edgygirl Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I get Garcon. I'm the same. Most people in the world are... kind of dumb. I also try to avoid the non-intellectual ones and not waste my time going on dates with these people, it's very frustrating. Why is intellectual connection so important for a first date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 Just as women want to see the spark, or the X factor, I am aching for an intellectual connection - it has an equivalent level of importance to me. After my soul searching, I've decided that the women that impress me the most are intellectual at something. Just being totally honest about my likes and dislikes Wallybear. I fancy the intellectual connection I get with physicist types and biochemical engineers the highest, but I'm realistic and would be happy with a great occupational therapist or something along similar lines. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Why do you need that to be sexually compatible? Serious question. Don’t you have friends and colleagues to be “intellectually stimulated” by? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 So I’ve got a nurse who likes Chinese food and crime shows. What’s a witty response to that? Tell her one time you dated a Chinese woman...When you were about to have some sex, you suggested a "69".... The Chinese girl responded with.."why you want beef and broccoli now?":laugh: TFY Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Why do you need that to be sexually compatible? Serious question. Don’t you have friends and colleagues to be “intellectually stimulated” by? Some people get turned on by intelligence. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Tell her one time you dated a Chinese woman...When you were about to have some sex, you suggested a "69".... The Chinese girl responded with.."why you want beef and broccoli now?":laugh: TFY The girl can’t be real Chinese, if her understanding of Chinese food is Americanized Chinese food 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 Oh she seems to be genuine Southern haha. I like these ideas. With my ex, I was discussing the same relationship ideas over and over again. Case in point - I was discussing the need to split house chores 50/50, and she said it should always be half and half. I responded by saying that life practicalities dictate that it can't be 50/50 all the time, but it may average out to that number. She stayed hardline in her stance that it should be 50/50, and it became a very frustrating circular argument. I want to be able to avoid that situation in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Some people get turned on by intelligence. Sure, we all do to varying degree... But I see her point.. I'd say it's a better idea to sacrifice some of that for raw sexual/physical attraction...If you can get it all, great, but if it was a choice of the two, then go for the physical....It will work out better in the end, IMO...Most people grow weary of the constant work/career related challenges and the such...The last thing they want to do or talk about that stuff when they get home as well...I think the OP will probably reach that point, as most of us do over time.. And something else to consider... Intelligence takes many forms...Someone can know nothing of one discipline, yet have tons of intelligence, just in a different venue....Some of the most intelligent people I know have limited university level education...More often it's because they felt they never needed it... Point is, I think its unwise of the OP to be so limited....But hey, its his life.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 Indeed I will get up and shake your hand TFY, I agree with you. I would like to be able to share my intellectual hobbies with my lady from time to time. That was where my old ex shined; she was an internal medicine doctor. I agree that I can be a great partner to someone who has a lot of street smarts, but my ex couldn't do that. I just need her to be super intelligent at something, ideally a science based discipline. I'll be happy with history buffs and people with lots of street smarts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Oh she seems to be genuine Southern haha. I like these ideas. With my ex, I was discussing the same relationship ideas over and over again. Case in point - I was discussing the need to split house chores 50/50, and she said it should always be half and half. I responded by saying that life practicalities dictate that it can't be 50/50 all the time, but it may average out to that number. She stayed hardline in her stance that it should be 50/50, and it became a very frustrating circular argument. I want to be able to avoid that situation in the future. You wanted to be right. Few women who want equality want there to be any justification for men to do less housework, as what usually happens in any relationship men do less and less and the women do more and more. There is usually no redressing of the balance to average it out... You saw it as a pure logical argument, she no doubt saw it as you using logic to worm your way out of doing the housework... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 I would feel it deeply unfair for a marriage to be in conflict because I did not do the exact amount of housework prescribed by the wife though. I do try to do my part, but if I was on call, and my wife still asked me to do the laundry on that exact day, I would be upset and offer to do the laundry on the weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I would feel it deeply unfair for a marriage to be in conflict because I did not do the exact amount of housework prescribed by the wife though. I do try to do my part, but if I was on call, and my wife still asked me to do the laundry on that exact day, I would be upset and offer to do the laundry on the weekend. Did she not also have an on call commitment being an "internal medicine doctor"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 18, 2019 Author Share Posted February 18, 2019 ah laundry discussion was with most recent ex, I only ever fought with my previous ex about being indecisive and the intimacy issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Hello. I have autism too so a few pointers: People tend to not get jealous of the opposite sex; women tend to envy other women who are more beautiful than them. I have heard a lot of statements from women that go something like this: " ugh, AND she speaks several languages and helps the homeless AND is a scientist, B8TCH!" as the idea that a woman can have good looks and brains AND be a nice person that is not crazy" ---threatens a lot of women who have low self esteem. Generally, women are rarely "jealous" of men. This is only something a man with Autism would think. They do not warm up to your conversation because perhaps you have narrow parameters of tolerance surrounding the topics that light you up. Where as for me, if I feel enough chemistry with a man then we do not HAVE to have a lot in common (aside from common values, they have to be nice like me and want kids and have a job equal to or above me, etc etc) My fiance's favourite times together are watching bad horror movies he hates but he knows I enjoy - the key is spending time together, rather than having to mesh/gel together on similar likes and interests constantly. Asking too many questions also feels like an interrogation or job interview. This is a tough one, because on one hand Autistic people are TOLD to "as people more about themselves, people love to talk about themselves"... But the thing is, many autistic people take this to mean a job interview style interaction:sick: If you truly like someone, just ...good and utube what a normal romantic interaction goes like. Writing it down is not enough. Seek therapy on ways to build normal conversation, without abandoning who you are yet averting job interview style *questioning* while managing to find common ground with people you like yet who you may not have EVERYTHING in common with..... The best relationships are not always with those with which we share common interests and hobbies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 19, 2019 Author Share Posted February 19, 2019 Indeed I have that problem Leigh, but you bring up an intriguing point. If I have nothing in common with a lady, how do I get chemistry with her? I've always used common things as a springboard to build good conversation. Is there anything I can do as a late comer to the dating game, to build romantic rapport with people with very little in common with me? I'm already good at it from a professional standpoint, but romantically - it's really tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 19, 2019 Author Share Posted February 19, 2019 Is there a mind hack that I can use to have greater tolerance of topics that light me up? I already feel like my list of what I consider to be cool conversation topics is pretty big, but I can't be honest with you if I tell you I enjoy craft beer, or American football, or go mudding on an ATV. It would be lying. I was taught not to lie in romance Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Indeed I have that problem Leigh, but you bring up an intriguing point. If I have nothing in common with a lady, how do I get chemistry with her? I've always used common things as a springboard to build good conversation. Is there anything I can do as a late comer to the dating game, to build romantic rapport with people with very little in common with me? I'm already good at it from a professional standpoint, but romantically - it's really tough. I think some people just talk about their days, their family and friends, their work, what’s going on in life lately. I know people who cannot talk about a topic in abstract that’s not directly related to their life. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Those are the people who I avoid like the plague. The Sensors in Myers Briggs. They bore me to death and I prefer to die single with 10 cats than to be with one of them. I have the impression Garcon wouldn't like them either and be frustrated if he ended up with a woman like that. Why force it? He will be unhappy if he does. I think some people just talk about their days, their family and friends, their work, what’s going on in life lately. I know people who cannot talk about a topic in abstract that’s not directly related to their life. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 I agree with Leigh that you don't need to have the exact same interests and hobbies, but... If I am reading Garcon correctly, he needs someone who's intellectually curious and can talk about abstract things, as opposed to people who are too "concrete", and all about sports, food & beverages, outdoor action etc. Seriously Garcon, look into Myers Briggs and find you a N (iNtuitive) woman. That's where your frustration seems to lie. I get it as I'm quite the same - and I'm not autistic. I realized years ago that Sensors cannot turn my mind on. They can be good friends, but don't satisfy my abstract side romantically. The best relationships are not always with those with which we share common interests and hobbies. I can't be honest with you if I tell you I enjoy craft beer, or American football, or go mudding on an ATV. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Maybe he just needs a reasonably intelligent woman.... with a smokin' body....He just hasn't figured that out yet.... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 edgygirl I would date you if I could, we get each other You gave me a big smile on my face. I am searching as hard as I can for those intellectual types. Spend hours each day. If I had to name my worst dislike about getting into a relationship - it would be the times where I get into an argument and the other person refuses to see my point of view, even if it contains concessions and understanding of what the lady is saying. Hence I'm trying to find an intuitive lady who enjoys discussing the logical side of life, aka someone whose mind is built similarly to mine. I am perfectly happy sharing only one hobby, or sharing only one thing in common with my upbringing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 Natalie Batalha or Yonit Levy? Done deal, sold. Anyone similar to that would be wonderful. It's just too bad that women who are that sophisticated have very low tolerance for low quality game from me, so that's why I'm dating as hard as I can to have the best game I can possibly get. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Ok but be realistic. Try to find a curious woman, they don't have to be as successful as these or have some pre-defined professions/interests. I think the kind of intelligent women you prob want doesn't give a s* about "game". It's just that you haven't crossed paths with the right one yet. And thanks for the cute dating comment Natalie Batalha or Yonit Levy? Done deal, sold. Anyone similar to that would be wonderful. It's just too bad that women who are that sophisticated have very low tolerance for low quality game from me, so that's why I'm dating as hard as I can to have the best game I can possibly get. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Garcon1986 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 Indeed it is these two women's high intellect that I admire the most. I'm perfectly fine with marrying a woman who is less successful than myself. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Natalie Batalha or Yonit Levy? Done deal, sold. Anyone similar to that would be wonderful. It's just too bad that women who are that sophisticated have very low tolerance for low quality game from me, so that's why I'm dating as hard as I can to have the best game I can possibly get. Do you even know these two women personally? I find it odd that you keep mentioning their names, when you don’t know anything about each as a person. Each may way well be one who always wants to get her way in an argument. It’s no different from a girl saying in front of the screen Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise would be her done deal Link to post Share on other sites
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