Is it a good sign if he asked where things are going/moving forward?

[Gretchen12]

He knows he ignored you. He also knows what effect his question about moving forward has on a girl who's interested and has been waiting to hear from him.

[Curiousroxy86]

I forgot your story about this guy but good job by stop reaching out

 

and even more awesome job that your dating other people

 

lol im so proud

 

I would not let him friendzone though. that we can be friends bull...throw that away lol.

 

also dont go back to wondering what he wants and how to get this guy to do anything. you keep dating other men. you can talk to this guy if you want but dont read into anything. focus on absolute clear pursuit from a guy. if he is not clearly showing that he is interested in something more with you then the answer is date other men till you find a guy you like that does. good luck

[Hopeful30]

if he is not clearly showing that he is interested in something more with you, then the answer is date other men till you find a guy you like that does. good luck

 

^^^^^This.

 

If a man wants a woman, he makes the time and effort. If he doesn't make the time and effort, he doesn't want the woman. It's really that simple. Men aren't complicated creatures.

[MaleIntuition]

^^^^^This.

 

If a man wants a woman, he makes the time and effort. If he doesn't make the time and effort, he doesn't want the woman. It's really that simple. Men aren't complicated creatures.

 

Yes we are. Especially young men; most have no clue about these rules.

[Hopeful30]

Yes we are. Especially young men; most have no clue about these rules.

 

Not having a clue about rules doesn't complicate a person lol it just means they have things to learn

[Curiousroxy86]

Yes we are. Especially young men; most have no clue about these rules.

 

Doesn't mean women should start making excuses and waiting on men acting confused and complicated.

 

there are men who are clear (in a reasonable amount of time of course) and there are men who are not

 

women should focus on guys who are clear on what they want...again in a reasonable amount of time

Edited March 14, 2019 by Curiousroxy86

[Lotsgoingon]

Actually young men aren't clueless ... they're just unaware of how to escape their cluelessness.

 

The most clueless guy in the world knows he needs to follow up with someone he's interested in ... I was completely clueless and I knew that much. What I was clueless about was whether or not I REALLY liked someone.

 

So I'd go out ... have a good time ... and then disappear ... After a period of time, some current would zap my brain and say, hey dude, you need to contact her if you want to get with her again. Later, when I figured out who was I really interested in, I would automatically follow up because I WANTED to ... not because I NEEDED in order to keep the person dangling.

 

Too tired to text?... give me a break ... that's like too full to eat ice cream. If a guy is interested and has a little oomph, he can take 5 seconds to text. Do you think this guy didn't go online when he was tired? ... Didn't watch any tv? ... didn't eat? ... didn't check his social media? ... Give me a break.

 

And if the guy was REALLY busy ... let's say he's running a startup company that has a pressing major deadline, he would still (if he's a guy worth dating) find time to tell you exactly in detail why he can't talk ... but make clear that he wants to get together ... and that he is thinking of you and really wants to see you again soon.

 

Keep dating ... and respond to guys who don't disappear. This is the dangling move ... young guys perfect this ... I almost had a clock in my head ... I would stretch out a follow up to the last possible moment and then contact the person. The sharp women kept their distance.

[c1nderella]

So what did he respond when you replied that you wanted a relationship? Or did he not respond?

[MaleIntuition]

Keep dating ... and respond to guys who don't disappear. This is the dangling move ... young guys perfect this ... I almost had a clock in my head ... I would stretch out a follow up to the last possible moment and then contact the person. The sharp women kept their distance.

 

At 22 he has been more or less bombarded with ideas of gender equality growing up. Respect women, don’t be a creep, me2, etc etc. Add some shyness and fear of rejection on top of that and how is he suppose to know that he is still expected to do more or less all the work early on?

 

The problem here is that some keep pushing the idea that men are completely different beasts, personality wise, than women. Examples in this thread: “Men are simple; they always go for what they want”. “Unless a man actively try to escalate on a date he is probably gay”. When the reality is that men and women have the same range of personality traits. Some of those traits are more common among women than men. But it doesn’t change the fact that we are equally complicated.

Edited March 16, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Curiousroxy86]

When the reality is that men and women have the same range of personality traits. Some of those traits are more common among women than men. But it doesn’t change the fact that we are equally complicated.

 

I agree that both men and women have the same range of personality traits. Some people are confident, some people are flaky, some people are shy, some people are aggressive, some people are passive, some people are expressive, some people are reserved, some people are genuine, some people are bullsh*tters, some people are clear, and some people are confused.

 

But too many women make excuses for men on the same possibilities of oh maybe he is shy, confused, complicated, wants me to make the first move, maybe he is going through things only to find out the true answer which was he wasn't that into her to begin with or he lost interest. And it's like that too many times so alot of people (the woman who have experienced and the men who have admitted) come to the conclusion that it's most of the time. So to avoid unecessary heartache and confusion it is better in my opinion to deal in absolutes and chose men who do show clear interest.

 

I mean even if he interested but confused and complicated that still doesn't make sense for a woman who is clear on what she is looking for to stick around and wait for this dude to become clear. She should be okay with losing the guys who are not clear even if some "might" be really interested deep down

 

And to be fair a lot of times it's not even about men are this and women are that no exception. It's about us having a certain dating style that we believe works best and finding those that are compatible. For example I am not pursuing men. Period. I am not dating guys who think women should. I don't think women should have to pursue. So of course I will state that all over LS with my view on why I believe it's not necessary. Of course with everything it's not absolute or applies all the time. But there is a good reason why we believe this way and won't make time for grey or one-offs.

 

I do think in dating it is true that we come with our own personal rules on how we see relationships and what's suppose to happen or what we want to happen. However especially at the beginning stages where two strangers get to know each other I think there should be some level of being forgiving or lenient if the person doesn't automatically know everything about how you would want to be treated. Im okay with a guy maybe not knowing that I have sex within an exclusive relationship so I'm not going to bite his head off or stop dating him if he attempts to have sex on date three. I also understand that a guy may find me attractive after first meeting me and getting my number but we haven't had enough of an emotional connection to expect that he would automatically pursue me like crazy and call everyday at the beginning and we haven't had a first date yet. So I'm not going to ignore him when he does text/call just because he waited a few days to contact if we are talking about beginning stages. I am aware that men are not a mind readers and we don't know each other's "rule book".

 

However some things just shouldn't be tolerated and some things truly is not worth the time trying to get a guy to understand or trying to figure him out and why he is doing this or not doing that. Guys who flake should and will get replaced by guys who don't flake if a flake keep on flaking. Period. And I don't think women should spend 1 second trying to figure out why or what to do when he is flaking or in and out her life or confused. She can just deal with him when he pursues her. She should make time for a guy when he is consistent. It should be irrelevant to her if he a guy is confused or it's complicated. What's relevant is what this guy is showing her. Damn why.

[MaleIntuition]

@Roxy

 

It’s a strategy based on fear. Fear of heartache and rejection. The rule book is a construct to avoid those fears - but you can never completely avoid risk when dating, it’s simply not possible, and you are essentially introducing artificial rules while ignoring the bigger picture: Is he a good guy? Do you have compatible personalits? And most importantly; do you even like him?

 

When you are pushing your rules on others you are also pushing an assumption about men. By definition; your strategy will attract men whom likes to chase and/or those whom you will walk all over. Sure, you will remove the risk of weeding out uncertain lukewarm guys - but on the flip side you will likley encounter more players whom lose interest when the chase is over or you might lose attraction to them because they are willing to bend to your every whim.

 

At the end of the day, I don’t like to deal in absolutes while you do. It’s one thing to say what you recommend and why. But making statement that are simply false isn’t productive. For example; I think this guy is interested, and I also think he might be inexperienced. Whatever that’s a good or a bad thing is up to OP to decide.

[Curiousroxy86]

@Roxy

The rule book is a construct to avoid those fears - but you can never completely avoid risk when dating, it’s simply not possible, and you are essentially introducing artificial rules while ignoring the bigger picture: Is he a good guy? Do you have compatible personalits? And most importantly; do you even like him?

 

I agree that risk can not be completely avoided. A guy can do all the right things in the beginning and still be a pos later which is why I believe you go by a mans actions over time. But that doesn't mean be so open that you let in everything unecessarily lol.

 

The way I personally choose to date is to minimize unecessary risk but to also purposely choose the type of guy I actually want. I personally want a guy who is clear. So I choose guys who show they are clear. I want a guy that wants a relationship. So I would choose the guy who act like my boyfriend then at the right time ask for exclusivity. I want a guy that is relationship-oriented and treats me well which kinda would mean that I would choose a guy who shows he is a nice guy, a giver, and willing to do things that does make me happy (which I do the same). You say bend over backwards and do what I want. But That's kind of the point lol. Only difference is you assume I want to control him, don't respect his opinions, or that we have to agree on everything which just isn't true. It's called picking someone that makes a good relationship partner. Something too many don't do. But what would be the alternative to the guy that does what I want male? A guy that doesn't do what I want which is what women complain about lol. The jerk, the a**hole, the emotionally unavailable, the don't give a f*ck, the bad boy, the boyfriend who keep doing xyz and doesn't care about how I feel and makes me a nagging crying wreck lol. Women don't need help choosing them they do that on their own by choosing not to deal in absolutes, being too open, being blind, making excuses on possibilities, ignoring red flags, and not having standards.

 

I will admit choosing guys who act like a boyfriend, makes it clear he is interested in a relationship, and treats me well could still bring in a love bomber or someone who's lying. We both agree that risk cannot be avoided. But a woman can still catch those lil bastards from wreaking too much havoc on her heart if she pays attention to red flags and has BOUNDARIES and not be afraid of breaking up quickly with those guys if they show there true colors later down the road. It's all about weeding out the bad and incompatible and having the confidence to do it.

 

I personally just have low tolerance for guys that doesn't show promise at the beginning. So many girls on LS crying about a dude they only had a few dates with. Never made it to a relationship but they heartbroken and it could have been avoided. Now if a guy is so smooth and sociopathic that he can put on a facade and hold it for a very looooong time and hurt a woman at the end of an actual long term relationship??? well no one can detect that f*cker lol no matter how diligent you are in your standards. And I don't think a guy that smooth and undetectable for the long term is common anyway. You want to know what is common and avoidable? flaky men, men that's showing low interest, men that's not treating you right, men that don't want a relationship or prolong getting into one when she does. These "rules" you scoff at can help avoid and get rid of those guys and those guys are the ones women are being plagued by. Not guaranteed that is true but it's better than what's been going on. So yea it is the way I choose to date and I will continue to share my opinion if it helps another woman's chance to avoid a guy she don't want/need and focus on the well deserving guys...in my humble opinion of course

 

And by the way because I don't talk about it in a particular post doesn't mean I ignore those other factors I agree with you on. It goes without saying the guy a woman chooses needs to be compatible and she needs to like him. But again that's the whole purpose of a woman choosing a guy that does what she wants/needs/looks for in a relationship naturally anyway now isn't it?

[Mrs._December]

Then, a few minutes later, he asked me (by text) where are things moving forward between us (I really didn’t expect him to ask me this lol) and he wanted to ask me this last time we saw each other, but he was really tired (which was true, he barely slept the night before because of his exam and he had to wake up early the next day to go see his family) and we were a bit in a hurry at the end of our date because I had to catch my bus. He said that he knows that asking this by text isn’t the best thing.

So his LAME and unacceptable reason for ignoring you for a week is that he was 'busy???' Look, we're all busy but everyone has 20 lousy seconds they can find to send a hello text - when they're eating or going to the bathroom or getting into bed for the night. So his lame "I was too busy for a whole WEEK to take 20 seconds to text you" is just that. Lame and unacceptable.

 

Secondly, could this guy BE any lazier????? He's so horrifying apathetic about your relationship that he bails on you for an entire week, and then he uses lame texting to talk to you about a serious relationship matter about moving forward after first giving you MORE lame excuses as to why he won't call you and actually TALK to you. Good lord.

 

There's 'clueless' as the others have mentioned, and then there's just plain apathetic. He's the latter. If he showed any LESS enthusiasm, the guy would be in a coma.

 

You're wasting your time with this guy.

[TheFinalWord]

Yes we are. Especially young men; most have no clue about these rules.

 

Exactly.

 

So many women are so wrong about men's behaviors in this forum. Put down "The Rules". Women don't always realize when they are putting out mixed signals. They expect a man to know that and power on through. If not, then he just doesn't care. Um, no.

 

Just like YOU OP, he needed time to think and process your dates. Clearly you were also putting up a wall and he was just as confused as you were. If a girl attempted to cancel a part of a date, I would take that as a sign she was trying to get out of the date early.

 

If you like the guy, go out with him again. What do you have to lose?