In a rough place - thoughts appreciated

[sagamore]

I don’t feel like the meeting was a win for anybody. While I was glad to see MM after several weeks it was otherwise very awkward for me. He seemed a bit nervous as well and BS obviously wasn’t having any fun...

 

There have been no other plans made to get anyone together over the next five days before his family flies home, although my colleague and I may meet up with just MM to discuss more business for a few hours. Otherwise MM and family will likely be occupied with spending time with other local longtime friends/acquaintances that they have gotten to know over the years, as well as MM spending time with work.

 

Hi A. I’m glad in a way that you are allowing yourself to experience the pain of this meeting. It’s awful for you in the short term but the only way out is through. When you get in touch with the pain, you will access your ability to move out of this relationship and toward something better.

 

I thought you had said that originally he had planned for you two to make a special trip together over these next five days. Am I correct? Is that now not happening? It must feel awful to be in suspense like this about something he promised and which was important to you. What would it say to you if in fact this trip doesn’t happen?

[finna]

I was aware that BS and son would accompany MM to the meeting. He gave her the option to attend and she agreed.

 

We are still scheduled for a weekend trip in six days.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

We are still scheduled for a weekend trip in six days.

 

When you think about the child, how are you ok with this? What do you say to yourself to be ok with it?

[stillafool]

That too is possible, but if he asked her to accompany, there must have been a reason and I suspect it very well had to do with proving to her asaysno is not a threat and means nothing.

 

Exactly! Why else would he make his wife go to something she didn't want to go to. She's probably so over it.

[BaileyB]

In your case, he clearly outlined to your mutual friend that while he was fooling around with you, he was very much a married man. That put you in “second position “ in front of someone you work with everyday and whose respect you need as a colleague.

 

This. You have to work with these people and they are privy to your situation. I would find that humiliating. I would be very angry.

 

I can’t believe how brazen he was to bring the two of you together like that. And I too think it was a very cruel thing to do to his wife.

Edited July 6, 2019 by BaileyB

[finna]

For all I know BS wanted to be there to show me and everyone else that she and MM are “fine”. She has told him before to tell me that so I wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted to demonstrate it... no, I have no idea how much she really knows.

[BaileyB]

For all I know BS wanted to be there to show me and everyone else that she and MM are “fine”.

 

Whether their marriage is “fine” or not, is really nobody’s business. What happens in a marriage, should be between husband and wife. She shouldn’t have to prove herself to anyone.

 

And yet, you said she looked miserable. That doesn’t seem like a woman who is trying to project and image that everything is “fine.” Are you sure you are not projecting?

Edited July 6, 2019 by BaileyB

[finna]

No- I don’t think I’m projecting on her wanting to show a united front or whatever. The “miserable” certainly could be at least partially attributable to boredom and jet lag.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

And if you think she didn’t pick up on the awkwardness and discomfort between you and her H, you’re kidding yourself.

 

Perhaps if she was annoyed as OP stated she appeared, this could have been the reason...annoyed at confirming her spidey senses. Who here thinks there may have already been a DDay, or a light DDay?

 

What is the point of testing the waters to see the dynamic? I’d be much more inclined to think that what he was doing was sending you a message and that message is: “I told you I wanted to focus on my family but you won’t let go. I don’t want to be the bad guy to end it completely, after all, we do work together, so I’m doing things that will make you end it. That way I walk away unscathed.

 

Well we know cake eater is synonymous with conflict-avoidance in many instances...also cowardliness and passive-aggression...so this is highly plausible. Plus, it makes OW feel like the dumper rather than dumpee, which ensures she won't react with spite and create catastrophes for MM.

Edited July 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[finna]

I don’t know that she “confirmed” anything additional that she didn’t know before. After the last time we interacted three months ago she was questioning MM regarding whether he noticed that I had lost some weight and looked more feminine. Ever since she had questioned him regularly about me and passed on things he should tell me (e.g. tell her we are fine).

 

I would say to an extent I agree with the synopsis of MM’s behavior, except that he is the one who has suggested/planned several opportunities for us to spend time together (including the trip next week)- with no prompting of any kind from me. I’m still not sure where that fits in to all this if he indeed is moving on.

Edited July 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed. Member suspended 3 days.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Ever since she had questioned him regularly about me and passed on things he should tell me (e.g. tell her we are fine).

 

Maybe she knows and is just accepting she's married to a cheater and doesn't think she can do any better.

Edited July 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator