Did I come on too strong? [Updated discussion]

[Tagalz]

 

One more thing. I have to take things slow. First when she come over I ask her out on a date and if she says yes then I talk about having a relationship on the way home.

 

 

I went on to ask her on a date when she came over for the first time. That was the day we agreed to watch fantastic beast but it also turned out to be my last day with her. It was at this moment I fcked up. I get it D0nnivain and Sabaton. You were both on my side saying that I should go for dating her because it was worth a try, but I needed to decide quickly If I wanted relationship or FWB and I did not decide until it was over... too late...

[Tagalz]

 

So when the party was over everyone went to bed and I slept with her (Not sex, just sleeping beside her) and she was very playful stroking me by my arm and she wanted me by her side very often. We both were touchy. She gave me a sign that she wanted sex. Like for example she took my hand and put it on her boob.

 

 

I think it was here it all started?. She was testing me from the beginning at her friends party when I came late.

[Tagalz]

You got to have sex with her, that's what matters. Why sweat it? The ''friendship'' would have devolved into listening to her complaining about the guys she was trying to date, but who would smash and then leave her. I'm proud of you, because you didn't make yourself to be part of her friendzone, and you got laid, which is more than a lot of the guys who want to bang her but can't, have gotten lol.

 

True, but I'm not proud of myself. What I wanted is FWB and If I had just make a decision earlier then I would still fck her everyday... I only got to do that 1 time with her. What I mean is that I want to fck her more, but because I talked about dating when she came over I totally ruined it. I was the one with the feelings.

 

The reason why it took me so long to think was because I always was back and fourth. I sometimes say to myself "Do it, you get more sex" while a part of me said this "Don't that's not what you want, and it will have to end at some point"

[Tagalz]

 

Ask her on a date soon. Do not think that the hanging out you have been doing was dating. It was not. It was hanging out. She may not even be interested in dating you but her behavior at the recent party that you were late to, when she called you & asked you to come rescue her from her EX, indicates some interest.

 

If she does agree to the date, fasten your seatbelt. I have a feeling you are in for a ride you don't expect. But be cautious. Despite your reverence for her, I don't think she's the excusive faithful type who wants a committed relationship right now. She's too busy having fun at all these parties. At 17/18 she is too young to be tied down.

 

Well I did what you said and asked her out, that was the worst mistake... I see your view. You supported me and said that it might be some interesert but it turns out it wasnt... I took the chance and failed

[Gaeta]

Yeah it sounds easy but it’s not. You need to have some sort of diploma saying that I passed it in school. I’ll need to spend alot of time in school then. That’s how it is in Norway if you want a job. You need evidence. By taking a job abroad, travel and doing volunteer work won’t help. That’s something my parents have to teach me when I was a kid. They did but maybe I failed to do it in reality. So one question, how do I seek life excperience? I need to see psychologist? I have to ask my parents?

 

 

Of course it's not easy, most things worthy in this life is hard to obtain and needs work and dedication. You said you were done with University and you were working so why are you talking about not having a diploma?

 

 

Maturity is not something a shrink or your parents will teach you, it's something you will acquire by 'living' different life experiences and learning from them. You learn about life by trying, failing, getting back up and learning from it. You learn by getting out of comfort zone and trying new things like getting involved in a political group, an environmental group, a charity group. You mature by living on your own, being independent, and working 2 jobs to pay your rent if you must.

[Tagalz]

Tad: you will have to make a move and take a chance. most importantly you will have your answer and you'll be able to move on .

 

Replying to your old comment Gaeta. Yes I did take my chance and that chance leaded me to this.

 

I don’t have my answer and I can’t move on until I know the answer. D0nnivain has a good answer but there can be many reasons.

 

I need the answer so that the next time I don’t make the same mistake

[Gaeta]

Replying to your old comment Gaeta. Yes I did take my chance and that chance leaded me to this.

 

I don’t have my answer and I can’t move on until I know the answer. D0nnivain has a good answer but there can be many reasons.

 

I need the answer so that the next time I don’t make the same mistake

 

 

You have your answer you just don't want to accept it.

 

 

 

She doesn't like you 'that way' accept it and move on. The 'whys' aren't important she just didn't feel it with you. These feelings can't be ordered or changed. When a woman likes a guy she will be patient with him and give him several chances before quitting on him. This is not her case.

[Tagalz]

You have your answer you just don't want to accept it.

 

 

 

She doesn't like you 'that way' accept it and move on. The 'whys' aren't important she just didn't feel it with you. These feelings can't be ordered or changed. When a woman likes a guy she will be patient with him and give him several chances before quitting on him. This is not her case.

 

What do you mean?

[Gaeta]

What do you mean?

What part of my post you don't understand?

[Tagalz]

You have your answer you just don't want to accept it.

 

 

 

She doesn't like you 'that way' accept it and move on. The 'whys' aren't important she just didn't feel it with you. These feelings can't be ordered or changed. When a woman likes a guy she will be patient with him and give him several chances before quitting on him. This is not her case.

 

She just didn’t feel it with me? What’s her case then?

[Tagalz]

What part of my post you don't understand?

 

Everything. What I’m thinking is that the answer is because we weren’t on the same boat

[Gaeta]

She just didn’t feel it with me? What’s her case then?

She doesn't have a 'case'. She doesn't feel it with you, period. You can bring me the sexiest fireman on the calendar if I don't feel 'like that' toward him there is nothing he can do to make me change how I feel.

[Gaeta]

Everything. What I’m thinking is that the answer is because we weren’t on the same boat

There is no answer and there is no boat. Listen, all the players and the partyers of this world one day will meet that 'someone' that will make them want to stop partying. If one shred of her thought you could be it for her she'd put in the efforts. So, you can jump from one boat to another and even jump on her boat but you won't win her over because there is nothing inside her for you to ignite.

[d0nnivain]

I encouraged you to ask her out initially because I thought she was a nice girl. Then when you started describing her partying ways I told you to back off because you two weren't on the same page. She wanted casual sex & you had feelings. The first rule of FWB is the minute one person has feelings the benefits end. She was fine to have casual no strings attached sex with you & she had sex with you. I always told you that you were not going to be able to handle that because you had feelings for her, wanted exclusivity & some fairy-tale romance. When you talked about that she cut everything off & said no more friendship, no more sex. She knew that if she let you stick around you were going to be a giant wet blanket & be a big downer, moping around pretending to be OK with her sleeping with other guys & you'd end up c0ckbl0cking her which she didn't want either.

 

If she stayed in your life & kept having sex with you, you would be more miserable then you are now. You'd always want more & she'd grow to have less & less respect for you. It's better this way.

 

Try to enjoy the fact that you had sex with her & move on to a nice girl who shares your desires for a meaningful relationship. Stay away from the party girls; they are not your speed.

[Tagalz]

I encouraged you to ask her out initially because I thought she was a nice girl. Then when you started describing her partying ways I told you to back off because you two weren't on the same page. She wanted casual sex & you had feelings. The first rule of FWB is the minute one person has feelings the benefits end. She was fine to have casual no strings attached sex with you & she had sex with you. I always told you that you were not going to be able to handle that because you had feelings for her, wanted exclusivity & some fairy-tale romance. When you talked about that she cut everything off & said no more friendship, no more sex. She knew that if she let you stick around you were going to be a giant wet blanket & be a big downer, moping around pretending to be OK with her sleeping with other guys & you'd end up c0ckbl0cking her which she didn't want either.

 

If she stayed in your life & kept having sex with you, you would be more miserable then you are now. You'd always want more & she'd grow to have less & less respect for you. It's better this way.

 

Try to enjoy the fact that you had sex with her & move on to a nice girl who shares your desires for a meaningful relationship. Stay away from the party girls; they are not your speed.

 

This is the answer but I still think it’s my fault. If I only had experienced it before I would be more honest with myself from the beginning. Because I was lacking it only leaded me to be more unsure.

[Tagalz]

Then when you started describing her partying ways I told you to back off because you two weren't on the same page.

 

Try to enjoy the fact that you had sex with her.

 

It was too late to back off I already asked her on a date though. I could have had sex with her twice! I still regret why I didn’t so it quitly.. maybe it would have been less awkward the second and last time ):

[olivetree]

Holy overanalysis.

She's not interested, you need to move on!

[Tagalz]

I did not tell you guys about this.

 

After we finished having sex and I followed her downstairs I said this "We should do this more often"

 

She answered with "Yes"

 

I was making it clear that I wanted FWB, then why did she blow me off? I haven't thought about it, but this may be something?

 

AND on tuesday when we watched the movies she was almost always looking at my dick, like she wanted more....

[Noproblem]

I read one part you were saying that you are 22 and it's hard for you now to get a girl!

 

Really?

 

You are soooo so soo soo so so young!

 

I mean, you can get any girl you want! Just work on yourself! Work on your career and on your physical appearance and you will get any girl your age!

 

A girl in her 18 is still a teenager!

 

You always loved her more than she ever loved you.

 

Now, it's time for you to cut your loses and stop your obsession with her.

 

Trust me, you will find better girls for you once you let go of this one!

 

Take the time to heal and then go NC. Don't ever make contact with her again!

 

She sucks away your happiness and she still does not know what she wants with this life.

[Tagalz]

 

I mean, you can get any girl you want! Just work on yourself! Work on your career and on your physical appearance and you will get any girl your age!

 

Take the time to heal and then go NC. Don't ever make contact with her again!

 

She sucks away your happiness and she still does not know what she wants with this life.

 

I appreciate the welcoming comment when I’m at this point still trying to heal. It feels like a break up ya know.

 

It’s easy to say I can get any girls I want, but in reality it’s not. I have been rejected 3 times do you even consider it me getting whoever I want?

 

It’s something wrong with me, I need to change and if I keep getting rejected I’m better of as single for the rest of my life.

 

She does know what she wants and that is to find parties.

 

I think most people got the wrong idea, she isn’t all that of a party girl and she even told me that she is not attending party’s too often because she don’t know people who hosts.

 

But yeah once she’s in the party her goal is to **** basically

[d0nnivain]

You are someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. You are a sensitive guy. You have to be a bit more reserved in that sense & not lead with your emotions. You also have to learn to chose more wisely.

 

Your idea that this girl is not a party girl because she doesn't go to too many parties is ludicrous. She has the party girl spirit & wants to go to every party with the idea of hooking up. The ONLY thing holding her back is her age; she doesn't yet know where all the parties are. From 18-22 she will find them & then nothing will stop her.

 

You need a calmer, simpler girl to be your steady GF. Stop looking for a GF at parties. Start checking out libraries, church events, bookstores, & volunteer opportunities. You are more likely to find a truly kindred spirit away from the party circuit.

[Tagalz]

You are someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. You are a sensitive guy. You have to be a bit more reserved in that sense & not lead with your emotions. You also have to learn to chose more wisely.

 

The ONLY thing holding her back is her age; she doesn't yet know where all the parties are.

 

You need a calmer, simpler girl to be your steady GF. Stop looking for a GF at parties. Start checking out libraries, church events, bookstores, & volunteer opportunities. You are more likely to find a truly kindred spirit away from the party circuit.

 

In which way am I too sensitive? I don’t consider me that tho. Partly agree. She knows where the party is, but she can only be partying at her friends house. You need to be 19-20 to party at a nightclub. Depending on the club she can come in at a age of 18, but mostly her only choice is home party.

 

I actually met her last year at some christmas event the church had. As for library people don’t really speak to one another but I can try volunteer opportunities

[sabaton]

Well both of you tell the truth. But what I don’t understand is if she wanted fwb then why did she blown me off? To me honest I didn’t want to have sex that day, but I did because that’s what she wants so I gave it to her.

I'm confused. She dumped you after she had sex with you? After she told you that she was interested in a FWB? Maybe she didn't think the sex was good? Maybe she realized you get emotionally attached when you have sex and she didn't want to string you along, making you think that there was a chance could turn into a relationship?

 

OR that the sex don’t have anything to do with her blowing me off. I’m saying it could be other reasons.

Could be. Maybe she has things going on in her life that are keeping her from enjoying her social, personal life, and she didn't want the burden of being connected to someone, even if it's just a FWB.

 

But all in all the biggest difference is that I haven’t had FWB before, so If I had I would be coming in to this with more confidence. I’m saying that I was lacking on my experience there.

Ah. So this is a case of the girl having more experience than you and you feeling that you don't measure up to her, or to her previous sexual partners? Yeah, that could be a problem. We dudes have the habit of comparing ourselves to the girl's previous partners and feeling that we have to be better.

 

When I was 19 I hooked up with a 45 year old woman who had slept with more than 50 men. I was feeling pretty insecure about it, which made the experience not so enjoyable for myself and for her, but she was patient and things got a lot better. The thing is that this girl is 18. It's not like teenager girls or boys have abundant patience or emotional maturity.

[sabaton]

True, but I'm not proud of myself. What I wanted is FWB and If I had just make a decision earlier then I would still fck her everyday... I only got to do that 1 time with her. What I mean is that I want to fck her more, but because I talked about dating when she came over I totally ruined it. I was the one with the feelings.

Ok, are you sure you know what you want? first you say you want a relationship with this girl. Then you say - after she cuts off all contact with you - that what you wanted with her was a FWB and that you wanted to have sex with her everyday.

 

Alright, were you trying to appear to be a ''decent'' guy, like you wanted to show her that there are still ''good'' men out there by telling her that what you wanted was to have an exclusive romantic relationship with her?

 

Were you trying to distance yourself from the men she complains about, the men she claims had sex with her and then dumped her when what she claims to have wanted with those men was a relationship?

 

Bro. You kinda shot yourself in the foot there trying to be a white knight. This girl obviously loves sex, and she thinks you are hot. She probably had feelings for the men who dumped her after lying to her, telling her that they wanted a relationship with her.

 

There's a difference there. Those guys, she cared about on an emotional level. With you, she gets horny, and wants to sleep with you, but she got no romantic feelings for you, and apparently she's not the type to develop romantic feelings for the men she sleeps with.

 

Throughout your life you are going to meet women who are going to want to bang you, but not date you. That has nothing to do with the way you treat them. Their decision to just want to have sex with you has gotten nothing to do with the way you treat them.

 

There are women who are going to want sex with you and just sex because they just got out of a relationship and aren't looking forsomething serious. There are women who are going to be in relationships, but they want some sex from other men on the side.

 

You'll meet women who won't have romantic feelings but because they are horny, or you are charming, or you are hot - they are going to want to have sex with you.

 

Take it as it is, don't try to make a Nicholas Sparks romance out of it.

 

What do you mean?

 

It means that if this girl was in love with you that you could act like jerk and she'd still take you back, but because she only want sex from you - she doesn't care about you all that much after what you did.

 

 

Look. You are very young. You have so much youth in you left. Don't waste it on a girl who doesn't even remember your phone number anymore, probably. Go out there and find yourself a girl who is as crazy about you as you are about her. There's thousands of women for you to meet in Oslo!

[sabaton]

After we finished having sex and I followed her downstairs I said this "We should do this more often"

 

She answered with "Yes"

 

I was making it clear that I wanted FWB, then why did she blow me off? I haven't thought about it, but this may be something?

How is saying you two should do it(sex) more often a clear indication that you want a FWB with her???? I had dinner two times this week at this restaurant, doesn't mean I made a deal with the owner that I would be eating there regularly from now on, now does it ?

 

it's the same thing with the girl. You made a suggestion, not an affirmation of what you wanted from her. You should have told her, ''that was amazing. It has never felt this good before. I would love to make this a regular thing with you ''to which she would reply, if interested: yes.

 

You made the girl think that she wasn't all that good in bed, because if she had rocked your world(in her mind) you would be out there trying to get it again, and again, with her. Girls at her age are extra sensitive and paranoid about everything, and she very likely left feeling like you didn't enjoy the sex.

 

AND on tuesday when we watched the movies she was almost always looking at my dick, like she wanted more....

 

Why didn't you kiss her and touch her and bang her more?

 

In which way am I too sensitive?

1. You want a FWB with this girl, but you end up wrecking your 100% chances of getting a fwb with this girl because you went on and tried to come across as a gentleman by making her believe you wanted a relationship with her.

2. You got emotionally attached to her after you had sex with her.

3. you put this girl on a pedestal, bro. I get it. She's hot. But she's 18. of course she's hot! Just go to a nightclub and you'll see hundreds, thousands more girls that are as hot as she is.

4. She dumped you, and instead of getting it on with your life, you're still pinning after her.

5. She seems to be a lot less emotional that you are, and girls like that like guys like themselves lol.

 

I don’t consider me that tho. Partly agree. She knows where the party is, but she can only be partying at her friends house. You need to be 19-20 to party at a nightclub. Depending on the club she can come in at a age of 18, but mostly her only choice is home party.

Why can she only party in a nightclub at the age of 19?

 

I actually met her last year at some christmas event the church had. As for library people don’t really speak to one another but I can try volunteer opportunities

hahaha. Listen. Most people who are religious aren't actually religious. They're born into a religious family and they're indoctrinated from birth, but there are many girls who make a good show of being a girl of faith, but in reality they have the sex drive, the urges, and the desires that every other girl has, the girls who were extremely lucky to be born into non-religious families.

 

Don't go assuming that church girls or Hindu girls or Muslim girls or Tibetan girls are ''pure'' and looking for something steady. Many if not most don't act the way they want to act because their culture closes down on women enjoying their sexuality.

Edited November 17, 2018 by sabaton