Twizzlestick Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 I’m relatively worldly I suppose, or so I’ve been told. Yet, I used to think years ago I liked what you describe in a partner, that it was a key thing I saught. And then, I went out with girls who’ve known politics, science, had a lot to say on various things and they’ve been quite er, dull as dishwater and actually mildly irritating in a way. The best and longest rele I ever had (my last one ) was with someone who wasn’t mega knowledgeable about pub quiz type stuff at all, but she was interested in life, and had something else about her. She couldn’t tell me one end of politics or science from the other and frankly I didn’t care one iota. She had other traits those know it alls, didn’t have. Sorry rambling on, but it’s something that I used to think of and reminded me of me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted August 23, 2019 Author Share Posted August 23, 2019 When he came back from his vacation, he got really really sick, he caught H1N1 virus and he is staying at home, not going to work, not working out, he is really down. I tried to be as much as supportive as i can,checking up on him every few hours or so. His aunt passed away also (he is not close to her) but still. We havent seen each other in 2 weeks now, so we have nothing to talk about except our days, how is he feeling, how down he is etc etc.I asked for his adress to send him a gesture (balloons), he told me "You being myside is enough and appreciated". Given that we haven't seen each other for a while and feeling like whats between us is fading away, i tried to spice it up by telling him: "Please get better soon, i wanna see u" his reply was:"LOL,hopefully".So i asked him:"Do you wanna see me?" he said: "I wanna see everybody,i just wanna get better". His answer was very rude and i felt it was like a message from him that he is not that interested anymore, so i told him"Then if you want to see everybody, no need to see me if i don't matter". So he sent me a voice message that it's unbelievable how i interpret things the wrong way, that i always jump into wrong conclusions and that I am impulsive. The next day, i replied by: I want to be honest with you, I'm behaving this way because i am afraid that what i said before you traveled has ruined things and i want to work things out between us because i like you", he said "Your problem is you overthink and this is not how things work out, just be yourself and have a nice day *inserts kiss emoji",i replied by "have a nice day u too" and that was it. I don't know what i should do at this point, I'm thinking of letting him figure out what he wants from me and recover and let him talk to me and ask me out. I guess i pressured him at the end and maybe he lost interest so im gonna pull away and see what is going to do. I dont know why this has upset me. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 H1N1 aka flu lol The flu is ****! Of course he wanted to see everybody and anybody because flu actually renders you bedridden. Don’t contact him again. You can’t undo crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Chance of him getting HIV flu is higher than H1N1 flu Lmao Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 Honestly, I think you've shot yourself in the foot too many times. He's now at the point where he's seeing you as a reactive, needy, hard work and a bit unstable. It's time to move on. I say this in the nicest possible way - before getting mad about someone's behaviour, take a look at what you said or did before that behaviour happened. And learn to not react to the small stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 You were very passive aggressive and combine with all previous eff ups I'd say the chance of this to work out is slim to none. Also I gotta say i find it very strange hes got H1N1. Did he tell you that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted August 24, 2019 Author Share Posted August 24, 2019 Yes, he is ghosting and although i didnt really like him but I'm a little bit upset about that because it makes me sad that i dont know how to keep an interesred guy around. I know i want to be in a relationship, and i know that the right one I'm gonna end up with, will not even give a chance to let my insecurities out. This guy was not really serious about me and that's why I acted this way with him. All what he cares about is gym, he didnt stimulate me emotionally. It's just me ego who wants him to talk to me now, and me being single and lonely also. @h0000 he told me that he caught H1N1. Link to post Share on other sites
YourCupOfTea Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 I don't get you at all. You say a lot of times here that you are not interested in him, that you don't care ect but you post a thread on here?? that doesnt seem like not caring to me.. I feel like you do the complete opposite of what you actually want. You say you "need to do things right" as if being yourself is not doing things right. Be more sincere, say what you want and don't try to manipulate and play mind games. Its perfectly okay to say: Hey, I really like you and im feeling a bit insecure about you going away. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 I know i want to be in a relationship, and i know that the right one I'm gonna end up with, will not even give a chance to let my insecurities out. If you have insecurities and trust issues, it’s your job to work them out BEFORE you start dating someone. As you learned here apparently, it’s going to be hard to find a man who will stay around when you say one thing and so another and work your insecurities out... I’m other words, you need to figure out what you want and work some of this out before you date again. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 His answer was very rude and i felt it was like a message from him that he is not that interested anymore, so i told him"Then if you want to see everybody, no need to see me if i don't matter". So he sent me a voice message that it's unbelievable how i interpret things the wrong way, that i always jump into wrong conclusions and that I am impulsive. The next day, i replied by: I want to be honest with you, I'm behaving this way because i am afraid that what i said before you traveled has ruined things and i want to work things out between us because i like you", he said "Your problem is you overthink. He has certainly figured you out. You don’t seem to understand that people will respond to your behavior. When you are reactive and say things to get attention/reassurance, people will eventually see this as needy/emotionally unstable. He is tired of your little tests - tired of you interpreting everything in a negative way such that he has to constantly prove himself to you. You do overthink and you need to stop that, if you want to have a healthy relationship... You are definitely a lot of work right now! If you don’t have a good counsellor already, it’s time to find one. You need to deconstruct this relationship and look not at him, but how your behavior has caused this. I’m sorry, I know you are sad but this is what you really need to do when you are ready... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 You self sabotaged and Surprise! Surprise! It didn't turn out well... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted August 24, 2019 Author Share Posted August 24, 2019 You self sabotaged and Surprise! Surprise! It didn't turn out well... Well no. We just had a talk, and he told me that what he meant by "do you want us to be together" is "are you seeking a serious relationship with me", and thats what he wanted to talk about, he wanted to tell me that if thats what I want then he can't do that because he is not ready to be in any relationship. UHHH???? And all this time i thought i ruined things with this guy but instead he was lying to me about his intentions. He did not tell me that he doesnt want a relationship, matter fact he told me that he sees smth that might happen and lets take things slowly. Screw men and their lies. Although i dont like him but I am so mad he lied at me and twisted some facts that happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted August 24, 2019 Author Share Posted August 24, 2019 I wont have insecurities and trust issues with someone who is honest with me, who wants to be with me, who genuinely likes me or is not seeking to only sleep with me. My guts knew that this guy isnt really serious, but i didnt want to admit that, thats why i was needy. Someone who is serious about me and likes me won't let me behave this way. I dont need a therapist, it's not my fault that this relationship didnt work out, he was simply not the right one and i knew it. If i want a therapist, i want to see one just so i can vent on why douchebags and emotionally unavailable men hit one me. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 he didn’t lie about wanting to have a relationship with you - that was genuine. It was your subsequent behaviour when he was sick and when he was at the airport was completely nuts and which drove him away, All of us could see very clearly that you sabotaged the relationship and that he was going to walk away from it. Truth be told, “I’m not ready for a relationship” is code for “I have no interest in dating you further”. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 I wont have insecurities and trust issues with someone who is honest with me, who wants to be with me, who genuinely likes me or is not seeking to only sleep with me. My guts knew that this guy isnt really serious, but i didnt want to admit that, thats why i was needy. Someone who is serious about me and likes me won't let me behave this way. What did he do that made you think he was not interested in having a relationship with you? Based on what you have written, I don’t see that at all.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted August 24, 2019 Author Share Posted August 24, 2019 He said that he wanted to tell me that he doesnt want a serious relationship with ME before he wanted to travel. I didnt do those "crazy" things not until after he came back from his vacation. But today he told me that what he meat by "Do you want us to be together" is another question of "Do YOU want something serious with me". So us empathizing with him was not in the right place because for one month he didnt say he doesnt want anything serious matter fact we were dating to establish a relationship. Anyhow, it was for the best, i didnt like him and I'm glad we were on the same page when it comes to a relationship. He is not the one.NEXT Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I said it before and I will say it again, you and him are not compatible. He is casual,laid back and you are serious and intense(when it comes to love and relationships). For example when he said "I want to see everybody", he was teasing. An equally casual girl will joke back and say "ok. you let me know. but now Im going to date my BF number 5". But you went full passive aggressive blaming mode. You need some guy who says "I miss you and I want to see you". See the incompatibility? Im not saying he shouldnt be casual or you shouldnt be serious. Neither is wrong but the two are just not suitable for each other. He is only going to fuel your anxiety and insecurity, not going to help it. When you meet the suitable guy, you both will grow to be a better person. He will ensure you are loved and will calm your insecurity. When you are with the wrong guy, you both will grow to be worse. He will think you are crazy and you think he is a jerk. So next time, while working on your own issue, find a guy who is suitable for you as well. P.S. if he ghosts you, I highly suspect he caught something weird during the trip. I mean you dont just get H1N1 like a common flu. It's not 2009. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 Have not read the whole thread... But I would say you are not ready to be in a relationship. You needed to have an adult conversation with him to let him know what your emotional needs are if you are going to get into a committed relationship, and not expecting him to read you mind. You are sending total mixes messages and if he doesn't respond appropriately to your tests, you are ready to punish him for not meeting your unspoken needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I didnt do those "crazy" things not until after he came back from his vacation. No, the crazy started with that $#!+ test you administered before he left. Anyone could see it for what it was at 500 paces. i didnt like him I call BS--this thread wouldn't be here if you didn't like him. He is not the one.NEXT next ought to be a therapist--you could use some insight on stopping your self-sabotaging and being confident in what you want. You're not there yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted August 26, 2019 Author Share Posted August 26, 2019 No, the crazy started with that $#!+ test you administered before he left. Anyone could see it for what it was at 500 paces. I call BS--this thread wouldn't be here if you didn't like him. next ought to be a therapist--you could use some insight on stopping your self-sabotaging and being confident in what you want. You're not there yet. I didnt like him, I said that but I just hate to be alone that I'd rather squeeze myself to fit with someone on being single and independent and happily alone LOL. That's my problem, I hate being single and i don't know my worth. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 If i want a therapist, i want to see one just so i can vent on why douchebags and emotionally unavailable men hit one me. You need to take responsibility for your own actions. If EU men "hit on you", you're the one accepting dates and not ending things with them when you see they aren't meeting your needs. Instead you do a push-pull dance till they tire of it. We tend to attract and be attracted to people on our emotional level. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 I just hate to be alone that I'd rather squeeze myself to fit with someone on being single and independent and happily alone LOL. That's my problem, I hate being single and i don't know my worth. Anyone that you get with will mirror your lack of self worth back to you and this is always going to be an uphill climb for you until you do some serious work with a therapist. No man out there is equipped to lead you through this minefield--and it's unfair and indicative of an entitled attitude to think that that's what they're supposed to do. No--you're supposed to be whole and complete when you step to a relationship, not fragmented and not knowing your own worth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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