BaileyB Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Things are going very well. My only complaint with her is that I hVe sometimes felt like she is unwilling to pay for anything. I’m always buying everything and it has, at times, made me feel a little used. She is in debt, because of her previous IVF treatments. She is making emotional, not logical, decisions right now... and it’s put her in a tough place financially. She is caught between a rock and a hard place. All she is thinking right now is “baby...” At least she has been somewhat honest and you know what her priorities are... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Do you think I should end the relationship? I’m worried that she may try to do something shady if she’s just after someone to get her pregnant and take care of her. She could try to keep my sperm or something and use it to get pregnant via IVF... Yes you should get your sperm back. Is it with a clinic? Call them & write them (the writing is very important) and tell them she no longer has permission to use it. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Yes you should get your sperm back. Is it with a clinic? Call them & write them (the writing is very important) and tell them she no longer has permission to use it. I thought he meant she might secretly keep his sperms when they’re intimate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I don't think she has any of his sperm yet..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I have not consented to giving her any sperm. I wa saying she could potentially take my sperm and use it on her own. Without consent. We are not using protection as she told me she is infertle and even through IVF her chances are basically 2%. She just had a period this past Friday so I know she is not currently pregnant Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 If you have so little trust that you think she might keep your sperm either break up or use a condom. You are playing Russian roulette here. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Sperm won’t be viable if she tries to collect it after you cum inside her. So that shouldn’t be a concern. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I froze my eggs (not embryos) and it was indeed about 15k at the time a few years ago. I wouldn't freeze embryos if you're not 100% sure you're going to be together. Four months sounds a little too early for knowing that. Maybe you can agree to date a little more and review the subject after the 1 year mark? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I have not consented to giving her any sperm. I wa saying she could potentially take my sperm and use it on her own. Without consent. We are not using protection as she told me she is infertle and even through IVF her chances are basically 2%. She just had a period this past Friday so I know she is not currently pregnant My friend thought and was told by doctors she was infertile....she's pregnant with her second kid. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 After 4 months you know NOTHING of her. You're only in your infatuation phase. For all you know she might have done this to 2-3 or more men before you. Don't be so naive. Yes break up with her. What type of person ask for 20K after 4 months dating? I would not even do that if my life depended on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 flouncing off to some mystery dinner is a huge red flag... only a spoiled brat does that flouncing as a punishment, leaving you alone serve her right if you just let her go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Sperm won’t be viable if she tries to collect it after you cum inside her. So that shouldn’t be a concern. I don't think he was suggesting that. I think he was just saying if he agreed to provide a sample through a doctor, she could use a resulting embryo at a later date without his permission.... Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 (edited) That's a very real possibility. The ex of Sofia Vergara sued her over a frozen embryo and won. That's why I said above I would not freeze embryos with someone I hardly know. https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/06/27/sofia-vergara-custody-battle-frozen-embryos-nick-loeb/739250002/ I don't think he was suggesting that. I think he was just saying if he agreed to provide a sample through a doctor, she could use a resulting embryo at a later date without his permission.... Edited January 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 You have been dating 16 weeks and you are discussing marriage and freezing eggs? This sounds like bad juju to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 She can't just freeze an embryo using your sperm. That's not how it works. There are contracts and legalities and tests, etc. A woman doesn't just walk into a doctor's office with some random sperm and have them use it to make an embryo LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 She can't just freeze an embryo using your sperm. That's not how it works. There are contracts and legalities and tests, etc. A woman doesn't just walk into a doctor's office with some random sperm and have them use it to make an embryo LOL I think he knows this. But, can a frozen embryo be used without his sign-off years later, if he were to sign off on it this year? Say the process results in 10 embryos, they freeze them, but then they break up..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I think he knows this. But, can a frozen embryo be used without his sign-off years later, if he were to sign off on it this year? Say the process results in 10 embryos, they freeze them, but then they break up..... Any lawyer worth his or her salt will always say, anything is possible. But it would be unlikely if he entered into an embryo agreement. This isn't a law site so without getting too specific, in the US at least most courts will side with the agreement and for many of those that don't, they tend to side with the right NOT to procreate. But anything is possible. To the OP, you've gotten enough advice about your situation but I will mention one more thing. Women going through advanced fertilization treatments almost always experience severe and substantial emotional turmoil. It isn't uncommon AT ALL for two people in a committed and loving marriage to be standing in the ashes of that marriage a couple short years later because of failed fertility issues. It's very common for the men to experience the same thing, although perhaps without as much of the hormonal issues raging through them (although they have some too). So that means you COULD give her the benefit of understanding that she has been going through this before she met you, which might explain some of what she's experiencing. But you also have to accept that such behavior will likely escalate moving forward. Ask yourself if you signed up for that. If you didn't, then ending the relationship with dignity should be a goal, although her emotional condition may not make that possible. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I guess the answer to that is no I’m not ready to commit to a child with her. You know for a fact that she’s infertlie? What if she tells the same story to every new guy she dates? If you feel used by her you should really trust your instincts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 While my first thought was that you shouldn’t go through with this for the very obvious reason as others have mentioned - that the two of you could break up and you’re stuck with being a dad in an awkward situation, and paying child support. Aside from all that, asking anyone for $20k isn’t something one should expect the person to make a decision about in a few minutes. Having said all that, I’m not certain that she’s playing you. I think she’s overly obsessed with this kid thing, and then throw in the fact that the two of you have advanced this relationship very quickly. So, she likely feels that if you’re that into her and that sure about her, then perhaps you’d be willing to do this. In her baby fever, she’s lost sight of what’s reasonable. Perhaps asking this of you in a different manner might’ve gone over better but it sounds like she’s bent out of shape because you won’t comply, or didn’t jump at the chance right away. She should’ve presented it to you in such a way that you had free choice and should’ve said that choosing not to do it would not jeopardize the relationship. What I don’t get is if she still has about a 2-year window, what’s the rush? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I’m not certain that she’s playing you. I think she’s overly obsessed with this kid thing, and then throw in the fact that the two of you have advanced this relationship very quickly. So, she likely feels that if you’re that into her and that sure about her, then perhaps you’d be willing to do this. In her baby fever, she’s lost sight of what’s reasonable. It sounds like she’s bent out of shape because you won’t comply, or didn’t jump at the chance right away. What I don’t get is if she still has about a 2-year window, what’s the rush? I would tend to agree. Best case scenario - she really likes you and because things got serious really fast she was hoping that you feel the same way... So, she presented the situation and she was likely hoping that you would see the urgency and jump on board. She has lost perspective and made the assumption that her dreams would also be your dreams... and when you were not immediately supportive of her plan, she has taken a step back to reevaluate her next step. In terms of “what’s the rush...” when your dream is to have a baby and your time is running out, every week, every month, must feel precious. While two years may seem like a long time, two years is NOTHING when you are dealing with infertility... when your hopes rise and fall every month, you deal with the preparation of IVF knowing that you can only afford to try it so many times... I can understand her urgency to find a partner and/or make this happen herself. Question for you OP, do you have that kind of money sitting in a bank account, waiting to be used for such a reason? Many people wouldn’t... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I always say don’t gamble if you can’t afford lose. Unless you have about $5 mil in your bank account, parting with $20k isn’t something I’d do. Even then, I’d hesitate. But this isn’t even all about money. It’s extremely complex. As far as my question about the urgency, what I meant was that if she doesn’t use his sperm for a year or two, what difference does it make if she freezes it now and uses it two years from now, or simply uses the unfrozen version in a year or two? The only difference I can see is that she wants to have it in case they break up. In that scenario, I see all kinds of red flags. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 Run away from this train wreck!!! Run fast, run far... You can do better than a woman like this. Please do not let your emotions cloud your analytical judgement... DO what is right for you and dump her quickly and cleanly. Go find a woman who has herself together You deserve better than what you are receiving... I wish you the best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted January 28, 2019 Author Share Posted January 28, 2019 I have had the feeling throughout the relationship that she’s trying to Moooch off me a little bit. Like, the way she tries to hang out when we are going to eat together etc. it sounds harmless when I say it here but along the way I’ve felt a little like she’s setting up things like that. I always pay for everything. She’s never offered and I honestly think she would be ofrrned if I asked Her to pay for a meal Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I always pay for everything. She’s never offered and I honestly think she would be [offended] if I asked her to pay for a meal Definitely not good. She feels entitled to a free ride by virtue of nothing more than being female. What you need is a partner, not a dependent. Many women would not consider this to be ethical even on the smaller scale. Add to that her actual expectation that you'd give her 10-20k on the chance or hope that things work out, is way over-the-top. There is a good chance that this will collapse when you say no to the IVF. If I were you I'd ask her to pick up a check for a meal and see how she reacts. This notion that a man ought to be flowing cash her way is ludicrous. Cut it off and you'll see how much she cares about you, as a person. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DrNo1962 Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 She's not chasing you, she's chasing your wallet. Do you want to be her forever-provider? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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