Random thoughts on Singleness

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think that you only need a purpose. I have close family and a decent group of friends and I wouldn't want to have more. I have recently rejected a great looking guy that I used to have a crush on 10 or so years ago. He was married back then but is divorced now. I told him the truth "I have no interest in dating and relationships". Some of us enjoy the single life, even "deep down".

 

 

I look forward to coming home to my cat every night

[Shining One]

Alimony is a pretty rare thing in normal/average income families. It usually is only awarded when a woman was a housewife, and didn't work outside of the home.

This depends heavily on where you get divorced. A friend of mine has to pay alimony to his ex despite them both working for the majority of their marriage due to their income disparity (IT Management vs Teacher). He also got stuck with her student loan debt since our state considers student loans as marital debt.

[amaysngrace]

I still haven’t found a man as awesome as my dog Buddy. When I do I’ll be sure to marry him.

[chillii]

I get so tired of men saying this kind of thing.So many more women than men put up with alcoholism, abuse, and cheating from men to "keep the family together."

Most of these women, and their children would be far better off if the woman would just leave the man.

 

 

 

 

Umm, they do ,75% of marriages, apparently, and no way known men eff up in 75% of marriages, it's at least 50 50 takes two to tango and no , not all the men are that stuff, matter of fact non of the ones l know were, they were good men. She fell in love with someone on fb, or screwed round, or flew into an mlc and started acting like a 16yr old.

And aahh, usually it's the women pushing for kids, always was with me, go read through ls, not even touching on single mothers , or affairs when she just couldn't keepem closed.

And btw, go take a look at the divorce club l was in , 1/2 the time the kids were adults and she screwed round, or left and moved in with the bf, he's still paying her till she drops dead. l met 100s going through that exact thing.

Now l'm not saying all, l'm just sayin.

Anyway, very boring subject lets get back to singleness, actually , that's depressing too, lets talk about something else.

Edited June 5, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

I still haven’t found a man as awesome as my dog Buddy. When I do I’ll be sure to marry him.

 

 

 

 

Well there ya go , that's me screwed, female dogs are just too mushy for me.

[amaysngrace]

My female dog is very snarly. But her little body is totally mushy. And yea, she’s a bit mushy when she hugs you then licks your ear, which is a little gross.

 

She’s a completely temperamental drama queen no matter what her mood.

 

Buddy, otoh, is always a love. So yup, you’re being screwed.

[stillafool]

The women I know? They travel. A lot. They do workshops and gain skills and do fun stuff. There's a heck of a lot more to do than just see bands and go to bars. They go out with friends - and not necessarily just other single women. Our group has a range of people with different marital statuses.

 

The single older women I know would have trouble fitting a man into their schedule. And they'd struggle having to work around someone else. They don't want some old dude on viagra chasing them for sex. In short, after years of being previously married and raising children, they want to be selfish for a turn.

 

Yes this is what I'm seeing. A lot of older women travel quite a bit on gf trips and are out doing the things they never had a chance to experience before and going places they've never been before. Most of my older gfs don't even talk about men but more about their hobbies, kids, grandkids, classes they are taking and travel. Their lives seem to be pretty full and they're happy without a man in their life. You have to remember most older women have done the hard work of supporting a husband and raising a family so after divorce or death of a spouse they finally have time to do the things they've always dreamed of.

[Mysterio]

My friends Wives do what they want to do. I don't get the vibe that they are dedicated to the family, where they can't take a cooking class or do a thing. That includes my female friends as well. I wonder if these older women are being sought after romantically. Do they dress in modern fashions?

 

My Female friend AG 's mother is a beautiful woman. Lest say for the sake of Argument that she would look like Blythe Danner. If she were Widowed. I could see her with another man within 2 yrs. Not just going on Trips etc. Bottom line. I don't see the male friends of mine. Chaining their wives to the family to the point where the Wive's life is all about the family and outside of that she has nothing.

[Mysterio]

I am trying to get to the raw emotions of being single in this post.

 

For me. Being Single is no access to verbal/physical affection and companionship. I have great repore with my friends/family. It's not enough. In my head. I don't think I have a great unrealistic mindset on what a romantic relationship for me could be.

 

We are both close in Age. Both Single. Childless. Or I guess she could have 1 kid. No Pet Allergies. We both love going to Music gigs/Movies/Work Out/Health Conscious. We are affectionate with each other and get along. Interesting Conversations and laughs. We give each other Space. I don't see us as heavy fiery passionate, but then again not subdued as well. The best couples to me are in the middle.

 

I sometimes wonder when people get hooked up, if its more lifestyle than the person they love that is the drawing factor.

 

When I see the Divorce stats and observe real-life couples. It feels like Men and Women being in harmony i rough at best. If everyone lives to 90. Good luck being with one person for the rest of your life. More like 4 to 5 people romantically till death. We usually have more than one friend in our lives. I wonder if we have to come to terms that we will have multiple people in our lives romantically and thats why Divorce and breakups are here to show us that.

 

The actual Singleness does not bother me, as the access to no affection is hard on a daily basis. I can't see a hooker or escort. I don't want a FWB. I don't believe in them, because no one in those can maintain it for long. It's usually two people that stumble on to it.

 

I don't think that I am really doing anything really wrong. My male friends that are attached. None of them are sociable and ladies men in any way. I am the one with the most friends over them for the most part. I don't think its my looks. My personality is chill. So I am not uppity. I talk to people. I am not overbearing and hyper or aloof and cold.

 

For me. It feels like I have to wait until some special woman pops into my life. Letting me know that she digs me in a romantic way. Until then. All atempts to romantically connect with a woman is semi-futile and when I do. Its not like the women that I was focussing on, are going to introduce me to their single female friends. What bothers me is that it feels that my social environement is lacking Romantic prospects that are workable.

 

A pattern I see is that most of us meeting suitable romantic prospects. Its going to be the randomness of life. Over the focused dating sites or love match companies out there.

[stillafool]

My friends Wives do what they want to do. I don't get the vibe that they are dedicated to the family, where they can't take a cooking class or do a thing. That includes my female friends as well. I wonder if these older women are being sought after romantically. Do they dress in modern fashions?

 

My Female friend AG 's mother is a beautiful woman. Lest say for the sake of Argument that she would look like Blythe Danner. If she were Widowed. I could see her with another man within 2 yrs. Not just going on Trips etc. Bottom line. I don't see the male friends of mine. Chaining their wives to the family to the point where the Wive's life is all about the family and outside of that she has nothing.

 

What you have to realize is that most of these women have taken care of their older husbands through sickness or death or through a painful divorce. The last thing these women want is to take care of another man and that includes putting dinner on the table every night. The work and heart ache involved is not worth it. Why do they have to have a man?

 

Oh, and they do dress modern. They also love to shop.

Edited June 5, 2019 by stillafool

[chillii]

I'm 50s ,was married 20yrs, as well as gf's , never known a gf or wife l didn't spend 10 times more time taking care of. My ex was 11 yrs younger but in and out of hospitals a dozen times, laid up for weeks, rushing her off to emergency 4am with 5 day migraines she'd finally collapsed from , so they could just knock her out and on and on it went.

Of course it wasn't her fault and l don;t say it in a bad way , of course l'd look after her anyway l could, she was my wife, and her me, but just sayin.

And now , finding myself single again 50s , most of them are falling to pieces , my gf now is 8yrs younger than me, she's a really strong hearty girl she exercises for 3 hours straight but she still has so many things wrong with her it's all the same ol. Again l don't say it in a bad way

All l'm sayin is this stuff goes both ways, you love someone you do what you gotta do.

Me , maybe l get to be looked after one day because God knows l've spent 35 yrs doing it myself with every woman l was ever involved with, women get heaps of stuff, never met one yet that doesn't.

They get a lot of mental shyt too stress and worry 5 times more than l or any guys l know ever have and most guys l know get all the same other things with their wives or gf's too, can't believe what some of them gone through for their women. My daughter 17, same again.

l've got 6 sisters too , same , even growing up , there was always something wrong with them and these days they have all kinds of crap.

Edited June 9, 2019 by chillii

[snowcones]

I'm a woman and would prefer to be paired up but have not gotten desperate enough to pair up with someone who I am not attracted to. Maybe that day will come soon, who knows, but it is not here yet.

[chillii]

Unfortunately now to sound like a hypocrite, l'm actually wondering myself these days if l wanna deal with more women hassles, so on the other hand for any that went through crap with ex's l do get it in ways.

like l say even gf now , healthiest heartiest chick l ever met at these ages really but even she still does have heaps of stuff and tbh, lt's 10 times easier just being on my own and looking after myself , but she does come with heaps of benefits and goodies too haha and we have some great great stuff and hell yeah , l'm attracted to all hell to her too and her me.

Buttttt, has it's price.

Edited June 9, 2019 by chillii

[heartbrokenlady]

 

I sometimes wonder when people get hooked up, if its more lifestyle than the person they love that is the drawing factor

 

 

 

I don't think that I am really doing anything really wrong. My male friends that are attached. None of them are sociable and ladies men in any way. I am the one with the most friends over them for the most part. I don't think its my looks. My personality is chill. So I am not uppity. I talk to people. I am not overbearing and hyper or aloof and cold.

 

For me. It feels like I have to wait until some special woman pops into my life. Letting me know that she digs me in a romantic way. Until then. All atempts to romantically connect with a woman is semi-futile and when I do. Its not like the women that I was focussing on, are going to introduce me to their single female friends. What bothers me is that it feels that my social environement is lacking Romantic prospects that are workable.

 

A pattern I see is that most of us meeting suitable romantic prospects. Its going to be the randomness of life. Over the focused dating sites or love match companies out there.

 

 

Mysterio, do you not think that those people that are coupled up met a a specific stage of life?

 

90% of the dedicated couples for life that I know got together in their 20s. Some of them met at university.

 

Some of us just miss the boat. Half the time I think that's why I'm single. The other half the time I think that I never want to catch the boat in the first place.

[chillii]

Tbh , l've always wondered how many of those couples actually work out in the end, talking later, 30yrs, when the kids have grown and it's all over.

Or how many of them actually still have love between them .

Some yeah you can see it , they're a part of each other now.

But l would imagine and saw so much of it too in the divorce forum l was in , it'd be hell hard to stay together that long for many. Most of the divorces in there were those types of couples.

After 30yrs, even 35-40.

[Mysterio]

Mysterio, do you not think that those people that are coupled up met a specific stage of life?

 

90% of the dedicated couples for life that I know got together in their 20s. Some of them met at university.

 

Some of us just miss the boat. Half the time I think that's why I'm single. The other half the time I think that I never want to catch the boat in the first place.

 

Here are some of my friends in a nutshell who got married.

 

MM/MO met at work and were pushed into each other at a social. They married after 5 yrs at age 26-MO. They are now Mid to late 40s childless and seem very happy to me.

 

SA/JB met at the last yr of High School 1988/89. They lived together and had two sons by 1997. Married in 1997 had a third son. They are now separated and going to Divorce so that was late 2017. According to SA. He said that JB claims that she does not know herself outside of being with SA for all these yrs. SA to me is a playboy and always is Mackin on the chicks. So he let it go. SA just recently broke up with is new GF. I don't know the reason.

 

JC/MK met at a social. JC was aware of MK and was sort of lightly pursuing him. They clicked at the social in 1998 and married in 2000 and had kids in 2003/05 a boy and girl. They seem reasonably happy. JC is a little bit more family geared and does not try to do things outside the family. MK always has to have a new project to sink his teeth into outside of family and his practice.

 

To me what's the difference between the three couples. It feels like SA/JB spent way too much time together. Worked most of the time and never really had any couple time to themselves. Outside of the kids. So it was always going to matches etc.

 

MM/MO do spend time together, but also they have friends that they can do individual things with. MM is a Guidance Counsellor and MO has his own Business.

 

JC/MK have a nice balance of family and being a couple. Although they have kids that they are still raising.

 

To me the couples met in this age range. SA/JB-Late teens. MM/MO early 20's. JC/MK mid going to late 20's. It feels like meeting in your mid to late 20's is the best for longevity.

 

Coupling up for life is trucky at best. I always feel that between the three couples that even though SA/JB have spent the most time together. They really don't know each other well. JC/MK and MM/MO to me are very well matched and know each other. They are rock solid and between the two if its going to break apart between the couples it will be met by widowhood over divorce.

 

For myself. I feel I will meet someone, but it won't be by my solo effort. It will be some woman, that is not on my radar and she will be the one to put us together. For some reason. My Love radar picker is broken. I can't make a great choice.

[Mysterio]

Heartbriken Lady. I just wanted to add something about the three couples I have mentioned with regards to stages.

 

MM/MO were working and not going to school. When they got married. It was a natural evolution. There was no real push for it and they both lived with their parents before getting their own house.

 

JC/MK were established in their careers. They only lived together after marriage.

 

JB/SA were getting out of school and then had to transition into work and they lived together and had kids after being together for 5 yrs starting from 1988 and having the first son in 2003. JB the woman, to me is like a type B in a type A work position. If it were not for the money. I don't think she would be working it.

 

Its intersting how things work out for some people and others not so much.

[Cinnamon_Girl]

The issues in my marriage, all on my ex sez me, were neglect and (financial) fraud (the kid's trust funds). Knowing other divorced men who are my social and economic counterparts, I would be very interested to see data on the bolded, especially if broken down by location and socioeconomic class. Of course I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. But living an 'upper middle class' life in a 'deep blue' (very politically feminist for non-USA folks) state, I've seen little male alcoholism, abuse, or cheating and lots of legally leveraged extortion permitted to and encouraged for married women. The way my lawyer put it (tongue in cheek of course) was that the wife can get away with anything short of a weekend with Fabio in Vegas

 

 

I live in a red state, and was divorced in a red state. I put my ex through eleven years of college to a PhD. He didn't work. After getting his doctorate, he became very successful, and cheated. I was faithful. We divorced, and he got all the money.

[Shining One]

I live in a red state, and was divorced in a red state. I put my ex through eleven years of college to a PhD. He didn't work. After getting his doctorate, he became very successful, and cheated. I was faithful. We divorced, and he got all the money.

Did he become successful before or after your divorce? Are you paying him alimony and are you stuck with any of his student loan debts?

 

Putting a significant other through higher education is such a risky thing to do, for a man or a woman. The supporting spouse can really get screwed over. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[Mysterio]

My expectations for a woman that I am in a relationship is that the woman is single/childless or one child.

 

When we get together we enjoy each others company with interesting conversations and laughs. We do social and recreational activities and we are physically affectionate with each other. We also are flexible and give each other space. If there are problems we give each other the time to reflect on the problem and then talk about it at a set date.

 

At most when her and I would meet up is a hug and kiss when we see each other and a hug and a kiss when we part for the night.

 

Making love. I don't know what our frequency would be. 2-3 time a week on a new relationship. Then it may dwindle into once a week. I am more concerned with a daily connection. We have family/friends/work and personal temperaments to work out as well.

 

From my observations looking at my family/friends. Things have to be smooth at the start of the relationship. In order for the couple to thrive. It feels like if the woman is the more driving force of getting together. The Relationship with the couple will work out a bit better. I don't know why that is. In my mind. A couple getting together and it being smooth is more the Woman's will than the Mans.

 

I guess what I am saying it that when it comes to romantic relationships. The Woman has more power than the man. I look at two of my male friends. Couple A. 6 and a half yrs together. Two bio kids between them. One in 2015 the other 2017. The woman is still married to her ex. Can't seem to get out of it. My buddy DT has to put up with it. He also pays the mortgage on her house. She also has 2 older kids with the ex. Reverse the situation and DT had her dynamics. I can't see her putting up with that.

 

My other friend T. He met his lady online. He had to travel to her town which is 14 hours away and change his work week once a month to do so. I could never see her doing that at all for him. They are now in her town with their bio son who is 10 now.

 

Once again. Those women put in their men's shoes and they had to do major life changes.

 

To each their own in the end. For me. What I think I want for a romantic relationship to go long term and thrive. She has to be single. No kids or one at the most. She makes an effort towards me romantically or at least halfway. If that is not met. I can't see how things would work out long term.

[chillii]

Don't really know how l got tangled up in this thread l've only been single a couple of years my whole life since l was 15.

And l don't really give two fks if some women like to be single or climb a tree, l really just don't care. l know plenty of single guys that have zero interest in women, so what.

l mean each to their own yaknow, who cares how someone else lives.

l could've remarried 3 or 4 times though dunno haven't counted so they're the type of women that interest me l couldn't really care less what the rest of them do or want.

But l have to be choosy, well l've always been choosy but now l really have to be.

 

And just in answer to your last one mysterio , l dunno about that. My ex gf came across the world for me and for us, for 2 years and was moving over but we just couldn't work things out. My gf now lives 12 hours away and she comes down to mine in 1 and two month stints and has been for 12 mths now.My bro's gf has been coming up to his from the city 4hours away for 20yrs.

Anyway , l suppose l've just become interested just in general though about this sort of thing now , since my marriage broke up. l suppose ending up out there again after living the other side most of my life, it is a really weird thing for me and l'll be the first to admit it.

The world's changed so much since before l was married , attitudes, everything. Fk me there wasn't even internet then or talking in forums to people you can't see don't know from adam.

l do find though over and over , the sort of woman l go for , is the same as they've always been in ideals and ways. We're all just very cautious now and of course we come with some junk too.

But what l do know is , l do prefer life as two , l don't know if l will choose that because l need to be 110% sure of her , but l do prefer it.

Edited June 24, 2019 by chillii

[Commongoal123]

I'm single and lovin' it.

 

Get to this point, and finding a partner will become effortless.

[guy45]

I think being single is interesting. It presents the problem of finding someone and it really makes you think which makes you smarter. I think life would be really boring if it were easy.

[JEG88]

I'm at that stage where being single would allow me to focus on improving myself and loving myself again. Improve certain skills, save up money for investments, focus on my career, etc.

 

I think fear of loneliness in being single is just a cover for not loving yourself. Being in a relationship and having the love of someone else to feel good only masks the underlying issue.

[Mysterio]

For a small amount of time. Being coupled up makes one happier for a time. I think a lot of us want to be coupled up because being single does not provide for that happiness. Unless one has been coupled up for a long time and they need that freedom.

 

I know who I am and I feel like having a LTR is what I really want. I don't have any fascination with being single. It's not bad. It's just that kissing/hugging/Making Love is within me to the point where I want to express it and have it in my life.