He went back to his wife

[whichwayisup]

Then I regret not telling him to look for me when he's divorced.

Obviously (at least right now) you want the door open. You're far from over him, the affair or hope for a future. That is, if he ever divorces. Even if he does, lets say in 2 years, are you really willing to wait and put your life on hold for a tiny chance that he'll divorce and be with you? Even if he does, how could trust him not to hurt you again? This idiot has ripped your heart out and shredded it over and over again. When it is enough? These are all things to think about, hopefully in therapy so you can rid of him from your system.

[BaileyB]

I really wished that I listened to his story (excuses) on Thursday just to see, I don't know, maybe somewhere in that weaved fabric was a thread of truth...

 

Then I regret not telling him to look for me when he's divorced.

 

How would even begin to know it is the truth... How do you know when this guy is lying - if his lips are moving, he is lying to someone.

 

Why would you ever want to rid him from your life, only for him to come back? Isn't this what you've been doing for the last 8 1/2 years? Isn't this what brings you here, in so much pain that you can't sleep and you haven't eaten in days? Seriously, no man and no relationship is worth this much agony.

 

But, if you really want the cycle to continue... Just keep the door open. Tell him to look you up when he finally leaves, and then maybe you will get the other experience - the experience his wife has been having all these years that her husband has been stepping out with you.

[brigit87]

Then I regret not telling him to look for me when he's divorced. He won't now for sure. And I know it's all supposed to be for the better because the guy's an a** but I've never loved anyone like this before. Every relationship, even my marriage, was so much easier to end. Why this? Why him?

 

I think you're having a hard time ending this relationship because it was never real. You're breaking up with a pretend relationship and that has to be more difficult then ending real ones.

 

If he gets divorced he will look you up. Don't worry. He will remember you well.

[norudder]

I think you're having a hard time ending this relationship because it was never real. You're breaking up with a pretend relationship and that has to be more difficult then ending real ones.

 

If he gets divorced he will look you up. Don't worry. He will remember you well.

 

^^^^°Yup. And also yes to raising your standards and expectations. After divorcing, ending it w exmm and dating both jerks and decent guys, there's sooo much perspective gained. Learn from us here or go get the knowledge first hand.

 

I have heard back from guys I only dated a month or so, usually me being the one ending it. For whatever reason they wanted to revisit the potential. (Please no comments about going back to the well, which is crass and without details, not applicable the situations I refer to).

 

Being with a guy who is romantic and has no impediments to seeing you is such a wonderful 180. You know it's not because he "has to" to keep you on the hook. It just flows naturally while getting to know each other. Being with someone who wants and is ready for a relationship, who knows what that means and should look like, who prioritizes your happiness as much as their own, not their own at the expense of yours.

 

Look for THAT.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I'm going to be a complete hypocrite here but here goes. I think you really have to be careful with someone who lied to another person for years while being involved with you. Lying can become a part of who they are and you just can't believe a word they say.

 

I've posted before that I was involved with a guy for 3 years who was separated but went back and forth the whole time and could not file for divorce. His wife was his OW from his first marriage. I was not his first "affair" during this second marriage. Finally I did leave, moved on and married (ended up here, other story).

 

A year ago he contacted me after 15 years of NC. I ignored him. Two weeks ago he reached out again. I'm doing better in my life and this guy put me through hell and back. So I did respond to hear what he had to say. He asked me to lunch, to which I said my husband and I were busy with our business, etc. etc. He said he understood and that was that.

 

But I looked at FB yesterday and he does have a page he was tagged in a weird way, I found him, he is separated again or divorced and this woman was posting how happy she was to have found a great guy. He was in her profile pic. She looked about 45-50. The posting was September. He's a dog, never will change. All I could think was, what if I had been waiting for him all these years and meanwhile he has a girlfriend. What a POS. I felt bad for the girlfriend.