elaine567 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 ... She told me she wanted to wait a bit until her career going more stable, which it still is not (shes a supply teacher). She wanted to wait until she had a permanent position. I was ready to propose a couple years ago but she wasn't which is why I waited. Doesn't sound good, she was unsure even then. Get your own house in order, assume she is gone. As Wallysbears says, get her to come pick up her stuff ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruk Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) Ya. That is my plan. I'm doing things for myself now. Trying to not creep her on social media or anything. She doesn't have much here except a pair of skis and some pots and pans. She managed to basically clean out my fridge and all my paper towel, toilet paper, basically all the little things. Her parent's boat is stored on my property, I service it in the fall. Its snowed in and no way for them to come get it now. That will have to wait until Spring. Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 We talked multiple times about marriage and it was always the plan. We went and looked at rings and stuff. She told me she wanted to wait a bit until her career going more stable, which it still is not (shes a supply teacher). She wanted to wait until she had a permanent position. I was ready to propose a couple years ago but she wasn't which is why I waited. It really sounds like you were a "good enough for now" guy to her. She never seems to have made a commitment to you or the relationship. She is cheating, but unless you had caught her you will never know. She will likely be dating this other guy soon and will try to convince you it only happened after. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Ya. That is my plan. I'm doing things for myself now. Trying to not creep her on social media or anything. She doesn't have much here except a pair of skis and some pots and pans. She managed to basically clean out my fridge and all my paper towel, toilet paper, basically all the little things. Her parent's boat is stored on my property, I service it in the fall. Its snowed in and no way for them to come get it now. That will have to wait until Spring. How nice - she took all of your household essentials. Tell this user that her family needs to pick up their boat asap, that you don't give two f***s if it's snowed in, bring a plow truck to clear a path. Otherwise, you're charging them rent. No hold barred, my friend, it's time to play hardball. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruk Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) Yes I did take her for granted a bit. But when I am working two jobs, over 12 hours a day and she is working part time serving in the summer and off 3-4 days a week is it too much to ask to have dinner prepared and dishes done? I mean, I never took her for granted to the point of abuse or slavery lol. And even through all that I was ALWAYS attentive to her needs and showed her love. Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Yes I did take her for granted a bit. But when I am working two jobs, over 12 hours a day and she is working part time serving in the summer and off 3-4 days a week is it too much to ask to have dinner prepared and dishes done? I mean, I never took her for granted to the point of abuse or slavery lol. And even through all that I was ALWAYS attentive to her needs and showed her love. You're looking at things all wrong. She took YOU for granted. You provided a beautiful life for her that most women dream of and she took you for granted and, worse, stepped out on you. Kick this woman to the curb immediately. The next time you talk to her you should sound like a completely different man, one that is a stranger who she's never been in a relationship with. The focus is the boat. WHEN are they coming to get the boat? It's time to get down to business. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MichaelD Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) The only thing wrong good guys do is put women on pedestal and they dont deserve that and get bored, women are ruled by their emotions which always change, if werent for aging process they would continue to do it as would still have options, and she can cheat even if you dont believe, im sleeping with married women that none would guess they would do it. Always focus on yourself, they come and go and you can also play their game by being a jerk, or keep options, but never stop focusing on yourself. And just other guys said its always the same scenario. Also you might a good chance of her coming back in time, considering her age , but you are the back up guy , if it doesnt work out with the other, they need providers at that age. Edited January 29, 2019 by MichaelD Link to post Share on other sites
MichaelD Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) From 50% divorce rate, 80% in your countries are done by women, but indeed thats the point should never take them for granted as they come and go, the downfall is they go with most of the assets if married. They get bored and leave for other, but also in western countries, they most unhappy. Most love songs from men are with gigs subjects, her coming back and hurt, while women ones are with the one that got away. The secret is to make them follow and keep drama on, by giving them very little, even if that means being a jerk lmao. One example is a husband of a woman im sleeping with, he is taking her for granted by not investing in him, giving her and his daughter everything, he became fat etc, while she is way too good looking, was very hard to get her, but once you play with the emotions, they fall prey. He still thinks he lives a fantasy while being busy working, for her to enjoy a good life, which allows her to work out and take care of herself on his money, even if she is a good girl. Emotions... Edited January 29, 2019 by MichaelD Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I haven’t read all the pages of this thread but my guess is that she has never had a chance to explore life on her own. She went from her parent’s home to yours. That rarely pans out well. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 From 50% divorce rate, 80% in your countries are done by women, but indeed thats the point should never take them for granted as they come and go, the downfall is they go with most of the assets if married. They get bored and leave for other, but also in western countries, they most unhappy. Most love songs from men are with gigs subjects, her coming back and hurt, while women ones are with the one that got away. The secret is to make them follow and keep drama on, by giving them very little, even if that means being a jerk lmao. One example is a husband of a woman im sleeping with, he is taking her for granted by not investing in him, giving her and his daughter everything, he became fat etc, while she is way too good looking, was very hard to get her, but once you play with the emotions, they fall prey. He still thinks he lives a fantasy while being busy working, for her to enjoy a good life, which allows her to work out and take care of herself on his money, even if she is a good girl. Emotions... Because men never leave and never get bored. They just cheat. ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MichaelD Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Thats actually true, but statistics beg to differ, but indeed men will cheat and go back to their woman, they are polygamous by nature, while women are hypergamous, they will always try to upgrade, men are motivated more by sex, women by resources and emotions. Women and men love differently and have different things they are attracted to, though every individual its different, but overall as majority do the same. Men can have sex with no emotions, women mostly cant without having some emotions toward the guy, hence why they leave. Men emotions are still to the main woman in most cases, just need the polygamous sex. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 This is not likely to come back together the way you hope, OP. The girl has actually moved out. That is a huge step away from you and the relationship. She doesn't need a trip to get clarity on her feelings. She already has clarity, or she wouldn't have taken the step to move. I think you both know this, but she's not quite ready to cut the cord completely in case the single life (or a new guy) doesn't work out the way she wanted. Thus, she assures you that you two are still "together" as a means of keeping you as a safety net to return to, if it suits her. Please, do not go along with that. It's insulting to you, particularly after 6 years together. I would tell that she is free to go find herself, but not on your watch and that you are going to consider yourself a single man now. Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Do you know the friend she said she took the pictures for? Check her Facebook out and her other friends to see if he is friended on any of them. Check to see if she has him on her Facebook or instagram. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Do you know the friend she said she took the pictures for? Check her Facebook out and her other friends to see if he is friended on any of them. Check to see if she has him on her Facebook or instagram. Why bother? She has rented another apartment and has moved out, taking everything with her including all his toilet paper... Its done. Finito. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Why bother? She has rented another apartment and has moved out, taking everything with her including all his toilet paper... Its done. Finito. I agree. Digging about the guy in the photos is rather moot now. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 (edited) Op, Yes, she is cheating. Do not listen to the "lack of attention or taken for granted" bullsh*t that is used as an excuse. There is no excuse. None. Nada. Anyone trying to tell you different has no character. Your best bet is to move forward and only care about you. She will likely end up regretting what she has done and swing back your way. But by then, you'll probably not even want her as the real truth on "finding herself" will have become apparent. Edited January 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Why bother? She has rented another apartment and has moved out, taking everything with her including all his toilet paper... Its done. Finito. Very true. But, she will gaslight him. He needs to show proof for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
MichaelD Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Gaslight or no, she didnt wanted to continue, in most cases its another guy. And gaslight makes it even harder for him, because shows her lack of character, most likely to keep him away from knowing as he would be the backup. Take your time to suffer and move on and never take YOUR TIME for granted, invest in yourself, go have a holiday, put that money on good use, instead of your ex so she can travel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruk Posted January 29, 2019 Author Share Posted January 29, 2019 Very true. But, she will gaslight him. He needs to show proof for himself. I have checked this guy on social media, and every one he has his privacy set very high. I can't see his friends or even any of his pictures. The story of how the pictures got on my ex's phone is this: She said he is dating one of her coworkers (he also works at the same spot). My ex said that he liked her in the past but knew she had a bf, but my ex also thought he was cute. The girl he is dating now sent my ex the pictures because she knew she thought he was cute. I know how friggin fishy it sounds trust me. Unfortunately the girl he is supposedly dating also has high security so I can't see any of her pics or posts, and I don't want to add her on social media and look like a real stalker. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 The truth is, no one here really and truly knows if she was cheating or not. If the relationship is dead and gone, I’m in the camp of not wanting to know. If she cheated, then shame on her. The most relevant issue here to you is that she left because she wanted out, because she needed her freedom, and perhaps for a load of other reasons no one will ever know - not even her. But the end result is the same. It hurts, I know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 Wait, why were you having to work two jobs while she basically lived with you for free? It sounds like she has been employed, so why was it on you to shoulder the majority of the financials? Also, I'm not one to jump on the "cheating" thing, but it definitely sounds like she's at least intrigued by this other guy. Maybe she didn't physically cheat, but she definitely sounds like she's been detaching, and I would suspect this guy has been partly why. She does sound like she's never gotten to live a true adult life, going from her parents to basically living for free with you. I doubt that's strictly why she wants to eject from the relationship, but as someone in his thirties, I look at people settling down straight out of college and think, "You fool, go live a little first!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruk Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 The truth is, no one here really and truly knows if she was cheating or not. If the relationship is dead and gone, I’m in the camp of not wanting to know. If she cheated, then shame on her. The most relevant issue here to you is that she left because she wanted out, because she needed her freedom, and perhaps for a load of other reasons no one will ever know - not even her. But the end result is the same. It hurts, I know. It does hurt, a lot. However my feelings of sadness are changing to feelings of anger. I was sad when she moved out, I missed her, wanted her back. I still miss her, and want her back. But I am mad because she let a 6 year relationship go and it seemed so easy for her to do it. She didn't want to put any effort in to make it work. She left as fast as she could. The 6 years had their ups and downs but for the most part our relationship was great. I know tons of people in relationships that fight more, and have way more problems but they make it work. For her, it was just like, ok I feel like I need to find myself, see ya, but oh ya we will be together just separated and I have no timeline for your really but maybe my feelings will change. I'm actually really pissed off. And its taking a lot for me not to call her and get really mad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruk Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 Wait, why were you having to work two jobs while she basically lived with you for free? It sounds like she has been employed, so why was it on you to shoulder the majority of the financials? Also, I'm not one to jump on the "cheating" thing, but it definitely sounds like she's at least intrigued by this other guy. Maybe she didn't physically cheat, but she definitely sounds like she's been detaching, and I would suspect this guy has been partly why. She does sound like she's never gotten to live a true adult life, going from her parents to basically living for free with you. I doubt that's strictly why she wants to eject from the relationship, but as someone in his thirties, I look at people settling down straight out of college and think, "You fool, go live a little first!" I was not working two jobs really because I had to for financial reasons. I have a main career, and have grandparents who own a business who are very old and struggling to operate it by themselves so I have been helping them after work for a while now. Its more of a family thing than a financial thing. Ive never been in a financially unstable position, and I never really asked her for more money. I viewed it as providing for her at the time. Now in retrospect I should probably have changed that. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 I know it hurts but walk out with your dignity and your pride and live a good life. Take this time to do things for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 The truth is, no one here really and truly knows if she was cheating or not. If the relationship is dead and gone, I’m in the camp of not wanting to know. If she cheated, then shame on her. The most relevant issue here to you is that she left because she wanted out, because she needed her freedom, and perhaps for a load of other reasons no one will ever know - not even her. But the end result is the same. It hurts, I know. Breaking up affects people, when you care for someone you dont allow them to leave the relationship believing it ended because of something they did when it fact its because you chose someone else. Yes it hurts, but ultimately most cheated realize it is not thier circus not thier monkey. No one has ever been perfect in any relationship, I'm sure he has a list of things he was unhappy with...and by the way, she is absolutely cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
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