sarahj8 Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 My husband and I own a farm and we rent out some property (cottages) for a little extra income. Recently I received a letter from a guy who stayed on our farm a few years ago. A youngish guy in his 20s. He asked how I was and how things were on our farm, and he also sent a recent pic of himself. We were hardly good friends or anything like that, but we would acknowledge each other with a "hello" if we passed each other on the farm or in the town. Is he making a subtle amorous advance towards me? I don't usually receive letters from past tenants! He also started the letter with my first name, and signed it off with his first name. Isn't using first names a little bit "familiar? " I'm not sure if I should mention it to my husband.
Fekenaws Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 It sounds like he's making an advance. I'd keep your answer's short and to the point and he'll go away
stillafool Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 How old are you? It sounds like he's making an advance or he would have written the letter to you and your husband.
Wallysbears Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 "Dear ( his name) Thank you for your recent letter. Things are going well here on XYZ farm! We have had great success with (insert random happy note here) If you ever need to rent a cottage again, please do call either myself or my husband to book your reservation! Hope all is well. Mr & Mrs Sarahj8" 1
Author sarahj8 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Posted January 28, 2019 How old are you? It sounds like he's making an advance or he would have written the letter to you and your husband. I'm in my mid 40s, within range of male attention presumably lol.
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 I'd tell your husband you got this strange letter from the past tenant. Show the letter to husband. Have a laugh, then throw it out. If you don't respond hopefully the tenant will go away.
JuneL Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 He probably has had a crush on you. A few years ago, I received an email from a guy whom I met in my college internship. I actually knew he had a big crush on me even back then. I replied to him briefly and politely after a few days. He was trying to have a convo with me by asking questions about my work, but I stopped after my second reply. Actually there was another guy who would send me emails every few months. I answered with increasing delay and brevity. He was more persistent though, as he kept sending me more emails, even though I had stopped replying to his last few.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 A letter? In the mail? With an actual paper photo? What is this, 1980? 2
Author sarahj8 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Posted January 28, 2019 He probably has had a crush on you. A few years ago, I received an email from a guy whom I met in my college internship. I actually knew he had a big crush on me even back then. I replied to him briefly and politely after a few days. He was trying to have a convo with me by asking questions about my work, but I stopped after my second reply. Actually there was another guy who would send me emails every few months. I answered with increasing delay and brevity. He was more persistent though, as he kept sending me more emails, even though I had stopped replying to his last few. Well I must admit I found him quite attractive when he stayed. Perhaps he could read this and thought I would be receptive? But I would never want to jeapardize my marriage! But not replying might seem rude. I feel in such a dilemna.
stillafool Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 I'm in my mid 40s, within range of male attention presumably lol. Yeah, he was hitting on you. It's a lot of that going on now.
stillafool Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 A letter? In the mail? With an actual paper photo? What is this, 1980? I know. Almost charming. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 Well I must admit I found him quite attractive when he stayed. Perhaps he could read this and thought I would be receptive? But I would never want to jeapardize my marriage! But not replying might seem rude. I feel in such a dilemna. There is no obligation to say thank you for a thank you note. I would just ignore it. If he decides to come back to stay at another time you can mention it then. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 But not replying might seem rude. I feel in such a dilemna. It may be rude to not reply but it's also highly inappropriate to proposition a married person. On balance your slight is far less egregious then his. Don't worry about seeming rude. Worry about your loyalty to your husband. replying to this advance is a worse evil. 2
Author sarahj8 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Posted January 28, 2019 It may be rude to not reply but it's also highly inappropriate to proposition a married person. On balance your slight is far less egregious then his. Don't worry about seeming rude. Worry about your loyalty to your husband. replying to this advance is a worse evil. I sometimes wonder if he's just being friendly- but can a guy really be friends with a married woman 20 years his senior? Plus the fact that he gave me a recent pic (to impress me?) as well as the first name terms.....I don't know.
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 He may just be being friendly but if that was true he would have written the letter to you AND your husband. He only wrote to you so I'd err on the side of caution & stay away from him
JuneL Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 I think his inclusion of his picture might just wanted to remind you of him. I would reply with a brief and professional note, from both you and your husband. What did your husband say? 1
alphamale Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 call the police and tell them that this guy is stalking you
Author sarahj8 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Posted January 28, 2019 call the police and tell them that this guy is stalking you "Police! Police! I got a letter from an ex tenant who asked how I was!" Yes I can just imagine that would be a valuable use of police time. 2
PRW Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) Couple things: Yes, it is an invitation, but poorly executed. He's being the typical needy desperate guy reaching out to a fantasy from the past because his current girl probably just dumped him. Yes, you are making big things out of little details that in reality don't deserve much more than a smirk and a giggle from you. If you think not replying is rude, then reply to it by saying something like this: -------------------------------------------- "Me and <husbands name> are doing really well. Things been going well on the farm. In fact it has been one of our better years. It was nice to hear from you. I'll tell <husband's name> you said hello! ----------------------------------------------------- The idea that things are going really well does not leave an opening for him to suggest he can "help" you with anything. Edited January 28, 2019 by PRW
stillafool Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) I sometimes wonder if he's just being friendly- but can a guy really be friends with a married woman 20 years his senior? Plus the fact that he gave me a recent pic (to impress me?) as well as the first name terms.....I don't know. Were there a lot of farm workers there during his time there? I ask because maybe he sent the picture so you would remember who he is. Still, the letter should have been addressed to you and your husband. Were you his boss or your husband or both? Yes and I'm curious as to your husband's reaction to the letter as well. Edited January 28, 2019 by stillafool
Author sarahj8 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Posted January 28, 2019 Were there a lot of farm workers there during his time there? I ask because maybe he sent the picture so you would remember who he is. Still, the letter should have been addressed to you and your husband. Were you his boss or your husband or both? Yes and I'm curious as to your husband's reaction to the letter as well. He wasn't a farm worker, he just rented a cottage. I think he had a job in the town.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 He wasn't a farm worker, he just rented a cottage. I think he had a job in the town. Did your husband interact with him at all or are you the one mostly in charge of the rentals? 1
JuneL Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 The two guys I mentioned were totally not my type. So I was a little upset when I received their emails. But I can see that OP was a little flattered because she finds the guy attractive 1
Author sarahj8 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Posted January 28, 2019 Did your husband interact with him at all or are you the one mostly in charge of the rentals? It was me. I never overtly flirted with him, but either he had no idea I found him attractive and was simply genuinely wondering about the farm and myself, or he sensed the attraction and is making a move. I'm tempted to reply, but maybe in a neutral, non inviting manner?
JuneL Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 Who knows, maybe he’s trying to see if there’s any chance you’re now divorced and available. No venture no gain Edit to add: Okay, if you’re the only one interacting with him, then it’s not too strange he addressed the letter to you only. 1
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