Author ShaunaN Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 My boyfriend is sweet. He rang my dad last night asking for permission to marry me and apologising he couldn't make the trip in person. My dad said it was really nice and unexpected of him. My mum did for 10-15 minutes keep asking if its what I want as its getting married in a hospital and it won't be my dream wedding. I said when he is better we can do the whole big dream wedding. They said they would fly over for the wedding. Spoke with his parents they are coming too and will help organise things. I also want to make enquiries to get him a day pass out of hospital. I know generally they give chemo as an out patient but they are keeping him in for his fits and how serious they can be. I think it would be good for him to be out of hospital just for a day, so we can have a "Honeymoon" so to speak 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 My best friend whatsapp'd me saying when she is over for the wedding I need o have a hen night. I just don't feel right having one. When he is out and we are having a blessing/bigger wedding maybe then but she is insistent its tradition Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 I would not feel guilty about going out with your girlfriend Shauna. She sounds like a wonderful friend for you. This is that “self care” that we have been talking to you about. Your boyfriend will be well cared for... even if you go for dinner and spend some time talking with your friend, it is important for you to take a little time for yourself. If you can do it, I would do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 I would not feel guilty about going out with your girlfriend Shauna. She sounds like a wonderful friend for you. This is that “self care” that we have been talking to you about. Your boyfriend will be well cared for... even if you go for dinner and spend some time talking with your friend, it is important for you to take a little time for yourself. If you can do it, I would do it. I can do it, I guess I feel guilty if I did. A night out would be good even if it is just dinner I went to my future inlaws for dinner, it was really nice of them to ask me round. I have to admit I went to the walk in centre earlier. I didn't feel too well. they said my self care is as important as looking after my boyfriend too. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 It is!! You are no good to your boyfriend if you don’t take care of yourself - physically and emotionally. This is a marathon, not a sprint. He is well cared for in hospital. Be sure to take the time that you need to eat, sleep, and decompress... it is important, for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 You gave me goosebumps!!! Congratulations! You WILL laugh about all this one day. I understand. Nothing makes us lonelier and sadder than to see a loved one going through this. Please take care of yourself. You will be a better partner if you do. Sacrifice things to a point where you can still function — it’s the best gift you can give him. Honestly you give me hope in humanity, seeing someone being so dedicated, caring and selfless. He’s lucky to have you. ((Love to you both)) I am going to marry him Have to admit I woke up this morning and felt really empty and lonely Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 3, 2019 Author Share Posted March 3, 2019 It is!! You are no good to your boyfriend if you don’t take care of yourself - physically and emotionally. This is a marathon, not a sprint. He is well cared for in hospital. Be sure to take the time that you need to eat, sleep, and decompress... it is important, for both of you. Thank you, Sundays I've kept as a me day. My boyfriend said I should do things I want to do. So I go to the gym, If I want to I go to mass and head up to the Irish Centre. It sounds cliche but I find being round people from back home helps me. I get something to eat and just catch up and breathe. I know I need to eat sleep and drink properly. times its hard. I'm working from home, heading up to the hospital and generally trying to keep it together. We have a storm here in the UK at the minute. I usually just want to cuddle up to my boyfriend and see the storm out. I can't so I'm just wearing his stuff so I can feel close to him. You gave me goosebumps!!! Congratulations! You WILL laugh about all this one day. I understand. Nothing makes us lonelier and sadder than to see a loved one going through this. Please take care of yourself. You will be a better partner if you do. Sacrifice things to a point where you can still function — it’s the best gift you can give him. Honestly you give me hope in humanity, seeing someone being so dedicated, caring and selfless. He’s lucky to have you. ((Love to you both)) Thank you, What you said means a lot. I try, I don't think I'm dedicated. I just be me and I try my best. I worry about bills, I have the logins for the online accounts and see its paid but I worry my boyfriends income protection will end and he'll try and go back to work. I don't want to leave our house, but I feel really lonely here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 You are doing great, Shauna. Having in place a will that reflects his values and his love is EXTREMELY consoling to an ailing person who may be near death. Now I'm going to say some things that may make you scream ... Please don't shoot me ... Make sure you are in the will! ... You're the one taking care of him at the end. You should be in the will as a major benefciary ... Big time! ... Ask for what you want from him--now! Clothes you like, photos ... whatever, ask for those things! ... And make sure you are included in on any money he has assuming he doesn't have children that need it. And ... don't shoot! ... ask about life insurance and retirement accounts. I just updated my life insurance and my retirement account beneficiaries. Enormously satisfying to do so! ... Make sure you are a beneficiary on both accounts. I don't care how much you love him now, if you don't get anything out of his assets, you will feel neglected and angry and abandoned later. You're the one taking care of him at the end .. And let's hope this is NOT the end!!! ... But you would feel devastated later to find out he gave everything to cousins that didn't even visit him! No time for superstition. Attending to a will and insurance and all that ... does not bring about death. That's child-like thinking that causes all kinds of problems. Maybe the marriage will solve these issues. Maybe it won't. I would bring in an attorney (doesn't cost much) to change the will so you are in it. And should you be the executor of his estate? ... Think honestly. Do you want a sister of his he doesn't like to be calling you and having charge of his estate? ... I'm thinking you should be the executor. You can get practical help for that later. But I'd ask to be his executor. Being executor and in the will ... will allow you to feel deeply connected to him ... no matter what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 You are doing great, Shauna. Having in place a will that reflects his values and his love is EXTREMELY consoling to an ailing person who may be near death. Now I'm going to say some things that may make you scream ... Please don't shoot me ... Make sure you are in the will! ... You're the one taking care of him at the end. You should be in the will as a major benefciary ... Big time! ... Ask for what you want from him--now! Clothes you like, photos ... whatever, ask for those things! ... And make sure you are included in on any money he has assuming he doesn't have children that need it. And ... don't shoot! ... ask about life insurance and retirement accounts. I just updated my life insurance and my retirement account beneficiaries. Enormously satisfying to do so! ... Make sure you are a beneficiary on both accounts. I don't care how much you love him now, if you don't get anything out of his assets, you will feel neglected and angry and abandoned later. You're the one taking care of him at the end .. And let's hope this is NOT the end!!! ... But you would feel devastated later to find out he gave everything to cousins that didn't even visit him! No time for superstition. Attending to a will and insurance and all that ... does not bring about death. That's child-like thinking that causes all kinds of problems. Maybe the marriage will solve these issues. Maybe it won't. I would bring in an attorney (doesn't cost much) to change the will so you are in it. And should you be the executor of his estate? ... Think honestly. Do you want a sister of his he doesn't like to be calling you and having charge of his estate? ... I'm thinking you should be the executor. You can get practical help for that later. But I'd ask to be his executor. Being executor and in the will ... will allow you to feel deeply connected to him ... no matter what happens. He asked me to read it and made sure I'm happy with it. Its quite an upsetting document. The first section he talks about how he hasn't been the best person and he is sorry. I'm named, as well as the solicitor who wrote the will as executors. In this envelope he gave me is a copy of all his papers for insurances, a pre-paid funeral document and such. I get almost everything, His best friend is getting something too. He talked about his model planes and if I didn't want them then he wants them donating to a place in Holland.. He closes it with "I know we both said we we are forever. I'm sorry it couldn't be longer, but you were my forever. Please, if you find someone else. live your life to the fullest" Just wish I won't need these documents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 So I went to apply for the emergency license. I took all our documents and the letter from the doctor. The registrar said I didn't have "settled status". I pointed out I was an Irish national and didn't need it. She said I had a document missing but under the circumstances she issued the permit to me. I've got it booked for Friday. My boyfriend said he would sort the rings out. I don't want to burden him. His mum and dad are organising a small buffet. I've asked about a day away from the hospital. I need to speak to the consultant. I want to ask the two nurses to be witnesses, really don't know how to approach that one, I feel really tired but I can't sleep So much to organise. Boyfriend didn't look well at all today. He looked worse than usual Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Chemo is a basically poison, so it affects not only the bad cells but also the good ones. So it's normal he's going to look bad. I know it makes it all more scary and real. The treatment can outwardly be more ravaging than the disease. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 4, 2019 Author Share Posted March 4, 2019 Chemo is a basically poison, so it affects not only the bad cells but also the good ones. So it's normal he's going to look bad. I know it makes it all more scary and real. The treatment can outwardly be more ravaging than the disease. If I could take the pain and suffering away I so would. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 I'm sorry your bf didn't look good today ... I remember when my brother was suffering ... he has lost all kinds of weight ... it was so hard to see him like that. I'm SO GLAD you are getting his stuff in the will. May not seem much now, but the warmth of his gifts (the love behind his gifts to you in the will and insurance and all of that) will come through ... you'll feel that love ... more than even the gifts themselves. That's what I wanted to say! Take photos at the wedding. Glad you got people coming in ... You are inside quite a stunning story, Shauna! I'm smiling ... actually tearing up thnking about you guys ... I think the wedding is such a good idea! ... It's something he can do to live fully no matter what! It's something you can affirm with him. Actually, I'm guessing they will let him out of the hospital for a period of time--might not be all day ... What a great idea!!!! I'm guessing other people can take care of the cake and all of that ... Wear something you really WANT to wear ... You don't have go go traditional. I feel such warmth and I feel a privilege to be following your story and to get to offer you support. And to hear you honestly processing your emotions on the fly ... What a story this is!!!! You're like the heroine in a movie. OMG! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 I'm sorry your bf didn't look good today ... I remember when my brother was suffering ... he has lost all kinds of weight ... it was so hard to see him like that. I'm SO GLAD you are getting his stuff in the will. May not seem much now, but the warmth of his gifts (the love behind his gifts to you in the will and insurance and all of that) will come through ... you'll feel that love ... more than even the gifts themselves. That's what I wanted to say! Take photos at the wedding. Glad you got people coming in ... You are inside quite a stunning story, Shauna! I'm smiling ... actually tearing up thnking about you guys ... I think the wedding is such a good idea! ... It's something he can do to live fully no matter what! It's something you can affirm with him. Actually, I'm guessing they will let him out of the hospital for a period of time--might not be all day ... What a great idea!!!! I'm guessing other people can take care of the cake and all of that ... Wear something you really WANT to wear ... You don't have go go traditional. I feel such warmth and I feel a privilege to be following your story and to get to offer you support. And to hear you honestly processing your emotions on the fly ... What a story this is!!!! You're like the heroine in a movie. OMG! Thanks for your kind words. I'm nothing special. I'm just me trying to do the best I can 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 So today was a bad day. I was at my future inlaws and I collapsed in their lounge. Next thing I remember is waking up in an ambulance. Got checked out at the hospital. I am doing too much, not eating or drinking properly and I've got exhaustion. My body is saying I'm not some super hero. The doctor come and had a stern talk to me that if I carry on I am no good to my boyfriend. They wouldn't let me go until I ate and drank something. I have to say I love the NHS. THey did all this treatment without any requesting any money or insurance details. I offered my insurance they said it was not needed. I'm at the inlaws tonight they are making me dinner and letting me stay over. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Follow that doctor’s orders because caring for yourself needs to happen before you can care for him. Otherwise you won’t have it to give if you’re depleted. I’m glad it was nothing serious and you’re with your peeps. It sounds like you have a real good thing going on with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 Follow that doctor’s orders because caring for yourself needs to happen before you can care for him. Otherwise you won’t have it to give if you’re depleted. I’m glad it was nothing serious and you’re with your peeps. It sounds like you have a real good thing going on with them. They were frightened and just want to make sure I'm ok I do feel all strange being here. Not used to being around people. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 It’s nice that you’re growing your relationship though Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 It’s nice that you’re growing your relationship though True, I am hardly close to anyone over here so it is nice to get close! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShaunaN Posted March 5, 2019 Author Share Posted March 5, 2019 I've been looking at dresses and there is so many. I shouldn't be so selfish in looking. Could you give me your opinions please? https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/lauren-ralph-lauren-long-sleeve-gown-with-side-split/d896992.pd#292860600 https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/little-mistress-beaded-top-maxi-dress/d542570.pd#212868204 https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/phase-eight-donna-full-length-dress/d699360.pd#241506009 https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/adrianna-papell-sequin-mermaid-dress/d942335.pd#303595926 https://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_36194+154413001_-1 https://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_61252+280742_-1 https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/dresses/lilac-cowl-neck-maxi-dress/p/613620855?comp=Browse I know its selfish but I just want the day to be as good as it can be under the circumstances Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 I've been looking at dresses and there is so many. I shouldn't be so selfish in looking. Could you give me your opinions please? https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/lauren-ralph-lauren-long-sleeve-gown-with-side-split/d896992.pd#292860600 https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/little-mistress-beaded-top-maxi-dress/d542570.pd#212868204 https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/phase-eight-donna-full-length-dress/d699360.pd#241506009 https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/women/adrianna-papell-sequin-mermaid-dress/d942335.pd#303595926 https://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_36194+154413001_-1 https://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_61252+280742_-1 https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/dresses/lilac-cowl-neck-maxi-dress/p/613620855?comp=Browse I know its selfish but I just want the day to be as good as it can be under the circumstances I thought the 2nd and 3rd ones are beautiful. Some of the others are a little too informal for my taste. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Shauna, Glad these folks got your attention. You may have to eat even when you don't feel like eating ... lots of times that's bad advice, but you're undereating and probably under-sleeping ... Go out for some walks, go to a movie ... pick up a mystery book (though your concentration may be bad) ... True story ... There's a book and movie, Black Hawk Down, about American soldiers in Somalia ... long story short. Two helicopters (Black Hawks) get shot down ... and the American soldiers get trapped in Somalia ...They can't get out because a bunch of Somali fighters are surrounding them. So the Americans brought in these small helicopters called "Little Birds" ... to keep shooting when the Somalis were about to overrun the Americans on the ground. The pilots wanted to rush out on mission after mission to save their fellow soldiers ... You know what the officers did? ... they ordered the pilots to eat! ... Literally forced them to eat. The pilots didn't want to eat--they wanted to rescue the colleagues ... But ... the officers knew that the pilots' thinking would be compromised if they didn't have food. The pilots were so mad at the officers, but the officers had wisdom and experience, and the officers knew taking 15 minutes to eat wasn't going to change the course of the battle. You're in a battle every bit as intense as those pilots were in. Eat, walk, sleep ... do you ever meditate? ... Go to a garden ... look at some flowers ... go to an action movie ... Glad NHS took care of you ... You're doing great of course. Just give yourself some permission to take care of yourself ... even though you probably have the reflex to just worry. Go to an expensive restaurant if you have to ... in order to get interested in food ... Oh, schedule a massage! ... Multiple massages!!!!!!! It's an emergency ... don't be afraid to spend money on yourself! If you hate massages, think of something that is really nurturing and do that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 I vote for the second one, the Beaded Top Maxi Dress. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 The second one is beautiful... Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 The dresses are all beautiful. I loved the Royal Blue And Pink Bardot Midi Dress. I know it's a bit less formal, but something about the pattern captures happy energy in my eyes ... and I know you want to bring him happiness. My other favorite is the Lilac Cowl Neck Maxi Dress ... gorgeous and a bit more formal/classy than the pink bardot dress. I love the red outfits as well (I'm in love with red!) ... Bottom line: they all look fabulous! What are you learning towards? Link to post Share on other sites
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