ZA Dater Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Perhaps the best date I have been on, hopefully typing this doesn't jinx it. Sequence of events was as follows. 1: She matches with me on Tinder 2: She starts the chat 3: Not a lot of chatting but its light and fun, she is showing good interest. 4: Agree to meet on Wednesday, she cancels about 30 before we were about to meet as she has a work emergency. 5: Limited chat on Thursday and Friday, very light. We meet for dinner on Friday. Immediately she is warm, greets me with a proper hug and we go to dinner, from the off she is very relaxed, smiling, leaning across to talk to me, playing with her hair, smiling and laughing. She works in the world of politics and has lived in a few different countries (Elaine, she is 35yo and has no kids) and there was a lot to talk about, some deep philosophical stuff too. She mentioned she had a big meeting today which she was nervous about and asked me how I would approach it. There was a lot of personal sharing and smiling, laughing on both side. I'll leave this part to last, she hasn't blocked me and we are still chatting, she doesn't party, she hardly drinks, she doesn't have a lot of friends because many find her job too intense (imagine having to go our equivalent of a White House party). We seem to like many of the same things. I walked her to her car and she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, I then leant forward and gave a proper kiss, which made her smile a lot. Perhaps the slight negative is "I need to think about relationship but even if we don't I want you as my friend". Overall I was happy how this date went, don't think there was much more I could have done, really put my best foot forward. Its taken her a long time to get over an ex and the very last part is she is absolutely stunning! Lets see.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 It's odd she would say " I need to think about relationship" when she's out there putting herself on dating apps. That is annoying, isn't it? So don't be surprised if she decides just friends, but don't assume it either. Give it a couple of days and ask her out again. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 I think it sounds like a really fun date, and it is so nice when first dates are fun and not a drag. That being said, I believe she has clearly friend zoned you with this comment: "I need to think about relationship but even if we don't I want you as my friend." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 It's odd she would say " I need to think about relationship" when she's out there putting herself on dating apps. That is annoying, isn't it? So don't be surprised if she decides just friends, but don't assume it either. Give it a couple of days and ask her out again. Good luck! I agree its odd and yes I am basically expecting to be friend zoned. I'll have to try make the best of that outcome should thing turn out that way. The fundamental problem is I may have over sold my friend qualities. I did compliment her so did show what I thought was interest. Its times like this I curse my relative inexperience... Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 It has nothing to do with "overselling your friend qualities". Attraction is either there or it isn't. It's mostly subconscious although there are things that can be done to boost your rating so to speak. Confidence sells. You've clearly been friendzoned and there won't be a second formal date, but hey at least you're getting some results lately. Better than nothing. Not much, but something. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 It has nothing to do with "overselling your friend qualities". Attraction is either there or it isn't. It's mostly subconscious although there are things that can be done to boost your rating so to speak. Confidence sells. You've clearly been friendzoned and there won't be a second formal date, but hey at least you're getting some results lately. Better than nothing. Not much, but something. Not too bothered if I have been friend zoned. I am acutely aware of my limitations, it was however nice to go out with someone I found attractive for the change and with whom I could have a nice conversation. The truth is the thing I sell best are the friend zone type qualities, there isn't much more to me than those. Which is always the fundamental problem so to speak. This is exactly the problem I have with everyone I actually like. So if nothing else on the face of it one of two things will happen 1: I will meet her again where she will formally friend zone me 2: We wont ever meet again and she will ghost me. Ideally I'd like her as a friend because I could actually take her to events and dinners, she is sophisticated, classy, well spoken and has great worldly knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 If you're friends maybe she can hook you up with one of her friends. Unfortunately my money is on 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 If you're friends maybe she can hook you up with one of her friends. Unfortunately my money is on 2. Highly doubt it. As I say it flops its flops, I am jaded enough to just get on with life. Look I don't have much relationship appeal, primarily because I don't know what the a relationship is supposed to be, to me its just an advanced form of friendship. Of course I look at my other terrible Tinder matches and that's the cold reality of it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Hey, you had a fun date. Maybe you'll have another or maybe not. Maybe she will want to be friends and you'll meet more people through her. You just never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 Hey, you had a fun date. Maybe you'll have another or maybe not. Maybe she will want to be friends and you'll meet more people through her. You just never know. What is will be. I'll just have to try sell more, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work but the bar has now been set, anything less I am not interested in. All I hope for here is honesty. As I say I think I just lack something that would make me attractive. I know I can be a good friend and that's my limitation. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Sorry ZA, it sounded great but seems she does not feel attracted to you by her statement. Any woman who was attracted to a man would never say that. You are 100% friend zoned already which really stinks seeing how much you liked the date and her. I feel your pain... Are you going to bother asking her out again or just move on? I don't think you should be friends with her when she offers it to you, I would thank her for being honest, tell her, you want to date and have a relationship not accumulate more female friends... Then wish her the best....Personally I have plenty of female friends I am not attracted to nor want to date, don't need women that I am attracted to who don;t want to date me. Have better things to do Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 Sorry ZA, it sounded great but seems she does not feel attracted to you by her statement. Any woman who was attracted to a man would never say that. Then wish her the best....Personally I have plenty of female friends I am not attracted to nor want to date, don't need women that I am attracted to who don;t want to date me. Have better things to do Well I'd rather have an attractive friend and be single than single with no friends. Reality is I don't find friends easily so if she offers that it would be a lot more than I currently have. Nobody I find attractive ever wants to date me so I have basically accepted that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 1: I will meet her again where she will formally friend zone me One can't have too many friends. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 I don't know how you interacted on the date so I don't know about the friend qualities thing. The one piece of advice I'd give is, don't wait until you are saying goodbye to kiss a woman. You already built some attraction before the date, she's not going out with you thinking "I really hope that me and this guy can be friends" so just take the plunge. You'll either end up snogging and snuggling and whatever else or you'll get the same outcome that you had: you kissed her, the date ends, and she friend zoned you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 move on to the next girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted June 30, 2019 Author Share Posted June 30, 2019 move on to the next girl I'd rather see where this goes, if nowhere well I'll just leave it because I can't see myself finding better. That's always been the goal how close can I get to what I really like, if I can get close enough and still ultimately fail then I can walk away knowing I did the best I could. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 I'd rather see where this goes, if nowhere well I'll just leave it because I can't see myself finding better. That's always been the goal how close can I get to what I really like, if I can get close enough and still ultimately fail then I can walk away knowing I did the best I could. girls don't "need to know" about a relationship. they know within the first few seconds they meet you. she already told you you may be a friend but that's it. focus your resources elsewhere Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 OP, with as much as you've written about relationships with women going nowhere, I'd accept her as a friend. And then take advantage of her friendship to have a companion for fun activities or for when you 'need to be a couple' in social situations (weddings, funerals, professional dinners). Also as a friend, she could be a helpful dating coach. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 OP, with as much as you've written about relationships with women going nowhere, I'd accept her as a friend. And then take advantage of her friendship to have a companion for fun activities or for when you 'need to be a couple' in social situations (weddings, funerals, professional dinners). Also as a friend, she could be a helpful dating coach. That was wiser and kinder than what I was going to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 1, 2019 Author Share Posted July 1, 2019 (edited) , she could be a helpful dating coach. I have no interest in dating coaches at all. Lets see what happens, irrespective I think I did the best I could have done here so I take come comfort in that. In many respects this is about as good a match as I will ever likely get in the sense I could actually make something work here as opposed to bend over backwards to be someone I am not in order to try and fit in with the person. After the debacle with K I am very loath of the so called friend zone because when I have gone here its never really been more of a working relationship than "hey lets meet up for coffee". One thing I do intend to do this time is not give up so easily, if there is no attraction at all then well it wont ever work but the fact she went out with me suggests there was some reason she wanted to see me. Edited July 1, 2019 by ZA Dater 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 1, 2019 Author Share Posted July 1, 2019 girls don't "need to know" about a relationship. they know within the first few seconds they meet you. she already told you you may be a friend but that's it. focus your resources elsewhere No she said "I need to think about this, I am very careful about relationships, irrespective I'd like to be friends with you" so its very open answer. I suppose the inherent problem is I am up against the "shop" that is Tinder where its almost impossible to compete with the guys on there in pure physical terms. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 (edited) Well done man. l always say it doesn't matter who we are it's much more about just finding someone like minded. And if your an unusual person like myself or you by the sounds of course it's gonna be a one in a million but eh, wouldn't have her any other way. Anyway , haven't read the rest , hope nothins jinxed along the way since haha. ps , l'd actually take that more as an oh, shyt , this could really be something here , press ahead l'd say, and make sure you kiss more, if she meant it any other way then she won't want to or she might even just try to keep it to a minimum until she gets her bearings . Mind you , could be wrong but you know, no pain no glory. Edited July 1, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 2, 2019 Author Share Posted July 2, 2019 Well I guess that's done. Ghosted. Oh well then so be it. I suppose I can comfort myself that I liked her and found her attractive. But I guess I as a person just don't really work in terms of desirability. At least not mutually anyway. Really hoped to get something nice out of this but then again I was just deluding myself, I can't compete in the shop that is tinder, especially when she has endless choice. At least I got to live vicariously a bit. Such is life. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 ZA, why are you on Tinder? It sounds like you're looking for a relationship with a bit more substance. I feel like that would it be very hard to suss out a match when profiles are a small paragraph. Have you tried OKCupid? Also, what makes you say you were ghosted? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Also, what makes you say you were ghosted? because he was ghosted Link to post Share on other sites
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