Happy Lemming Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Congrats!! Best of luck with the meeting!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 This will be so fun for you. Do not get a guest room or fold out couch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 I'm still planning to move. It's a huge step for me. I meet with the housing person tomorrow. good luck Kristine Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 My rent will be 200 a month more than mom's house rent. Money will be tighter but I can afford it. I'm mostly worried about living alone. As I get closer to moving it's dawning on me after work I will go home to an small empty apartment. I currently come home to a big house, mom, a dog. It's a big difference. My therapist, psychiatrist, and case manager are all for me moving out. Mom isn't and I'm concerned. Tips? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Can you get a pet so you are coming home to somebody? It is a big change. The 1st nights in my new place, I couldn't sleep. Every little noise made me jump. Then I got use to it. I got a dog but when he died & I was back to being all alone I had another readjustment period. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Maybe a cat? They require less daily attention than a dog (no need for walks) but can provide companionship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Cats are wonderful low maintenance pets There is nothing better than going home to my house where I live alone. It's the highlight of my day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Maybe a cat? They require less daily attention than a dog (no need for walks) but can provide companionship. surely you jest about the companionship part wallybears. my cat provides as much companionship as a piece of toast Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 My rent will be 200 a month more than mom's house rent. Money will be tighter but I can afford it. I'm mostly worried about living alone. As I get closer to moving it's dawning on me after work I will go home to an small empty apartment. I currently come home to a big house, mom, a dog. It's a big difference. My therapist, psychiatrist, and case manager are all for me moving out. Mom isn't and I'm concerned. Tips? Thoughts? just move out and visit your mom a lot? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 Allergic to cats. But now thinking I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. My mom is begging me to stay. It's pretty comfortable here. Thinking of being alone in that apartment made me cry. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 Allergic to cats. But now thinking I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. My mom is begging me to stay. It's pretty comfortable here. Thinking of being alone in that apartment made me cry. it might be worthwile staying if you set some new ground rules with your mother Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2019 Share Posted March 9, 2019 It's time for the old pros & cons list: Make a list of all the good reasons to move & all the downsides. Make another list of the good reasons to stay with mom & the reasons to move out. When you see it on paper you may be closer to your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 9, 2019 Author Share Posted March 9, 2019 I made one before I saw the place and knew the details. That said move, but I did a move one today and got a different result. I've used another technique and lived my decision. As best as you can. I was living the move and becoming more stressed, more anxious. I even cried at the idea of being left on my own in that small apartment as my family relocates to Florida. When today I told her I was staying release, happy, etc. I need my families support whether I like it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 10, 2019 Author Share Posted March 10, 2019 Just did the pros and cons list again. Cons win for moving by lots, and cons win by 1 for staying. Next step is rating them. Still thinking it through though. Have to use something else, time to pull out my dbt book. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 11, 2019 Author Share Posted March 11, 2019 My group today helped me work through some issues with moving, and my life goals. So I'm back to moving out, as hard as it is. Also got some good coping with being alone tips. Got my move in date as April 12th. So I have until than to waffle back and forth. I've told everyone but my family that date. I can't deal with them right now. Some stuff is already packed away, the main stuff I use isn't and few odd and ends. I'd start now but that will cause a ruckus. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 11, 2019 Share Posted March 11, 2019 I'd start now but that will cause a ruckus. when the time comes to tell them just create a big argument and storm out in a huff. tell them all to go to hell cause you're movin' on up to that de-luxe apartment in the sky....go out with a bang. hopefully you'll have most of your **** packed and ready to go. you can come back for whatever is left Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 Now mom says if I stay she'll let me inherit the house we move to. I'm going to ask her to put my name on it because that really appeals to me. For that I'd stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 So mom is dangling a carrot in front of you to make you do what she wants. How does it feel to be her pet?? Controlled?? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Now mom says if I stay she'll let me inherit the house we move to. I'm going to ask her to put my name on it because that really appeals to me. For that I'd stay. tell her you'll stay but lay down additional ground rules, also have a lawyer draw up the papers for the house 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 If she truly wanted to offer you the home (upon her death) she would have written a will and put it in writing, prior to you qualifying for the new apartment. Don't you want to spread your wings and fly, Peter Pan?? There is so much life to live, things to see, adventures to go on, all of it starts with being independent and leaving home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Well I'm back to planning to move. Buying stuff off craigslist. She found out about it. Going to talk to therapist Tuesday getcher insight, and see if i can measure apt. Tuesday too. Make sure before buying big stuff that it'll fit. Told Mom I'll make my decision Tuesday. But true self was peaking through. I do several chores but when it comes to my stuff, get it out of my house, you are renting a room for 300 a month. I said I can rent a whole apartment for 500. She's trying to rent out the other room in the house. Well I don't want to share a shower with a stranger. Bad enough with my brothers friend. And I'm the one cleaning it. I just need to go. I'd like her support but I won't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 I just need to go. Yes you do... Don't worry about filling the apartment with furniture or other items (right away). Make sure you have a bed, sheets, and blankets. You'll need a few items to cook your meals with and few odd ball dishes to eat off of. And some towels & toiletries. The rest is wants and not necessarily needs. Can you check your local Goodwill store?? They may have some necessities. My first apartment, I didn't even have a TV, just a radio to listen to after I got home from work. Within a few months I picked up a TV, couch, used coffee table, used dinette set, etc. Slowly I gathered the niceties of life, but in the beginning it was just the bare necessities. You'll do fine!! YEA!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Yes you do... Don't worry about filling the apartment with furniture or other items (right away). Make sure you have a bed, sheets, and blankets. You'll need a few items to cook your meals with and few odd ball dishes to eat off of. And some towels & toiletries. The rest is wants and not necessarily needs. Can you check your local Goodwill store?? They may have some necessities. My first apartment, I didn't even have a TV, just a radio to listen to after I got home from work. Within a few months I picked up a TV, couch, used coffee table, used dinette set, etc. Slowly I gathered the niceties of life, but in the beginning it was just the bare necessities. You'll do fine!! YEA!! Target is perfect for decorating your new apt Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kristine Posted March 28, 2019 Author Share Posted March 28, 2019 The apartment is letting me move in early, only I haven't got moving help yet. But at least a roof over my head. Mom did not like being mislead. It was really because she wouldn't accept the truth. God is with me, I feel peaceful despite not having a plan of my own. Group therapy Friday. Individual Monday. And I see my case manager Monday. Think I should call her cell phone though I did email her. She's off til Monday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 Why does mom feel mislead? Weren't you talking to her while you were making your decision about moving out? You posted on here so much about it, I assumed you were keeping her in the loop too. If you were not, you need to apologize. Sometimes it's hard for parents to let go when it's time for their adult children to move on. My mom had a hard time when I moved out. Hopefully she will come around as she sees you thriving. I'm glad you are talking to your case manager but frankly it scares me on your behalf that you "feel peaceful despite not having a plan." You need a plan. You need moving help. You need the finances for all the little stuff that you didn't realize you would need: a dish drying rack, towels, cleaning supplies, new return address labels, etc. Have you filed out all the info with the post office to forward your mail? Have you informed your creditors & friends of your new address. You really need a check list so you don't forget anything. Get mom back on board. She will be a great resource. Remember you also need her as fallback so you can return if living alone is not for you & so you can still see the family pets. Best of luck! It's an exciting time. Link to post Share on other sites
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