn't heard from him in a few month's, I would assume he moved on and I would assume with someone else. I work in the trades, I work with men all day and I have yet to come across one that can remain single. Men are sex driven and in my experience are looking for regular sex. I don't know him but this mentality could be driving his thoughts to believe it's the same for you. That's just my experience. This forum is full of strong opinions but if you like the guy then give it a shot. If you don't then pass. You seem to be over thinking this a lot. If you do like him, you need to start showing him more interest. Ask him what he wants! 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Realitysux