Is she crazy?

[fromheart]

OP, would you tell a woman that you would kill her if she didn't communicate with you. No, that would be abusive.

 

But double standards dictates that she can say that to you?! Only if you allow it to be. Tell her to speak in a respectful fashion in the early stages, or find a woman who can use her words better.

[olivetree]

maybe you should call the FBI or local police dept?

 

lol

 

OP, are you always this paranoid?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OP, would you tell a woman that you would kill her if she didn't communicate with you. No, that would be abusive.

 

But double standards dictates that she can say that to you?! Only if you allow it to be. Tell her to speak in a respectful fashion in the early stages, or find a woman who can use her words better.

 

I really think it was just a joke. A dumb joke, and I wouldn't say it, and I'd even go further and say if a guy said that to me I'd be turned off at what he considers funny banter, but....still, just a joke I think.

[kendahke]

You don’t think it’s off putting that she made that joke?

 

 

what frightens you the most about this line? That you're more inclined to blow her off/stand her up in the future because that's how you roll when you date? Sounds like this is the issue here.

[Emmafive]

I really think it was just a joke. A dumb joke, and I wouldn't say it, and I'd even go further and say if a guy said that to me I'd be turned off at what he considers funny banter, but....still, just a joke I think.

 

OP, would you tell a woman that you would kill her if she didn't communicate with you. No, that would be abusive.

 

But double standards dictates that she can say that to you?! Only if you allow it to be. Tell her to speak in a respectful fashion in the early stages, or find a woman who can use her words better.

 

 

Not to be rude but I think the both of you are being overly sensitive...

 

This is a common expression. My ex tried to pie me in the face and I said, “you better not or I’ll kill you”. I’m not abusive and it was a joke. You mention funny banter. This wasn’t meant to be comically funny, but I’m warning you in a nice way funny aka sarcasm...because that’s how sarcasm works...

 

You seem to forget OP’s bad behavior which prompted her to say what she said. He didn’t even mention that he apologized to her and I’m sure if he had she wouldn’t feel like she had to make that joke. If she had snapped at him and told him then she would’ve been too aggressive and labeled crazy. The woman can’t win, even when she isn’t in the wrong smh.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Not to be rude but I think the both of you are being overly sensitive...

 

This is a common expression. My ex tried to pie me in the face and I said, “you better not or I’ll kill you”. I’m not abusive and it was a joke. You mention funny banter. This wasn’t meant to be comically funny, but I’m warning you in a nice way funny aka sarcasm...because that’s how sarcasm works...

 

No, I get it. And I've said it. I think, for me, it's just "too soon" and something you'd say to someone you're more familiar with. I don't think it's scary or anything, just kinda like "woah, too soon....we don't know each other that well, yet." Perhaps I'm over-analyzing. I do that sometimes.

[Emmafive]

No, I get it. And I've said it. I think, for me, it's just "too soon" and something you'd say to someone you're more familiar with. I don't think it's scary or anything, just kinda like "woah, too soon....we don't know each other that well, yet." Perhaps I'm over-analyzing. I do that sometimes.

 

I don’t think it’s too soon given OP didn’t think it was too soon to exhibit bad behavior and not even have the common decent to apologize to her. She reacted to him.

[Leojax]

No, I get it. And I've said it. I think, for me, it's just "too soon" and something you'd say to someone you're more familiar with. I don't think it's scary or anything, just kinda like "woah, too soon....we don't know each other that well, yet." Perhaps I'm over-analyzing. I do that sometimes.

 

Well to kind of give you an idea about us she’s already met my family. I asked her to meet them a few weeks ago.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Oh, then just ignore me. I don't know what I am talking about in this thread. But, I would not be alarmed.

[Gretchen12]

It is used often enough to be in the dictionary. According to Merriam-Webster, the word kill is

 

used hyperbolically to indicate that someone will be extremely angry with (another person).

"my boss will kill me for saying this"

[fromheart]

Ok, so simple question for the women defending the OP's GF. If a man said that he'd kill you in a 'joking,' way and you didn't know him too well, would you be alarmed?

 

I'm guessing that given the well documented accounts of violence to women, you'd have a siren going off in your head. I'd be telling you to be careful.

 

So I'm telling the OP that also. Just because he's a man doesn't mean that its ok for him to be spoken to, in a way that you yourselves wouldn't like to be spoken to. Men get beaten by women also. Here in the UK 40% of domestic violence is women to men. Though considering the stigma of men reporting they've been beaten by women, and the fear of the police assuming the man did something to deserve it, its probably much higher.

 

I don't know one man who hasn't been beaten by his GF. So, my advice to both genders is that if someone starts joking about violence, be very aware. And just because its a man, doesn't mean that it can't happen to him.

[Gretchen12]

... meet up to talk about this miscommunication that lead to some confusion which in turn made things a little weird between us ...

 

There have already been other miscommunications, and here you are again, and there will continue to be many miscommunications. It's not going to work out.

 

I wouldn't even bother to talk about it. When viewpoints are way too far apart, don't argue, it's a waste of time. Just kill the conversation and move on.

[Emmafive]

Ok, so simple question for the women defending the OP's GF. If a man said that he'd kill you in a 'joking,' way and you didn't know him too well, would you be alarmed?

 

I'm guessing that given the well documented accounts of violence to women, you'd have a siren going off in your head. I'd be telling you to be careful.

 

So I'm telling the OP that also. Just because he's a man doesn't mean that its ok for him to be spoken to, in a way that you yourselves wouldn't like to be spoken to. Men get beaten by women also. Here in the UK 40% of domestic violence is women to men. Though considering the stigma of men reporting they've been beaten by women, and the fear of the police assuming the man did something to deserve it, its probably much higher.

 

I don't know one man who hasn't been beaten by his GF. So, my advice to both genders is that if someone starts joking about violence, be very aware. And just because its a man, doesn't mean that it can't happen to him.

 

This is extreme. As someone else said the phrase is so common that it’s in the dictionary. Abuse comes coupled with other behaviors, none that she has exhibited. Like I said before my ex tried to pie me in the face and I told him he better not or I’ll kill him with a smile on my face, so my ex needed to beware of me?

[IslandSanctuary]

If anyone is crazy here it is you.

[crispytoast]

Fromheart has a really good point. I'm not saying that I think the woman is going to kill him, yes it's hyperbole, but if a woman were here asking the same exact thing, a majority of the forum would be red flagging the hell out of her guy. Talk about double standards. Hyperbole or not, it's a really off-colour joke. Personally I would be quite turned off. Take what you will from this OP.

[LenaBean94]

Fromheart has a really good point. I'm not saying that I think the woman is going to kill him, yes it's hyperbole, but if a woman were here asking the same exact thing, a majority of the forum would be red flagging the hell out of her guy. Talk about double standards. Hyperbole or not, it's a really off-colour joke. Personally I would be quite turned off. Take what you will from this OP.

 

Okay, serious question. So how would you respond to someone saying that they’d love to see you after blowing you off but you still wanted to see them but didn’t want to be a doormat?

 

Personally I think if you’d be “quite turned off” by one isolated joke then you weren’t that interested to begin with anyways.

[crispytoast]

What I wouldn't tell them is that I was going to kill them if they didn't show up, that's for sure. In fact I'd be willing to bet that if they blew me off once, that joking to kill them would have them blowing me off again.

 

In fact I wouldn't do anything to prove that I'm not a doormat. If I still wanted to see them again, there's no point in any of that. What I would do is not get too emotionally invested in the date. If they blew me off again, I would write them off and move on with my life.

 

And it's not the joke itself, it's the double standard. I'm about treating other people how you want to be treated and I'm sure that very few women would be ok with me telling them that I'd kill them for any reason, even if it was a joke.

 

OP I'm not saying that you should break up with her if you actually really like her, but for sure it's worth taking note of. If her behavior continues to reflect that sort of attitude, then how will she respond if you date seriously and end up breaking up? Will she break your things? Go on a shopping spree with your credit card? Slander you to your now-mutual friends? Actually try to kill you?

[LenaBean94]

What I wouldn't tell them is that I was going to kill them if they didn't show up, that's for sure. In fact I'd be willing to bet that if they blew me off once, that joking to kill them would have them blowing me off again.

 

In fact I wouldn't do anything to prove that I'm not a doormat. If I still wanted to see them again, there's no point in any of that. What I would do is not get too emotionally invested in the date. If they blew me off again, I would write them off and move on with my life.

 

And it's not the joke itself, it's the double standard. I'm about treating other people how you want to be treated and I'm sure that very few women would be ok with me telling them that I'd kill them for any reason, even if it was a joke.

 

OP I'm not saying that you should break up with her if you actually really like her, but for sure it's worth taking note of.If her behavior continues to reflect that sort of attitude, then how will she respond if you date seriously and end up breaking up? Will she break your things? Go on a shopping spree with your credit card? Slander you to your now-mutual friends? Actually try to kill you?

 

This is extremely paranoid off of just one joke, which she followed up with wishing him a good time...

[crispytoast]

Really? Because those things have all been done to friends of mine by women who never joked about killing them. And the list goes on, but I'll spare you the details. My point was about double standards, and you conveniently danced around my point.

[LenaBean94]

Really? Because those things have all been done to friends of mine by women who never joked about killing them.And the list goes on, but I'll spare you the details. My point was about double standards, and you conveniently danced around my point.

 

So the women didn’t make jokes but still abused your friends. You’re also saying OP’s gf made the joke so OP should be cautious because she may be abusive. So which one is it? Women are just damned if they do, damned if they don’t.

[crispytoast]

So the women didn’t make jokes but still abused your friends. You’re also saying OP’s gf made the joke so OP should be cautious because she may be abusive. So which one is it? Women are just damned if they do, damned if they don’t.

 

Women are damned if they do and damned if they don't? I'm not really sure what you are defending here... The right to get a pass about joking to kill someone you're dating? You don't need to joke about killing your partner to do crazy things, but being so casual about something like that yes can be a sign of emotional instability for any gender.

[elaine567]

Big difference between a person who is perceived as no threat making a joke about killing someone and some one who is perceived as a real threat making an assertion about killing someone.

 

The "joke" is about the absurdity of the situation.

[LenaBean94]

Women are damned if they do and damned if they don't? I'm not really sure what you are defending here... The right to get a pass about joking to kill someone you're dating? You don't need to joke about killing your partner to do crazy things, but being so casual about something like that yes can be a sign of emotional instability for any gender.

 

As plenty of others have stated it’s a common phrase/idiom in the United States. So a lot of us are showing signs of emotional instability I guess...

 

As Elaine567 said,

Big difference between a person who is perceived as no threat making a joke about killing someone and some one who is perceived as a real threat making an assertion about killing someone.

[crispytoast]

As plenty of others have stated it’s a common phrase/idiom in the United States. So a lot of us are showing signs of emotional instability I guess...

Yeah that's what I'm saying. It's not healthy to think that's normal.

 

Big difference between a person who is perceived as no threat making a joke about killing someone and some one who is perceived as a real threat making an assertion about killing someone.

So when a woman says it, it's a joke but if a man says it, it's an assertion? And sorry not buying the playing the victim not a threat nonsense. Treachery doesn't discriminate by gender.

[elaine567]

So when a woman says it, it's a joke but if a man says it, it's an assertion?

You are the one bringing gender into it... I never said anything about gender.