Did I come on too strong? [Updated discussion]

[Tagalz]

No it won't. They never do. All that happens is the person who thinks FWB will turn into a relationship gets their heart broken.

 

I'm already heart broken and she got it. I asked her on a date and she knew that I wanted relationship so she ended it. Out of nowhere she said that she has to move... like right away I could tell it was BS. And the worst part is when I asked her to hangout the week after she said that she had to do homework.

 

When was doing homework more important than to be with me? All this time she haven't said anything about homework.

 

All this put together... She's not interested that's why she's making the excuse. And the reason could be many. We aren't looking for the same thing and she might be boring of me too, while I was desperate.

 

If she was interested then she would have said this: "I don't have anything planned for next week so if you want we could hangout or do whatever"

 

I have two options now

 

1. I ask her if she has anything planned for the weekend. If she says "no" then I'll say come over and we be DTF

2. I'll take her word for it and wait 2 weeks. If she haven't initiated contact, then I'll message her saying this "It was nice to know you and thanks for wasting my time"

[Gaeta]

She said "Sure"

 

So the only thing she said yes to is to party, but comes up with excuses when I ask for 2th date.

 

 

She did not even say yes she said 'sure' that's a polite 'meh I don't think so'.

 

 

 

She is not interested, I don't know how much rejection you need to get that in your head.

 

 

 

FWB RARELY turn into relationships. You will get attached and when she rejects you you'll end up hurt and bitter.

 

 

 

Move on, the world is FULL of other women 'your age' to date.

[Tagalz]

 

FWB RARELY turn into relationships. You will get attached and when she rejects you you'll end up hurt and bitter.

 

Move on, the world is FULL of other women 'your age' to date.

 

I think you should read my other posts about me talking about two options I have because I'm not sure of which one I should approach as a last way out.

 

Yeah that's what I thought and it was wrong of me thinking that FWB would turn to relationship. But just observing her she don't catches feelings even if I was the first guy she had sex with. So either way I lost. In short I'm saying that if she didn't end it now, she would have done it later.

 

It's a lot going on in my head now. I ask myself this since yesterday. What went wrong? is it because we were looking for different things? was it because I was too boring and desperate? Or what would've have happened if I went another route and accepted FWB?

 

I have autism and life has not been easy for, especially the social life... but I keep pushing myself and I won't give up

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[Gaeta]

1. I ask her if she has anything planned for the weekend. If she says "no" then I'll say come over and we be DTF

No

 

 

2. I'll take her word for it and wait 2 weeks. If she haven't initiated contact, then I'll message her saying this "It was nice to know you and thanks for wasting my time"

No and NO.

 

 

 

 

 

She did not waste your time, you are just slower at getting a clue when someone is not interested in you in 'that way'.

[Tagalz]

[/u]No

 

 

No and NO.

 

 

She did not waste your time, you are just slower at getting a clue when someone is not interested in you in 'that way'.

 

Why no to the first one? She wants to have fun and it's fun to have sex

 

In order for me to move on I atleast want to know the reason. And I also know that If I ask her she won't say it.

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[d0nnivain]

I have two options now

 

1. I ask her if she has anything planned for the weekend. If she says "no" then I'll say come over and we be DTF

2. I'll take her word for it and wait 2 weeks. If she haven't initiated contact, then I'll message her saying this "It was nice to know you and thanks for wasting my time"

 

 

No. No. No.

 

Just leave her be. Even though she's 17 she is smarter then you when it comes to social things.

 

She didn't totally waste your time. She just figured out what I have been telling you from the outset -- you two are incompatible. She's in the fast lane & you want a relationship. She knows if she has sex with you that you will fall in love & think that you two are exclusive. Then you will pester her mercilessly. She doesn't want to do that to you.

 

She's doing it badly because she's young but she is trying to let you down gently by not telling you outright that you don't float her boat. She is still happy to talk to you & be gracious to you when she sees you out, but yes you have been definitively friend-zoned.

 

Both of the options that you want to exercise are just plain bad. She has made it clear she is not DTF you. See above. Even she realizes you are not wired that way & sex will hurt you emotionally.

 

Your 2nd choice makes you sound passive aggressive.

 

Please maintain your dignity in all this & just be done with her. Go find a nice girl to have a happy, fulfilling sweet relationship with.

[Tagalz]

No. No. No.

 

She knows if she has sex with you that you will fall in love & think that you two are exclusive. Then you will pester her mercilessly. She doesn't want to do that to you.

 

but yes you have been definitively friend-zoned.

 

 

Yes the first one is the answer! I've lost either way, d0nnivain. I'm saying that if she didn't end it now, she would have done it later. Because I got feelings.

 

but friend-zoned? how can I be friend zoned when she ended it?

[d0nnivain]

She ended it because that was the right thing to do, to not continue to give you false hope.

 

It's not healthy for you.

[Tagalz]

She ended it because that was the right thing to do, to not continue to give you false hope.

 

It's not healthy for you.

 

Well she might notice the notifications from other answers on reddit... My phone was on the table and when I got a message the screen turned on and she took a quick glimpse.. That could also have been a indicator for her that I got feelings.

 

Well looking back I should have just been honest with myself with the FWB... the only reason I took so long was because it was new to me and I was not sure if I wanted to do that.

 

I've had friends who turned FWB into a relationship and friends who got hurt because FWB ends at some point.. it's a lame concept. Well I learned my lessons and hopefully I'll find another girl... it's not that easy

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[d0nnivain]

I know it's not easy but it is worth it. Happy hunting.

[Tagalz]

I know it's not easy but it is worth it. Happy hunting.

 

Thanks, but ey atleast I got to have sex with her But at the same time I had to sacrifice my friendship...

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[Tagalz]

Thanks, but ey atleast I got to have sex with her But at the same time I had to sacrifice my friendship...

 

Mhm... but now I wonder If I didn't have sex... would she still end it? mhmmm

[sabaton]

]Thanks' date=' but ey atleast I got to have sex with her[/b'][/i] But at the same time I had to sacrifice my friendship...

 

 

You got to have sex with her, that's what matters. Why sweat it? The ''friendship'' would have devolved into listening to her complaining about the guys she was trying to date, but who would smash and then leave her. I'm proud of you, because you didn't make yourself to be part of her friendzone, and you got laid, which is more than a lot of the guys who want to bang her but can't, have gotten lol.

[d0nnivain]

Mhm... but now I wonder If I didn't have sex... would she still end it? mhmmm

 

Your misery would have dragged on longer with you panting after her like a puppy & her not caring. The sex is what clued her in to how unworkable this was. Remember she's 17; no 17 year old is that perceptive. She needed the act to confirm that she had to severe ties with you before you got more deeply involved & never left her alone.

 

 

Try to be happy that you got what you said you'd settle for, NSA sex.

 

 

Now move along & go find a nice girl to have a relationship with.

[sabaton]

Your misery would have dragged on longer with you panting after her like a puppy & her not caring. The sex is what clued her in to how unworkable this was. Remember she's 17; no 17 year old is that perceptive. She needed the act to confirm that she had to severe ties with you before you got more deeply involved & never left her alone.

 

Try to be happy that you got what you said you'd settle for, NSA sex.

 

 

Now move along & go find a nice girl to have a relationship with.

 

Tagalz is making a storm out of a glass of water. This girl is 17. She clearly enjoys sex. She's not looking for the love of her life. She's looking for a guy who knows how to smash, as what she's interested in with tagalz is a fwb. She's probably already got a few more fwbs going at the same time.

 

You're 22, dude. you're not 32. You are in the spring of your youth. You should be enjoying this decade by going to the gym, lifting hard, dressing sharp, and working on meeting as many cute girls and getting in bed with those girls as much as possible instead of falling heads over heels over one girl.

 

Yes, i get it. You love her yadayadayada, But you are young, and you live in Oslo, man. There's thousands of girls out there for you to fall in love with, time and time again if that's your thing.

[Tagalz]

Well both of you tell the truth. But what I don’t understand is if she wanted fwb then why did she blown me off? To me honest I didn’t want to have sex that day, but I did because that’s what she wants so I gave it to her.

 

OR that the sex don’t have anything to do with her blowing me off. I’m saying it could be other reasons.

 

But all in all the biggest difference is that I haven’t had FWB before, so If I had I would be coming in to this with more confidence. I’m saying that I was lacking on my experience there.

 

I never told her that I didn’t want the sex and that I didn’t have had fwb before. Now it’s too late to be honest

[Tagalz]

I’m still hurt and it would take some days for me to get over it. It feels like a breakup...

 

Looking away from FWB stuff I really thinks she’s a good girl. And if she finds someone who hosts parties I’m sure she will have a great time hooking up with multiple guys. Besides partying I could say she’s wife material so whoever that guy is to get her. He’s a lucky son of a bitch...

 

That’s also a reason to why I wanted a relationship with her. She’s not only a good girl but a wifey. And I had high hopes that I could change fwb into relationship. She had everything I was looking for in a girl... only if she was older

 

Hunting for another girl on my age won’t be easy. Most of them have high expectations to everything.. both look wise and personality wise. Meanwhile me being a 18 year old in a 22 year old body... this will be hard. I’m saying she was maybe my only chance

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[Gaeta]

I’m still hurt and it would take some days for me to get over it. It feels like a breakup...

 

Looking away from FWB stuff I really thinks she’s a good girl. And if she finds someone who hosts parties I’m sure she will have a great time hooking up with multiple guys. Besides partying I could say she’s wife material so whoever that guy is to get her. He’s a lucky son of a bitch...

 

That’s also a reason to why I wanted a relationship with her. She’s not only a good girl but a wifey. And I had high hopes that I could change fwb into relationship. She had everything I was looking for a girl.. only if she was older

 

 

You really are blinded by love.

 

 

How did you deduct that a girl of 17 years old only interested in hooking up and partying would be a good wife material! You are infatuated and out of touch with reality. You built a fantasy so thick around that girl you can't even see her for who she is anymore, just a teen girl out to party who has no clue what type of woman she'll grow up to be...and you don't know either.

[Gaeta]

Hunting for another girl on my age won’t be easy. Most of them have high expectations to everything.. both look wise and personality wise. Meanwhile me being a 18 year old in a 22 year old body... this will be hard. I’m saying she was maybe my only chance

 

 

You need to mature. There is nothing attractive in a 22 year old with the mind of an 18 year old, and even less attractive is a 25 year with the mind of an 18 year old so get busy catching up emotionally wise. If you must then seek life experience that will make you grow like travel, take a job abroad, do volunteer work, get involved in community services.

[Tagalz]

You really are blinded by love.

 

 

How did you deduct that a girl of 17 years old only interested in hooking up and partying would be a good wife material! You are infatuated and out of touch with reality. You built a fantasy so thick around that girl you can't even see her for who she is anymore, just a teen girl out to party who has no clue what type of woman she'll grow up to be...and you don't know either.

 

I ment if she was done partying. I know her and I would say she grow up to be more sexier. Sexier because when she’s done with hooking up guys she’ll have more confident. She’ll get that because then she thinks alot of guys like her. She even told me that she never take selfies because she’s insecure of how she look like. That’s why she sends me just a black picture. That I’m sure would change.

[Tagalz]

You need to mature. There is nothing attractive in a 22 year old with the mind of an 18 year old, and even less attractive is a 25 year with the mind of an 18 year old so get busy catching up emotionally wise. If you must then seek life experience that will make you grow like travel, take a job abroad, do volunteer work, get involved in community services.

 

Yeah it sounds easy but it’s not. You need to have some sort of diploma saying that I passed it in school. I’ll need to spend alot of time in school then. That’s how it is in Norway if you want a job. You need evidence. By taking a job abroad, travel and doing volunteer work won’t help. That’s something my parents have to teach me when I was a kid. They did but maybe I failed to do it in reality. So one question, how do I seek life excperience? I need to see psychologist? I have to ask my parents?

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[d0nnivain]

People do grow up but they don't change that much.

 

 

She inherently knew you wanted more then she could give you. Or I'm giving her too much credit & she is now blowing you off because the sex was bad.

 

 

You are also projecting. You have no way of knowing whether a 17 year old teenager will grow up to be sexier wife material. You WANT her to do that. You want her to be the "perfect" GF from your favorite Leave it to Beaver episode or at least Pleasantville where the fast girl learns to slow down when she gets transported back to 1950. That is not reality.

[Tagalz]

 

Or I'm giving her too much credit & she is now blowing you off because the sex was bad.

 

 

The atmosphere was weird. when we took of our clothes her jeans was so tight I had problems to unbutton them.

 

When we got the clothes off I was teasing her by putting ice cream from the top to bottom. She didn't like it and said just bring me to bed.

When we got to the bed I had to put the condom on but I was nervous so it took some time. After that all went smoothly. I had to change position a lot to have break so that I don't cum too fast.

 

She has a high sex drive tho.. I needed a long break because I got sweaty after changing position a lot. So when the break was over I had problem with my penis not going hard. So we ended up kissing, touching and licking a lot.

 

It's her first time and I got infected by the awkwardness of the atmosphere. Although I still thinks she' lying to me. She come to me and talk about being sad that a guy left her after they hooked up. That means she have had sex, so why did she say it was the first time? Either that or she lied to me about that guy.

 

If she lied to me, then yes she left me because of the sex if not then no it's not because of the sex. I'll never know. If I ask her she would not give me a direct answer so either way that has to be up to your judgment

 

The worst thing is that my bed sheets smells like her hair, so I don't go to bed smiling...

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[Tagalz]

She knows if she has sex with you that you will fall in love & think that you two are exclusive. Then you will pester her mercilessly. She doesn't want to do that to you.

 

 

That is the answer to why she blown me off. In short I was the one who with the feelings and she did the right thing to end it.

 

Or I could ask her?

Edited November 14, 2018 by Tagalz

[Tagalz]

Are you kidding? Netflix & chill. Honey, this girl is DTF, minimal effort required on your part. Don't talk too much. Get on the couch watch TV, start making out & see where it goes. No trampoline park or significant expenditures required.

 

re-reading old comments. D0nnivain, you said she was DTF and I could see that. She wanted it in her head, but was not sure in reality hence why she had her arms crossed. She did open up after, but when we had sex I could see that her facial expression was like "Oh, what's going to happened"

 

Now I'm not blaming you. What I think happened was her testing me. She invited herself to come over and wanted to see If I did have sex or not. We could have done other activities that day. As I said, TBH I could stop If I wanted to, but that's what she wants, so I gave it to her. I even asked her if she wants to do it or not.