Guy I'm dating never texts me

[Iris The Butterfly]

Would any of you still go out if you have a good time on the dates, I am definitely keeping my options open though and looking for new guys. It is just really hard for me to find someone to date.

 

No. I would only want to go out with someone who was really excited about being with me. That means contact and communication very regularly, and also passion and excitement about kissing me, wanting to be physical, etc. Another poster said it, a guy who is crazy about a girl would never let that much time pass between contact. He would want to kiss her right away. He would be building up the momentum, not canceling, calling, making sure he doesn't lose her to someone else. He has a low level of interest. He enjoys your company as an occasional dinner date companion.

 

I know it sucks having trouble finding someone, but trust me, you can do a heck of a lot better than this. The time you do spend going out with him seems like it would be much better spent directed towards meeting someone who is really excited about you. When that happens you won't have to worry about how often he is contacting you, because he'll be contacting you all the time.

[preraph]

Yeah, but exited about "being with you" is not the same as excited about texting you.

[chillii]

But why would he your acting like a gf but he knows you aren't one and don't wanna be one.

You still wanna go out with other guys your not sleeping together your just casual friends.

l wouldn't be texting you any more than that if at all either., what for ?

 

And apart the obvious there , doubt he's interested in more anyway.

Edited April 17, 2019 by chillii

[Highndry]

You say you 2 are in your late 20s and have been dating 6 months, yet you have not slept with him and don't plan on it. I think you have your answer right there. He's not getting a whole lot out of this relationship, because a 29 year old male is horny as hell.

[dispatch3d]

Holy crap how did I miss that. Yes not sleeping with a 29 year old guy for 6 months and you wonder why the texting is lacking? I'm without words....

[I'veseenbetterlol]

However, ever since we started dating last Nov. he barely texts me. The first few months of dating he would go 10-11 days without texting me. In the beginning I just thought he wasn't interested anymore and I would always be surprised he eventually texted me to go out. However he still goes 10+ days without texting me.

I have texted him and it takes him hours to a day to respond.

 

He only texts me a few days before we go out to plan our dates.

 

In a loving relationship, this is not the norm, esp in a long distance one. I had a long distance relationship like this and turns out he wasn't interested in me. My current bf lives in the same city and we are constantly texting every single day. Not to the point of being annoying, just checking in when we have free time.

 

He is prob hiding something from you. Either disinterest or he is dating someone else. Even if he isn't hiding anything, do really want a guy who only contacts you after a week and a half? I'm guessing no, then again just my experience. So much better to date a committed guy, then beg for attention from a guy.

 

Btw I think texting is super important. Yes isn't a big commitment on the other person's end, but very easy to send a quick text.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

No. I would only want to go out with someone who was really excited about being with me. That means contact and communication very regularly, and also passion and excitement about kissing me, wanting to be physical, etc. Another poster said it, a guy who is crazy about a girl would never let that much time pass between contact. He would want to kiss her right away. He would be building up the momentum, not canceling, calling, making sure he doesn't lose her to someone else. He has a low level of interest. He enjoys your company as an occasional dinner date companion.

 

I know it sucks having trouble finding someone, but trust me, you can do a heck of a lot better than this. The time you do spend going out with him seems like it would be much better spent directed towards meeting someone who is really excited about you. When that happens you won't have to worry about how often he is contacting you, because he'll be contacting you all the time.

 

I agree here! I stuck to the flakey long distance guy because I felt like I had no options. Being single though was much better then waiting on a guy who had very little interest in me. Plus eventually I found a guy who is amazing! The emotional turmoil I went through w/flakey guy wasn't worth any of fun times we had together.

[Spring1234]

Thanks so much for all your replies.

 

We're still going out once a week. All of our dates have been fun and he's sweet on the dates and we have a good time. I feel like we're growing closer and he invited me to his friend's birthday party and he's talking about summer plans.

 

He still isn't texting me though, just recently went 9 days without hearing from him. He was busy last weekend and couldn't go out.

 

He seems to really like me and we have a good connection.

 

I am going to ask him on our next date why he doesn't text me. He only texts me a few days before our next date to plan it. If we go out Sun, then I hear from him the following Thurs to plan our next date.

 

How should I bring it up and what should I say? I just hate awkward conversations and it sucks I have to ask why a guy I like, that seems to really like me to text me.

 

This is just so bizarre, we seem like we're in a relationship on our dates then nothing when we're not together.

 

It doesn't seem like he's dating anyone else, tells me he talks to his friends about me and invited me to the party.

 

He's 26 and I'm 29.

 

He also kisses me a bit throughout the date and we sort of make out a little. However, just a peck in the car, he still asks me if it's okay he's kissing me.

I of course said yes.

 

What's his deal, can't figure him out?

[hippychick3]

Thanks so much for all your replies.

 

We're still going out once a week. All of our dates have been fun and he's sweet on the dates and we have a good time. I feel like we're growing closer and he invited me to his friend's birthday party and he's talking about summer plans.

 

He still isn't texting me though, just recently went 9 days without hearing from him. He was busy last weekend and couldn't go out.

 

He seems to really like me and we have a good connection.

I am going to ask him on our next date why he doesn't text me. He only texts me a few days before our next date to plan it. If we go out Sun, then I hear from him the following Thurs to plan our next date.

 

How should I bring it up and what should I say? I just hate awkward conversations and it sucks I have to ask why a guy I like, that seems to really like me to text me.

 

This is just so bizarre, we seem like we're in a relationship on our dates then nothing when we're not together.

 

It doesn't seem like he's dating anyone else, tells me he talks to his friends about me and invited me to the party.

 

He's 26 and I'm 29.

 

He also kisses me a bit throughout the date and we sort of make out a little. However, just a peck in the car, he still asks me if it's okay he's kissing me.

I of course said yes.

 

What's his deal, can't figure him out?

 

These comments are very contradictory. I can't imagine dating someone and not hearing from them for 9 days! I don't see how you're growing closer with such little communication and not even every weekend dates. This guy may like you and have fun with you when you're hanging out. But, he really is not that into you to not be in touch more frequently. He is very likely dating others, and you should do the same.

[TheFinalWord]

There it is...he's 26, and you're almost 30.

 

Why do mature women expect a younger guy to be relationship and commitment minded? I'm a guy and I don't take women in that age range seriously for commitment. Guys are even less mature.

 

He's just dating you. To him that means you two go out once in a while to have fun. But it's not serious enough to him for daily, relationship vibe, type of contact. Probably dating other women too.

 

If you want to date younger men, you have to realize, they are going to act like what they are: young men. They're not going to marry you. I tell this to the older guys here dating women in their 20s. You can't lock them down, or expect anything serious. Especially in this day and age. You have to be mentally strong enough to not be even 1% needy. If you know you can't do this, then you need to date a more mature guy that's older. It's strictly someone to hang out with for fun. If you do end up with something serious, you won the lottery. But don't give yourself false hopes. He'll date 10 other women before he marries, if he even does get married.

Edited April 24, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[LivingWaterPlease]

I wouldn't continue to date someone whose lack of contact I found bothersome.

 

He's the only one who can tell you why he doesn't text or call you between dates. You have to decide if it's a conversation you want to have.

 

In your place if I were having fun with him and could keep my feelings for him casual I might continue to date him. I doubt if I'd ask him about it because I'd just assume he wasn't ready to be a boyfriend.

 

Since he invited you to his cousin's wedding it would seem at the very least you are the woman in his life he most likes. But, possibly he feels he needs to show up with a date, more so than it meaning he considers you his gf.

[newyorker11356]

There it is...he's 26, and you're almost 30.

 

Why do mature women expect a younger guy to be relationship and commitment minded? I'm a guy and I don't take women in that age range seriously for commitment. Guys are even less mature.

 

He's just dating you. To him that means you two go out once in a while to have fun. But it's not serious enough to him for daily, relationship vibe, type of contact. Probably dating other women too.

 

If you want to date younger men, you have to realize, they are going to act like what they are: young men. They're not going to marry you. I tell this to the older guys here dating women in their 20s. You can't lock them down, or expect anything serious. Especially in this day and age. You have to be mentally strong enough to not be even 1% needy. If you know you can't do this, then you need to date a more mature guy that's older. It's strictly someone to hang out with for fun. If you do end up with something serious, you won the lottery. But don't give yourself false hopes. He'll date 10 other women before he marries, if he even does get married.

 

Plenty of guys in their mid 20's are looking for serious relationships.

[basil67]

With the new information you've supplied, I would simply move on. Having conversations about how you want to be treated are appropriate in relationships where you're learning how to mesh together. But in casual dating (which is all you have) there's no point because if he was into you, he'd see you more often. It really is this simple.

 

He's just not that into you.

[basil67]

Plenty of guys in their mid 20's are looking for serious relationships.

 

Indeed. Those comments certainly do not reflect the dating and relationships of young people I know.

[greymatter]

With your post above, you make it sound like the texting is the biggest obstacle and that is what you are going to focus on in your talk with him? I wouldn't be in such a situation, but hypothetically if I were, I'd be asking if he is interested in me or not for a relationship, and trying to understand with him why he doesn't seem physically interested, as in, what is holding him back? No wait, no I wouldn't. Based on his lack of romantic action and poor communication, I would have stopped dating him early on when it became apparent that there are huge issues.

 

He is not meeting your needs, as nice as he may be. Wonderful dates (that sound frustrating, really), he is barely more than a friend and it doesn't sound satisfying at all for you.

[TheFinalWord]

Where are the data to support that men in their 20s are looking for serious relationships with older women.

All the median data for marriage shows men are older than women when they get married. This is 2008 data. I'm out of time, but I'm sure it's looking even more grim these days...

 

Although most Americans eventually marry, young adults are increasingly delaying marriage. National trends show that the age at first marriage has been rising steadily for several decades. In 1970, the median age at first marriage was approximately 21 for women and 23 for men. By 2005, the median age had increased to 25 for women and 27 for men (www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/ms2.pdf, PDF file, 2 pages).

 

Women are more likely than men to form romantic relationships as young adults. For example, 69 percent of women in our sample reported they were married, cohabiting, or dating at the end of the follow-up period, compared with 52 percent of men. The gender difference was particularly pronounced for marriage; 21 percent of women were married compared to 12 percent of men. This gap reflects the pattern that women typically marry at younger ages than men do and often form romantic relationships with men who are somewhat older than they are.

 

All the data I've seen says less and less young men in that age range are in relationships and those that are with women younger than them.

 

--It’s not just you: New data shows more than half of young people in America don’t have a romantic partner

--Just over half of Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 — 51 percent of them — said they do not have a steady romantic partner, according to data from the General Social Survey released this week.

A sociological survey finds that the number of American men under 30 not having sex has nearly tripled between 2008 and 2018. In 2008, about 10 percent of males aged 18-30 were not having sex. In 2018, that number rose to 28 percent — the highest number since the study started in 1989. However, women don’t seem to suffer from the dry spell as much as men. In 2008, eight percent of women weren’t banging and in 2018 that number rose to 18 percent.

It's becoming more of a norm for even 30 year olds to not get married.

 

https://brobible.com/culture/article/men-relationships-study-millennials/

 

Their reasons for why men are not having sex is wrong (they're interested, but now we have #metoo, incels, dating apps, 80/20 rule that prevent more men than women from having sex), but the data are pretty clear.

Edited April 24, 2019 by TheFinalWord
added link

[basil67]

My apologies TFW, I read it as though you thought that young men aren't interested in committed relationships.

[Spring1234]

So here's an update

We're still dating, go out 1 or 2 times a week.

 

We have been doing more sexually and really seem like we're in a relationship on dates. He introduced as his gf to his family, said we're in a long term relationship.

 

However he still doesn't text me. I told him I'd like to hear from him more awhile ago and he said he'd work on it, however still hasn't texted me more.

 

He literally only texts me the day before we're supposed to go out to just confirm details.

 

I go days without hearing from him and we've been dating 8 months.

 

Everything would be perfect if he texted me.

It's hard for me to believe he's that's interested when I don't hear from him.

 

When we're together everything is great, however then we go days or even a week with no contact, it's weird.

 

I have texted him in the past, however I don't always want to be the one texting.

 

Should I date other guys, is he my boyfriend or are we still just casual?

 

I mean we never talked about exclusivity, I think it's implied.

 

I just don't understand why he doesn't want to communicate unless we're together.

[Curiousroxy86]

You already talked to him about it but nothing has changed.

 

So know that he doesn’t want to talk/text outside of times y’all see each other.

 

Knowing that Would you be okay with that? Can you accept that?

 

If not? Then break up with him and date other men. Yes breakup as if he is your bf because you don’t want to assume he didn’t claim you as a gf when he claimed you as gf to your family. So just be on the safe side.

 

Otherwise all you can do is accept the fact that you gotta Mia boyfriend on your hands in between times you see each other. May have to initiate contact if you want to talk to him or use time away as space for yourself to focus on your own life

[Spring1234]

You already talked to him about it but nothing has changed.

 

So know that he doesn’t want to talk/text outside of times y’all see each other.

 

Knowing that Would you be okay with that? Can you accept that?

 

If not? Then break up with him and date other men. Yes breakup as if he is your bf because you don’t want to assume he didn’t claim you as a gf when he claimed you as gf to your family. So just be on the safe side.

 

Otherwise all you can do is accept the fact that you gotta Mia boyfriend on your hands in between times you see each other. May have to initiate contact if you want to talk to him or use time away as space for yourself to focus on your own life

 

Thanks so much for your reply.

Just frustrating because everything would be perfect if he texted me.

He acts like he likes me so much when we're together, then I don't hear from him, Why?

 

Is he playing games?

[Purepony]

Alright here’s the answer !!

 

He’s probably married or is in a relationship and just wants to pound

Edited July 7, 2019 by Purepony

[divegrl]

There it is...he's 26, and you're almost 30.

 

Why do mature women expect a younger guy to be relationship and commitment minded? I'm a guy and I don't take women in that age range seriously for commitment. Guys are even less mature.

 

He's just dating you. To him that means you two go out once in a while to have fun. But it's not serious enough to him for daily, relationship vibe, type of contact. Probably dating other women too.

 

If you want to date younger men, you have to realize, they are going to act like what they are: young men. They're not going to marry you. I tell this to the older guys here dating women in their 20s. You can't lock them down, or expect anything serious. Especially in this day and age. You have to be mentally strong enough to not be even 1% needy. If you know you can't do this, then you need to date a more mature guy that's older. It's strictly someone to hang out with for fun. If you do end up with something serious, you won the lottery. But don't give yourself false hopes. He'll date 10 other women before he marries, if he even does get married.

 

Hi my friend,

 

I think this post from months ago is sadly still spot on.

 

Your constant questioning of this relationship and his commitment to you will only increase your fears and insecurities. You need a man who makes you feel safe, protected and loved. Does he make you feel this way?

 

Have a beautiful day my friend.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

I really like him though, and it's just frustrating I finally found someone and this is happening.

 

Why do you think he doesn't text me though? He drives over an hour to see me almost every week, takes me out to nice places, dinner, events etc. Texting is so easy, I'm not even saying he needs to text me everyday or all day, but going so long without hearing from him is annoying.

 

Would you still go out, be annoyed?

 

What's with him?

 

He keeps you on the backburner. No I would not go out w/someone like that because I dated a few guys similar to him (they were more long distance though). Texting is easy, never let anyone tell you otherwise! He prob does these dates to hold on to you just in case he doesn't find anything better. Once a week date is easier then committing everyday to talking to someone.

[TheFinalWord]

If you haven't explicitly said you're exclusive, you aren't.

 

Why should he? You're giving him what he wants, sounds like even more, and you do that despite him not giving you the exclusivity you want. You're in a vicious cycle.

 

You're giving him sex and you're feelings for him and making the sex more powerful in your mind, and bonding you to him.

 

I've heard of taking things slow, but at 8 months, I would expect to be talking daily if I was in a relationship. You're going to have to decide what you want, tell him specifically what that is, and then if he doesn't want to give you what you need, you're going to have to move on. A relationship is about giving yourself to another person. Putting their needs before your own.

[olivetree]

This is the same guy that can go 10-11 days without contact.

He's not your bf hun, he's just a guy who is casually dating you.

 

The lack of communicating/contact plus the lack of sexual contact paints a picture of a lack of interest on his part.