My autism is showing? Conversational skills on OLD.

[JuneL]

I am trying to use OLD as a tool to do a little pre screening to see if I can get an actual exciting conversation going , before agreeing to a date. If I get three word responses, real life conversation won’t be any better eh?

 

But didn’t you just say only obese women are interested in you online. So you won’t ask an attractive woman out if she gives you a 3-word response?

[Garcon1986]

TFY I can't honestly bring myself to enjoy the smalltalk and light-hearted humor that you speak of... I have humor but it's not to most American's taste, I like the humor that happens on the British comedy show Would I Lie to You. I can't make a Garth Brooks joke or write a joke as good as Stephen Colbert for the life of me.

 

Can you teach me how to be light-hearted in a way that people here also like? I do indeed understand your points. How do I make myself change my mind and also have it represent an honest version of myself?

[Garcon1986]

But didn’t you just say only obese women are interested in you online. So you won’t ask an attractive woman out if she gives you a 3-word response?

 

I also try to judge people's interest level, so I'll leave a hot girl alone if she seems to have no interest at all.

[Wallysbears]

I would take TFY's advice on this.

[JuneL]

I also try to judge people's interest level, so I'll leave a hot girl alone if she seems to have no interest at all.

 

So you did have hot women swipe right on you?

[Garcon1986]

Only a camgirl or fake profile here and there, so technically no haha

[Garcon1986]

I would love to follow TFYs direction but Im being dishonest with myself if I try to enjoy funny smalltalk.

[littleblackheart]

One of the greatest minds of our current times is American, so there must be like minded people where you are too!

 

Plenty of people like intense and intellectual; if that's who you're looking for as well, and if that's how you have presented yourself on your profile, there's no need for you to change anything, really, especially if you don't make suitable 'initial matches' anyway, or whatever they're called on online platforms.

 

Be who you are comfortable being; no hang-ups.

[Garcon1986]

The two really attractive women who swiped right on me ghosted after I made a joke about model trains (despite her saying she works in a model train store) and a joke about Taylor Swift (she adores Taylor Swift).

[JuneL]

One of the greatest minds of our current times is American, so there must be like minded people where you are too!

 

Plenty of people like intense and intellectual; if that's who you're looking for as well, and if that's how you have presented yourself on your profile, there's no need for you to change anything, really, especially if you don't make suitable 'initial matches' anyway, or whatever they're called on online platforms.

 

Be who you are comfortable being; no hang-ups.

 

The thing with the OP is, I don’t think he may not come across as very intellectual by strangers; rather, he’s eager to show off his list of “accomplishments”.

[JuneL]

The two really attractive women who swiped right on me ghosted after I made a joke about model trains (despite her saying she works in a model train store) and a joke about Taylor Swift (she adores Taylor Swift).

 

I’m anxious to know what those jokes are. There’s a fine line between saying a joke and saying something offensive.

[JuneL]

The thing with the OP is, I don’t think he may not come across as very intellectual by strangers; rather, he’s eager to show off his list of “accomplishments”.

 

I had about 3 weeks of OLD experience, and had chatted with a few guys who were way too anxious to show off their intelligence. Nothing turned me off more, tbh.

[JuneL]

Only a camgirl or fake profile here and there, so technically no haha

 

See, you’re contradicting yourself. You can’t even attract a reasonably attractive woman online (whatever your standards for being attractive to you are), let alone one who is attractive and insanely intelligent. This discussion about screening women based on their conversation skills is a moot point.

[edgygirl]

I don’t get it... you’re going to change who you are, your personality, to attract women you’re probably not even intellectually attracted to, as you prefer women who are on the intellectual side with a British-like sense of humor?

 

I prefer to be single than to be with a “light hearted fun” person that doesn’t excite me intellectually in the least.

 

And TFY, no need to indirectly pick on me, thanks. I see you. Lame.

 

TFY I can't honestly bring myself to enjoy the smalltalk and light-hearted humor that you speak of... I have humor but it's not to most American's taste, I like the humor that happens on the British comedy show Would I Lie to You. I can't make a Garth Brooks joke or write a joke as good as Stephen Colbert for the life of me.

 

Can you teach me how to be light-hearted in a way that people here also like? I do indeed understand your points. How do I make myself change my mind and also have it represent an honest version of myself?

[Garcon1986]

What I am aiming for is someone similar to the physicist Natalie Batalha, or the journalist Yonit Levy. The physicist wowed me by going on stage and talking heavy duty stuff about exploring exoplanets. The journalist was spectacular because she was able to interview a journalist in Italian while conducting her own report in Hebrew.

 

 

I said the girl who worked in a train store was as unique as a man with a handbag, and that I was fascinated that she would be in a male dominated hobby. I asked her how she got her start in it - met by a wall of silence.

 

 

I told the Taylor Swift fan the first time I heard of Taylor Swift was through the song "I knew you were trouble", dubbed to have extra goats. It was so entertaining, what do you like about her.

 

 

I attracted one amazing date each year since I started dating in 2012, and I've since spent money on one dating coach and dated lots of other women who taught me a lot about dating. Had three wonderful relationships that eventually failed on deep seated incompatibilities.

 

 

I've gotten a little tired of meeting up women for first dates and having it fail on bad conversation/ connection, and am emphasizing the online part because I don't want this to be an endless cycle.

 

 

Why do I get stuck on conversation and have people be so uninterested? I'm purposely trying to suppress my hobbies so I don't come off as a showoff - I purposely ask people about themselves, and get 2-4 word answers. I reveal little tidbits about myself here and there.

[Wallysbears]

Do you realize that you don't have to be "best friends" and share in-depth hobbies and have life-altering and universe pondering conversations with someone to date them, enjoy them, and be romantically and sexually attracted to them?

 

My husband would rather pluck out his own eyebrows than discuss politics with me. I'd rather pull out my finger nails then sit around and talk fishing with him.

[elaine567]

"Funny small talk" makes the world go round.

 

We don't all immediately launch into a diatribe about the Govt. or start a monologue about our favourite film or go off on some obscure tangent for 10 minutes with people we do not know.

Small talk gives us an idea of what they are like, we bounce off them for a while, we find some common ground and we take it from there.

Without small talk and fun at the beginning in order to suss one another out, there is usually no connection formed.

[Wallysbears]

.

 

 

I said the girl who worked in a train store was as unique as a man with a handbag, and that I was fascinated that she would be in a male dominated hobby.

 

 

I told the Taylor Swift fan the first time I heard of Taylor Swift was through the song "I knew you were trouble", dubbed to have extra goats. It was so entertaining, what do you like about her.

 

 

 

Ok - train store woman:

Your joke was flat. The man with a handbag and male dominated hobby...both comments were bordering on making you appear weird. Plus, for all you know, she may hate her job and/or it just happened to be a job not a career.

 

Taylor Swift - no idea what extra goats means. And if you ask someone "what do you like about her" about a pop star the pretty obvious answer is "um, their music?" so that's not really a conversation starter there.

[Garcon1986]

If I have to go out of state to do all my dating, I would like to know that I have some reasonable connection with the person I'm asking out before I drive 200 miles?

 

 

Can you share insights on how to smalltalk in a romantic setting?

[Wallysbears]

"How was your day"

"Tell me about yourself"

 

Those are two good conversation starters.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think the root of your problem is perhaps that you don't have male friends?

 

A lot of the stuff we are talking about come from guys who banter about with their male friends/acquaintances...

 

Do you own any domestic animals(cats/dogs)??

 

What type of guy was your dad?

 

TFY

[Garcon1986]

I have male friends who have never ever been willing to teach me dating I've perceived an attitude of well, Garcon, you are a dating loser, just stay down there where you belong.

 

 

I don't have pets because I am clinically allergic.

 

 

My dad was a reserved man who "spoke when it counted", and was referred to my Mom in graduate school days. He taught me some of the philosophies of healthy relationships but not how to get them in the first place.

 

 

I've seen endless profiles going on about "give me interesting conversation", and if I say "how was your day", that's going to be rejected as boring no?

[littleblackheart]

The thing with the OP is, I don’t think he may not come across as very intellectual by strangers; rather, he’s eager to show off his list of “accomplishments”.

 

I see.

 

In fairness, I can't really comment on this as I can't get a sense of someone's personality in writing, nor do I understand how anyone can present themselves accurately in a few lines.

 

Garçon, intellectual or not, you just need to be comfortable with who you are. If you don't enjoy light banter, so be it.

[elaine567]

I said the girl who worked in a train store was as unique as a man with a handbag, and that I was fascinated that she would be in a male dominated hobby. I asked her how she got her start in it - met by a wall of silence.

 

I told the Taylor Swift fan the first time I heard of Taylor Swift was through the song "I knew you were trouble", dubbed to have extra goats. It was so entertaining, what do you like about her.

 

Both very direct comments and both could be seen as judgemental.

A man with a handbag - really????

 

Yes the screaming goat is "hilarious" to non Taylor Swift fans but to serious fans... no-one really likes others taking the mickey out of their favourite musician. It can be seen to be a direct attack on them.

 

Your job is to make her feel comfortable and at ease, not put her back up.

[JuneL]

Both very direct comments and both could be seen as judgemental.

A man with a handbag - really????

 

Yes the screaming goat is "hilarious" to non Taylor Swift fans but to serious fans... no-one really likes others taking the mickey out of their favourite musician. It can be seen to be a direct attack on them.

 

Your job is to make her feel comfortable and at ease, not put her back up.

 

That’s a great assessment. Personally, I don’t find the Taylor Swift joke that bad, but perhaps because I’m not a fan But the first joke was totally bizarre. To me, again, it came across as trying too hard, like someone without a decent sense of humor was trying to impress the lady with his joke-telling skills. Seriously, was it an example of the British sarcasm you kept talking about?

 

There’s a difference between changing who you are vs. improving your social skills. I don’t see any conflicts between enjoying intellectual conversations vs. making people comfortable in the initial stage of chatting.

 

That said, if you were a charming hot doctor, you might even be able to get away with a joke like “a man wearing a bra”!