Can I trust that my bf has really changed?

January 3, 2019

My bf and I have been together for several years but not living together.

I am certain he is very much in love with me and I love him BUT the one issue keeping us from moving in and moving forward is what I see as a red flag...specifically, his financial judgment (or lack thereof). It also doesn't help he doesn't have much money or assets to his name and I'm very well established after working my a** off all my life and saving.

He works but only earns a modest salary and collects social security. To be clear, he appears to keep up with his bills but doesn't have anything much in his checking account after paying those bills - in other words, he "breaks even". Further, he has NO retirement savings but does have some $ put aside equal to the amount he earns in his job for 1 year.

I told him I will never live with him solely b/c I am really anxious about the possibility of supporting him at some point and he will be required to pay me rent that is at least equal to the amount he pays now (which is far less than 1/2 of my actual household expenses).

He is really trying to keep his expenses down and now says "he's really happy where he is financially". I suppose being able to pay most of your bills makes him in a better place than before when he owed thousands of dollars and was unable to make the payments until a "gift" was given to him by a family member who passed.

The real question is it practical or even possible for someone to change this much to the point where I can rely on it? He has disappointed me before but I do see some progress.

January 3, 2019

Did he use the windfall to pay off his debts? If he did, that’s a good thing. However, I would be cautious about getting too involved with him because his history doesn’t speak well for him. The truth is, he may not have paid off those debts or he may acquire new ones. I always say that if you see red flags, you will come to sorely regret it if you ignore them. Most people don’t change. If he’s content with his situation, then great. Don’t make it your problem.

January 3, 2019

the issue then is that he still wants to live with me...so at what point, if ever, do I trust him enough to change my mind and live with him?

PS: one of my adult kids is not in favor of me trusting him at all...

January 3, 2019

Advice still stands, don't do it unless you have a legal prenuptial agreement to protect your assets and in case of illness or disability. You will be on the hook for his care.

Listen to your kids.