bigman1 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 So, from your very short responses to probing questions it appears that you are Asian and married to an Asian and have a child who you believe is yours because they look "fully" Asian (and I do NOT mean that in some bigoted way but it is the clear implication of your statement as OM is not Asian) She is cheating and has been for a while and you were the safe bet and she likes doing anal with him but not you and they have a volatile but infrequent physical relationship. He's divorced and her parents are deceased. You can't bear to lose her and love her more than she loves you. Having said all of that, what do you want? She does not appear to want you. Perhaps you should get some counseling on how to break up. If you are not going anywhere and don't want her to leave, and have done anything to end the affair, I am not sure what help you are seeking. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 hell I’m pissed off just reading it and it’s not even my life. That was my reaction too when I first read it. I felt like coming down hard on OP for his strange inability to take any action whatsoever. But then I settled down and accepted that my reaction was all about me. OP is who he is, and to be helpful we have to meet him right where HE is, not where we are or think he should be. I'm just sad for OP, and sad that people like his wife can so heartlessly take advantage of a loyal, trusting man who loves them. OP, I definitely think you should be in counseling/therapy. This is too much for a man to handle on his own. You need to get in touch with your feelings and have a safe place to express them, and you need to make decisions as to the best way to go forward. Avoidance will probably keep you stuck in the misery that you are experiencing now. It may take time to equilibrate, and a good therapist can help you to make the decisions that are right for you based on your values. Life is really hard sometimes, but you only get one shot so you need to make the best of it. Keep posting here if it helps. Wishing the best for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 The DNA test is mandatory here. Don’t be a hopium addict hoping the child is yours. Looks can be deceiving. Step 2 is to consult with a lawyer where you live. You need to learn what a divorce involves. Knowledge is power. The less uncertainty you have the better you can plan your course of action. The length of this affair makes reconciliation less likely. And you will always remember it no matter what happens in the future. Only you can determine whether it is a deal breaker or not. Some men can forgive it but others cannot. As someone mentioned, the current limbo you are living in leaves your future up to AP. If he tells WW he wants a full time relationship with her, she’ll leave you for him. Take charge of your own life! Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) The only thing good about your situation is your son, everything else is a lie and your marriage is a complete farce. The thing you need to realize is there are things far worse then divorce, sharing your wife with another man is at the top of that list. You married a stranger, she is a fraud and a trickster and very good at deception. Long term affairs take a lot of planning and a lot of lies. Stop wasting energy on fears you have no control over, all it does is keep you paralyzed. Your fear of loosing something you never really had is exactly that. You need to take control because her selfishness has put you and your child in a very bad place. As others have already stated, get legal advice then take action. Because of the length of her infidelity it would be wise to confirm the paternity of your child, it happened to me. You need to have all your ducks in a row before February. Don't be her babysitter when she's out with her other man. I do not see how your marriage can survive this much of a betrayal, I do not see why you think a relationship with her is worth saving? Your heart will betray you so use your intelligence to get you through this. You need to confront her and you need to expose her, you need to get yourself out of infidelity. Sorry friend, I see very little here worth saving. I am very sorry for what you are going through. Your Asian, how do you save face when your married to someone like her? If the O/M is married or in a relationship expose the affair to his betrayed partner. Edited January 26, 2019 by aliveagain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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