d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 ive been told i have no idea of the way a man should act around the mother of his children after they seperate and thay i have unrealistic views about the relationship they should have What are your views? I only ever dated 1 single dad. He was always happy to see his son & polite to the mom. In my experience with the divorced parents of my friends, that was what I saw & what seems to be the sanest way of dealing with it. When I would have to see my guy's EX wife, she & I made small talk: Nice day. . . so glad [the son] is in this game / play / group etc. It was all very civil but nobody went on vacation together, although one parent may have had to arrange for the child's transportation to the vacation or sign the letters to let the kid get on a plane Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 I didnt expect them to be so involved still. I thought if/when he saw the children that he would just see her when he picked them up and dropped them off and that any contact they had would only be about arranging seeing them or emergencies. But when he sees the children he spends the day with her taking them out together like a family, including taking the children to luch at our work like they used to when they were still together. He still has her and all her family on social media and i have seen him comment on pics of the children saying he loves them with x's on the end of the comment. That may just be to the children though. And he still has pics and things of her up with quotes such as 'my world', i would have expected him to have taken anything like that down or atleast change the privacy settings so its not still visible to everyone Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Your views are not unrealistic. You are describing people who are separated but still connected by the kids. You are trying to date a man who is still hung up on his EX. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 NO. MOVE ON and move on as fast as you can. This is rebound city and he's NOT OVER HER by any means. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 Being there are children she will always be in his life. do you want to live in that triangle? it doesn't sound like you do Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Your views are not unrealistic. You are describing people who are separated but still connected by the kids. You are trying to date a man who is still hung up on his EX. NO. MOVE ON and move on as fast as you can. This is rebound city and he's NOT OVER HER by any means. Is it just the planning to take the children away that makes you think that or is there more? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Your views are unrealistic when the man is this recently separated from his fiancee, yes, and especially when that same man was emotionally cheating on her with you. Seriously, where are your standards, OP? This guy is a bottom-feeder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 In what way are they unrealistic? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Could it be that he doesnt actually intend to go away? And that thats why hes said to do it after christmas and that they dont need seperate rooms? Because hes not planning on going anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Or would even the fact that he would even lead her to believe that they were going be enough to mean hes not done with her yet? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 (edited) Why are you still even thinking about this douchebag? It's a waste of your precious life to even spend your time thinking about a guy who clearly doesn't spend even 2 minutes thinking about you. You need to MOVE ON. Not just dump him, but stop thinking about what he said, whether he meant it, what he will do, what he won't do. The answer is he will do what he wants because that is the kind of guy he is, the kind who simply does what he wants and doesn't care about you. Who gives 2 hoots whether he goes away with his EX or not? It doesn't affect you in the slightest, because you're DONE with him. Right? RIGHT?? Edited October 8, 2019 by PegNosePete 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 I am done with yes. Im still just trying to figure it all out so that when i move on with someone else i dont come across as so niave and end up making some of the same mistakes. Like for example i always thought that if we were spending that much time together and he was constantly messaging when we were apart that that meant he did think about me. Im seeing now all the things i thought wrong about so as not to fall into the same trap again Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 In what way are they unrealistic? You genuinely have no clue? Not even an inkling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 You genuinely have no clue? Not even an inkling? No. Ive posted my views and i dont know in what way they are unrealistic Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Is it just the planning to take the children away that makes you think that or is there more? No. Spending time with the kids is fine. Spending time with the kids AND the EX on a vacation means he is still hung up on the EX. Lucyjane -- this guy is bad news. He has always loved the mother of his children. Yet he is of such low moral character that he cheated on her with you. That means he will cheat on you. That is what cheaters do. Moreover he never put in the effort it takes to be a parent. He still thinks like a adolescent, that things are supposed to be easy. When they got tough with his family, he cut & ran. He's lazy & unreliable. He is not trustworthy. Now he's planning family vacations. You are the OW. She will always have his heart even if he is not man enough to fight for his family. There is nothing attractive about this guy. RUN! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 No. Spending time with the kids is fine. Spending time with the kids AND the EX on a vacation means he is still hung up on the EX. Should he be spending time with just the kids or is it ok/normal for them to be spending the day taking the children out together? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Should he be spending time with just the kids or is it ok/normal for them to be spending the day taking the children out together? When it's his time with the kids, the EX should only be around if his visits are court ordered supervised visitation!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 As far as i know theres never been any talk of her not being there. They just arrange for her to meet him with the children and then they take them out together. From what i heard from people at work after they went there the last time they met up, they were getting on like normal. One of the guys at work commented on how well the got on so soon after splitting up and how there was no awkwardness or anything. He said it was just like seeing them before the split, minus the affection Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Should he be spending time with just the kids or is it ok/normal for them to be spending the day taking the children out together? No togetherness. The exception is if the kid has a game or a show or another event & both parents attend. But generally that involves sitting far apart at the venue. This guy is way too close to his EX. It's too soon for him to have moved on to you. I'm really sorry but you are nothing but the OW / sidepiece / rebound. Drop him already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 No togetherness. This guy is way too close to his EX. It's too soon for him to have moved on to you. I'm really sorry but you are nothing but the OW / sidepiece / rebound. Drop him already. I am today when we are both at work. Is it possible that they could just be friends? They were friends/fwb for a few years before getting together and then were together for a few years Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 No it's not possible they are just friends. It's too soon. Even if they managed friendly, that doesn't justify them going on vacation together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Even if they managed friendly, that doesn't justify them going on vacation together. Maybe the dont see it as a vacation? Just see ut as taking the children away? And what if maybe he has no intention of actually going? Like if she suggested it and he didnt want to say no? Would him leading her to atleast believe they were going be enough to say hes not over her? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Yes. You want so desperately to hang on to this dreadful & unworthy man you are ignoring all of the red flags & klaxons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Maybe the dont see it as a vacation? Just see ut as taking the children away? And what if maybe he has no intention of actually going? Like if she suggested it and he didnt want to say no? Would him leading her to atleast believe they were going be enough to say hes not over her? Couples that split 1 month ago don't vacation together, they usually hate each other's guts and need to stay away for a long while. This is meant to be a reconciliation trip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucyjane86 Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 Couples that split 1 month ago don't vacation together, they usually hate each other's guts and need to stay away for a long while. This is meant to be a reconciliation trip. Even if its not until after christmas? Link to post Share on other sites
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