Cousins and wild dog issues, need advice!

[amaysngrace]

It’s a puppy and I’m sure they love her very much. Maybe be more considerate and visit less.

 

It sounds like you all need to meet each other in the middle somewhere if you have to get together at their house since you say you aren’t having them to your home. They probably don’t even see you as guests, they see you as family.

 

Just like they do their dog.

[preraph]

Don't go to either house. Meet in the middle for lunch or dinner.

[Spring1234]

It’s a puppy and I’m sure they love her very much. Maybe be more considerate and visit less.

 

It sounds like you all need to meet each other in the middle somewhere if you have to get together at their house since you say you aren’t having them to your home. They probably don’t even see you as guests, they see you as family.

 

Just like they do their dog.

 

Exactly, meeting in the middle. It would be great if they could keep the dog outside and then leash it when we are outside, simple.

 

Actually making an effort to get the dog off of us would be great too.

 

I don't think we're being unreasonable to not want a dog on us all day.

[amaysngrace]

It’s their house so it’s ultimately their rules.

 

If you don’t like the way they do things in their home you can always choose to not go.

 

I’m half thinking they maybe got the puppy on purpose.

[Spring1234]

Don't go to either house. Meet in the middle for lunch or dinner.

 

They have kids who won't sit at a restaurant all day. We go to their house to play with the kids and hang out.

 

 

Why can't they make any effort to compromise?

[Spring1234]

It’s their house so it’s ultimately their rules.

 

If you don’t like the way they do things in their home you can always choose to not go.

 

I’m half thinking they maybe got the puppy on purpose.

 

 

I know, but we come maybe once a month. I just don't see why we both can't compromise, they keep the dog from jumping on us all day. We really just have a problem with her always jumping on us and won't get off, if it would just leave us alone there would be no issue.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe putting the puppy on a leash for a while IS their compromise.

 

Why can’t you and your whole family cut the visit short rather than stay all day?

 

It seems like the only ones being expected to change anything here is them or am I wrong?

[Spring1234]

Maybe putting the puppy on a leash for a while IS their compromise.

 

Why can’t you and your whole family cut the visit short rather than stay all day?

 

It seems like the only ones being expected to change anything here is them or am I wrong?

 

They don't keep it on a leash, just for a bit.

 

Why can't they train their dog or simply keep it outside they have a huge backyard.

 

I guess I'm more considerate and like to make people comfortable in my home.

[elaine567]

Why do you as adults feel it is necessary to spend all day with these cousins?

Why would the cousins want their own dog to spend all day outside or on a leash in their own home???

 

You are asking too much and amaysngrace may have a point - they got the puppy on purpose...

I, for one would not want to be "invaded" all day once a month by cousins, maybe you need to rethink this regular visit.

[amaysngrace]

They don't keep it on a leash, just for a bit.

 

Why can't they train their dog or simply keep it outside they have a huge backyard.

 

I guess I'm more considerate and like to make people comfortable in my home.

 

So the answer is yes, they’re the only ones expected to make changes.

 

Gotcha.

[Spring1234]

So nobody sees where we're coming from?

 

We should just be fine with a dog jumping on us the entire day?

 

Why can't they train their dog to not jump on people, just standing there while your dog lunges on others and doesn't get off people is not good.

 

Their dog needs to learn how to act with visitors, it's not our responsibility to train their dog.

 

My cousin told me I say sit too nice, then she said I said it too strict.

 

Their dog was on top of their youngest child and wouldn't get off her. I saw this, however I thought they were just playing, however apparently they weren't and my cousin seemed annoyed I didn't get the dog off the child.

 

Why is it my responsibility to get the dog off?

[amaysngrace]

Because you’re the adult and you’re the one who saw it. That’s why.

 

Sorry I can’t see it from your perspective because I’d be willing to make some adjustments that would work best for everyone involved.

 

Maybe someone else can help you out.

[Wallysbears]

Why do you feel like you should be there all day?

[Spring1234]

Why do you feel like you should be there all day?

 

We've always come for most of the day because we live over an hour away.

 

We always have a good time and enjoy spending time together, just the dog has been annoying and have made things not relaxing and enjoyable.

[Spring1234]

Because you’re the adult and you’re the one who saw it. That’s why.

 

Sorry I can’t see it from your perspective because I’d be willing to make some adjustments that would work best for everyone involved.

 

Maybe someone else can help you out.

 

What adjustments would you make, we should just be content with a dog jumping on us all day, we can't even eat and it bites at our clothes too.

 

 

Why would anyone want a dog to be on them all day especially when you're not a dog person. I'm sure we look uncomfortable, I think my cousins need to get a handle on this and start teaching their dog how to handle her excitement.

 

It's just not right to allow their wild dog to do whatever it wants.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Why can't they make any effort to compromise?

 

Have you asked them to or are you just complaining about this here?

[Timshel]

First, it's not a 'wild' dog, since it is domesticated; only not to your liking. I happen to agree with you and other posters that the pup isn't properly trained.

So, if you will not be the person to train the pup and the owners will also not oblige, you are faced with a fork in the road.

 

Why not switch things a bit and ask your family to your home instead? Have them over to yours and throw meat and/or vegs on the barbie.

 

 

Why is it over at their place all the time?

[basil67]

So nobody sees where we're coming from?

 

Actually, there are a few posters who agree with you. I am one of them.

 

In my earlier post, I talked about the dog trainer who showed us how to stop our dog from jumping. She also made it clear that the dog does not rule the house - the humans do. If having a dog around was uncomfortable for some humans, then the dog needs to accept it's crate or go outside.

 

It's all about a dog understanding that it's place is at the bottom of the pack. If it gets above itself, then you end up with behaviour issues.

[Mr. Lucky]

I think my cousins need to get a handle on this and start teaching their dog how to handle her excitement.

 

Except, as you've found out, you're not in charge of your cousin or their dog, so what you think has little impact.

 

Visit less, meet halfway or have them come to you (minus dog). Pick one...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gretchen12]

You need to have a candid talk with your cousins about how upset you are, and negotiate what to do. If you've already expressed your ire and this continues, it just means the cousins do not care for your visits.

 

As for the dog, I'd venture to guess the dog is not being walked twice a day for at least an hour each time? That's really the minimum. If the dog does not get out and be exposed to other dogs and humans, their house is no different from a large cage. That's why the dog goes bananas. And no, it doesn't get better when he's an adult. Dog needs to get out more or he'll go crazy.

[basil67]

Except, as you've found out, you're not in charge of your cousin or their dog, so what you think has little impact.

 

Visit less, meet halfway or have them come to you (minus dog).

 

Yup. While I agree that the cousins should be training their dog, there's really nothing you can do about their choice not to.

[Spring1234]

We go over their house because we live far away and it's easier for us to go to them since they have kids who have all their toys and stuff there and they go to bed. They also wouldn't be able to leave their dog.

 

 

I know there's nothing I can do and it's there dog and house. That's why we've casually and nicely mentioned we think she's a nice dog, just don't want it jumping on us, however my cousins don't notice our hints or don't care.

 

 

We don't want to cause any issues, just would be nice if they recognize how out of control their dog is.

 

Will the puppy ever come down, I mean if she doesn't that will become a bigger issue since she's only getting bigger and will probably knock us over.

 

We're pretty much their only company, so the dog goes nuts because we're the only outside people she's able to interact with. They do walk her, however not sure how many other people or animals she sees.

 

She has bit their children, the kids and my cousins have scratches and stabs on them.

 

I'm concerned she will bite us, even if she is just playing. They rough house with her and that's how she's trained to think playing is.

 

Unfortunately if she would ever bite us we would probably be against visiting until their dog was more under control.

 

I just have never been around a dog or a dog owner who allows all this jumping and annoyance.

 

It's pretty obnoxious on their part to allow this and not even attempt to say get down.

 

We recently went over and there were other friends there. The dog was peeing from excitement and my cousin had to hold the dog down. The friends looked uncomfortable and they have a dog.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's clear from all you've posted that you, a non-dog person, knows exactly how a puppy should and should not behave. Complaining about it here is not going to train this dog. "We" can't get your cousin and family to get the puppy to stop jumping on you. I suggest you do more than "hint" before your next visit. Contact her ahead of time and ask if she will please keep the dog in another room or a crate while you are there. (I firmly believe in crate training puppies until age 2). If you're too afraid to do that, there's nothing more that can't be done. We can't telepathically convince her to train her dog for you .

 

You also could look up some videos about how to train a dog to not jump up and try some dog training while you are there. If the dog starts to jump up, turn your body to the side, or put up your knee and say, "Off!"

[pepperbird]

you say this puppy is biting people? What do you mean by that?

 

 

If the puppy is really biting, then that is behvaior that needs to be corrected as soon as possible. If it's a habit that becomes ingrained, the poor dog may well really end up biting someone in the future, and it won't be just a nip.

 

That won't really be the dog's fault if no one cared enough to put the time and effort in to train it, make sure it gets enough play an exercise and love from humans. Could you try framing your concerns that way with your cousin?

 

 

I'm not a dog person, but I don't like seeing them suffer as adults because their human companions neglected to train them. The dog pays the price for their human not doing their job.

[anika99]

I had a golden retriever, you say this is a golden doodle so I'm guessing there are some similarities. When my retriever was a puppy I thought he was going to drive me crazy. Nothing I tried to teach him seemed to get through to him. Well I shouldn't say nothing. He was smart and learned the basics pretty fast, like sit and wait. However in other respects there was just no containing his exuberance. Getting him to calm down and relax was a challenge. His bad habits included chewing, digging, jumping on people, taking off on me in the dog park. And it seemed like no matter how much I corrected him he just couldn't pass up an opportunity to do those things.

 

The thing that got me through that trying time was talking to other dog owners who had raised goldens. They all said the same thing which was they are very difficult in some areas for the first 12-18 months due to their immaturity and excessive energy but if you persevere and keep working with them it all pays off when they reach adulthood. It's like everything they have been taught suddenly clicks almost overnight. Sure enough, when my retriever reached about 14 months he suddenly started behaving much better and by the time he was two he was the most patient, gentle, obedient dog ever.

 

You say they got this puppy just a few months ago so while he may be large, if he's under a year old, heck even if he's under 18months old he really is still a puppy. You can't really expect your family to banish him to the backyard for an entire day. If you were only visiting for an hour or two then sure. If you really can't tolerate the dog in his puppy phase then maybe just skip the visits until he gets more mature or shorten the visits by a lot. I've met a bunch of golden doodles and my observation has been that they are pretty energetic crazy dogs when they are young but very gentle and calm adults.

Edited April 5, 2019 by anika99