Ex’s new girl is 20 yrs younger. He said he will take me back if they break up

[Lostlove11]

He doesn't care if they have anything in common. 40 year old guys just like chasing 20-somethings if they can get them for mainly sexual purposes. It won't likely last, but she may get pregnant or something like that and bind them together forever. You should ask if he's wearing condoms. Can't trust a 20-something to always do birth control right. Chances are he won't be done even if she leaves. If he got one 20 year old, he will go after another.

 

I have a great idea! Why don't you just start actively dating? It will drive him crazy and he certainly can't have anything to say about it given what he's doing. Best thing is if he cares about you, it will give him some urgency to make up his mind. Worst case scenario is you find someone else to love! Please take that suggestion seriously. It's the only thing you can do to maintain your dignity in this situation and it's common sense not to sit and wait for him. You're single.

She will probably get pregnant. She is apparently on the pill ( I have doubts) and he is not using protection. So yes that's what will bind them together forever and I think that's her plan

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't feel like dating again.

He has made me feel so dissapointed in men & life.

I thought he had morals and was a decent person, never in my wildest dreams did I even imagine he would find someone 20 years younger. His 40 and she's 20.

 

Why?

 

You were part of this break-up too, OP. You didn't want to set a wedding date. This isn't about men in general. It's about the two of you not being a match anymore.

[stillafool]

She loves him for what he has not who he is.

How come he dosn't have other 20 year old's falling head over heels in love with him?

I bet if he met her randomly there would be no chance that they would be together.

How come he hasn't told his friends about this girl if shes not just a fling?

She would have moved herself in,making sure she makes herself comfortable in case I came back.

 

Why would she make herself comfortable in case you came back? You came back to him but he didn't accept you and told you he's with her. Doesn't look like she has anything to worry about as it relates to you. It doesn't matter how he got her the point is they are together and she apparently likes it and so does he because she's still there. I didn't realize he was a multi millionaire who is giving her a jet set lifestyle.

 

You just seem to be jealous and hung up on the fact that he has a 20 year old. Would you feel better and less hurt if she were 35?

Edited February 9, 2019 by stillafool

[elaine567]

She is apparently on the pill ( I have doubts) and he is not using protection.

 

 

How do you know that?

[Lostlove11]

How do you know that?

 

He told me.

[elaine567]

He told me.

 

 

Oh dear.

Why on earth are you getting involved to the extent you know he is having bareback sex with her?

...and why is he telling YOU that?

[Lostlove11]

Why would she make herself comfortable in case you came back? You came back to him but he didn't accept you and told you he's with her. Doesn't look like she has anything to worry about as it relates to you. It doesn't matter how he got her the point is they are together and she apparently likes it and so does he because she's still there. I didn't realize he was a multi millionaire who is giving her a jet set lifestyle.

 

You just seem to be jealous and hung up on the fact that he has a 20 year old. Would you feel better and less hurt if she were 35?

 

Why wouldn’t she make herself comfortable Incase I came back? Of course if I ended up with someone who was engaged and they broke up with their fiancé I would always wonder if the girl would even come back or the couple would ever get back together.

 

Why would someone of that age move in with a much older older man after being together for around 3 weeks or less? Even older couples don’t really rush things. I understand about staying over but being so desperate to move in so quickly makes me doubt her motives.

In my opinion a 20 year old is far too immature for a 40 yr old. Even at my age I wouldn’t even consider dating a 20 year old guy and I am younger then my ex. When I was 20 years old it didn’t even cross my mind to even think of finding someone double my age (a 40 year old man) someone who is old enough to be my father.

 

No he isn’t a multi millionaire, however she was living in shared rental accommodation with his mother, he has his own place, has a good job and she’s basically just come there with shoes on her feet.

Yes I am hung up on the fact that he has a 20 year old, someone half his age. He said that when he saw me he thought I looked to young for him and now his gone for someone 11 years younger then me.

Yes I would feel less hurt if she was 35. It would be easier for me to accept.

[Lostlove11]

Oh dear.

Why on earth are you getting involved to the extent you know he is having bareback sex with her?

...and why is he telling YOU that?

 

Exactly why is he telling me?

Probably to hurt me and make me jealous...and it’s working because it does hurt me and now that’s all I can think of them doing.. and really it makes me feel ill.

[elaine567]

The reason it is best to go No Contact with an ex is because by doing that, you don't drive yourself mad wondering what they are up to every second of the day.

You don't know what they are doing with their life, who they are speaking to, who they are seeing, who they are sleeping with...

You get on with your own life and you forget about them.

Stay out of his life, for your own sake.

Edited February 9, 2019 by elaine567
removed quote

[stillafool]

Yes I would feel less hurt if she was 35. It would be easier for me to accept.

 

All of your anger seems to be directed at this young woman. He is the 40 year old who moved her into his home. I'm sure she didn't force her way in there. You don't know what happened between them that made him quickly move her in to his home.

 

I think it would do you good to just put this behind you and move toward healing. The right guy is out there for you.

Edited February 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Exactly why is he telling me?

Probably to hurt me and make me jealous...and it’s working because it does hurt me and now that’s all I can think of them doing.. and really it makes me feel ill.

 

Did he volunteer this information to you or did you ask him?

[elaine567]

He said that when he saw me he thought I looked to young for him and now his gone for someone 11 years younger then me.

 

History repeating.

He has replaced you with someone in the age bracket he finds most attractive.

That is not the action of a man who is husband and father material.

Move quickly on, you have wasted enough time with this guy.

[stillafool]

History repeating.

He has replaced you with someone in the age bracket he finds most attractive.

That is not the action of a man who is husband and father material.

Move quickly on, you have wasted enough time with this guy.

 

Yeah Elaine, he isn't much different than a lot of these guys that come to this forum who want 20 year olds they can't get.

[Eternal Sunshine]

There is something particularly disgusting when a 40yo man is dating a 20yo. I guess it's mostly the realization that he will happily be used by an annoying brat (sorry, but most of 20 year olds are that). The only attraction this girl is seeing in him is free rent.

 

Most of us would like to think that our ex partners are not completely shallow and superficial.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why would someone of that age move in with a much older older man after being together for around 3 weeks or less? Even older couples don’t really rush things. I understand about staying over but being so desperate to move in so quickly makes me doubt her motives.

By the same token, your ex must be pretty desperate too. Desperate enough to let a much-younger stranger move in with him.

 

In my opinion a 20 year old is far too immature for a 40 yr old. Even at my age I wouldn’t even consider dating a 20 year old guy and I am younger then my ex. When I was 20 years old it didn’t even cross my mind to even think of finding someone double my age (a 40 year old man) someone who is old enough to be my father.

And what does all of this say about your ex? He's dating someone young enough to be his daughter. It's not as though he had no choice in the matter. Her motives, and his, are not your concern.

 

You spew a lot of vitriol about her, but you need to take a long, hard look at your ex here too. I get that you feel jealous and insecure because he's found himself a hot little number, but OP, your anger towards her is misguided.

 

It's time to stay far, far away from him. You shouldn't even know that he is having unprotected sex with her. Not only is it none of your business, but being privy to that information is your cue that you are too involved in his life and need to let go.

[Lostlove11]

Did he volunteer this information to you or did you ask him?

 

He told me himself.

[Lostlove11]

By the same token, your ex must be pretty desperate too. Desperate enough to let a much-younger stranger move in with him.

 

And what does all of this say about your ex? He's dating someone young enough to be his daughter. It's not as though he had no choice in the matter. Her motives, and his, are not your concern.

 

You spew a lot of vitriol about her, but you need to take a long, hard look at your ex here too. I get that you feel jealous and insecure because he's found himself a hot little number, but OP, your anger towards her is misguided.

 

It's time to stay far, far away from him. You shouldn't even know that he is having unprotected sex with her. Not only is it none of your business, but being privy to that information is your cue that you are too involved in his life and need to let go.

 

Just because she is 20 years old dosn’t mean she is a hot little number. She isn’t even “hot”.

No I shouldn’t know his sexual habits with her though he openly told me about them.

I’m disgusted because I feel like he is the complete opposite to the person I thought I knew. He was decent, well I thought he was, now he is some perverted 40 year old. It’s like he has been brainwashed.

Yes I do spew a lot of vitriol towards her, she is not just some random girl who he picked up, she caused trouble in his brothers marraige to the point where his wife kicked him out for a while.She had no respect for a married man and if all I know she probably even contributed to the demise in my relationship with my ex ( I don’t know what went on when he visited his mother) and she lived with her. He never took me to his mothers place when she was around. So she has moved on from one brother to another.

[bathtub-row]

Regardless of how screwed up this girl is, I would have a bigger issue with my ex inviting someone to live with him after knowing them for such a short time. Who in their right mind does that??

 

After enough time goes by, you’re going to lose respect for your ex because he has shown you a side to him that is in no way admirable. Personally, I wouldn’t take him back if he begged me.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're still completely missing the point, OP.

 

This girl, according to you, has plenty of issues. That might be absolutely true. Yet, your ex moved her in anyway. It sounds like she is not the only problem here, but you seem unwilling to admit that your ex is no prize either.

 

And she might not be hot, in your eyes, but evidently your ex has the hots for her. She wouldn't be in his house otherwise. Let's get real here. He thinks she's hot.

 

You need to let go. Obsessing over him, her and their relationship is getting you nowhere. It's time for you to move on.

[Lostlove11]

You're still completely missing the point, OP.

 

This girl, according to you, has plenty of issues. That might be absolutely true. Yet, your ex moved her in anyway. It sounds like she is not the only problem here, but you seem unwilling to admit that your ex is no prize either.

 

And she might not be hot, in your eyes, but evidently your ex has the hots for her. She wouldn't be in his house otherwise. Let's get real here. He thinks she's hot.

 

You need to let go. Obsessing over him, her and their relationship is getting you nowhere. It's time for you to move on.

 

I’ve let go, I’m over him and over her. I’m better off without him.I hope they both have a miserable life together. She is in his house because he is 40 and desperate to have kids. I hope he is infertile.Yes I am bitter especially after the way I was treated during my relationship and after but now I’m able to move forward and see that I deserve better. I was blinded before. Hopefylly he will learn the hard way because no one will ever be genuine or loyal like I was and no one will ever love him like I did! If he comes back, my answer now will be NO!

[Lostlove11]

Regardless of how screwed up this girl is, I would have a bigger issue with my ex inviting someone to live with him after knowing them for such a short time. Who in their right mind does that??

 

After enough time goes by, you’re going to lose respect for your ex because he has shown you a side to him that is in no way admirable. Personally, I wouldn’t take him back if he begged me.

 

Yes I was disgusted in him and have zero respect for him.

He has shown his true colours and had me fooled by his fake personality. I’m glad I didn’t get married to him. If he came back I would say No now.

[sandrawg]

There is something particularly disgusting when a 40yo man is dating a 20yo. I guess it's mostly the realization that he will happily be used by an annoying brat (sorry, but most of 20 year olds are that). The only attraction this girl is seeing in him is free rent.

 

Most of us would like to think that our ex partners are not completely shallow and superficial.

 

Uh, that's kind of ageist of you.

 

Yeah, I agree 20 yr olds are like unshapen clay, and I couldn't imagine why anyone would date a 20 yr old, but I don't like it when someone assumes younger guys I have dated, have "mommy issues." Stereotypes about age gap rel'ships are lame.

 

You don't know her motivation, either for why she's seeing him. Thinking she's a golddigger is a big sexist, don't you think?

[sandrawg]

Yes I was disgusted in him and have zero respect for him.

He has shown his true colours and had me fooled by his fake personality. I’m glad I didn’t get married to him. If he came back I would say No now.

 

For real, this girl is probably a rebound..you simply don't move in with someone after ONE MONTH. That is not a recipe for a long-lasting healthy rel'ship.

 

And then for him to basically want you as a back up..his judgment is awful.

 

I would definitely move on if I were you.

[sandrawg]

I’ve let go, I’m over him and over her. I’m better off without him.I hope they both have a miserable life together. She is in his house because he is 40 and desperate to have kids. I hope he is infertile.Yes I am bitter especially after the way I was treated during my relationship and after but now I’m able to move forward and see that I deserve better. I was blinded before. Hopefylly he will learn the hard way because no one will ever be genuine or loyal like I was and no one will ever love him like I did! If he comes back, my answer now will be NO!

 

I would COUNT on him coming back.

 

Honey, I'm 51. If I've learned anything, it's that they always come back.

 

Just be strong and block him everywhere. No contact. For good.