Is he making an advance?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It was me. I never overtly flirted with him, but either he had no idea I found him attractive and was simply genuinely wondering about the farm and myself, or he sensed the attraction and is making a move.

 

I'm tempted to reply, but maybe in a neutral, non inviting manner?

 

I agree with the previous poster who said you seem to be flattered by this.

 

Unless you want to start down a road that will only bring heartache, I would completely ignore him. Don't even entertain the thought of starting something with this man.

 

Do you have children?

[sarahj8]

Do you have children?

 

Of course I have children, what farming family doesn't lol My eldest son stays on our farm, but my other two live elsewhere.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Of course I have children, what farming family doesn't lol

 

Haha! Actually, there is a farm near me run entirely by a single woman in her twenties! She is pretty much a superhero.

[sarahj8]

Okay the way I can see it is like this-

 

1) He contacted me as a sort of "come on". It seems far more likely than if he'd gone to all the trouble of writing me a note and sending me a pic just for the sake of being friendly. We were really more of an aquaintance, rather than friends.

 

2) I will reply in a neutral tone, but not in a way to encourage him to correspond further.

 

3) I will not mention it to my husband, and will shred the letter he sent and throw it away.

 

Do you agree with my thoughts and actions?

[alphamale]

that looks good sarah

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Do you agree with my thoughts and actions?

 

Absolutely NOT.

 

Look, you created an account here to ask specific questions to gauge whether or not this guy is interested in you so you can reasonably assess your chance of rejection if you've read things wrong. You want to pursue this.

 

Unless you don't care at all about your husband or your marriage, or your integrity, do NOT go down this road.

 

You asked!

[The Dude Abides]

A letter? In the mail? With an actual paper photo? What is this, 1980?

 

 

LOL, I was thinking the same thing. I not long ago was explaining to my youngest child that “way back when” we used to do this thing called sending a Letter, through the mail, written by hand. He was a bit baffled LOL.

 

 

OP

 

One thing I have always done is speak to a member of the opposite sex using the pronoun “We”, as in , my wife and I. “We are hoping you’re doing well” or “We were wondering if you needed anything to help....” or “Stop by to see us when we are at home one evening”. Etc etc.

 

Not that I have had lots of women seeking illicit contact with me, but just for general practice I always present “me” as part of “us”.

 

It does sound like this letter might be a come-on, but in the event that it’s an innocent gesture and you decide to reply in any way, I would definitely reply as husband and wife.

 

It’s probably ok to be flattered that you still are worthy of a flirt, I would just make sure to nip it in the bud immediately.

[JuneL]

You should let your husband see his letter and see your reply note. Even if you don’t want to sign the note with your husband, you should say something like:

Thank you for your note. My husband and I are still very busy with the farm. Feel free to let us know if you are looking to rent one of our cottages again.”

[alphamale]

You should let your husband see his letter and see your reply note. Even if you don’t want to sign the note with your husband, you should say something like:

Thank you for your note. My husband and I are still very busy with the farm. Feel free to let us know if you are looking to rent one of our cottages again.”

 

I would advise against "let us know if you are looking to rent one of our cottages again"

 

Would you really want this creep staying on your property again?

[d0nnivain]

I'm tempted to reply, but maybe in a neutral, non inviting manner?

 

Understand that replying to this guy is a huge slap in the face to your husband. Are you actively looking for an affair or are you one of those who are going to cry "I don't know how it happened?" when you husband found out this "innocent" response to the letter turned into you meeting the guy in town for coffee, then a drink just to chat & before long in his apartment because you were just so lonely isolated out there on the farm.

 

You are playing with fire here. Stop before your marriage goes up in flames.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Totally agree. Reply if you must, but it's a huge slap in the face to keep it from your husband if you do. Shows your motive for sure.

 

I'm also curious what kind of pic is it....it is on a business card? Is he starting a new business and reaching out to everyone he's ever met instead of what you're thinking it is?

[JuneL]

Okay, I think I’ve sort of cracked the case

 

First, I don’t believe OP intends to have an affair, not at this time anyway. But she’s flattered and secretly (or not so secretly) enjoys being crushed on; she probably wouldn’t mind flirting with the young attractive boy, had she known about his crush...actually it’s not uncommon for married guys to be in her role

[Cersei]

I would likely show the husband the letter and make a joke of It just so you are not keeping secrets.

 

But it's possible the guy was drunk or having some type of mental break down when he wrote and sent it. I say this because it just seems so off.

 

I would throw it out and not reply.

[4fin]

I'm in my mid 40s, within range of male attention presumably lol.

 

Mid 40's is a great age. Who cares what you look like in your early 20's before kids. My wife is 40 and said to hell with dying her hair 3-4 months ago. She looks great.

[JuneL]

Just curious: What’s the “not needy” and “not desperate” way for a “masculine” guy to make a move or test the water on his crush?

 

Couple things:

 

Yes, it is an invitation, but poorly executed. He's being the typical needy desperate guy reaching out to a fantasy from the past because his current girl probably just dumped him.

 

Yes, you are making big things out of little details that in reality don't deserve much more than a smirk and a giggle from you.

 

If you think not replying is rude, then reply to it by saying something like this:

 

--------------------------------------------

"Me and <husbands name> are doing really well. Things been going well on the farm. In fact it has been one of our better years.

 

It was nice to hear from you. I'll tell <husband's name> you said hello!

-----------------------------------------------------

The idea that things are going really well does not leave an opening for him to suggest he can "help" you with anything.

[PRW]

Just curious: What’s the “not needy” and “not desperate” way for a “masculine” guy to make a move or test the water on his crush?

In general? Or just in this particular case? I think you already know the answer to this anyway.

[JuneL]

In general? Or just in this particular case? I think you already know the answer to this anyway.

 

Both, if you don’t mind sharing.

 

If you think about it, this guy may be doing something right, as the OP is clearly flattened and wants to respond and keep it from her husband. If she was available, I can totally see them start something, no?

[JuneL]

To add, I could totally see myself doing what this guy did when I was much younger (well, minus the picture part!). But this can be cute and endearing coming from an innocent young girl

[stillafool]

Which shows that older women are as tempted by a young, good looking guy as an older man is tempted by a younger woman. Sorry OP, but you seem interested.

[Dreamer2017]

I'm sorry to say but I believe you are hoping to have an affair with this guy. You are now caught up in a mental fantasy an sort of an EA. Be careful with your thoughts and unfaithful desires, this can destroy your family.

 

Best,

Dreamer

[PRW]

Just curious: What’s the “not needy” and “not desperate” way for a “masculine” guy to make a move or test the water on his crush?

A crush implies a guy lingering in the background, wringing his hands, pulling the pedals off the flower saying, "Does she love me, does she not?". The guy will spend the rest of his life this way because he doesn't have the guts to do anything. It is what "little boys" in grammar school do.

 

So you have a false premise here,...the “not needy” and “not desperate” “masculine” guy,...does not have crushes. He sees a woman he is interested in, and if he thinks it is worth a shot, he will approach her properly, confidently, and try to make a date. If she turns him down he is gracious, but moves on.

[PRW]

To add, I could totally see myself doing what this guy did when I was much younger (well, minus the picture part!). But this can be cute and endearing coming from an innocent young girl

He's not a young innocent girl. He is a grown man and a former tenant that used to rent from them.

[JuneL]

A crush implies a guy lingering in the background, wringing his hands, pulling the pedals off the flower saying, "Does she love me, does she not?". The guy will spend the rest of his life this way because he doesn't have the guts to do anything. It is what "little boys" in grammar school do.

 

So you have a false premise here,...the “not needy” and “not desperate” “masculine” guy,...does not have crushes. He sees a woman he is interested in, and if he thinks it is worth a shot, he will approach her properly, confidently, and try to make a date. If she turns him down he is gracious, but moves on.

 

I agree with this assessment in general. But let’s say the woman was not be available when they first met, like in this particular case here.

[JuneL]

He's not a young innocent girl. He is a grown man and a former tenant that used to rent from them.

 

I know. Just saying

[PRW]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PRW

A crush implies a guy lingering in the background, wringing his hands, pulling the pedals off the flower saying, "Does she love me, does she not?". The guy will spend the rest of his life this way because he doesn't have the guts to do anything. It is what "little boys" in grammar school do.

 

So you have a false premise here,...the “not needy” and “not desperate” “masculine” guy,...does not have crushes. He sees a woman he is interested in, and if he thinks it is worth a shot, he will approach her properly, confidently, and try to make a date. If she turns him down he is gracious, but moves on.

I agree with this assessment in general. But let’s say the woman was not be available when they first met, like in this particular case here.

Then she would have, or should have turned him down,...so he has moved on. If he meets her again in the future he will read her non-verbal cues and if she seems interested in him he may try again. But he will do it exactly the same way he did it the first time. He isn't going to stalk a former landlord using the postal service.