nospam99 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Throwing in a chuckle (because in my case it's definitely an age thing) .... I'm a single dad (LOL cuz my children are all grown) AND (though I'm not keeping score) almost all the women I'm meeting and dating are single moms. We'd have one less pretty big thing in common to talk about otherwise. If I had been a younger single dad it would have been at 36 or later. I'd have had no issues dating single moms at the time. Clearly not applicable to OP but just shows what's important to someone in dating is affected by what's important to them in life.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 (edited) but just shows what's important to someone in dating is affected by what's important to them in life. Absolutely true. And this is my issue, its consumerism that is the issue here. Not with me but with dating in general. Why bother to get to know someone if the next date is a swipe away? That assumes you have the looks to be able to be a consumer in the first place. What irritates me more is women never sell any attributes at all, ok some do but almost always there have been a reason why they have, its an upsell scenario so they feel the need to. Men however are expect to sell themselves like a used car salesman, what are you good at and what do you offer. I get criticised for being jaded but would any of you not be, if you were in my position, I suspect not Went on this date, tried, really I did and I cannot fathom what the issues is, if its something stupid like texting then I truly don't know , this world has gone made if that takes on radical levels of importance. Women complain men are players, why do they complain when they perpetuate this cycle. Why do I say this, well because at the moment I don't see much merit in wanting a relationship. Edited July 7, 2019 by ZA Dater
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 So humour me what wows women? How long is a piece of string? "Women" are individuals, what wows one may not wow another. There is no tried and tested formula, no master key available to unlock every woman. 2
JuneL Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Instead of asking what wows women, perhaps you should ask what wows women of your type.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 Instead of asking what wows women, perhaps you should ask what wows women of your type. Clearly I don't know the answer to that question. I don't even know what she was looking for.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 How long is a piece of string? "Women" are individuals, what wows one may not wow another. Which pretty much proves my point about dating coaches. What works with one wont work with another.
JuneL Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Clearly I don't know the answer to that question. I don't even know what she was looking for. I’m sure you have female friends or acquaintances or co-workers who are intellectual and can hold interesting conversations and who, if available (and younger), would wow you. Observe what types of guys they are with. Also, you should have asked the ladies who wowed you, what kind of guys they’re looking for.
JuneL Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Btw, did you meet that lady who wowed you for coffee? Did you pay for her?
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 Btw, did you meet that lady who wowed you for coffee? Did you pay for her? Dinner and I paid for the entire dinner, which is what I normally do.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 I’m sure you have female friends or acquaintances or co-workers who are intellectual and can hold interesting conversations and who, if available (and younger), would wow you. Observe what types of guys they are with. Also, you should have asked the ladies who wowed you, what kind of guys they’re looking for. No I don't know anyone single. I always ask what they are looking for an never really get a definitive answer so I assume they don't know. The big thing for me is Tinder, is this a dating platform or a hook up platform or simply a shop.
preraph Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 ZA, I'm just noting you're in South Africa. That makes me wonder a little if our advice is even relevant to whatever the culture there is for dating. Do you get the feeling it's pretty much the same or are there some different customs there about dating? 1
JuneL Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 No I don't know anyone single. I always ask what they are looking for an never really get a definitive answer so I assume they don't know. The big thing for me is Tinder, is this a dating platform or a hook up platform or simply a shop. I told you to observe those women that are not currently available, but would have been your type, and observe the type of guys they’re with.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 I told you to observe those women that are not currently available, but would have been your type, and observe the type of guys they’re with. Ok K is the best example of this: bf is unemployed, always busy with some idea which never works, trust fund guy, bald, over weight. I don't know any others I like.
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Which pretty much proves my point about dating coaches. What works with one wont work with another. The dating coach would be there to point out what you are doing wrong and why women in general never want to go on a second date and even block you as soon as possible. I guess the blockers are creeped out, sorry to say. The coach is there to point out stuff you are doing wrong that is putting women off from dating you. The negative vibes, negative traits, negative speech. and negative body language that you may be unaware of but a good dating coach may pick up on in an instant and seek to correct. This is not really about tricks to pick up women, this is more about someone who will look at your whole approach and teach you better ways.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 ZA, I'm just noting you're in South Africa. That makes me wonder a little if our advice is even relevant to whatever the culture there is for dating. Do you get the feeling it's pretty much the same or are there some different customs there about dating? I think its basically the same I think. The issue here is there are a LOT of uneducated people a lot of people battling to get by at life and equally a lot who want to better their lives and many women who see men as a ticket to a better life so what happens on Tinder is I use "boost" and inevitably get matched with those. Then there are other who with good looks can chase and choose as they please and many great looking confident men to choose from. Mostly my issue is down to inexperience for the most part, I cant read women, I like to believe they take me at face value, I like to be believe being a well mannered gentleman impresses them but my record suggests none of these things actually work which is why I get so irritated, between being matched with people who are wholly not what I want and getting nowhere with the few people I do like. To be honest I think a lot of the time I get shopped, they will go out with me and have 4 or 5 other possibilities and I then l get passed over in favour of those other possibilities. The girl the subject of this thread, suddenly her Tinder pictures are all different, why because she is shopping clearly.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 The coach is there to point out stuff you are doing wrong that is putting women off from dating you. Umm sorry but this is a direct contradiction? First you tell me all women are different and then you tell me the above, which is it, it cant be both? Either its universal or it isn't? No a dating coach is there to rip off and charge and charge without any benefit at all because its all made up stuff which worked for them but cannot be applied to a person with a different personality, different outlook and different mannerisms. A large part of the problem is inexperience, even a friend of mine has said the same. I don't have the confidence, charm or assertiveness to get things to work, add in awkwardness and its doomed to fail. SO all I really do here is get maybe 2 hours of a great date but I should realise that's the best I can get out of the situation.
JuneL Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Ok K is the best example of this: bf is unemployed, always busy with some idea which never works, trust fund guy, bald, over weight. I don't know any others I like. Who is supporting the guy financially? Ask K directly what his positive traits, and what attracted her to him. You’re biased, I’m afraid.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 Who is supporting the guy financially? She is partly. His positive traits, confident, funny, has a good social life, lots of friends, fun, domineering. Not biased at all, boat has sailed with her, even if she were single tomorrow I would not be interested.
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Umm sorry but this is a direct contradiction? First you tell me all women are different and then you tell me the above, which is it, it cant be both? Of course all women are different, but if you come across as jaded, angry, depressed, arrogant, snobbish or contemptuous etc. Most if not all women will pick up on that. That is what the dating coach can help with, as God knows what you are doing but it is apparently universally bad, not one of these women wanted to see you again. You are a professional guy with a good job, tall, blond, blue eyed, they should be falling over themselves... As for "Wow" "Wow" to one women may be a friendly, kind, cuddly bear of a guy who loves animals and kids. Another may be looking for a sporty guy, a gym rat or a handsome guy who will set her pulse racing. Another may be looking for an intellectual, with a good job, someone she can have a great debate with every night... Another may be looking for "a project", someone she can save... I guess K comes under that category. Another may be looking for a guy with the potential to make a lot of money... Etc. etc. etc. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 (edited) Of course all women are different, but if you come across as jaded, angry, depressed, arrogant, snobbish or contemptuous etc. Most if not all women will pick up on that. That is what the dating coach can help with, as God knows what you are doing but it is apparently universally bad, not one of these women wanted to see you again. You are a professional guy with a good job, tall, blond, blue eyed, they should be falling over themselves... As for "Wow" "Wow" to one women may be a friendly, kind, cuddly bear of a guy who loves animals and kids. Another may be looking for a sporty guy, a gym rat or a handsome guy who will set her pulse racing. Another may be looking for an intellectual, with a good job, someone she can have a great debate with every night... Another may be looking for "a project", someone she can save... I guess K comes under that category. Another may be looking for a guy with the potential to make a lot of money... Etc. etc. etc. Well if I could count on some sort of honesty from these women it would be helpful but hey so be it. I thought I did really well on this date but if she was looking for a hook up then I failed yes because my view with dates is to try and get a second date and the get the person in front of me to laugh and smile. People keep telling me the laugh and smile part is important.... Years go by and nothing really changes. Edited July 7, 2019 by ZA Dater
jspice Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 If they aren't interested why are they bothering to meet me? I’m confused. Haven’t you met women you’re not really interested in? If I recall correctly, in other threads you’ve mentioned swiping right on just about everyone and even meeting women you weren’t really interested in. Why do you do that? 2
Author ZA Dater Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 I’m confused. Why do you do that? Most dates are with people I am not interested in. I do it purely to try get some dating experience and hope that maybe one of them would wow me.
littleblackheart Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Most dates are with people I am not interested in. I'm also confused, by this. You deliberately go on dates with women you're not interested in? You meet them knowing in advance that you won't take it further, for the experience? This seems like a bit of a waste of time, no? 1
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Years go by and nothing really changes. Well if you won't seek some proper help, then what do you expect to change? This, I am sorry to say, for most is the easy bit. The difficult bit is trying to keep a relationship going... for weeks, months, years... Go get yourself some help.
alphamale Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Most dates are with people I am not interested in. there is your problem ZAD 1
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