Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 Because she wants to maintain the status quo. Or she thinks I’m an idiot she can manipulate! That’s not going to work for long 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Why not? It's been working for 2 years now! The two of you work together, I'm curious if this all comes out will there be any consequences? Does your employer have any consequences for affairs within the workplace? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Or she thinks I’m an idiot she can manipulate! That’s not going to work for long I doubt she thinks you are an idiot, she just wants you in her life AND her marriage. MM do it all the time, OW kept waiting around, whilst he just gets on with his marriage Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 OP, you're making the same mistake all of us that get caught up in these situations do. You think your relationship is special and unique. Read other threads in this section of the forum. You'll be wondering why the thread starters don't see what is so clear to you just from reading their story. Eventually it will sink in - you ARE them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 Why not? It's been working for 2 years now! The two of you work together, I'm curious if this all comes out will there be any consequences? Does your employer have any consequences for affairs within the workplace? Although we work together it’s for 2 different employers ,,, I do have the option of moving on elsewhere Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 I doubt she thinks you are an idiot, she just wants you in her life AND her marriage. MM do it all the time, OW kept waiting around, whilst he just gets on with his marriage Unfortunately I’m not interested in being the OM,,,it already went on much longer than I ever imagined, I wish I had known this a long time ago Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 OP, you're making the same mistake all of us that get caught up in these situations do. You think your relationship is special and unique. Read other threads in this section of the forum. You'll be wondering why the thread starters don't see what is so clear to you just from reading their story. Eventually it will sink in - you ARE them. I’ve been following Loveshack for over a year trying to find answers to my situation, I firmly believed we were the exception and we would succeed,, I held my commitment to her,,, she didn’t! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I would totally respect her decision to stay if she’d be woman enough to tell me that’s what she wants,,, instead she tells me to be patient and we’ll be together!! I want this torture to end! My friend, the person who has the ability to end the torture is you. Accept the fact that she is not going to leave her husband for you. And, end it. Let her go and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Although we work together it’s for 2 different employers ,,, I do have the option of moving on elsewhere If you can not keep your composure when you see this woman at work, then you need to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 It sounds like although you are upset you are going to keep waiting for her. I'm sorry to hear that, but you have to do what you feel you have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 How long does a guy wait for a woman? It’s been 2 years of words and promises but she’s still with her husband while I’m now divorced and waiting patiently,,, but she maintains she will leave and we’ll be together eventually. Words,words but no action,,, should I move on and forget even though I love that woman? She's not leaving her husband for you. You need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I’ve been following Loveshack for over a year trying to find answers to my situation, I firmly believed we were the exception and we would succeed,, I held my commitment to her,,, she didn’t! Sorry! We're all here to help you get through this, we do this all the time for OW/MW, let down by their MM, we can do the same for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 (edited) I appreciate the time everyone took to reply to my questions,,, I pretty well already knew what advice everyone would give me but deep down walking away isn’t what I want to do. At this point I’m left with few options,, 1- Walk away,I’ll fail, get back in the affair, walk away, fail etc,,, I know I will be back in the affair because I love the woman and she won’t let me go,,, 2- Expose the affair and let the big KABOOM happen,, then she’ll take the direction she truly wants,, Again I’ve done all I could for her, I have nothing to lose anymore and can only gain at this point,,,either she’ll leave her marriage or I’ll get my life back. What should I do? Advice and help is much appreciated! Edited October 14, 2018 by CPD1 Spalling mistakes Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Walk away, keep posting here, you won't fail, we won't let you... Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 You will fail. I've been there. You will fail over and over until you realize that the pain you are causing yourself and allowing is greater than the pain of losing her. Only then will you be able to let go. She won't leave him. She will tell you she will she will tell you how unhappy she is but she won't leave him. If you blow up her world....he may leave her and you will get her by default is that what you want? Or she will give you up cut off contact realize how much she was wrong wants to make her marriage work. And in time will come back and tell you how she couldn't leave because of xyz.... As long as you are where you are she will stay where she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 You will fail. I've been there. You will fail over and over until you realize that the pain you are causing yourself and allowing is greater than the pain of losing her. Only then will you be able to let go. She won't leave him. She will tell you she will she will tell you how unhappy she is but she won't leave him. If you blow up her world....he may leave her and you will get her by default is that what you want? Or she will give you up cut off contact realize how much she was wrong wants to make her marriage work. And in time will come back and tell you how she couldn't leave because of xyz.... As long as you are where you are she will stay where she is. I know I will fail like I did every time I tried to walk away because I love that woman,, and I know she does too,, I may walk away but she won’t, she’ll be there reaching out to me and I won’t have the strength to resist! How could it come to this I sure will never understand,, the future was so promising and now,,,,, nothing! Link to post Share on other sites
Maybelle Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I'm sorry but you have to move on from her. I can't imagine dragging things out with my MM had he left his wife. I wanted to run right to him and to hell with everything else. No house or car or possession could have stopped me if he said I'm free, come be with me. Maybe she does love you, but she isn't loving you enough to quit her marriage. I know they say not to give ultimatums but since you are so determined to hang on you need to say when are you leaving him. Tell her she has to have an exit plan. With a time frame. And if she doesn't adhere to that she needs to know you will move on and find someone who is free to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 At this point I’m left with few options,, 1- Walk away,I’ll fail, get back in the affair, walk away, fail etc,,, I know I will be back in the affair because I love the woman and she won’t let me go,,, 2- Expose the affair and let the big KABOOM happen,, then she’ll take the direction she truly wants,, There is a third option you know. Be the better person, wish her well in her marriage and walk away with your dignity intact. You don't need to expose the affair. To do so purely out of spite is vindictive, unnecessary, and reveals more about your true character than hers. Are you seriously not able to walk away from this affair without blowing it up behind you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 There is a third option you know. Be the better person, wish her well in her marriage and walk away with your dignity intact. You don't need to expose the affair. To do so purely out of spite is vindictive, unnecessary, and reveals more about your true character than hers. Are you seriously not able to walk away from this affair without blowing it up behind you? Bailey,I very much appreciate your comments but if you knew me personally you would know I’m not the type to cause hardship to anyone especially regarding infidelity, it’s the cruelest thing that can happen to someone,, I’ve lived it!! My intentions are not to hurt anyone (especially poor husband) ,,, she chose to cheat on him, not me,,,, I personally didn’t do any better myself and I’m ashamed of it. This is the first time I’ve ever been involved with a married woman and it’s the last,, I fell hard for that woman because we have so much in common, we complemented each other and unfortunately I will never find a woman like her again,, we could have had a great future. Again my intentions are not and have never been to hurt anyone but sadly some people got hurt. I’m not vengeful towards anyone,, I’m just trying to figure out how to get my life back,,, I want to be the confident person I used to be and not this emotionally destroyed guy who’s life and future is in OW’s hands! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Bailey,I very much appreciate your comments but if you knew me personally you would know I’m not the type to cause hardship to anyone especially regarding infidelity, it’s the cruelest thing that can happen to someone,, I’ve lived it!! My intentions are not to hurt anyone (especially poor husband) ,,, she chose to cheat on him, not me,,,, I personally didn’t do any better myself and I’m ashamed of it. This is the first time I’ve ever been involved with a married woman and it’s the last,, I fell hard for that woman because we have so much in common, we complemented each other and unfortunately I will never find a woman like her again,, we could have had a great future. Again my intentions are not and have never been to hurt anyone but sadly some people got hurt. I’m not vengeful towards anyone,, I’m just trying to figure out how to get my life back,,, I want to be the confident person I used to be and not this emotionally destroyed guy who’s life and future is in OW’s hands! I sincerely hope that you get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 She is telling you she will leave because she doesnt want to lose you. Because that is what you want to hear. And you keep believing her... for 2 years. Maybe in her mind she wants to and she is scared. Maybe she is having a hard time making the decision between the both of you. Maybe she just wants to keep everything just as is and will tell you whatever it takes to keep you there just like she takes in front of her husband. You want to know where you stand? You want her to make a decision? Walk away. Tell her you cannot be a part of this love triangle. You will only talk to her when she is single. You will then what she truly wants. But you have to stick to it. If you go back into the affair, she will never believe you will have the balls to leave, and she will keep cake eating. You allow her to stay, she is staying and enjoying the benefits. I know you say you will go back and back. But you have to do this for you. This woman isnt an amazing person. She is weak, flawed, etc. Take her off the pedestal and see her for what she is and take your pride and walk away. If I can do this with a 20 year marriage with young children and haven't worked in 20 years with a man i was so madly in love with... and I'm a weak woman... you can do it with this! If I can, you can!!!! For you! You dont want to live a life like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CPD1 Posted October 15, 2018 Author Share Posted October 15, 2018 Thanks Starswillshine! It’s amazing how a complete stranger can relate so well to my story and I’m referring to others also but you Starswillshine was definitely bang on! It’s so easy to give advice but it’s so hard to actually stick to it,, tomorrow morning at the very least I have to talk to her,,, ya! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I'm surprised people here are telling you to just walk away. When women come here involved with MM we tell them to tell the wife. Well I'm telling you to tell her "poor" husband because he deserves to know he is being cheated on and to make the decision if he still wants her or not. Why should he be left with a cheater who will cheat again if OP walks away. Yes, tell the husband and make her back up her lies and if she doesn't, walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 I've NEVER advised a woman poster to tell the betrayed wife. I understand the reasoning of why someone would advise that for the benefit of the betrayed spouse, but if OP does it it's clear he will be doing it for his own benefit - to blow up the MW's marriage hoping she'll finally come to him. I'm also amazed when people claim such strong, undying love for their affair partner but then threaten (and sometimes do) throw a bomb into the other person's life. Sure, the truth needs to come out, but do you really do that someone you love? For the record, I never considered it for even a split second. Link to post Share on other sites
Superluminal Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Hi CPD1. Your story is identical to mine except I was the OW in my situation. I wasted 6 years of back and forth with my MM waiting for him to leave his marriage. He would leave his marriage, then go running back when overhelmed with his emotions. He did this 3 times! Leaving, then going back! And all the while, he begged me to wait, told me he loved me more than he's loved anyone else, that I was his best friend, he's miserable in his marriage..blah, blah, blah. The problem is, like you, I loved him dearly and couldn't bring myself to end it. And we also work together, which makes it so much more difficult to get over. My advice...get out while you can. Don't waste years like I did. I'm now 50 years old and feel like I've completely wasted the best years of my life pining for a guy that I could never have. Your MW is never going to leave her husband unless he leaves her or she becomes a widow. And you don't want to wait that long. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts