Author BWFMT Posted March 15, 2019 Author Share Posted March 15, 2019 Ugh bet that felt so good to ignore his bytch4ass as he did to you. In a way I’m hoping this guy I was seeing reaches out to me so I can do the same and ignore his 4ss! But if he doesn’t he’ll be doing me a favor. As for future guys, we know the flags for these type of guys. Hot and cold, disappearing, poor communication, love bombing and calling us “babe” and telling us they miss us early on. All of those aren’t things an honest serious mature man does. Lying about their feelings and know we are very into them they manipulate us into getting hooked again to get what they want..favors, sex, ego boost... we know all this now. So next time we won’t even give this kinda guy a second date. In some ways it did, but it took every ounce of strength in all honesty... I so badly wanted to respond to him, but really I might as well just keep stabbing myself in the eye. Im not stupid enough to fall for this rubbish! I need to recognize this stuff better. I should have seen that all the warning signs were there, but the whole thing felt so intense at the time that I literally feel like I am coming out of a 4 year relationship after 4 dates! But I have the power; not him - I have no doubt he will come back time and time again, and I will ignore him each time. And then perhaps the next time I am at his bar I will be with someone who genuinely cares for me and he will still be there playing the same games and inside I can take a huge sigh of relief knowing that I got out before he had a chance to really mess my life up. It felt good to get that off my chest! Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted March 15, 2019 Share Posted March 15, 2019 For future record, guys who are really interested DO NOT cancel dates (unless they or a loved one is in an accident/deathbed). Any other reason is an excuse because they are not interested enough in you. In 5 1/2 years, my partner has never canceled a date or plans with me, not once. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 For future record, guys who are really interested DO NOT cancel dates (unless they or a loved one is in an accident/deathbed). Any other reason is an excuse because they are not interested enough in you. In 5 1/2 years, my partner has never canceled a date or plans with me, not once. I think at least I have learnt this. The warning signs were all there from the start, but he sweet talked me and charmed me, held my hand at the right times and said just the right things to make me feel like I actually was special to him. I've finally deleted and blocked just this morning, time to move on with my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 I think at least I have learnt this. The warning signs were all there from the start, but he sweet talked me and charmed me, held my hand at the right times and said just the right things to make me feel like I actually was special to him. I've finally deleted and blocked just this morning, time to move on with my life. Alright !!! I was just going to say block that loser!! Good job on the progress, well handled Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 17, 2019 Author Share Posted March 17, 2019 Alright !!! I was just going to say block that loser!! Good job on the progress, well handled It could have been much, much better handled and I should have seen this coming weeks ago. But at least I got here now rather than months down the line when the fade out would have been much harder to cope with By this stage, I'm not that emotionally invested. Still hurts, but at least I tried! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 So there is an update.... the saga continues. I received an Email response to my last text to him asking what the hell was going on last week... It read ''The thing is, I like you a lot. I'm scared of getting attached to someone and then losing them. A lot of people that meant a lot to me F***ed me up big time in my life and made me the person I am now. Not to mention I have a lot on my mind anyway at the moment. I am crap at replying, especially to the people I care about which is selfish and wrong. But I don't want you to F*** off at all, please don't say that' Now I don't know HOW to react or what to even say. Is this him trying to keep me on the hook, OR have I just been a bad person in all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
nodramallama Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Breadcrumbs. If you reply, you'll only keep yourself on the hook. He's emotionally manipulating you (consciously or not) into feeling sorry for him and, therefore, "hanging in there." I call BS. You want to be a partner, not a therapist. Don't settle for breadcrumbs when what you need/want is the entire sandwich. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 Breadcrumbs. If you reply, you'll only keep yourself on the hook. He's emotionally manipulating you (consciously or not) into feeling sorry for him and, therefore, "hanging in there." I call BS. You want to be a partner, not a therapist. Don't settle for breadcrumbs when what you need/want is the entire sandwich. I have not responded, and he had to look up my Email as I have his number blocked. I am too busy to be playing this game with him for another week. We choose our drama, and it seems he thrives on it. I wonder if I will get any more of these going forward Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 So there is an update.... the saga continues. I received an Email response to my last text to him asking what the hell was going on last week... It read ''The thing is, I like you a lot. I'm scared of getting attached to someone and then losing them. A lot of people that meant a lot to me F***ed me up big time in my life and made me the person I am now. Not to mention I have a lot on my mind anyway at the moment. I am crap at replying, especially to the people I care about which is selfish and wrong. But I don't want you to F*** off at all, please don't say that' Now I don't know HOW to react or what to even say. Is this him trying to keep me on the hook, OR have I just been a bad person in all of this? Damn, knowing me I would reply because I’m weak AF when it comes to guys I really like. But I would probably tell him that you don’t have time for people who come in an out of your life. If he likes you so much why ignore you? That makes no sense. His excuses are stupid he’s sabotaging and pushing himself away by playing these stupid games. Idk girl this is your call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 Damn, knowing me I would reply because I’m weak AF when it comes to guys I really like. But I would probably tell him that you don’t have time for people who come in an out of your life. If he likes you so much why ignore you? That makes no sense. His excuses are stupid he’s sabotaging and pushing himself away by playing these stupid games. Idk girl this is your call. I don't know what to do for the best at this point. He seems sincere, but do I really want this constant battle. How he ever gonna find anyone if he cannot stop comparing people to his past? Im not his ex or whoever hurt him - and I think maybe that is something he needs to address. I will respond when I have a chance and maybe extend the hand of friendship for now, and tell him more or less what I just said. I like him, but he needs to sort himself out before he can be with me or anyone else . . . What an absolute sh*tshow this has all turned out to be! Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) DONT ENTER INTO THE FRIENDZONE! No no no Two best choices is A) ignore him for good or B) respond by saying "Joe (whatever his name is) your a nice guy and all and we had great fun but I'm looking for someone who is consistent." Let him respond however he wants! If he goes into more excuses ignore If he insults you ignore If he says anything outside of "I want that chance" sending you videos asking for friendship asking for favors....IGNORE If he says he wants another chance to show you consistency then you CAN (you don't have to) give him ONE LAST chance. Please still keep your options open. He does not deserve any exclusive consideration until he shows you consistency! If he flakes again ignore for good! No more chances after that! In my opinion that's the best response. Good luck my friend Edited March 18, 2019 by Curiousroxy86 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) DONT ENTER INTO THE FRIENDZONE! No no no HELL NO TO THE FRIENDZONE. Im not that silly I don't think. I have responded to him and just said 'Look, dude, the way you have been of late is not on. Not to sound callous but we all have Sh*t, that's life; that does not grant you a free ticket to be an a**hole to all and sundry. I have my own deep issues to deal with at the moment external to whatever you and I have, and honestly right now I cannot cope with you and your inconsistencies. I would love to have you around but your track record of late is shocking, and unless you're willing to step up and prove yourself wrong, I am all out of emotional capacity for this.' I have received a response already but honestly... I'm leaving that till morning. I had a hard day at work, I'm tired and I kinda wanna curl up in bed with my laptop and a glass of wine for the night! Edited March 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited quote Link to post Share on other sites
c1nderella Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 HELL NO TO THE FRIENDZONE. Im not that silly I don't think. I have responded to him and just said 'Look, dude, the way you have been of late is not on. Not to sound callous but we all have Sh*t, that's life; that does not grant you a free ticket to be an a**hole to all and sundry. I have my own deep issues to deal with at the moment external to whatever you and I have, and honestly right now I cannot cope with you and your inconsistencies. I would love to have you around but your track record of late is shocking, and unless you're willing to step up and prove yourself wrong, I am all out of emotional capacity for this.' I have received a response already but honestly... I'm leaving that till morning. I had a hard day at work, I'm tired and I kinda wanna curl up in bed with my laptop and a glass of wine for the night! That was a great response. But dammit we gotta wait till tomorrow morning to know what he said? haha I’m so curious Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 What was the favour about? Big? Small? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 That was a great response. But dammit we gotta wait till tomorrow morning to know what he said? haha I’m so curious �� It was a mildly rambling, long email basically highlighting what he said in his original message ('I'm scared of my own feelings/ I really like you and don't want to get hurt/ please give me a chance') WELL DAMN; And I have not been sat here hurting wandering what I did wrong and what made him go cold on me? He is not that much younger than me - he should be able to process his own feelings by now and at least be able to understand that if you want to date or be with someone then opening your heart and being vulnerable is a big part of that! Ironically, the sudden 'woe is me' has really turned me off of him. He knows I am going through a few things right now (I recently lost a dear friend and her infant son in a terrible accident) so it is almost rude in my mind for him to even say 'I have a lot on my mind right now'. NEWSFLASH: so do I and yet still I stand strong. Someone mentioned breadcrumbing; I think that is all this is. He has realized I am at the end of my rope with his **** and so is trying the poor John act to reel me back in. But... I think I am done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 What was the favour about? Big? Small? Literally wanted me to store a load of his stuff at my house over the weekend. Which would have meant upheaval, mess and my nice tidy house being cluttered with a load of junk. I would have considered that a fairly large request in honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 I just want to say bravo for not texting him when he was unresponsive And bravo for not caving when he made that weak a** request of a favor trying to call you pet names after And bravo for making a stand when he tried to make excuses And bravo for actually deciding to pass up on him because his behavior really was very unattractive So yea no need to say anything more then. You spoke best with your actions! I am so proud lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 I just want to say bravo for not texting him when he was unresponsive And bravo for not caving when he made that weak a** request of a favor trying to call you pet names after And bravo for making a stand when he tried to make excuses And bravo for actually deciding to pass up on him because his behavior really was very unattractive So yea no need to say anything more then. You spoke best with your actions! I am so proud lol! Thank you. Honestly, he is the prettiest guy I have ever laid eyes on but sadly pretty just doesn't cut it and certainly does not buy him a pass to be a d*ck. We shared some great dates, I'll consider them training for when I decide to date next, but for now . . . he is poison to me to be honest. I only have myself to blame if I keep choosing to swallow that poison! So, I guess that is the end of this story.... how we got here from me being worried that he was a bit flaky is quite the rollercoaster! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Literally wanted me to store a load of his stuff at my house over the weekend. Which would have meant upheaval, mess and my nice tidy house being cluttered with a load of junk. I would have considered that a fairly large request in honesty. Yeah, that’s a very strange request from someone you barely know; and perhaps indicate a lack of healthy boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWFMT Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 Yeah, that’s a very strange request from someone you barely know; and perhaps indicate a lack of healthy boundaries. I think he may have some delusions in all honesty; referring to me as his 'SO' when we had not had that discussion on a date, the way things have been - I think he thinks we have had a full on relationship, when in my mind we barely even started dating! Link to post Share on other sites
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