GF broke up because she doesnt trust me **Updated**

[Commongoal123]

Oh and, even before we broke up, like a week ago i mentioned how i will go to a popular beach in my country with my friends this year (huge parties and drinking) to which she replied: "I know what goes on there, if you go there i will break up instantly with you" which was not a joke. That was the first signal that she does not trust me.

 

 

This girl is manipulating the hell out of you.

 

Look at this objectively...

 

So... you made a comment about her friend being sexy in reference to her being great for some other guy, to get the two of them together, and she has made multiple comments about other men's looks to YOU that had more to do with her attraction to them than them getting set up with someone?

 

Fed flag #1 in your posts.

 

Red flag #2 is that you made one false move and she painted you black because of it.

 

That, my friend, is a very, very big red flag.

 

Sure, she may be insecure, she may be young, whatever.

 

She also sounds like really bad news.

 

And she sounds really manipulative, because she took this one false move and ran with it, including trying to control you with the relationship and making threats of leaving if you went on vacation with a friend...

 

That is Red flag #3. Controlling, manipulative, unforgiving.

 

If you had cheated on her, I think her reactions would be valid.

 

Her reactions are not warranted based off of what transpired, and she seems really dramatic, emotionally unstable, and wants to pin you as someone your not.

 

Im my opinion, this does run as deep as daddy issues. Maybe more than that.

 

At the very least, she is holding a double standard.

 

I'd walk and stay away. It likely won't get better if you get back together. Something else will come up and it will happen again and again, and you'll always be the devil for it.

[Chrys]

This girl is manipulating the hell out of you.

 

Look at this objectively...

 

So... you made a comment about her friend being sexy in reference to her being great for some other guy, to get the two of them together, and she has made multiple comments about other men's looks to YOU that had more to do with her attraction to them than them getting set up with someone?

 

Fed flag #1 in your posts.

 

Red flag #2 is that you made one false move and she painted you black because of it.

 

That, my friend, is a very, very big red flag.

 

Sure, she may be insecure, she may be young, whatever.

 

She also sounds like really bad news.

 

And she sounds really manipulative, because she took this one false move and ran with it, including trying to control you with the relationship and making threats of leaving if you went on vacation with a friend...

 

That is Red flag #3. Controlling, manipulative, unforgiving.

 

If you had cheated on her, I think her reactions would be valid.

 

Her reactions are not warranted based off of what transpired, and she seems really dramatic, emotionally unstable, and wants to pin you as someone your not.

 

Im my opinion, this does run as deep as daddy issues. Maybe more than that.

 

At the very least, she is holding a double standard.

 

I'd walk and stay away. It likely won't get better if you get back together. Something else will come up and it will happen again and again, and you'll always be the devil for it.

 

Well as i said she has troubles with her father who is emotionally abusing her mother, not physically. She was in four car accidents in which she barely made it alive last time and that scarred her too, which resulted with her going to a pshychologist.

[devilish innocent]

She is a person who does not give second chances and as soon as something is wrong with another person she breaks it off. A very honest and direct person too. She told me if we continue she will fall in love even more and then is afraid because of what happened that i will cheat and hurt her feelings. More that i look at it, the more i don't get it because i even showed her the messages where i said that i would never cheat, and it still was not enough.

 

You don't need to get it. It's her issues. If she really wanted to be in a relationship, she would not be so inflexible.

[Tamfana]

Everybody has their own deal breakers. Deal breakers don't have to be endorsed by anyone else and don't even have to make sense. This just happened to be hers.

[Normm]

Everybody has their own deal breakers. Deal breakers don't have to be endorsed by anyone else and don't even have to make sense. This just happened to be hers.

 

Right because when somebody breaks up with someone they always give the real reasons.

[Tamfana]

Right because when somebody breaks up with someone they always give the real reasons.

 

*always*? of course not. But I don't see any reason to conclude that they aren't giving the real reason. Sometimes the reason they've given just isn't something we consider valid even if they do consider it valid. What can ya do?

[Chrys]

True to a certain degree. Most girls i have broken up with in the past or girls that broke up with my friends gave the real reason, like "there is just no connection", "i don't feel attraction anymore", or even straight up "I don't love you anymore". Although there are just some girls who are not honest enough or do not want to hurt the other person too much so they rationalize it.

Edited March 10, 2019 by Chrys

[elaine567]

Most times people just see no rosy future with the person they are breaking up with.

It may be the "fault" of the dumpee, poor/bad behaviour or it may be that the dumper just feels they deserve "better", more fun, more compatible, more interesting, less issues, less arguments, less hassle etc.etc...

 

Whatever it is, they decide that dating you is no longer what they want to do and they essentially want to move on to someone else.

Sometimes they have someone else in mind, sometimes not, but suffice to say, they are done with you.

 

As far as "real" reasons go, "I cannot trust you any more" sounds pretty real to me.

I would not delve deeper unless you want to get into "Your breath stinks". "The sex was the worst, I've ever had" and "You bored me rigid" kind of territory...

[Normm]

People can be flakes and dysfunctionality and mental instability of often the order of the day. I'm just saying that in a strong, balanced healthy relationship where everything is supposedly "awesome" and presumably both of the two people are in love, it's rather unlikely that an offhand comment to the effect of "that other girl is hot" will result in the girl suddenly saying "Well everything was great between us and I could see us together for many years if not forever but since you made a sexual comment about another girl we're finished".

 

Doesn't make sense to me- assuming the girl is of sound mental health. More likely she was halfway out the door and that was the final straw.

[preraph]

It's not all on you, but it's once bitten twice shy with people. See, if you'd said that to me about my friend, because I've actually had a very traumatic time losing an ex and a best friend at the same time because they willynilly decided to tweak me by having sex, I wouldn't also be willing to give you a chance. But that's because I've already had that play out.

 

So it's not all you, but now you know better, right? Don't EVER say that to your date or girl or wife OR especially any of her friends! Just think of it in reverse.

 

Wow, your friend Daryl is HOT. I bet he gets a lot of girls, so good looking and fun.

 

Now how do you feel-- both about you and about your friend Daryl? Aren't you wondering a little if she already said or did something to let Daryl know or aren't you wondering if maybe your good friend Darly didn't come on to her behind your back?

 

So now you know. Don't do it again.

[elaine567]

Doesn't make sense to me- assuming the girl is of sound mental health. More likely she was halfway out the door and that was the final straw.

 

Some women are brought up on the idea of the fairy tale.

The love of their life is not then meant to lust after their friends.

Prince Charming was not eyeing up all the ladies at the ball was he?

No his eyes were only on Cinderella.

That kind of behaviour is thus seen as uncouth, inappropriate and hurtful. #red flag.

The OPs roving eye basically cost him this relationship.

It may not make sense to you, but to some women it makes perfect sense.

 

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou - tends to save a lot of heartache later.

[Normm]

It may not make sense to you, but to some women it makes perfect sense.

 

 

Not anyone I'd ever date. Sheesh talk about walking on eggshells.

[Chrys]

Some women are brought up on the idea of the fairy tale.

The love of their life is not then meant to lust after their friends.

Prince Charming was not eyeing up all the ladies at the ball was he?

No his eyes were only on Cinderella.

That kind of behaviour is thus seen as uncouth, inappropriate and hurtful. #red flag.

The OPs roving eye basically cost him this relationship.

It may not make sense to you, but to some women it makes perfect sense.

 

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou - tends to save a lot of heartache later.

 

I see your point, and part of me agrees with it, however, why was she then commenting on other guys in the same way, even before i commented on her friend? I would always take it as a joke and laugh at it, on the other hand, because of that comment she threw it all away.

[elaine567]

I see your point, and part of me agrees with it, however, why was she then commenting on other guys in the same way, even before i commented on her friend? I would always take it as a joke and laugh at it, on the other hand, because of that comment she threw it all away.

 

I think it is because women lusting after random men is not taken seriously in society, it is all a bit of a joke and to many women it is just a joke, there is no way in hell they would ever be going there.

BUT men are different, we all know some men would take it if offered, so it is no joke.

Yes it is a double standard and women are now cheating almost as much as men, so the old joke may not be so funny in the future...

 

There is also the issue of "the friend", far too close to home.

Edited March 10, 2019 by elaine567

[Chrys]

I think it is because women lusting after random men is not taken seriously in society, it is all a bit of a joke and to many women it is just a joke, there is no way in hell they would ever be going there.

BUT men are different, we all know some men would take it if offered, so it is no joke.

Yes it is a double standard and women are now cheating almost as much as men, so the old joke may not be so funny in the future...

 

There is also the issue of "the friend", far too close to home.

 

Friend did make it worse, but she also told me that it would be the same case had it been any girl, her trust was broken and emotionally she distanced herself not to get hurt too much. It sucks, but maybe better in the long run because who knows what would have happened later when she got more invested. Probably would start stopping me from doing things etc.

[bathtub-row]

Yea, which she kept secret i guess.

 

No, I think she was being honest. She probably thought she could get past it but realized she couldn’t.

[Normm]

who knows what would have happened later when she got more invested.

 

 

I read this and looked back at your old posts to see how long you were together. About 2 months. Your very first post on this forum says it all- she wasn't all that into you from the start. Just as I figured, she was looking for the out and you provided one. I hate being right all the time.

[Chrys]

No, I think she was being honest. She probably thought she could get past it but realized she couldn’t.

 

Yeah thats exactly what she said.

[Chrys]

I read this and looked back at your old posts to see how long you were together. About 2 months. Your very first post on this forum says it all- she wasn't all that into you from the start. Just as I figured, she was looking for the out and you provided one. I hate being right all the time.

 

That was a different girl though in the first post haahah

[Normm]

Ok so you haven't even been with her that long.

 

 

 

Not enough time to establish anything solid.

[Chrys]

She also said this " I still don't have a feeling we are a couple and i am afraid this will never change. I think i will never be able to love you nor see us functioning as a couple. We decided that we won't break up but if, by some time that passes she still won't be able to love me we will break up.

 

She was looking for an out and you provided one.

 

Did you ever have sex with her? Back on your first thread you said there was no physical contact.

 

That was a different girl man. Check the date of the post. I started seeing this specific girl from this thread in October last year.

[Normm]

So you were with this girl what, a month or so?

 

 

You gotta be on "best behavior" in the courtship phase. 6 months down the line you would have gotten away with the googling eyes.

[Chrys]

So you were with this girl what, a month or so?

 

 

You gotta be on "best behavior" in the courtship phase. 6 months down the line you would have gotten away with the googling eyes.

 

2 and a half months. Well, according to her, it would have been even worse if it was later down the line xD.

[elaine567]

. 6 months down the line you would have gotten away with the googling eyes.

It depends on the woman...

It is jerk behaviour designed to hurt and make the woman feel "less than", no matter how long one has been dating surely?

[basil67]

I see your point, and part of me agrees with it, however, why was she then commenting on other guys in the same way, even before i commented on her friend? I would always take it as a joke and laugh at it, on the other hand, because of that comment she threw it all away.

 

It's her absolute right to be a hypocrite. Take solace in the fact that she will suffer consequences of her own hypocrisy by turning into a bitter and perpetually single women.