elaine567 Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 Okay. Is it fair to say that for a woman to successfully 'position' themselves they should select a platform that allows them to tailor their profile and, then, to do that tailoring? A possible example: this morning match.com sent me a woman's profile in my daily set of matches. Nice woman, largely compatible, someone whose company I bet we'd mutually enjoy EXCEPT ... she had a couple of sentences in her essay that I can paraphrase as 'unless you hate Trump, get lost' (I see a good number of those statements and even had a live first meeting fall apart over my toleration of 'The Donald'. I 'passed' on this woman.). Would you agree that statements of that nature are 'effective positioning'? Politics is important to many as it also flags the sort of person you are and the values you hold dear. Trump is what we call "Marmite", you love him or hate him. There is little middle ground as far as he is concerned. She is filtering out at source those, who she knows she has little in common with and those who will just make her angry and annoyed from day one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted November 5, 2018 Author Share Posted November 5, 2018 Trump is what we call ''Marmite'', you love him or hate him. There is little middle ground as far as he is concerned. LOL. I learn something new (almost) every day (and forget more than I learn) . Are W, Bill, Hil, and Obama also Marmite? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 Interesting .... If a woman felt she was not having success using OLD and that all she was attracting were 'creeps' and 'other undesirables', would you then think it a reasonable tactic for her to send first messages to 'primo' guys? Should women be concerned that those primo guys would be 'gone' quickly and thus be willing to send first messages before those guys connect with women that they (the guys) were sending their own first messages to? Sort of a Sadie Hawkins approach? This hasn’t happened to me (yet), so I can’t say what I would do. From my brief 3 weeks of OLD experience, I met a few good guys; thankfully, I didn’t receive any overtly sexual messages then. If I ever become so undesirable as to receive only creepy messages, then I’d probably send some first messages. But then guys I like probably won’t reply. So it might be more productive for me to lose weight (say I become obese one day) than composing the prize-winning first messages As an experiment, I did message one guy, and he did reply to me Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 Politics is important to many as it also flags the sort of person you are and the values you hold dear. Trump is what we call "Marmite", you love him or hate him. There is little middle ground as far as he is concerned. She is filtering out at source those, who she knows she has little in common with and those who will just make her angry and annoyed from day one. Women like this(just like guys who are the opposite) are just showing the world that they are intolerant, feckless, and can't get past the fact that an elected official at the end of the day, doesn't really have much of a bearing on their every day life...The way these people carry on, its as if they feel Trump is going to throw their grandmother down a flight of stairs... I have little doubt they are uptight about a lot of other things as well.. I interact with a lot of people who. like myself, don't love a particular politician and don't hate them, Trump, Obama or otherwise.....They take it from where it comes and live their lives... Those are the people you want to surround yourself with...Life is far more interesting that way, rather than surrounding yourself with sycophants, toadies and ass kissers, which is what that woman wants with her message.. Buh bye... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 One of my pet peeves is men asking "How long have you been on this site?", "First time on this app?" Who CARES? Meaningless questions that put me to sleep -zzzzzzzz- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 It's hilarious to me to think that this girl rejected men who were her own age or younger, men who made a lot of money, men who worked as male models, for this guy who isn't even 60 and already looks like that. I find it not exactly hilarious, but odd, that you are so wrapped up in why a woman you don't know and never will know has picked the partner she has. Obviously there is a connection here that you are not privy to. That's the end of the story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 One of my pet peeves is men asking "How long have you been on this site?", "First time on this app?" Who CARES? Meaningless questions that put me to sleep -zzzzzzzz- Your presumption that it's "meaningless" probably erroneous. Lots of us are interested in knowing the answer to it, for a variety of reasons. But, we all have our red flags when dating and this question is one of yours. Fair enough. Hopefully men you connect with online who are going to make this fatal error do it and are mercifully culled before you mistakenly meet them in person. I imagine that it would be an unpleasant interlude for a fellow who met with you, made the crucial error of asking this forbidden question and encountered your wrathful disdain. Yikes. Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 (edited) I find it not exactly hilarious, but odd, that you are so wrapped up in why a woman you don't know and never will know has picked the partner she has. Obviously there is a connection here that you are not privy to. That's the end of the story. Yeah, the connection is that she's very likely mentally ill. It's like this girl I met years back, online. It wasn't a dating website, but when you're horny every place is good enough to pick up girls, and we start talking, and eventually we start talking about personal details. She asked where I lived, what I did for a living, to which I replied, and then I asked for her age, location, body weight, height and body fat, to which she also gave me an answer to. Then she asks me how old I am, and I say 23. And would you believe she tells me that I'm too young for her? She's 19 . She starts talking about all of the guys she dated were older than her. When she was 13, her first boyfriend was 19. When she was 18, the boyfriend she had at the time was 30 years old. When I last spoke to her she was 23, and had recently been dumped by a 45 year old man. Curious at why a young woman would be interested in an old man, and not just one man but so many old men, I start inquiring and probing. Turns out that her father left her and her mother and sister when she was 11 years old and that to this day they don't speak to each other, and when they come across each other on the street her father avoids her completely. Daddy issues. That's what most of the women who are '''attracted'' to men who are significally(8 years and more) older than them are suffering from, when they hook-up and date these dudes who are either old enough to be their dads, or their grandpas even. Most men would at the very least love, love to have sex with a 18 year old woman. Even more so if that girl is sexually attractive(to young, attractive men). But the vast, vast majority of mentally healthy women are not sexually attracted to men who are older than them, at least older than them by an age difference of 5 years. Is she 20 and he's 25? That's fine, it's natural. Is she 20 and he's 30? She's either unattractive to attractive men her own age, or the dude looks like Chris Hemsworth. Or he's rich and she's using him for that sweet dollah dollah. The reason why I'm so baffled by how that 27 year old actress got married to a guy who looks so ugly and so old and so huh bald, is because I feel she should be matched with a man her own age, who is as physically attractive as she is. Say, men who look like Cristiano Ronaldo or Ricardo Quaresma. Not some dude who looks older than my 63 year old dad lmaoooo. Edited November 6, 2018 by sabaton Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Women like this(just like guys who are the opposite) are just showing the world that they are intolerant, feckless, and can't get past the fact that an elected official at the end of the day, doesn't really have much of a bearing on their every day life...The way these people carry on, its as if they feel Trump is going to throw their grandmother down a flight of stairs... I have little doubt they are uptight about a lot of other things as well.. I interact with a lot of people who. like myself, don't love a particular politician and don't hate them, Trump, Obama or otherwise.....They take it from where it comes and live their lives... Those are the people you want to surround yourself with...Life is far more interesting that way, rather than surrounding yourself with sycophants, toadies and ass kissers, which is what that woman wants with her message.. I think when people are pretty laid back, take people as they find them and have no real entrenched views, then it is easier to say "Who cares?", but most people do have lines and for some their lines are fixed and non negotiable. As some are passionate about their views, lifestyle choices or opinions they know exactly the type of person they do not want to meet. By putting it in their profile they save a lot of potentially wasted time. Yes Trump is an elected official who has little bearing on the lives of ordinary people but ordinary people who are interested in politics, can spend their lives discussing debating and dissecting every little thing that happens in the political arena... to them it is extremely important which side of the fence their potential "date" is on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Curious at why a young woman would be interested in an old man, and not just one man but so many old men, I start inquiring and probing. Turns out that her father left her and her mother and sister when she was 11 years old and that to this day they don't speak to each other, and when they come across each other on the street her father avoids her completely. Daddy issues. That's what most of the women who are '''attracted'' to men who are significantly(8 years and more) older than them are suffering from, when they hook-up and date these dudes who are either old enough to be their dads, or their grandpas even. ... But the vast, vast majority of mentally healthy women are not sexually attracted to men who are older than them, at least older than them by an age difference of 5 years. I agree. .................. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 (edited) l don't not for a second, just more weird ideas, and if that were true then you turn the tables and that would go the same for women with younger guys then too. Because everything's pretty well the same either way for almost everything but believe me l get chicks 20 yrs younger than me eying me or flirting all the time, and it ain't for money or fancy clothes l can guarantee that l don't have either. Ex w was 11 yrs younger than me and one of the smartest women l've ever known and l can guarantee it with her too, gf now isn't far or that either and it'd sure turn a few heads here then if l divulged some of the things she tells me but alas, l don;t kiss and tell haha. Edited November 6, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 I agree. .................. Of course, so do I. It's a fact. That doesn't mean that the famous model with the old husband is mentally ill. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Of course, so do I. It's a fact. That doesn't mean that the famous model with the old husband is mentally ill. They say a woman has “daddy issues” when her behavior or mindset indicates that her father was either absent in her life completely, or physically present but emotionally unavailable. Often manifesting in a distrust of, or sexual desire for, men who act as father figures. .. people who haven't worked out their issues will then chose a spouse similar to a parent, in hopes that getting that person's love is a form of getting Daddy's love. It doesn't "necessarily" mean she is "mentally ill", but she may be... mixing up partners with parents doesn't sound too healthy really... Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 I think when people are pretty laid back, take people as they find them and have no real entrenched views, then it is easier to say "Who cares?", but most people do have lines and for some their lines are fixed and non negotiable. As some are passionate about their views, lifestyle choices or opinions they know exactly the type of person they do not want to meet. By putting it in their profile they save a lot of potentially wasted time. Yes Trump is an elected official who has little bearing on the lives of ordinary people but ordinary people who are interested in politics, can spend their lives discussing debating and dissecting every little thing that happens in the political arena... to them it is extremely important which side of the fence their potential "date" is on. I disagree with you and your views quite often, but I've also read enough of your posts to reach the conclusion that you are a good and sensible person and a quality woman, and I have no doubt we could easily get along in a social setting... Those others that think that unless you have a Trump doll in your house that you beat on daily, then they won't even talk to you, seems so....er....extreme.... That's my only point TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Nice woman, largely compatible, someone whose company I bet we'd mutually enjoy EXCEPT ... she had a couple of sentences in her essay that I can paraphrase as 'unless you hate Trump, get lost' (I see a good number of those statements and even had a live first meeting fall apart over my toleration of 'The Donald'. I 'passed' on this woman.). Would you agree that statements of that nature are 'effective positioning'? Yes. Very effective. Your tolerance is a deal breaker for her, and her adamance is one for you. No reason to waste time. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 Women like this(just like guys who are the opposite) are just showing the world that they are intolerant, feckless, and can't get past the fact that an elected official at the end of the day, doesn't really have much of a bearing on their every day life...The way these people carry on, its as if they feel Trump is going to throw their grandmother down a flight of stairs... I have to disagree. trump represents a specific value system. This is by design. It's like fundamentalist Christianity or Judaism. You follow the beliefs or else you very much do not. People that disagree about things like these are incompatible, full stop. Compromising on ones basic values should not be an option and if it can be avoided before dating even gets started, IMO it's all for the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 It doesn't "necessarily" mean she is "mentally ill", but she may be... mixing up partners with parents doesn't sound too healthy really... It's what she's sexually attracted to, not any more or less healthy than anyone else's sexual attraction. Most people's attraction are influenced by their parents whether they date same age or older/younger. Don't really understand why a lot of people talk about age gaps nowadays like they used to talk about homosexuality. Like if they do some therapy their entire sexuality is going to change. Doesn't really work like that. As far as women on LS go, LS is a place where you can share the parts of yourself that you want. And not the parts you don't. You don't get a complete picture. Way back in the day before I met my wife I was on another forum and wondering the same thing, ended up adding one other poster to my facebook, and as soon as I saw the page I instantly understood what was wrong and why there were so many problems going on. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Of the women I know that have "struggled"..... Most are attractive and look good for their age...The rest are overweight and average looking... Where does a "good" middle aged women find a good guy? Without insulting anyone, I agree with Eternal S....They aren't doing OLD because they don't have to...The guys I know only did it to get easy sex, but did leave the door open, in the event they find someone... One of my closest friends, who I would consider a higher quality guy lasted only one week on OLD.. He was in a committed relationship with one of the women he met and was off the site...Id imagine that happens a lot... Most smart women have a nose for good guys in bad marriages and swoop in before they become available...Better quality men usually have plenty of options without trying...But no doubt, ,many women wont play that game...And that's fine, but realize that's how a lot of guys never make it to the market....They are already gone... Also, one of the most attractive qualities of women in general is that they always seem to be a bit idealistic...Guys are more pragmatic/realistic...These women seem to always be seeking an ideal situation...A handsome man with alpha qualities. confidence..etc…A bunch of stuff, cars. houses, etc... That's great, but now you have a lot of women fighting for a small percentage of guys...And these guys may very well not even be seeking women their own age... At the end of the day, its probably just a numbers game for women...Too many of them and not enough desirable men to go around... TFY *raises hand* There have been times when I would find an attractive guy, then he would walk over to his girlfriend. Lol I'll stand by what I've said before, there are a lot more good looking women than men. Straight men don't take great care of themselves generally speaking which exacerbates the problem. I'd definitely agree that many people don't play by rules. Plenty of women will try to get your man and not care at all he's taken. Most guys don't tell you that they're unhappy. They just up and leave. Relationships are like a guessing game to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 One of my pet peeves is men asking "How long have you been on this site?", "First time on this app?" Who CARES? Meaningless questions that put me to sleep -zzzzzzzz- You know, men online ask a lot of questions that have absolutely no meaning to them. They prompt for chatter just to keep you "on the line" so-to-speak, but this question above is not one of those questions. They ask the question above for a reason and it must be something important to them. I got this question once. I wasn't sure why he asked but it didn't seem disrespectful or offensive, so I answered. I figured he had a right to know the answer no matter what it is. I can't remember if we continued the conversation or if he stopped talking to me, but I do remember getting the question. I tell the truth always. If my answer does not suit him, then it's probably triggering something that he's currently struggling with internally and that's okay with me too. I ask important and meaningful questions too and I expect honesty and it's okay if we don't match. Everyone is going through their own crap and ever-evolving. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 women tend to be looking for their prince charming who is handsome, rich, has a good body and has no kids. they are looking for the perfect man and he doesn't really exist so they stay at home on Saturday nights watching ROMCOM movies and eating bon bons That was my latest ex. Yet after dating him I understand why a lot of men steer clear of women with kids. Being 20s & 30s with no kids trying to date someone with children is a big lifestyle change. For me, it was unromantic and caused many problems. Imagine trying to get to know someone and they bring their grown child on dates. I thought I was smart to date a man with an older child, but I can into similar issues as men who date women with kids. As far older guys, younger women...I Get the impression That men don't want someone their own age. My relationships have been with older guys. Most of my life guys my own age mostly ignored me. Up until recently most of the guys who paid attention to me were older than me by 20 years or more. I figured out why, and now I get hit on by a lot more younger guys. Also, the younger guy isn't always the best choice. Imagine choosing between a soft and doughy 25 year old man or a 50 year old former air Marshall. I can be flexible on age, but I'm not into soft male bodies. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Generally though, there are two types of perpetually single people: those who are unattractive and those who are too picky. Neither title is flattering and you will get people who will bash you and put you down for being in either category. It's so unkind to beat up on unattractive people (even mean ones) and it simply won't work to try to insult picky people into being less picky. Manipulation doesn't work either. Just let everyone be. You can not control everything. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Did_I_Do Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 I've been on LS for a bit over a year. I'm an 'older' guy looking for an LTR. Going is slow but I haven't lost patience (yet). But I'm curious about some of the ladies here who are somewhat 'regular' posters and who also, at least 'sound' like they're (also) looking for an LTR and not having success. What makes me curious is that I've been using OLD and ... gee ... there are a TON of women out there. So I assume there are also a ton of men. (If not y'all may enlighten me.) So what's the problem? Not really a lot of men? Too many 'creeps', ugly ducklings, guys with too much baggage or otherwise 'damaged goods'? Ladies using bad pickers, not willing to 'make the first move', or 'challenged' with respect to their own appearance or their own baggage? Women may be too shy to discuss their goals and tactics. But if not, is this worth discussing? Assuming reasonably good appearance (yeah, totally subjective) and no deal-breaking baggage (still attached to ex, health problems including substance abuse, criminal record), based on my experience I'd be surprised if with patience and initiative a woman couldn't 'find' what she's looking for via either OLD or speed dating. Even though I haven't 'scored' the relationship I'm seeking yet, it's been just too easy to meet many women who have so much going for them. Last hypothetical question about this - are they (the profiles I see online, the women I've met, and the frustrated LS women as well) simply holding out for a unicorn? No unicorns. Just was looking for someone with shared interests. And, someone normal. I know that word is broad and can mean a number of things, but geez I met some freaks on OLD. They ranged from severe Type A personalities where everything was performed to the extreme, to the lost souls that latched on to me as their last hope for survival. On my profile I made it perfectly clear that an active lifestyle was important and responders were either inherently obese or hadn't participated in any type of physical activity in so long....but they all stated they "hoped" to hit the gym, bike path, golf course etc, soon. Not sure where or how I failed to emphasize that requirement. Chatting with one of my wealthier single male friends, he seems to be faced with similar challenges. The ladies he dates will crank up the charm (sexual favours) to lock him down but then their demons surface eventually. Wish I had some words of wisdom. Sorry nospam :-( Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Generally though, there are two types of perpetually single people: those who are unattractive and those who are too picky. [...] I would add those who really don't want a relationship. They like the abstract idea, but when it comes down to it, they don't want to deal with the compromises that are necessary to maintain a relationship. These people are looking for somebody, but they are just using the search as a smokescreen to disguise their own preferences. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 that pretty much sums it up for me also. I'm 53 and the older I get the less I want to be in a committed relationship. I'm 55, soon to be 56, and it is pretty much getting to the same point. I have a pretty easy time getting dates (rarely get a "no") or I have the choice of hanging out with them in groups,...either way I have a good time, but at the end of the day I don't know that I want to be around them 24/7. It is kind of nice going home alone to "recharge". It is also nice to not have to bear their life's burdens (financial or otherwise) that I was smart enough not to create in my own life. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Back in my OLD days I found there was a significant difference with results/people based on what platform you were on. The free sights = more FWB/casual daters/hook ups Paid platform (Match in specific) = individuals that were seeking a relationship, not just a hook up. I can't speak to things like Tinder, etc. because this was almost 10 years ago? Link to post Share on other sites
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