6 year relationship, she moved out to "find herself"

[Blanco]

Don't blame yourself too much, OP. When a relationship ends, we can almost always look back and identify things we could have done differently.

 

However, I would still suspect that her decision to leave has less to do with you than her. If she was feeling discontent with you or the relationship, it was on her to be an adult and verbalize it. Yeah, it's great to feel like we're always on the same page as our partner, but that's just not realistic. Serious talks aren't always easy, but they're necessary for the health of the relationship; we can't be expected to be mind-readers.

 

I still don't think that was the reason she left, though. I think it's just a convenient excuse for leaving. Either that, or she's really immature in that she allowed herself to say nothing until it was too late.

[bathtub-row]

But I am mad because she let a 6 year relationship go and it seemed so easy for her to do it.

 

A. I doubt that it was as easy for her as you think.

 

B. You're not listening. She hasn't had enough experience to compare this relationship to anything else. Maybe that wouldn't bother some people but it does bother a lot of people after years have gone by. She was too young, too sheltered, and too inexperienced when the two of you got together. That, unfortunately, has disaster written all over it.

 

C. What you can't see right now is that you're at a great age to meet someone and have something solid with them; a mature relationship. I know you don't want to think about that right now but it's the truth. In 30 yrs or so, it'll make more sense.

[MichaelD]

Funny how this need for women comparing and exploring ( hypergamy) happens mostly in your western countries where feminism and degeneracy runs rampart and have highest rates of divorces and unhappy people in the long term, people here marry young and hardly heard this excuse, divorce rates are also minimal. In west men should go for younger women and leave the 30 year old women who now want to settle just because their looks and options are going down.

[PegNosePete]

A. I doubt that it was as easy for her as you think.

I very much think it WAS easy for her at this point. What you have to understand is that she has been thinking about this for a LONG time. It probably started even before she started cheating: she didn't like the state of the relationship but instead of talking about it and solving the problems, she started looking elsewhere and began an affair. The process of severing her emotional detachment began, and after many months, her feelings for you are simply non-existent, or at best they are feelings of platonic caring/not wanting to hurt, rather than romantic love. And her feelings of wanting to be with the other guy are much stronger. And so it is quite easy for her.

 

B. You're not listening. She hasn't had enough experience to compare this relationship to anything else.

She has enough. She is comparing your relationship, to her new one with the other guy. And she has made her decision already.

 

She was too young, too sheltered, and too inexperienced when the two of you got together. That, unfortunately, has disaster written all over it.

Yes, agree with that. First loves rarely last, especially if they happen early. Don't believe the movies.

[elaine567]

. In west men should go for younger women and leave the 30 year old women who now want to settle just because their looks and options are going down.

 

 

But when that younger women reaches an age when she realises she missed out and there is another life out there, she leaves.

The OP is a case in point, got together at 22, at 28 she wants something different and moves out. It is not uncommon, the days of marrying a young virgin and expecting her to stay for life due to societal and financial pressure are over.

[bathtub-row]

I very much think it WAS easy for her at this point. What you have to understand is that she has been thinking about this for a LONG time.

 

The fact that it took her a great deal of time to leave is exactly my point.

[Whodatdog]

Seems like you need to stop letting her decide how your life is going to be. Take that back from her, and YOU decide. Which means taking her crap back to her house, dumping it off, and going no contact. She will probably be shocked that you would take that initiative, because all this time you have been a weenie, letting her walk all over you, and sitting home like a good little boy waiting for her to come back...or not.

 

She chose to leave. So close that door.

[Highndry]

But when that younger women reaches an age when she realises she missed out and there is another life out there, she leaves.

The OP is a case in point, got together at 22, at 28 she wants something different and moves out. It is not uncommon, the days of marrying a young virgin and expecting her to stay for life due to societal and financial pressure are over.

 

 

It depends upon the size of the man's bank account. If he's living in a $10 million dollar spread and keeps $3 million in the checking account for "fun," she's going to stick to him like glue. Don't be silly.

[elaine567]

It depends upon the size of the man's bank account. If he's living in a $10 million dollar spread and keeps $3 million in the checking account for "fun," she's going to stick to him like glue. Don't be silly.

But we were not talking about guys with 10 million dollar spreads, they are hardly 10 a penny...

We were talking about transplanting "marry em young" non-western culture to the West (in general) to try to "solve" big Western divorce rates.

But the boat has already left the harbour IMO...

[Highndry]

But we were not talking about guys with 10 million dollar spreads, they are hardly 10 a penny...

We were talking about transplanting "marry em young" non-western culture to the West (in general) to try to "solve" big Western divorce rates.

But the boat has already left the harbour IMO...

 

 

My statement is irrespective of culture, and the $10 million spread was a bit of hyperbole. The fact is, the more money a guy has, the less likely the woman is to leave.

 

 

 

I'm reminded of an old saying:

 

 

 

"When poverty walks in the door, love flies out the window."

[MichaelD]

My statement is irrespective of culture, and the $10 million spread was a bit of hyperbole. The fact is, the more money a guy has, the less likely the woman is to leave.

 

I'm reminded of an old saying:

 

 

"When poverty walks in the door, love flies out the window."

 

Thats because harder to find better in their hypergamous nature, but in US they still leave for Chad, as they can divorce rape men even if its their fault, unlike in our countries where they get hardly anything, except what they contributed. Italy is proposing to go back to this also and feminists are already crying, equality only when it serves their needs lmao. And on topic, OP should just move on and dont listen, its not your fault, next time trust no one, you are still young.

Edited January 30, 2019 by MichaelD

[Blanco]

Lot of projecting going on in here.

[Chaparral]

I just noticed a couple of dates. Google the seven year itch. More importantly, read MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. Cheating is 100 % on her. How you take care of a wife is on you. Two jobs, did you mention gaming. If you did, NOTHING is more boring than being around someone playing video games. I will say this though, I’ve seen a lot of cheating start on video game chats sites on infidelity boards.

[iamCAROL]

I apologize if this is a long post, there is a lot to process here. I am left with so many questions and confusion.

 

 

So I was dating a girl for 6 years. I am 31 she is 28. She moved in with me straight from her parents house. Our relationship was very good. We hardly ever fought and if we did we never held resentments towards each other. My whole family loved her and her family loved me. We go along great, we did a lot together, always had fun. We could be serious together, goofy together, I really never have been able to be myself with someone else before like I could with her.

 

 

 

She had it pretty good living with me also. She basically lived for free besides paying half of groceries and half of the internet bill. I paid for everything else. She was able to save a lot of money, buy a brand new vehicle, go on multiple trips with her sister, and live very comfortably.

 

 

However over the last year she got a bit distant. Our sex life was suffering, she blamed it on her weight and she did not like how she looked. I was busy with working two jobs and I admittedly took her for granted a bit over the year (did not help as much with chores around the house, etc). I never did anything to purposely hurt her. She never told me until the end that she was feeling overwhelmed or taken for granted. She let it all bottle up until it blew up. If I would have known sooner I would have changed. But even through all that we still loved each other. I never proposed to her because whenever I would bring it up she said she wanted her career to be a bit more stable first, so I was waiting until she was ready.

 

 

So before Christmas this year we were driving to the city for an outing and she was distant and not talking so I kept asking what was wrong and finally she broke down crying. She said we weren't connecting anymore, and she said she loves me but doesn't know if its "forever love". She told me how she had been feeling over the past year. I asked her why she never would have told me sooner and she said she should have but didn't want to hurt me.

 

 

So for about month since that initial talk we stayed together but she was still very distant. During that time I was doing something on her phone and saw 3 pictures of a guy taking selfies in the mirror without his shirt on. I confronted her and she told me he is dating her coworker and she sent her the pictures of him. I don't necessarily believe her but I have no proof otherwise. She has always been a very honest and non malevolent person. Before me she went through a really bad breakup and was cheated on and I just don't think she would do that to someone else.

 

 

So we tried (I tried) to make it work for about a month. I completely changed myself, helped cook almost every meal, did dishes, stopped doing some small things that bothered her (like having a couple beers during the week). And she told me she wanted to try to make it work. But 2 weeks ago she told me she was looking for an apartment, and last week she moved out. She said she needed to figure out if she was on the path she wanted to be on in her life. She needed to find herself. She said she still loves me and hopes that the separation makes our relationship stronger in the end. But she can not give me any timeline on it or anything solid.

 

 

 

Shes only been gone for a week, and I told her I wouldn't text her or bug her, but she has been texting me almost daily. She still says she loves me. She had to come back the other day to get some more of her stuff and she ended up wanting to stay and watch some TV with me. She cuddled up to me and kissed me, but then at the end she left. It has me feeling so confused. I don't even know how to feel. I asked her if she had any insight to her feelings after being gone for a week and she said no. She says we are not broken up just "separated". She still tells people we are a couple, and things like pictures of us on social media are still there and our Facebook status is still in a relationship together (I know that doesn't mean anything, but it's still there).

 

 

 

I really just don't know what to do. I feel like Im being strung along, or trying to be let down easy, but this is worse than if she just said it was over. Should I give it a month and see what happens? I am not sure how long I can go on like this. I love her so much, I have not stopped loving her even through the hurt she has caused me. But I also don't want to be strung along if the end result is going to be breakup anyway.

 

 

 

The first few days she left I was a real mess, feeling sorry for myself, drinking too much. I finally told myself I was not going to do that so I renewed my gym membership, went grocery shopping and bought all good healthy food, started doing a self authoring program online. I figure its a good chance to work on myself and make myself better either for her or if I need to find a new woman.

 

 

Anyway thanks for reading this, any advice is much appreciated.

 

As a female I believe you should end things. But I have an advice to give to you. You’re probably the giver/provider sort of guy. For your next relationship do not show off that amount of financial support. You’re just going to attract impressionable women that will see you as a tool.

Rare are the women who don’t take advantage of a guy like that. I would personally never let a loved one (family, lover or friend) pay for my own living expenses regardless of the circumstances.

Keep that in mind in your future relationship. You don’t want to attract a woman who clings on to your hard earned money or she is likely to use you. Even if she likes the nest you want someone that does not think about her future with you but with someone who thinks about your future together as a couple or family.

 

Take care.