Author Luvmykidz Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 Wanting nothing to do with you doesn't mean she's recovered, it just means she is strong enough to stop the insane roller coaster ride. If you want out of your marriage, get out. Approximately half of all marriages end in divorce, if all those people can do it so can you. You stay because you choose to. And you choose to keep messing with all these women's emotions. This forum doesn't give mercy to those who actively choose to keep screwing theirs and others' lives up. The OW is a beautiful and amazing woman. She knows she deserves better than what I'm able or willing to give her. She knows her worth and isn't willing to accept less. I can't say I blame her. If she's still single, she won't be for long.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 We have discussed divorce over the years many times but every time, my W has backed away from the idea, saying she's in it forever. She told me I'm selfish for even mentioning D. I don't want to be seen as the bad guy for leaving my family while I still have kids at home. I'm thinking about divorcing once the kids are 18+. If she'll sign the papers.
BaileyB Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 We have discussed divorce over the years many times but every time, my W has backed away from the idea, saying she's in it forever. She told me I'm selfish for even mentioning D. I don't want to be seen as the bad guy for leaving my family while I still have kids at home. I'm thinking about divorcing once the kids are 18+. If she'll sign the papers. You don’t need your wife’s permission to file for divorce. If you want to end your marriage, go to a lawyer and file the papers. It’s not divorce that would make you “the bad guy.” If your family knew the truth of the situation, they would tell you that there are other things that are worse - like having an affair with another woman and pining for her, while staying and pretending things are fine when you are really feeling “miserable” in your marriage and with your your family. 2
BaileyB Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 You have a point. But does SHE know she deserves better? Perhaps someday, she will come to understand that she deserves better.
TheRainbow Posted November 18, 2018 Posted November 18, 2018 You don’t need your wife’s permission to file for divorce. If you want to end your marriage, go to a lawyer and file the papers. It’s not divorce that would make you “the bad guy.” If your family knew the truth of the situation, they would tell you that there are other things that are worse - like having an affair with another woman and pining for her, while staying and pretending things are fine when you are really feeling “miserable” in your marriage and with your your family. I second this advice. I remember when I first came on this site. I was cold, selfish and sounded a lot like the original poster. Everyone told me to let him go. So I asked for a separation despite my husband wanting to reconcile. At that time, I didn't or wouldn't stop cheating. It was only after a short separation and some counselling that I got my head out of my ass and decided that I was being a horrible person. Original Poster, if you aren't willing to stop cheating and treat your wife some basic respect then let her go.
whichwayisup Posted November 18, 2018 Posted November 18, 2018 My birthday wish to her was very general, unlike last year, when I added a few extra words and pleasantries. I feel like I've come a long way since last year. I literally only said "happy birthday". I could have sent a text or a private message to wish her a happy birthday instead but I know that would been a bad decision because it would have made her feel like there's an opening and that I still love her. Besides, she's completely ignoring me anyway just like I'm doing to her on social media, even though I started it by abruptly shutting her out. I act like she doesn't exist most of the time. It's for the best. Since your A is over, what is the point of keeping her on your social media? Delete and block. You have no business to know what is going on in her life, just like she has no business to know what's going on in your life. Time to totally let go and focus on your wife and kids. 1
whichwayisup Posted November 18, 2018 Posted November 18, 2018 You have a point. But does SHE know she deserves better? Does she know you had an affair? If so, does she know that you have the exOW on your facebook?
anika99 Posted November 18, 2018 Posted November 18, 2018 I had children prior to meeting my W. My W had two babies for me before I decided to marry her. And the kids are pre-teens and beyond now. They don't require much anymore. My W and I had three kids before we got M. I wanted to do the right thing and be a present and hands on dad so getting M was the decision I made. I don't regret that decision because it has allowed me to be a full-time dad and keep my family intact without having to do visitation and CS. My own father walked out on us for another W so I vowed not to do the same to my kids. About two years into my M, OW came back into my life via social media and we RC. I'm so confused now. The second quote above is what you wrote in your very first thread on your very first post. You clearly stated that your wife and you had three kids before you married her and that the reason you married her was so that you could be a hands on dad. Now in this thread you say you already had 3 kids before you met wife, then had 2 kids with your wife before you married her and since you say you still have young kids at home did you have 2 more kids with your wife after you married her? How many kids do you have? Where is the mother of the kids you had before you married your wife? Did your wife raise the children you had with another woman?
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 I second this advice. I remember when I first came on this site. I was cold, selfish and sounded a lot like the original poster. Everyone told me to let him go. So I asked for a separation despite my husband wanting to reconcile. At that time, I didn't or wouldn't stop cheating. It was only after a short separation and some counselling that I got my head out of my ass and decided that I was being a horrible person. Original Poster, if you aren't willing to stop cheating and treat your wife some basic respect then let her go. I'm not cheating right now. I've not done anything in over a year. That's an accomplishment for me.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 Does she know you had an affair? If so, does she know that you have the exOW on your facebook? She knows. This OW outed us on social media and when my W confronted me, I was honest and admitted it.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 Since your A is over, what is the point of keeping her on your social media? Delete and block. You have no business to know what is going on in her life, just like she has no business to know what's going on in your life. Time to totally let go and focus on your wife and kids. You're right. I'm going to block this OW.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 I'm so confused now. The second quote above is what you wrote in your very first thread on your very first post. You clearly stated that your wife and you had three kids before you married her and that the reason you married her was so that you could be a hands on dad. Now in this thread you say you already had 3 kids before you met wife, then had 2 kids with your wife before you married her and since you say you still have young kids at home did you have 2 more kids with your wife after you married her? How many kids do you have? Where is the mother of the kids you had before you married your wife? Did your wife raise the children you had with another woman? My W and I each had children with other people prior to getting married to each other. We have two children together that she became pregnant with before we got married.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 Looks like you've made a mockery out of what marriage is. I hope your kids know well enough not to follow your example - but most kids model their own marriage after what they've experienced at home. I said earlier that I'm a ****ty person. I'm in the M so I'm going to stick with it. This OW has been blocked. It wasn't that hard for me to do. She's a very attractive woman but my feelings for her don't run deep..
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 I second this advice. I remember when I first came on this site. I was cold, selfish and sounded a lot like the original poster. Everyone told me to let him go. So I asked for a separation despite my husband wanting to reconcile. At that time, I didn't or wouldn't stop cheating. It was only after a short separation and some counselling that I got my head out of my ass and decided that I was being a horrible person. Original Poster, if you aren't willing to stop cheating and treat your wife some basic respect then let her go. I'm a ****ty person. I'm working on it.
pepperbird Posted November 19, 2018 Posted November 19, 2018 OP, I am not going to pull any punches, but I wills till treat you with far more respect than you have been treating the women in your life. You claim to love your kids and don't want to leave because you want to keep their home intact. If this is true, then why do you keep on doing the one thing that puts their home at risk? A divorce that is planned by both parents be a much less stressful event for children than one that occurs because of cheating, etc. My guess? you don't want to look like the bad guy, and you're fine with having your wife and kids pay the price while you pat yourself on the back for being such a great dad.
pepperbird Posted November 19, 2018 Posted November 19, 2018 She knows. This OW outed us on social media and when my W confronted me, I was honest and admitted it. What class this ow has!
Amethyst68 Posted November 19, 2018 Posted November 19, 2018 You're right. I'm going to block this OW. So still not going to block the main one then? The one you stalk on the internet without your wife knowing? 1 1
TunaCat Posted November 19, 2018 Posted November 19, 2018 I'm not cheating right now. I've not done anything in over a year. That's an accomplishment for me. Oh wow, such an accomplishment. We should throw you a parade for not cheating on your wife for over a year. Yes, that was sarcasm. I feel for your wife & for the kids. The kids will model behaviors they've seen in you & your wife and that in turn will lead to some horrendous relationships with romantic partners. Having divorced parents really isn't as horrible as you make it sound. 1
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 20, 2018 Author Posted November 20, 2018 What are doing to work on it? I'm looking for a counselor right now and the OW in but this thread has been blocked. It's a start
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 20, 2018 Author Posted November 20, 2018 Did she message you back? She thanked me but that's all. The interest is gone.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 20, 2018 Author Posted November 20, 2018 OP, I am not going to pull any punches, but I wills till treat you with far more respect than you have been treating the women in your life. You claim to love your kids and don't want to leave because you want to keep their home intact. If this is true, then why do you keep on doing the one thing that puts their home at risk? A divorce that is planned by both parents be a much less stressful event for children than one that occurs because of cheating, etc. My guess? you don't want to look like the bad guy, and you're fine with having your wife and kids pay the price while you pat yourself on the back for being such a great dad. I can't argue with you. But also know that my W is hellbent on keeping me. She takes great pride in the fact that our M is still going..
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 20, 2018 Author Posted November 20, 2018 What class this ow has! Made googly heart eyes comments on my pictures and said how sexy I was. Just dumb.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 20, 2018 Author Posted November 20, 2018 Oh wow, such an accomplishment. We should throw you a parade for not cheating on your wife for over a year. Yes, that was sarcasm. I feel for your wife & for the kids. The kids will model behaviors they've seen in you & your wife and that in turn will lead to some horrendous relationships with romantic partners. Having divorced parents really isn't as horrible as you make it sound. You're just adding more validation to what I've already admitted about myself: I'm a ****ty person. Thats a start. Trust me. I didn't used to think I was a ****ty person before posting here.
Author Luvmykidz Posted November 20, 2018 Author Posted November 20, 2018 So still not going to block the main one then? The one you stalk on the internet without your wife knowing? Many years of history there. I'm not ready yet.
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