Why do so many single men not like to travel?

[Gretchen12]

I have read post after post from single men who say they are turned off by women who put in their online dating profile that they like to travel or post pictures of their travels.

 

Unfortunately I think that's because some men are insecure with very independent women. They feel they can't compete with the woman's exciting experiences without him. Oh and then I had an ex bf who suspected I was getting together with men in foreign lands when I travel alone.

 

Also some people are just jealous of others with time and money.

Edited March 28, 2019 by Gretchen12

[chillii]

l'd thought back when all the women always saying they wanted to travel was probably 50% just trying to sound interesting or keep up with some trend.

Or their two weeks away every few years or something.

That stuffs never interested me like that either , most people and family l know traveled or backpacked all over the world for at least a few years already, lived in different countries for a few years, some all over 5 or 10. That was the kinda stuff we were into , living it.

Edited March 28, 2019 by chillii

[alphamale]

one reason single men don't travel is because the entire travel industry in geared towards double occupancy

[major_merrick]

I'm probably going to ruffle some feathers by saying this, but I think single women (especially young, childless single women) have a disproportionate amount of freedom and liberation compared to responsibility. They're much more likely than their male counterparts to be traveling on someone else's dime, or to go into debt/fritter away their available resources on travel and experiences - whereas men of the same age and demographic are more likely to buckle down and shovel their time and resources into endeavors that will pay off later.

 

Access to resources is more "equal" than it's ever been, but men are still held to a higher standard of responsibility. The single men who are investing and socking away resources right now instead of blowing them on life experiences are essentially preparing to compensate for the probability that their future life partners are doing exactly the opposite.

 

 

This EXACTLY! In my experience the majority of young, single women are quite selfish. Until they hit their 30's and get baby on the brain, the American female way is me, me, me, and more me. That means lots of eating out, wasting money, casual sex, and traveling. Most single men I know are busy working, and many are trying to prepare for having a family. And having a family is a prospect that decreases with more traveling women around who don't want to settle down.

 

Face it, traveling just for an experience is a pretty fruitless endeavor. Women are more likely to believe the big social lie - that having fun is productive, and experiencing things makes you a "better person." Blah. I'm one of the few I guess who couldn't give a crap about traveling for pleasure. I've always wanted to settle in one spot and stay there. I'm very glad that my husband and my girlfriends want to stay home like I do.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Can't afford it?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Eh, I work more hours than most men do - and still have time to travel. It excites and invigorates me. I will jump on a 12 hour flight on Friday night and still make it to work on Monday morning. Also, some of us have jobs that are flexible and where productivity is important - so I can work for a week from a tropical island.

 

Also, it doesn’t mean that we are blowing money away - there is a budget where I allow myself certain amount of disposable income, and still have savings and own property.

 

As for travelling for pleasure being “meh” lol each to their own. It’s funny that this comes from a woman that shares her husband with other women for pleasure

 

As I write this, it’s another Friday afternoon and I’m using in-flight wifi on my way to another exciting destination

[Artdeco]

Eh, I work more hours than most men do - and still have time to travel. It excites and invigorates me. I will jump on a 12 hour flight on Friday night and still make it to work on Monday morning. Also, some of us have jobs that are flexible and where productivity is important - so I can work for a week from a tropical island.

 

Also, it doesn’t mean that we are blowing money away - there is a budget where I allow myself certain amount of disposable income, and still have savings and own property.

 

As for travelling for pleasure being “meh” lol each to their own. It’s funny that this comes from a woman that shares her husband with other women for pleasure

 

As I write this, it’s another Friday afternoon and I’m using in-flight wifi on my way to another exciting destination

 

 

Same. I’ve always enjoyed traveling and solo traveling is even better than with a partner (mine takes the occasional trip with me though).

 

I have met a lot of single guys on vacations, and not that many single girls./women. Maybe it’s the destinations that I choose, but I don’t notice that much of a gender difference.

 

I have noticed though that Americans travel way less than Europeans. I think it’s a money thing.

 

I love to go on trips, long or short, doesnt matter, I bring my work and combine it with art and culture. To me it’s not a waste of money at all. Neither is it a waste of time. I value travel and experience, different cultures and learning things and talking to new people much more than acquiring and accumulating “things”.

[snowcones]

Great dialogue going here. I'm kinda sorta piecing things together.

 

I liked what this article said.

 

So why aren’t men doing the same?

 

Psychologist Lisa Marie Bobby says the relatively low rate of male solo travel has a lot to do with how men relate to their partners. Men, she says, do relationships through activities. Their way of bonding with another person may involve playing video games or going bowling, whereas women bond through conversation and often by simply passing time with one another. So when men think of traveling, they think to do it as a pair or group activity. She adds that men also aren’t the most proactive. “Sometimes, when left to their own devices, men don’t do things,” she says.

 

Nabongo runs a boutique travel agency and has noticed a similar pattern. “When I do meet male travelers, a lot of them are gay,” she says. “In particular, straight men only travel if their girlfriend is planning it or if it’s a bachelor party.”

 

The gender disparity could also be because the desire to better yourself through self-reflection is something women are psychologically more prone to do, Bobby explains. “Not always, but many times, men tend to be less self-aware and less connected to ‘Who am I? What makes me happy? What do I want to get out of my life?’ kinds of questions,” she says.

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/1/18/18188581/women-travel-alone-men

 

 

This EXACTLY! In my experience the majority of young, single women are quite selfish. Until they hit their 30's and get baby on the brain, the American female way is me, me, me, and more me. That means lots of eating out, wasting money, casual sex, and traveling. Most single men I know are busy working, and many are trying to prepare for having a family. And having a family is a prospect that decreases with more traveling women around who don't want to settle down.

 

Face it, traveling just for an experience is a pretty fruitless endeavor. Women are more likely to believe the big social lie - that having fun is productive, and experiencing things makes you a "better person." Blah. I'm one of the few I guess who couldn't give a crap about traveling for pleasure. I've always wanted to settle in one spot and stay there. I'm very glad that my husband and my girlfriends want to stay home like I do.

I'm pretty sure your dislike for women who travel comes from a different place than men's dislike of women who travel, and I'm trying to figure out where men's dislike is coming from, but more importantly, why they don't like to travel themselves.

Edited March 29, 2019 by snowcones

[major_merrick]

As for travelling for pleasure being “meh” lol each to their own. It’s funny that this comes from a woman that shares her husband with other women for pleasure

 

 

To me, it is not just pleasurable but practical. More income under one roof means greater wealth all around. That, and the wonderful feeling of snuggling up each night in a warm, squishy, snoring group. It is the most secure feeling I know. I'm definitely a homebody.

 

I think the article that says men relate through activity is pretty accurate. Perhaps I relate in a more "masculine" way? I like to be doing stuff. Building, cooking, fixing, etc. And there's so much to do right where I'm at. I certainly don't see the point in traveling alone unless I'm going somewhere for a purpose. And if my purpose in traveling is to bond with friends or partners, I can do that just as well where I'm at without the expense and hassle.

 

I used to have a partner who liked to go to California or Florida to lay on the beach in the sun. A lot of the time she would read. I didn't mind the drive to and from, but the sitting around drove me nuts. At one point I literally ended up helping a guy with his car that wouldn't start...just to have something to do with my hands.

[SolG]

I travel quite a bit - for work and for leisure. And for the latter trips I generally stay in hostels or guest houses. My experience is actually the opposite of what you're citing OP. I usually find that most places I go there are more single men than women.

 

The same goes for my experience in general. Can't say I really know anyone - single, coupled-up, male or female - that doesn't like to travel. Young and/or adventurous types are backpacking, couples/families are doing the resort vacay thing, and the older folk are going on cruises and/or grey nomading.

 

Maybe it's a cultural thing. Where I come from we're encouraged as soon as we can to have if not a full gap year traipsing around the world, then at least a generous odyssey. I think the love of it then sticks with many of us for a lifetime.

[salparadise]

Interesting discussion. Having been married and now single I'll add a few thoughts.

 

I traveled solo quite a bit when I was married. I was into motorcycling and traveled to all the lower 48 states, and visited national parks in each state. Sometimes I went with male buddies and sometimes I went alone. It was outdoorsy, adventurous, a little extreme. Part of the comfort I felt was because I had a home base to come back to, someone who kept up with where I was, etc. Even though I was traveling solo, I didn't feel lonely. I also had expendable income to blow without worrying about paying the bills.

 

Now, being out in the wind with no attachment to anything or anybody just seems like it would be a lonely experience. I've traveled with girlfriends and enjoyed it, but striking out solo with no companionship and no one keeping up with my whereabouts doesn't capture my imagination the same way. I can imagine myself thinking... I'd like to be home in my own bed tonight, but here I am paying $200 of hard-earned money for a stinking hotel room, eating alone, sightseeing alone, and no social opportunities (if a single male tries to approach strangers they're automatically skeptical).

 

Having plenty of expendable resources makes all the difference too. I tend to think in terms of efficiency. I guess if I had all the basics covered (house, car, kids education, retirement, etc.) all nailed down with thousands of bucks laying around and nothing to spend it on, travel might seem doable. Otherwise, it feels like throwing money away for no tangible return.

 

When I see women on dating sites who love to travel, posting pics from exotic locations... my assumption is that they are spending money that they didn't earn the hard way. And if I were to be a part of that picture they'd probably expect me to sponsor such adventures regularly, or at least keep up with a luxurious lifestyle that feels way too extravagant. Blowing $10k on a two week trip with luxury hotels, fancy restaurants, airfare, shopping and gifts... ugh. You'd literally have to have money to burn in order for that feel like a good time.

Edited March 29, 2019 by salparadise

[Stillits]

I've noticed when being on dating apps here (Europe, aged 25-35) that almost every guy on these apps either travel frequently or has travelled a lot. It's almost too much of a fad here where it's all about the instagram pictures collected, and where it's a competition as to who has been the most places. Backpacking is something that a lot of people do over here, either before starting or after finishing university; typically to Southeast Asian countries. I like more "off-beat" destinations and have met more single men than single women there, overall. Maybe it's different in America?

[Kitty Tantrum]

Blowing $10k on a two week trip with luxury hotels, fancy restaurants, airfare, shopping and gifts... ugh. You'd literally have to have money to burn be insane in order for that feel like a good time.

 

Fixed that for you.

 

USA/PNW here, and I've known an awful lot of young women who have leveraged their college "education" into exotic travel opportunities. Whether their parents were footing the bill directly, or they took it out of their student loans, or the expenses were offset by a gofundme campaign (if not Seeking Arrangement), most of them didn't come anywhere close to earning the money themselves. Most of them had some story about how it was going to be so critically relevant to their studies, or how it was so important for their personal development. Most of them partied it up and banged at least one guy in every place they visited. Most of them also had more miscellaneous consumer debt than I accumulated in seven years of marriage.

 

Color me unsurprised that some men might not be keen on women who "love traveling."

[Better]

I travel more than 90% for work, to the point where I put all of my things in storage and no longer have a place to come home to. I use my parents' place as a permanent residence so I can keep my driver's licence, pay taxes, and have somewhere to send mail. The other 10% I use as vacation time on either side of work trips.

 

I find that traveling solo is much more enjoyable than traveling with someone else, which is why to the OP's point I wouldn't join a travel group. I do have friends in some of the places I go most often that I catch up when I am there.

[Mr. Lucky]

Color me unsurprised that some men might not be keen on women who "love traveling."

 

I don't see this as being any different than coming across a woman who loves antiquing, Broadway plays or fine dining. It all becomes a question of the boundaries you establish in this or any other relationship. If you have to buy her attention, she's not the right one...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

 

Access to resources is more "equal" than it's ever been, but men are still held to a higher standard of responsibility. The single men who are investing and socking away resources right now instead of blowing them on life experiences are essentially preparing to compensate for the probability that their future life partners are doing exactly the opposite.

 

 

Nah, the expenditure is equal. As enigma says, single men are more likely to spend on other hobbies - fancy cars, expensive tech, boats, etc. Most of the younger people I know who travel aren't really doing so in luxury or on anyone else's dime - there's a reason why backpackers' hostels and AirBnBs are so popular, or that Southeast Asia is such a popular destination.

[Els]

Another factor that comes into play is men tend to have hobbies. Expensive hobbies. This is where most of our disposable income goes. A lot of guys are car guys, or video game guys, or boat guys, what have you. After we blow our money on our cars, games, or boats, we don't have a lot laying around for vacations.

 

It's not that men don't like to travel, we do, but we generally want to travel with our girl, and single guys don't have that luxury.

 

 

This is a really interesting point, and probably true for most of the guys I know. I know H would rather spend his entertainment money on new tech or gaming gear than solo travel - traveling with me is fine because he views it as a shared experience and shared memories, but solo travel doesn't have the same appeal to him.

[AshViper]

Among Americans (Australians, etc.) and British, as I see reference to Brits in a quoted study, this maybe the case. Probably has something to do with the lack of proximity to/ease of access to other countries and thus by association financial expense. Given the exotic aspect, and the general ignorance/incapacity (absolutely no offense) of actual European culture to some of these countries, I can see a possible reason why traveling would be more appealing to women (and gay men) of such groups.

 

Among Continental Europeans people aren't so hesitant of travel. Not when in some areas you don't even have to travel 100 miles in one direction or another to be in a different country. You won't find a glaring difference in the sexes either. If anything, as others mentioned, you're far more likely to find single (straight) men traveling than women. There's potential cultural reasons why and traveling to another country for Europeans isn't as necessarily 'omfg' exotic as it would be for, let's say, an American.

[Els]

 

Face it, traveling just for an experience is a pretty fruitless endeavor. Women are more likely to believe the big social lie - that having fun is productive, and experiencing things makes you a "better person." Blah.

 

 

Well, going by that logic, just about ANYthing anyone does for fun is a "pretty fruitless endeavour", no? We should all only have sex strictly for procreation, only read books related to our career or making money, only eat food strictly calibrated for our nutritional needs without regard for flavour, spend our entire day either working or doing things that save us money. No hobbies, no entertainment, no leisure.

 

I dunno about you, but I see no point whatsoever in that sort of life. Might as well be 6 foot under already.

 

IMO the key is balance. I do agree that everyone needs savings and a career, but those aren't necessarily mutually exclusive with traveling or other hobbies.

[Andy_K]

Several good points made here by various posters already which I'll try to avoid repeating, but one which I think needs more elaboration:

 

Men tend to entertain themselves more - they have more hobbies. Most of these involve actively doing something or achieving something, because this is how guys tend to be wired. It may be achieving something fairly pointless and of no real value to the world (caught a big fish, finished a round of golf under par, beat a new video game), or it may just be watching someone else do the same (going to a hockey match) but it's an achievement nonetheless, and that gives it value to the participant.

 

Travelling on the other hand, doesn't really feel like an achievement. It's an experience. You just consume it. Less achievement, therefore less motivation. Most guys enjoy travelling when they do it - which is typically with a partner - but otherwise they just have little motivation driving them to do it.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Nah, the expenditure is equal. As enigma says, single men are more likely to spend on other hobbies - fancy cars, expensive tech, boats, etc. Most of the younger people I know who travel aren't really doing so in luxury or on anyone else's dime - there's a reason why backpackers' hostels and AirBnBs are so popular, or that Southeast Asia is such a popular destination.

 

A notable difference between hobbies and travel is that hobbies often involve the purchase of durable goods, equipment, etc. - which yield value on a continuing basis and can often be resold.

 

I've also known more than a few men who have turned hobbies into secondary or even primary sources of self-employment income. I've not known any women who have done the same with travel.

 

Not to say there aren't guys out there who are reckless consumers (I've known a few), but I still maintain that women are more likely to spend money on pure "experience," where men more often want to have something lasting to show for it.

 

Oversimplified: women will drop thousands of dollars just to be ON a boat for a few days; men want to BUY the boat.

 

This may vary quite a lot depending on the demographic and location, but that's what I've seen in my neck of the woods.

[Els]

A notable difference between hobbies and travel is that hobbies often involve the purchase of durable goods, equipment, etc. - which yield value on a continuing basis and can often be resold.

 

Not really. I love tech (and spend a fair bit on it myself), but I'll be the first to admit that tech retains value like bananas. A 5-year-old PC or phone is virtually worthless. Cars, motorbikes and boats also depreciate hugely, and cost ongoing maintenance.

 

I've also known more than a few men who have turned hobbies into secondary or even primary sources of self-employment income. I've not known any women who have done the same with travel.

There are several travel bloggers who subsist full-time on their blog income, mostly through affiliate links or ads. They're not exactly "common", but then it's not common to be able to turn gaming or biking into your primary source of income either.

[Kitty Tantrum]

There's a lot more to value than resale, though. Even the things that don't hold resale value are still yielding value on an ongoing basis because they can be used and enjoyed over and over, sometimes every day for many years.

 

A trip can never be re-experienced, only remembered.

[Els]

There's a lot more to value than resale, though. Even the things that don't hold resale value are still yielding value on an ongoing basis because they can be used and enjoyed over and over, sometimes every day for many years.

 

A trip can never be re-experienced, only remembered.

 

 

I beg to differ. The enjoyment I've experienced before, during AND after a trip is very similar to the enjoyment that I get from a new piece of tech. H and I still reminisce about trips that we took many years ago, but most of the tech that we bought that long ago have already been rendered obsolete and discarded.

 

 

I don't think it's a competition - I think things and experiences both have value and it's good to have both as far as possible.

[Poutrew]

I have a female relative who loves to travel. She's young, and doesn't have much saved up - she works mostly to fund her 'adventures'... She once asked me why I don't like to travel, have adventures, and 'see the world'... I told her I used to do a bunch of traveling for my job in aerospace before she was born, but it was all for work. I never liked it. Even when it was on the company's dime... she just couldn't comprehend what I was saying. I reached down and picked up a handful of soil from my garden. "This is 'here', I told her as I let the dirt fall between my fingers. I picked up another handful of soil and did the same, "this is europe". I repeated the dirty activity a few times, each time saying some other palce. "Every square inch of this planet has been walked on, pooped on, died on, or seen many times. I just don't think it is an adventure in paying money to repeat an activity others have done many times before me, that's all. Now, if I had a chance to walk on another planet, or the moon, I would seriously consider it."

 

At the time, I don't think she got it. Now she is in her early 40's, and is doing less travelling, and finally has a better paying job. Better late than never, I guess...