kendahke Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I hadn't had someone come on so strong and interested before; I just took him at his word. Sometimes, them coming on strong is an act of desperation. Just like it's easy to get pulled under and drowned by a drowning person, this guy's situation is so messy that he could only pull you down, emotionally. And for the sake of your dignity, don't send anything to him except "I appreciate you sharing that with me. You do have a lot to get through and I wish you every success in your journey"... and leave it there. He's not in any place to be of any good to any woman right now unless she is so secure in herself that she can work happily within his parameters. You're not that woman, as you've said, so there's no need to prolong any conversations with him. He knows exactly what he's missing out on... Richard tells him every day. But he's got more important priorities that require his attention. Next time you have that conversation about your neediness, don't do it with a new romantic interest--do that with a therapist--they can help you get that hooked up right. A guy drowning in his own life can't. All that is going to do is tell them "500 miles of rough road ahead" and he will do everything in his power to avoid it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Sometimes, them coming on strong is an act of desperation. Just like it's easy to get pulled under and drowned by a drowning person, this guy's situation is so messy that he could only pull you down, emotionally. Agree ^^^ I would say that OP should take your same statement above about coming on too strongly and apply it to herself. She came on very strong as well and went along with the strongness he came on with. So some might say they are both desperate. And i totally agree with not saying next time with next guy that she is needy. While i think his circumstances along pretty much guarantee he is not in best place to be in a relationship emotionally and would pull her down, comments and behavior like that from her also pull a partner down. In the future if she meets an emotionally available guy, continued behavior like this of hers is just as likely to drive away suitable people (and unsuitable) who can't hang nor want to deal with that. I think it's important to learn from the situations one experiences and hopefully the OP will learn from her own behavior that is not productive for future relationships (neither one is blameless and it's not about placing blame since one can only change themselves). It would be a disservice to come here for advice and only "blame" the guy. Should he have been on a dating site without being fully divorced and emotionally ready? IMO, no. But OP will run into many people who can't or won't give her what she seeks (not just one separated guy who doesn't realize he's not ready until he tries) and it's up to her to manage herself and her choices the best to get what she wants. Like someone said above (sorry apologies can't remember who!) dating is a process not one point in time. So at one point in time should he have put himself on the site? No. But all the not-conducive things that have happened afterward require that she be the stop gate for what she allows into her life. It's not like a business contract where he put himself on the site, love bombed me therefore should be obligated to a relationship with me. He's backing out of whatever he thought he could do. It happens. Even if he was emotionally ready, never been married guy, he might have backed out for a variety of reasons (including that neediness factor of the OP). Take the lesson, leave the guy behind Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 (edited) You know, I actually understand that. If my words had so much weight, let me elaborate a little more:<snip> Oh, girl. No. Please - no. Don't send him any of the above. It's far too much information and plain cringe-worthy to read, especially after he's told you he doesn't want to continue dating. Respectfully, you need to learn when to step away and maintain your dignity. This message is not the way to do so. Edited February 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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