dislike my wifes job

[Timshel]

Well, isn't it a lovely disposition that we have control of how, when, where and all periferal circumstance around when we die.

Getting back to the original original post, taking care of people of any age is not sexy and takes a good amount of courage.

Edited April 19, 2019 by Timshel

[BaileyB]

Did she say they get turned on? Or did she say they get an erection? It's not the same thing. It's no different to a guy getting unwanted wood in a medical exam. I said earlier that my nips get hard when having a breast exam. Let me assure you, I'm not aroused.

 

No, she's not a doctor but her role is not dissimilar to a nurse and like a nurse, part of her job is assisting people with their nether regions. And you're right, it's not just old people. It would also include people who have cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, parkinsons and severe intellectual disability - just to name a few. It's not a glamorous job, but it's an essential service to preserve one's dignity.

 

Also the agreement was that "we were the only people we now wanted to see naked". Wanted being the operative word here. She doesn't have a sexual desire to see them naked, rather it's just part of her job. Just as a mother doesn't have a sexual desire to see her child naked when changing a diaper.

 

I work in this sector. I've done catheters, bum wipes and tube feeding. I've sourced people to look after those who are in need. And I've supported others in need to be able to get funding to access these services. So perhaps I'm biased in my thinking that the dignity of someone in need of help is more important than a guy who's jealous because his wife's job involves cleaning poop off someone who's body or mind does not function as it should. And of course, there's still the thing about him telling her what job she should do. She's hardly stripping for a living.

 

Basil is absolutely correct here. I have wiped the bum of 10 year old boys who have had an erection - there was nothing sexual or arousing about it. It is simply the function of the human body.

 

To make an agreement that you will never see another person naked with someone who works in a care profession is setting yourself up for failure and frustration. Never mind the fact that to me, it seems immature and controlling. Op is essentially asking for a promise that she will not cheat, and there are more mature and more realistic ways to set this boundary in your relationship.

 

The most redeeming thing about this situation - it’s her job, not his. If he doesn’t like it, that’s fine because he doesn’t have to do the job! This woman does a wonderful thing, providing care for people who need assistance... If OP is not able to understand that and support her in doing her job, that would be a HUGE problem for me in the relationship. It shows a lack of respect, it’s controlling, and it demonstrates what I would consider to be overstepping of personal boundaries.

[DKT3]

You're suggesting that the average women would have problems with a male partner who's job as a doctor, nurse or in allied health brings them in contact with female genitalia?

 

When my brother was in medical school he was thinking obgyn or general practice and his wife strongly objected to obgyn very strongly. So yes, there is some gender bias going on here as usual.

[BaileyB]

When my brother was in medical school he was thinking obgyn or general practice and his wife strongly objected to obgyn very strongly. So yes, there is some gender bias going on here as usual.

 

That’s one example. There are plenty of men who work in obgyn and family practice.

 

Sure, I prefer to have a female doctor. But, if I need medical care and there is a male attending at the clinic, it’s going to be awkward but not a dealbreaker.

 

Women have been providing care for men since the beginning of time as nurses - during the war, in hospitals, as home care workers, in schools... it’s not a gender bias, it’s just reality.

[JuneL]

When my brother was in medical school he was thinking obgyn or general practice and his wife strongly objected to obgyn very strongly. So yes, there is some gender bias going on here as usual.

 

General doctors also have to do pelvic exams when needed.

[JuneL]

When my brother was in medical school he was thinking obgyn or general practice and his wife strongly objected to obgyn very strongly. So yes, there is some gender bias going on here as usual.

 

What did you mean by gender bias? So guys would be more okay with female doctor wife examining male private parts? Apparently, the OP is not okay with his wife bathing male clients.

[BaileyB]

What did you mean by gender bias? So guys would be more okay with female doctor wife examining male private parts? Apparently, the OP is not okay with his wife bathing male clients.

 

I read this to mean that people are dogging this guy, because he has a problem with his wife bathing male clients. Yet, his sister-in-law had the same objection for his brother - she didn’t want him elbow deep in women’s private parts all day.

 

Until very recently, it was difficult if not impossible to find a female doctor. Midwives provided care for women who were pregnant/post partum, but physicians were male. There were few options.

[littleblackheart]

OP, why don't you draw a list of jobs (and salary, commensurate with her qualifications) you're comfortable with for your wife to do that don't affect your ego or self-esteem, and see where that leads you?

 

Because what it sounds like is that you want to control what your wife does for a living, so you may as well show your hand, and also offer to pay for her to retrain.

 

Or you can accept that's what she's chosen to do, realise that it has actually nothing to do with you, be supportive of her and move on.

[snowcones]

When my brother was in medical school he was thinking obgyn or general practice and his wife strongly objected to obgyn very strongly. So yes, there is some gender bias going on here as usual.

 

 

You don't think a husband would have a problem with his wife telling him she wants to become a Urologist?

[DKT3]

While I agree that there are some insecurities on OP part, I believe that the comments or harsh. Insecurities or not he still feels what he feels. Where it a woman making these insecure objections the comments would be very different.

 

While it wasnt on this site, there was a thread on another site where the wife was uncomfortable with the fact that her husband was a photographer for a fashion magazine and spent all day around models.

 

The balk of the comments where "if he really loved you....."

 

When I was sharing my story here, I got alot of comments about how I needed to change my career to make my wife more comfortable. Not many comments about how she needed to suck it up, or it was her problem.

 

The gender bias I'm speaking of is women tend to be harsh on men because they identify with his partner and seem to find oppression in every situation that a man finds uncomfortable within his relationship.

Edited April 19, 2019 by DKT3

[littleblackheart]

Then he can leave; that's the choice he has. You don't get to impose a job change onto your partner; that's not how a partnership works.

 

There is no history of gender bias in terms of jobs where women have a meltdown bc they aren't comfortable with their male partners' profession to the point where he actually has tosomething else to appease him - while there may be annecdotal exceptions (like dangerous jobs), it's not a thing.

Edited April 19, 2019 by littleblackheart

[JuneL]

While I agree that there are some insecurities on OP part, I believe that the comments or harsh. Insecurities or not he still feels what he feels. Where it a woman making these insecure objections the comments would be very different.

 

While it wasnt on this site, there was a thread on another site where the wife was uncomfortable with the fact that her husband was a photographer for a fashion magazine and spent all day around models.

 

The balk of the comments where "if he really loved you....."

 

When I was sharing my story here, I got alot of comments about how I needed to change my career to make my wife more comfortable. Not many comments about how she needed to suck it up, or it was her problem.

 

The gender bias I'm speaking of is women tend to be harsh on men because they identify with his partner and seem to find oppression in every situation that a man finds uncomfortable within his relationship.

 

It’s actually more understandable if his wife was a model for intimate apparels. But many (if not all) of the patients his wife is washing are likely in dire medical conditions, and to think of washing them in terms of erotic thoughts is so off!

[BaileyB]

Then he can leave; that's the choice he has. You don't get to impose a job change onto your partner; that's not how a partnership works.

 

Absolutely. You have a concern about the hours of work and how it will affect childcare or take time away from the family, or how much travel or danger is involved with a new job - that is a conversation.

 

Telling your spouse that they can’t do a respectable job because you are insecure, fear that they will cheat, and have made some kind of childish pact that you won’t see another person naked is just not how a partnership works.

[DKT3]

With the attitudes here, no wonder relationships are on the endangered species list.

 

Relationships are about compromise, it's not a compromise to say suck it up or leave. That is just as controlling as saying one cant do something.

 

Then again, it's easy to tell people to do things one wouldn't do were they the one emotionally linked.

 

Sometimes we need to do things for the advantage of our relationships. Sometimes jobs, decisions and behaviors are damaging, it's not controlling if one recognize this and ask for change.

 

Say op did leave and his wife was here talking about it would we be saying , oh well, deal with it, you knew he had an issue with your career.

[littleblackheart]

You can compromise on the living room furniture or where to go on holiday or what restaurant to go to or who takes parental leave or who does the dishes...

 

I know of not one carer who chooses to do this job specifically to clean penises - that's not why people do it.

 

What if she enjoys her job? Does she have to sacrifice her professional fulfilment bc OP has a one-track mind? What if its the only thing she's qualified to do? What if there is a job shortage where they live? What if they can't live on one salary? Will OP pay for his wife to retrain? Can he afford to provide while she drops her job to do something OP's ego can deal with?

 

OP needs to address his insecurities first, and possibly offer realistic compromises (that she would be free to agree to or not), not expect his wife to deal with his insecurities for him.

Edited April 19, 2019 by littleblackheart

[thefooloftheyear]

I used to be a bouncer in a go go bar....Hey....I was just there for the muscle,the security and to earn a dollar.....Nothing sexy at all about it, most of the time I didn't even notice the women walking around...And if you think it's fun throwing drunk fools out of a club, well...it's not..

 

I'm sure all you ladies would be just AOK with that, right?? I mean what if I enjoy that job? Do you all have a right to infringe upon your guys enjoyment??

 

or

 

"Telling your spouse that they can’t do a respectable job because you are insecure, fear that they will cheat, and have made some kind of childish pact that you won’t see another person naked is just not how a partnership works. "

 

Right??

 

TFY

[JuneL]

What’s wrong with being a bouncer?

[thefooloftheyear]

In a go go club.?? You know.. A place with a bunch of hot/sexy women walking around with almost nothing on....You have heard of it, no??

 

TFY

Edited April 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JuneL]

So was your gf or wife then okay with that? You didn’t quit because of her, did you?

Edited April 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[eleanorrigby]

Insecure guys are a huge turn-off. I would be losing desire by the day if my husband couldn't deal with a situation like this.

[BaileyB]

In a go go club.?? You know.. A place with a bunch of hot/sexy women walking around with almost nothing on....You have heard of it, no??

 

You would have been fine to do that job TFY, because I would have screened you on the first date. I’m more attracted to the intellectual, academic type.

 

In all seriousness, the option if you are unhappy with your partner’s chosen profession is not to date them/leave the relationship. If it is really that big of a deal for someone...

Edited April 19, 2019 by BaileyB

[Poutrew]

I dunno… on the one hand, I'm glad someone is out there to do this type of job, but on the other hand...there are stories. How many spouses of nurses / doctors want to have their partner come home one day and be told they need to take a STD test because the patient they were doing a prostrate milking on squirted them in the eye, and so would have to abstain from sex until the test results came back? (This was told to me first hand, btw. She was madder than hell). Then there are the men who for whatever reason, can't masturbate who are in the hospital long term... There are no video cameras in the showers...

 

None of the above were meant to be told in a sexual, lascivious way. Accidents happen. Head nurses look the other way, etc. But what it means for me is that I will never date anyone in the medical field outside of dental, or optometry...

[thefooloftheyear]

You would have been fine to do that job TFY, because I would have screened you on the first date. I’m more attracted to the intellectual, academic type.

..

 

Well...gee....Thanks for the kick in the nuts...It wasn't like a career or anything and I was making 300+/night in the 80's when people with regular jobs were making that in take home pay for a weeks work,..

 

And it just so happens that I was working my way through completing university at that time with one of the most difficult undergrad majors you could ever choose...(Bio/pre-med)...

 

Anyway, I agree with the second part...It's just that all of the hammering from everyone with zero consideration seemed a bit unfair...And I do believe the double standard exists...In all the years of knowing women, they are heavily against anything a guy does(well, me, anyway) that involves anything to do with close contact with other women, intimate or not...

 

TFY

[Timshel]

Lol...

 

Live your life the way you wish, Mkay??

 

TFY

 

 

Of course, I am as are you. I don't get the hostility from you.

 

So the issue is about the OP being jealous over his wife care taking people who are unable to wipe their own ass. As usual, it boils down to looks for you TFY....as though when it gets to that point you'll have any choice in the matter.

[thefooloftheyear]

So the issue is about the OP being jealous over his wife care taking people who are unable to wipe their own ass. As usual, it boils down to looks for you TFY....as though when it gets to that point you'll have any choice in the matter.

 

 

 

Totally lost....Have no idea what the hell you are talking about?? Or is it about the joke I made earlier in the thread....

 

TFY