Complete waste of time.

[elaine567]

like eighty percent of the dialogues I've had with women online have ended with them giving me a short answer and me just not bothering to respond again

These are the ones that just aren't that into you that is all. Sounds like you are learning to spot it sooner, and that is what you need to do. It doesn't mean they hate you, they may even like as a person, but they just aren't emotionally aroused enough to put in any effort,...and that emotional arousal is critical to make something work. You will get no where without it.

I've been known to cancel dates if I got a "yes" but they seemed halfhearted or nervous about it. What I'm looking for is a "yes" that sounds happy and excited.

^^ from another recent thread.

You think the women you date are dumb and uninteresting, but fact is they are not interested enough in you to put on the charm, that is the issue.

The "fake" dates did not have to worry about leading you on, they could be their usual extrovert selves.

I have an acquaintance who is like that, she can speak to anyone, she can charm and get the most out of the dullest person, she is great company, great fun, but like yoga girl she is pretty superficial, she is more about getting a top quality guy or getting things she wants out of people than anything else.

[Normm]

^^ from another recent thread.

You think the women you date are dumb and uninteresting, but fact is they are not interested enough in you to put on the charm, that is the issue.

 

 

I'd go a step further and say these women are probably like "What is with this guy?" and they just clam up and count the minutes until it's over.

[ZA Dater]

It still astounds me how unbelievably judgmental you can be towards women.

 

Not to sure why you are astounded. I never used to judge in fact I actually used to try to take everyone at face value but when I have gone out and as with this date met the same type of person over and over and over again it just becomes a cycle of nothingness, nothing to be gained, nothing to be lost.

 

Sorry my experience of single moms, perhaps I should have phrased it like that, I have been out with many, chatted to many, in fact they are drawn to me for whatever reason. I have found all carry enormous amounts of baggage, most to be extremely emotionally needy and almost all have kids with absent fathers. Yes, I had a look at the single mom idea, hence I went out with quite a few, my logic being they wouldn't be the partying type so perhaps a better fit for me, they were not.

Edited May 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ZA Dater]

And the good old ZA I’ve learned to “love” is back.....so much for my good will.

 

First, those experiences were good ones because you were actually being yourself, as well as accepting yourself in those moments and encounters, which is why the women felt positive around you. Doesn’t matter that they weren’t real dates. If you carry the same feelings on dates, you’d have a much more positive experience. But, that comment will start the same hamster wheel, so think of it as a rhetorical comment.

 

 

Firstly well done on your accomplishments they are impressive. Perhaps some of you need to remember I live in a 3rd world country so take that into consideration when I pass judgement on my dates.

 

It was simply a case of they took some sort of interest in me. On these dates its one way traffic, rarely if ever is there any sort of interest shown. I ask about here, try to engage with her and end up nowhere really. Heck I even have taken to have a specific conversation plan before I even go on the date, yes I am not the most relaxed of person, perhaps they don't like that but that doesn't explain why I do 'work" with some people, albeit always ones in the category of "never be interested in me"

 

For me I have rationalised this entire process into a pro and con scenario by that I mean

 

1: Any common interests

2: Any intellectual connection

3: Any physical attraction

4: Well spoken?

5: Good general knowledge

6: What type of work, this goes up if its something different to the norm because that becomes a conversation point and piques my interest.

7: Would she integrate with the person I am and would we get along

 

This lady she probably managed 1 and 2 and maybe some of 7 which was ok.

 

The reality is the more I read the ridiculous dating seems to become and the more it becomes "work" and when something becomes work then I am looking for some inherent benefit because if I am going to work then I need to choose between work which has benefit versus this which brings me no benefit at all.

[ZA Dater]

^^ from another recent thread.

You think the women you date are dumb and uninteresting, but fact is they are not interested enough in you to put on the charm, that is the issue.

The "fake" dates did not have to worry about leading you on, they could be their usual extrovert selves.

 

 

Yoga girl wasn't superficial she was the one person I have met who like me doesn't care for the conformist nature of society. Unfortunately I was never go to compete with the hip and happening guy she was chasing. I wouldn't matter how nice I could be it wouldn't be enough.

 

 

I suppose you have a point, I cant really dispute that, perhaps my definition of interesting isn't really interesting. Never have been able to work out what exactly my target market wants, which is why I don't work in marketing because I am useless at it. In some respect I look for the opposite of me, the extrovert marketing type person because I find them fundamentally interesting and because in that company I need to try compete so there is an inherent challenge. Why do you think I tried with the yoga lady, if I'd had a bit more confidence I might have actually been able to gain some 'experience" with her. The idea of beating the odds appealed to me, it always has and its probably the only reason I keep going back for yet more punishment. I use these dates to try and work out things so I have a definite objective when I go on them.

 

 

Sure if there isn't that challenge then yes I don't put a lot of effort into the dates, why there isn't much point if I am not being challenged.

[The Outlaw]

Welcome to the dating world. But in all honesty, while that definitely wasn't a positive experience, keep trying.