Tempted

[imsosad]

Your opening thread bothered me.

Almost every sentence began with "He".

He is. He wants. He needs. He says. Him him him him.

You believe every word he says, even though he's giving you the classic, pathetic 'my wife doesn't understand me bs.

You judge his wife very harshly, based on one sided information, that he's providing with a very specific goal in mind.

Gently and respectfuly, you sound a bit childish when you say that you can't understand how she can treat such a wonderdul husband so badly.

Reminder: more often than not, wonderful husbands have adoring wives.

He sounds too good to be true, and he's probably putting on one hell of a show.

He wants to set up a long term, comfortable affair,vwith an available woman, so that everything will suit his schedule perfectly.

I hope you save yourself an almost certain disaster and cut him loose.

[elaine567]

Recently more men are telling me they dream about me, usually dreams of me appearing in their world and inspiring them to transform for the better somehow.

 

Do you honestly believe that?

[Starswillshine]

Your opening thread bothered me.

Almost every sentence began with "He".

He is. He wants. He needs. He says. Him him him him.

You believe every word he says, even though he's giving you the classic, pathetic 'my wife doesn't understand me bs.

You judge his wife very harshly, based on one sided information, that he's providing with a very specific goal in mind.

Gently and respectfuly, you sound a bit childish when you say that you can't understand how she can treat such a wonderdul husband so badly.

Reminder: more often than not, wonderful husbands have adoring wives.

He sounds too good to be true, and he's probably putting on one hell of a show.

He wants to set up a long term, comfortable affair,vwith an available woman, so that everything will suit his schedule perfectly.

I hope you save yourself an almost certain disaster and cut him loose.

 

This.

 

Bottom line... wonderful husbands do not cheat. Do not try to cheat. This man has had affairs before.

 

My husband had the same sob story and a woman in every town he visited. I adored him... I doted on him.... i was far from the wife my husband described (just like the wife in this story). I was the sexual one.

 

He looks at his wife every day and lies to her. What makes you think he isnt lying to you? He wants something from you...

 

But something bothers me about what you said... and it sounds like something my husband's OW said... so she takes the kids and spends nights at family members homes? This is something that is common. People visit family. You are reading into this because you want to see evidence there. Except it doesnt mean they are just roommates.

 

You are being extremely naive. You believe yourself to be intelligent and this cockiness will bite you in the foot.

[JuneL]

How about you use that angelic energy to find your dream man?

 

JuneL, I talk to lots of people online, all around the world, often as a kind of counselor. 99% of the men are single - but this guy and the last are highly intelligent and articulate, which I love. I spent more time doing this when going through the health ordeal, as I was totally in my shell and it was some form of connection, some way I could feel useful. I'm beginning to fade it out now.

 

I've learned that it's true most men just want to make a woman happy. Both of these men seem disappointed and saddened primarily because they no longer get the masculine affirmation that they turn her on, get her going, give her sexual pleasure.

 

Quite a few of my chat buddies have stayed in touch for many months, often reporting awesome breakthroughs in their lives, crediting my advice as a big driver of the transformation. Recently more men are telling me they dream about me, usually dreams of me appearing in their world and inspiring them to transform for the better somehow.

 

I've considered how to market & sell this service, but for now I'm still honing my skills and it's free! I like to help people. Many real-life acquaintances, energy worker types, have told me I have a "big white aura" - that's the "angelic" energy, supposedly very rare.

[Ruby Slippers]

I suppose I do accept and believe people's truth as they tell it, yes. I'm aware not everyone is 100% honest like me. But I protect myself. As a highly sensitive, intuitive person, I've learned to share my good energy while maintaining a shield to keep out bad energy.

 

If any man steps out of line and even tries to project bad energy toward me, he might get one warning, then I politely disconnect and he's history.

[Starswillshine]

I suppose I do accept and believe people's truth as they tell it, yes. I'm aware not everyone is 100% honest like me. But I protect myself. As a highly sensitive, intuitive person, I've learned to share my good energy while maintaining a shield to keep out bad energy.

 

If any man steps out of line and even tries to project bad energy toward me, he might get one warning, then I politely disconnect and he's history.

 

So a man who is trying to set up an affair with you isnt stepping out of line? Not projecting bad energy toward you?

 

I mean, it would disgust me. I would be offended if a married man would think I would think so cheap of myself to want to be a side show.

[Ruby Slippers]

How about you use that angelic energy to find your dream man?

Yes, doing this now!

 

I have a first date tonight with a man who seems just as intuitive as I. He invited me for drinks at a unique spot I love and then to a show that clicks right into place with who I am and where my mind is.

 

I'm very excited to "work my magic" in the real world tonight

[JuneL]

Was the online counseling stuff an open forum like here? If yes, the moment these married men started sending you private messages talking about their personal life, that is your big warning.

 

I have received private messages on here following up on specific threads. However, I certainly wouldn’t engage in private convos about a married man’s personal life. If he wants to know how to engage his wife sexually, he should ask on an open forum instead of seeking help from individual single women.

[Ruby Slippers]

I met him on a chat site. Normally I tell the married guys I only talk to single men. But he was much more articulate and interesting than most guys, so I decided to chat a bit. At first our conversation was totally platonic. I was coming out of a depression and it was mostly him asking how I was and offering advice. He asked me to text, but I wasn't into it at first, so we'd just chat anytime we both happened to be on.

 

Then one day, we connected in conversation at a new level. It wasn't long after that when I agreed to text and we exchanged photos, had a phone call. That was a couple weeks ago now.

 

At the heart of it, we were both feeling uninspired and looking for a genuine connection.

 

Like me, he says he likes to give advice to help people. 80% of our conversation is him asking how I'm doing, offering ideas and advice, encouraging me on my dates, etc.

 

I've been 95% responsible for instigating all the fantasy talk. I reasoned that we're both sex-deprived and I'll never meet him, so it's harmless. Then it got so good that I reached a point where I wanted to meet him, and we both deemed it very tempting but playing with fire. This video with her and the cute Spaniard (?) kinda sums up the vibe - depraved but hot!

 

Now I've shifted the conversation from hot fantasies to rev us both up with sparkling mojo, to how we can each grow in a wholesome way and thrive in the lives we have, and he's rolling with it. I'm a cardinal/leader type, and he's mutable/go with the flow. He shows up and chats about anything I want. We have a lot in common career wise, but I've been kinda all over the place while he's stable & focused, so he's a good sounding board as I'm currently focusing on elevating my career and earning power.

[whichwayisup]

Of course it could be that it's all a bunch of lies. But it rings true for me. He said they're so disconnected that she often takes one or more kids and spends the night with relatives. Cordial, but living "as roommates".

 

Anyway, it doesn't matter, I'm not going to meet him, and I'm pretty sure I'll gradually backburner him as a chat buddy as I continue improving my social life. If I want a little meaningless fun with a single guy, that'd probably take a few minutes to line up. But not my style, so unlikely.

 

If he was that unhappy, he'd divorce. Fact is, they still "live life" together. Celebrate holidays, birthdays, anniversaries etc.. They have family entwined, kids, friends. It is a bunch of lies, he's looking for something on the side and you deserve better than being that to him.

 

Fight the urge and focus on getting to know single men, not married men. You're worthy of a great man who isn't already married.

[Ruby Slippers]

Thanks, you're right. It's not gonna happen.

 

I'm realizing that this is part of me exploring my shadow side. I have a very intuitive good friend who's a few years older, and she told me how the past couple of years, she's really been exploring her shadow side. This is a psychological principle put forth in psychology by Jung - that at a certain point in life, we all need to confront our shadow side - the dark side, the shameful side - and reconcile, synthesize it as part of our nature before we can evolve and truly actualize.

 

I'm a great temptress. Normally I direct that energy at available, suitable, marriageable men. I never intended to do so with this man, but he evoked it in a big way.

 

It's been a little naughty and very fun, but I'll keep in safely in the fantasy realm and find more productive ways to channel it.

 

I'm feeling inclined to have some fun unleashing my inner temptress by dressing up as Elvira for Halloween. I certainly have the breasts for it - and the legs

 

I went dancing with this guy till all hours last Friday - great time, but I'm not really interested - he keeps sending lovey messages and sappy songs/videos. I'm just letting the admirers admire. I've been extraordinarily giving and selfless in relationships thus far. It's not all bad. They never forget me, often come back over and over no matter how many times I dismiss them. Now I'm enjoying being a little bit self-centered for a change. It's pretty refreshing to sit back and let the men do all the work.

Edited September 29, 2018 by Ruby Slippers

[Crazelnut]

Wow, you are so full of yourself. I feel sorry for the man who actually tries to have a relationship with you.

[Ruby Slippers]

But something bothers me about what you said... and it sounds like something my husband's OW said... so she takes the kids and spends nights at family members homes? This is something that is common. People visit family. You are reading into this because you want to see evidence there. Except it doesnt mean they are just roommates.

If I had a man like that, I'd be rocking his bod all night every night. That's what he wants and that's what I want. Sure, I'd take the kids to visit family, then come home at night to my man. I get it, she's decided that part of the marriage is over. And left him longing for it so much that he's looking for it elsewhere. He said their sex life was great for almost 15 years, then poof, she took it off the table almost entirely, leaving him with his hmmhmm in his hand like a chump.

 

People say yeah, he's lying to seduce you - but you hear the same story over and over again. Why would so many guys tell that same story on this anonymous board? Are they also looking for some random poster here to seduce with a fake story?

[minimariah2]

Why would so many guys tell that same story on this anonymous board? Are they also looking for some random poster here to seduce with a fake story?

 

on this board - they're mostly looking for approval & justification and try to avoid being attacked by other posters. it's interesting how you failed to mention threads opened by BWs, who got cheated on despite being very sexually active with their husbands.

 

As a highly sensitive, intuitive person...

 

you're neither sensitive nor intuitive.

 

you seem inexperienced & with very little understanding of human behavior & motives. in fact - some of your sentences are so hilariously naive that it's kind of hard to believe you're being serious with this thread.

[Starswillshine]

If he wants to get laid by his wife, maybe he shouldn't be cheating on her. I mean, just a thought.

 

And agreed, you are horribly naive.

[JuneL]

Just wanted to point out that yours is more than an emotional affair, since you’re talking about sex stuff. So I consider him cheating on his wife.

[Ruby Slippers]

it's interesting how you failed to mention threads opened by BWs, who got cheated on despite being very sexually active with their husbands. .

That's a different problem. I'd have zero interest in men like that.

 

I did point out that it's a problem he acts with her like everything's ok to spare her feelings. Obviously everything's not ok if he's looking elsewhere, and I think he has a responsibility to make that abundantly clear.

 

Go ahead, pile on the hate, won't hurt me a whit. My confidence has been hard won, so insults are water off a duck's back by now.

[Starswillshine]

That's a different problem. I'd have zero interest in men like that.

 

I did point out that it's a problem he acts with her like everything's ok to spare her feelings. Obviously everything's not ok if he's looking elsewhere, and I think he has a responsibility to make that abundantly clear.

 

Go ahead, pile on the hate, won't hurt me a whit. My confidence has been hard won, so insults are water off a duck's back by now.

 

The problem is that you actually believe him. In most cases, their wives are putting out. My husband (soon to be ex, btw) didnt come out and say "my wife is a prude." But he made comments like... "I wish you were here cuz you're not a prude." Which is comical to me because he was the one to be a prude. I was the adventurous one. He didnt suffer sexually at home, he looked for pieces while he traveled on the road.

 

But in a lot of these cases, just like wives "let themselves go..." men have let themselves go. They aren't putting into their wives. They want the easy way...

 

Again, this man is lying to the woman he promised to honor for the rest of his life. You're insanely naive to believe he isnt lying to you. It is actually a very ignorant thought that he would be honest. Words... you have words. Only words. And they will say ANYTHING. It costs nothing to say anything.

 

A confident woman wouldn't be considering a married woman. Look at yourself and see where you are weak to get ego boosts from this....

[imsosad]

If I had a man like that, I'd be rocking his bod all night every night. That's what he wants and that's what I want. Sure, I'd take the kids to visit family, then come home at night to my man. I get it, she's decided that part of the marriage is over. And left him longing for it so much that he's looking for it elsewhere. He said their sex life was great for almost 15 years, then poof, she took it off the table almost entirely, leaving him with his hmmhmm in his hand like a chump.

 

People say yeah, he's lying to seduce you - but you hear the same story over and over again. Why would so many guys tell that same story on this anonymous board? Are they also looking for some random poster here to seduce with a fake story?

 

Have you ever been in a long term relationship?

The way you talk about a stranger you don't actually know, suggests to me that you don't.

Why would do many guys be saying these things? Seriously? Are you claiming there is an epidemic of horrible wives neglecting their petfect husbands?

The reason they say it is because it works.

Would you consider a relationship with him if he told you, look, my wife is just great, we are happy together, we have an active sex life, but we'vebeen together for ages and I have a little midlife crisis. Would you be my extra sex, whileI prove to myself that I still got it?

[minimariah2]

My confidence has been hard won, so insults are water off a duck's back by now.

 

if that was the case, you'd never have given this man the time of the day. if you were a confident woman, you'd be able to deal with the criticism without calling it hate and jumping on the defensive train. you're very much an insecure person.

 

also - you don't really KNOW if what he tells you about his marriage is true. you mentioned him texting you late hours - i text my good friend, who has been going through some rough times, until 2 or 3AM with my husband literally sleeping next to me. if i can do it - so can everybody else, using the "friend needs help" excuse. he doesn't even need to move away from his spouse in order to text you that late, especially if he has a good excuse and if she's trusting enough.

[carhill]

YMMV, OP but if you want this to disappear simply suss out his spouse on social media and send copies of your/his messages to her. Poof, done. I've done it and it's the quickest most effective way I know to disappear a real or potential unfaithful spouse. Harsh? Sure! However, he's a nobody, electrons, so isn't a factor in your real world.

[brigit87]

Then one day, we connected in conversation at a new level. It wasn't long after that when I agreed to text and we exchanged photos, had a phone call. That was a couple weeks ago now.

 

At the heart of it, we were both feeling uninspired and looking for a genuine connection.

 

Like me, he says he likes to give advice to help people. 80% of our conversation is him asking how I'm doing, offering ideas and advice, encouraging me on my dates, etc.

 

I've been 95% responsible for instigating all the fantasy talk. I reasoned that we're both sex-deprived and I'll never meet him, so it's harmless.

 

OK. Well...maybe you are more like a guy. IDK. Maybe you can have an affair and not take it too seriously. In my book you're already having an affair.

[lana-banana]

Unpaid escort - that's funny. Even at my age, random men online still offer me ridiculous amounts of money for pics, cam, a date, etc. Within the past month I've been offered $500 for cam and $3,500 for a "date". I never have, never will. I talk to him because I like him as a person and I want to.

 

What? Why do random men online assume you're a prostitute? Why would that be flattering?

[Zapbasket]

Ruby Slippers, I'm around your age. It sounds like you're enjoying a bit of a self-renaissance. And that is awesome. I'm going through something similar.

 

But why would you want to waste all that hard-won confidence on some torrid relation with a married man who sounds not remotely attractive as a person--who sounds like a total sleaze well-practiced in saying all the right things to the point that everything sounds pathetically cliched, lame, and slimy?

 

Never mind him. YOU sound like you're trying to prove to yourself that you've still "got it." There's nothing flattering about random men online offering you money for pictures.

 

Great to have a fling...but not with some married man who clearly is playing you and probably also his poor wife and every other woman he meets. Use your enlightened maturity to set up a fling where no one is being deceived or hurt or taken advantage of.

[Rotn'roses]

I like that...highway to hell...haha. But it is actually no joke. Walk away and save your self esteem, because this man has none for you...just saying. You can do so much better than this. Find a younger man, that will knock your socks off...probably better too! Yum!