dislike my wifes job

[basil67]

I’m saying that most women would have a problem with their husband bathing women of all ages. They would have even more of a problem with it if there was evidence of that person being turned on by it.

 

I’m not saying OP’s wife is doing anything wrong but we can’t just negate how her husband feels about it, or accuse him of being a control freak because of how he feels.

 

What's the difference between bathing a person and being, say, a male midwife, nurse, GP or Obgyn? And arousal in this situation is nothing more than a psychical reaction. Happens to doctors and nurses all the time. Male or female doctor, my nips go hard when I get a breast exam - it's just biology.

 

You're right that he feels how he feels. But have you never had a feeling which is utterly ridiculous? I know I have and I work to tell myself that I'm being unreasonable. And I maintain that expecting a partner who does a respectable caring role to quit is controlling. This is indeed his problem and he needs to build his skills to deal with it.

[Timshel]

This is off the rails.

 

 

OP, you posted because this bothers you. You have two choices...

One, get over yourself and lay off the porn, Instagram and whatever social media that has your mind in a ditch.

 

 

Two, accept that your wife is doing her JOB as a caretaker of people who need to be cared for.

 

 

Since you have started this thread and it bothers you a great deal, because you are projecting what happens in your own mind ...let your wife in peace and shut down the social media you are on and lay off the porn you are watching.

 

 

There is nothing wrong to seek counseling when thoughts interfere with interpersonal relationships and perception is in discord with reality.

 

 

Ask your primary care physician for reference to a list of qualified therapists.

[thefooloftheyear]

I’m saying that most women would have a problem with their husband bathing women of all ages. They would have even more of a problem with it if there was evidence of that person being turned on by it.

 

.

 

While I don't necessarily disagree with the other posters, I think Bathtub here has a very valid point...Most women would lose their shyt of the roles were reversed..

 

And to use the "medical professional" analogy isn't really fair... A medical profession is something someone is committed to and spends a great deal of time, money, etc in order to obtain and practice...What the OPs wife is doing really is "just a job" although I do agree that its noble of her to do it...

 

Maybe its the deal where there really aren't enough males to do these types of caregiver tasks...Its primarily a femal deal...I know if I manage to make it to an old age and cant take care of myself, I don't want some guy doing it....I want a woman...And a good looking woman no less..!!:laugh:

 

TFY

[Springsummer]

Ask your primary care physician for reference to a list of qualified therapists.

 

I think OP's reaction is completely normal, at least to me.'

 

but a hard working person is admirable. maybe just use glove and that will solve the problem?

Edited April 19, 2019 by Springsummer

[Timshel]

At a person's time of need or end of days...a person will be blessed to have it done with love/care.

Any person is lucky if it is done with diligence and kindness.

 

 

One day, peeps. I'm honestly grateful I've been schooled and a gentle touch will honestly show the difference between true beauty.

 

 

You'll see one day TFY

[BaileyB]

I’m saying that most women would have a problem with their husband bathing women of all ages. They would have even more of a problem with it if there was evidence of that person being turned on by it.

 

There are male nurses who do this every day. Sure, if a woman is uncomfortable she can ask for someone else to attend and be present in the room, but male doctors, nurses, physiotherapists, massage therapists, health care aids, respite workers, personal attendants... do it every single day.

 

And, as one who has had a similar experience with my job... trust me when I say that it is embarrassing and awkward as hell - for everyone.

[gaius]

Its not normal to get jealous of your wife bathing some 80 year old guy who's one step away from the grave. Despite what some guys around here will try to get you to believe, 80 year old guys ain't sexy.

 

She's probably a CNA or some kind of nurse and those she bathes are probably elderly, crippled or disabled. Get a grip already.

[losangelena]

While I don't necessarily disagree with the other posters, I think Bathtub here has a very valid point...Most women would lose their shyt of the roles were reversed..

 

And to use the "medical professional" analogy isn't really fair... A medical profession is something someone is committed to and spends a great deal of time, money, etc in order to obtain and practice...What the OPs wife is doing really is "just a job" although I do agree that its noble of her to do it...

 

Maybe its the deal where there really aren't enough males to do these types of caregiver tasks...Its primarily a femal deal...I know if I manage to make it to an old age and cant take care of myself, I don't want some guy doing it....I want a woman...And a good looking woman no less..!!:laugh:

 

TFY

 

I get that you’re joking, hopefully, but I think it’s so uncalled for to say you want a good-looking woman to bathe your future geriatric ass. I’ve known a handful of oldsters and disabled folks who needed help bathing, and again, there’s nothing sexy about it, from either end. There’s a strong loss of dignity around losing your ability to take of those basic needs for yourself. I remember when my dad was at the end of his life, unable to move, needing to be bathed and having his diapers changed, the last thing on his mind was the attractiveness of his nurse.

 

Give me a ****ing break.

[basil67]

I think OP's reaction is completely normal, at least to me.'

 

but a hard working person is admirable. maybe just use glove and that will solve the problem?

 

All personal carers wear gloves when dealing with genitals. If they aren't doing it, then they are unprofessional. There should be no skin to skin contact.

[basil67]

And to use the "medical professional" analogy isn't really fair... A medical profession is something someone is committed to and spends a great deal of time, money, etc in order to obtain and practice...What the OPs wife is doing really is "just a job" although I do agree that its noble of her to do it...

 

The analogy is perfect. Both roles involve touching people of the opposite sex intimately.

 

There are some who see care giving as 'just a job'. They do their job adequately. But there are others who are passionate about what they do and the value they add to other people's lives. I am familiar with this field both personally and professionally.

[whichwayisup]

So if your wife was a Dr and gave men full physicals, would that upset you too?

 

Your wife is caregiver and helping those in need who obviously can't bath themselves. A cancer patient or someone who is disabled isn't looking for a rub and tug from her so please, try to not feel insecure about your wife's job. She is helping families who may not be able to cope with this and she is making their lives easier.

 

If you can't cope with this get counseling to help you deal with it in a healthy way. If you don't it's going to ruin your marriage.

[bathtub-row]

Everyone is talking about this as though it’s only old people his wife is dealing with, and that she’s in the same role as a doctor. He said it was all ages, and that his wife is with some small firm. I never once heard anything about her being a medical professional. Not only that, they seem to have made an agreement that they would never again see anyone naked other than each other - while that’s a strange and pretty specific promise to make, it was nonetheless a promise.

 

If I were in his wife’s position, I would take my husband’s feelings into consideration. Instead, she points out to him how some men get turned on by what she’s doing. I think it’s completely understandable that a man would have concerns about that, just as most women would if their husband were bathing some 25-yr-old hot chickie. You’re kidding yourselves if you say you wouldn’t have any reservations about that.

[basil67]

Did she say they get turned on? Or did she say they get an erection? It's not the same thing. It's no different to a guy getting unwanted wood in a medical exam. I said earlier that my nips get hard when having a breast exam. Let me assure you, I'm not aroused.

 

No, she's not a doctor but her role is not dissimilar to a nurse and like a nurse, part of her job is assisting people with their nether regions. And you're right, it's not just old people. It would also include people who have cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, parkinsons and severe intellectual disability - just to name a few. It's not a glamorous job, but it's an essential service to preserve one's dignity.

 

Also the agreement was that "we were the only people we now wanted to see naked". Wanted being the operative word here. She doesn't have a sexual desire to see them naked, rather it's just part of her job. Just as a mother doesn't have a sexual desire to see her child naked when changing a diaper.

 

I work in this sector. I've done catheters, bum wipes and tube feeding. I've sourced people to look after those who are in need. And I've supported others in need to be able to get funding to access these services. So perhaps I'm biased in my thinking that the dignity of someone in need of help is more important than a guy who's jealous because his wife's job involves cleaning poop off someone who's body or mind does not function as it should. And of course, there's still the thing about him telling her what job she should do. She's hardly stripping for a living.

[JuneL]

While I don't necessarily disagree with the other posters, I think Bathtub here has a very valid point...Most women would lose their shyt of the roles were reversed..

 

And to use the "medical professional" analogy isn't really fair... A medical profession is something someone is committed to and spends a great deal of time, money, etc in order to obtain and practice...What the OPs wife is doing really is "just a job" although I do agree that its noble of her to do it...

 

Maybe its the deal where there really aren't enough males to do these types of caregiver tasks...Its primarily a femal deal...I know if I manage to make it to an old age and cant take care of myself, I don't want some guy doing it....I want a woman...And a good looking woman no less..!!:laugh:

 

TFY

 

I have heard of stories of creepy old men who would deliberately go to attractive female doctors and make up things for her to do an exam of his private part. Well the same applies to female patients having a crush on their male doctors too.

[thefooloftheyear]

 

You'll see one day TFY

 

Nah...I'll be dead way before then...The last thing I would ever want in this life is to be an incapacitated shell of myself dependent on others for my basic needs...For what purpose? To live a shytty last few years of my life?? Never gonna happen, sista...

 

TFY

[JuneL]

Everyone is talking about this as though it’s only old people his wife is dealing with, and that she’s in the same role as a doctor. He said it was all ages, and that his wife is with some small firm. I never once heard anything about her being a medical professional. Not only that, they seem to have made an agreement that they would never again see anyone naked other than each other - while that’s a strange and pretty specific promise to make, it was nonetheless a promise.

 

If I were in his wife’s position, I would take my husband’s feelings into consideration. Instead, she points out to him how some men get turned on by what she’s doing. I think it’s completely understandable that a man would have concerns about that, just as most women would if their husband were bathing some 25-yr-old hot chickie. You’re kidding yourselves if you say you wouldn’t have any reservations about that.

 

Wouldn’t giving a pelvic exam to “some 25-yr-old hot chickie” be much more intimate? Now I do agree there are creepy male doctors who would think of patients that way. In fact, there are sexual abuse cases of patients. But this has nothing to do with the job itself per se.

[JuneL]

Nah...I'll be dead way before then...The last thing I would ever want in this life is to be an incapacitated shell of myself dependent on others for my basic needs...For what purpose? To live a shytty last few years of my life?? Never gonna happen, sista...

 

TFY

 

First, it’s illegal in this country to stop your life.

 

Second, one may need temporary help with washing himself for certain situations (e.g., if one breaks his legs).

[d0nnivain]

I’m saying that most women would have a problem with their husband bathing women of all ages. They would have even more of a problem with it if there was evidence of that person being turned on by it.

 

I certainly can't speak to all women. . . .

 

But by this logic no man should ever become an obstetrician or a gynecologist because both bring him into daily contact with a woman's genitalia and according to you, any woman who would stay married to such a doctor is allowing him to repeatedly cheat on her with multiple other women. Sorry, but that does not compute at all.

 

Caregiving is both a medical professional & a calling. If any partner -- spouse, SO, BF, GF -- is disturbed by some of the more intimate acts that those professions involve, that is their problem. The innocent spouse should not be forced to find another career. If the caregiver is willing to change roles to accommodate a partner's preferences that is fine. Relationships do include compromise but the heavy handed nature of requiring her to quit a good job & possibly impoverish the family is unreasonable.

[thefooloftheyear]

T

There are some who see care giving as 'just a job'. They do their job adequately. But there are others who are passionate about what they do and the value they add to other people's lives. I am familiar with this field both personally and professionally.

 

So do I...I'm at the age now where I have had a LOT of experience in this area...Too much as a matter of fact...

 

It all boils down to money....

 

If you aren't rich, you get a bunch of nasty troll type women that cant stand their job and only do it, because it pays better than Burger King, maybe too old, fat or ugly to be prostitutes, or if they don't do it, they may wind up being sent back to their home country to eat cockroaches off the ground instead..

 

If you have the type of money to pay a nice and pleasant/caring woman several hundred dollars a day, then great, you have it made...Perhaps those are the one's you refer to?

 

Maybe its different out there, I dunno...that's just the way it is out here for the regular folk...That will NEVER happen to my mother, I can tell you that much..

 

As for the other comment about the good looking nurse...Pay attention to the laughing emoticon people....Its a frigging joke for Gods sake,..

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

First, it’s illegal in this country to stop your life.

 

Second, one may need temporary help with washing himself for certain situations (e.g., if one breaks his legs).

 

 

I wont(stop my life) but I 100% guarantee you that I will not live one single day as a shriveled up mess that can't take care of my own basic needs...You want to do that? fine...enjoy...I'm not...

 

As for the second part...No worries...I have several people for those types of things if the unfortunate happens...No strangers..

 

TFY

[JuneL]

^ TFY: So who’s going to bathe your mother? You yourself?? Wouldn’t your wife accuse you of incest, according to your logic?

[thefooloftheyear]

^ TFY: So who’s going to bathe your mother? You yourself?? Wouldn’t your wife accuse you of incest, according to your logic?

 

 

She has several family members ready willing and able, along with my sister that lives with her...We hired a few of these women for my aunt during a time and couldn't believe how horrible these women were...Sorry...not happening..

 

And yes, I would do it myself if needed..She did it for me when I was an infant its the least I could do, right?

 

TFY

[JuneL]

I wont(stop my life) but I 100% guarantee you that I will not live one single day as a shriveled up mess that can't take care of my own basic needs...You want to do that? fine...enjoy...I'm not...

 

As for the second part...No worries...I have several people for those types of things if the unfortunate happens...No strangers..

 

TFY

 

I don’t know how you can choose to “not live one single day as a shriveled up mess” without stopping your life when you get there

 

I am also curious to know who are those “several people” besides your wife. If it’s other members of your family, wouldn’t you be accused of incest according to your logic, even if it’s same sex?

[thefooloftheyear]

I don’t know how you can choose to “not live one single day as a shriveled up mess” without stopping your life when you get there

 

I am also curious to know who are those “several people” besides your wife. If it’s other members of your family, wouldn’t you be accused of incest according to your logic, even if it’s same sex?

 

I'll have a "medication mishap"....oops....buh bye..

 

As for the second part...relatives, etc...I don't know what the hell you are referring to as the same sex logic...I already stated in my first post that I kinda see the OP's point...I didn't say anything should change.... Maybe you need a new pair of glasses.??

 

TFY

[bathtub-row]

I'll have a "medication mishap"....oops....buh bye..

 

I’m with you on this one. No way do I want to be like that. It’s not living. I’ve already told my family to pull the plug under certain circumstances. If I have control over it, I’ll do it myself.