Tempted

[carhill]

I do have a first date this weekend, and it's a good one - drinks at a spot I love then a cool, edgy musical. Points for imagination! He's smart as a whip and seems awesome, creative-techie hybrid like me. Should be a great time!

 

Cool, good luck. This is key if considering MM/MW for socializing, to not focus on them but use them as part of a wide social life. People use each other, it's normal. Yeah we like to gussie it up but it's human using human for personal benefit when getting right down to it. Do what works for you.

[Mizz Layta]

I want true love (or as close as I can get), marriage, and babies (if I still can).

 

I've come close to this twice, but in both cases there was a deal-breaker. If I met either of those guys today, I might "settle". But at the time I chose not to.

 

Being with the MM isn't the way to go if you want more unless you will be satisfied with relationship that is only based on sex with limitations and restrictions. I know you're probably not going to take our advice but I know , I've been there .I can understand the temptation but trust me...few orgasm won't be worth the heartache you will endure from falling for someone who can't be yours.

 

I remember when my xMM made pursued me. In my case he told me that he was leaving but they still live together..of course he never left it was all web of lies as bait. I remember posting about it asking for opinions/advice and people told me to stay away until he is fully single and has his own place. But, I wasn't having it , I wanted to believe what I wanted to believe .

 

My warning is....you feel like this now but the time will come when you are so sucked in and it will eat away at your mind, your mental health .The scary part is that you don’t get a warning that you’re about to bridge that transition. You just wake up one day and realise you are no longer in control, the addiction is.

 

Your happiness depend on the daily messaging and contact. And it only takes one small slip, one too uncomfortable question from his wife for him to take a break. A day, a week, a month, however long.

 

 

As others stated , as long as you are investing your emotions in this MM, you will not be emotionally available to have a relationship with someone else. You will be not willing to give yourself emotionally to someone who is available because you are invested yourself emotionally in the MM and you will not allow yourself to be open to a real relationship with an available man

Edited September 28, 2018 by Mizz Layta

[jah526]

He's offered a lot, as far as married men go. Because he has a consulting business and travels to clients around the world, he says he can spend the night, take me on trips with him, spend a lot of quality time together, be there for me if I need him pretty well. We've been texting for hours every day. When he's away for more than a short time, he apologizes and lets me know why. He says he's a giver, loves lighting me up and helping in any way he can. As much as we talk about sexual fantasies, he frequently talks about the fantasy of kissing me and feeling me melt in surrender, with him lifting all my stress and worries.

 

Uh huh. He’s your Prince Charming. I have noticed in several of my relationships that men tend to telegraph what THEY want by saying what they will do for you. Once he gets what he wants he will focus only on that and you’ll become just a means for satisfying himself. He will instantly lose respect for you, a person willing to sleep with a married man, ironic as that may seem. Don’t even toy around with this. You are playing with fire.

[bathtub-row]

I know you're right. Why is it SO tempting?!! I'm very sexual in general - though outwardly demure, few partners, downright conservative compared to friends & peers.

 

I can't remember the last time I was THIS turned on! It's been a while.

 

Forbidden fruit, I guess!

 

I don’t know what it is. I think it’s because the MM knows how to turn on the charm, to focus his attention and make you feel that you’re it. And, yes, it’s that forbidden fruit temptation. All I know is that there’s a reason why our rules in society have evolved as they have. Not getting involved with a MM is as much a protection for the OW as it is for the wife and everyone else involved. But those men are charmers because they know what a bad deal they really are so they have to make the effort extra special. Please don’t go down that rabbit hole. Please don’t do that to yourself.

 

I know about being sexual, about being appreciated for that and for other things - like your mind. I get all of it. I know you think you’re different and that you handle things differently than those other silly women. But it just won’t work. You shouldn’t waste your time on this losing bargain.

[carhill]

I know you're right. Why is it SO tempting?!! I'm very sexual in general - though outwardly demure, few partners, downright conservative compared to friends & peers.

 

I can't remember the last time I was THIS turned on! It's been a while.

 

Forbidden fruit, I guess!

Yeah, been dealing with a MW like that recently. I think I got her back on track. Focused on safety and boundaries after she jumped me one evening. She was like a wild animal. No big smackdowns, just calmly outlining healthy boundaries. Women can get like that when starved for affection and sex. That's all it was, not anything to do with me personally. Another guy would've taken her right there. Fortunately I know her H so wasn't gonna happen. One of those women who guys circle. Seen her in action many times. It's an aura thing. MM may have picked up on similar with you and turned on the charm since he knows how to play the sex and romance game.

 

FWIW, I got approached sexually far more while married than when single and, for the first time in life, by single women. Before it was only married women, regardless of relationship status (LTR/girlfriend/whatever). Perhaps, as you state, there is an aspect of 'forbidden fruit'. Women can be sneaky It shocked me.

 

Have you considered trying recreational sex? My wife at the time related plenty of good experiences with that between marriages. Scratch the itch with little effort and investment. Depends if you're wired that way. Lots of single guys around, or move to a demographic where there are.

[Ruby Slippers]

This thread rocks! Thanks, y'all.

 

There are tons of ready to rumble bucks I could have as easily as ordering a pizza.

 

Other that the married thing, I like him as a person and we connect. He fulfills many fantasies for me. But I get that the illicit nature amplifies the excitement.

 

I'm not done exploring his mind yet. But yeah, I think I can do better. I'm turning my mental focus to my date this weekend.

[bathtub-row]

This thread rocks! Thanks, y'all.

 

There are tons of ready to rumble bucks I could have as easily as ordering a pizza.

 

Other that the married thing, I like him as a person and we connect. He fulfills many fantasies for me. But I get that the illicit nature amplifies the excitement.

 

I'm not done exploring his mind yet. But yeah, I think I can do better. I'm turning my mental focus to my date this weekend.

 

That liking a person and deep connection is VERY common in affairs, which adds to their intensity. By continuing down this road with him, you’re playing with fire. This man is all wrong for you no matter how intriguing the whole thing seems. That’s the hook and taking the bait is going to land you in a world of heartache. But, carry on. Sometimes the only way we learn anything is through pain and experience.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think I can resist. Deep down I know it's wrong for so many reasons. The biggest one is basic self-respect. If I really want some hot sex with a good connection to tide me over, I can find that with a single man. Most likely I won't do that, either, as it would just be a distraction.

[BluEyeL]

It's a really bad idea, if you get attached (and chances are high that you will), you'll waste even more of your time, you'll get even older, more bitter, and unhappier.

 

 

You dated one month! It's ridiculous to complain already! Keep going at it! Anything worth having it's difficult to get! Don't go the easy way, it usually doesn't take you to anything good.

 

 

 

Talking about people who gain weight and aren't able to lose it, they also went the easy way, they want the food, they need the extra food and suffer the consequences. Don't indulge in sex with a married man! It's bad for you, I don't care about the wife. (not that I don't really care, but we are talking about you here).

[BluEyeL]

I think I can resist. Deep down I know it's wrong for so many reasons. The biggest one is basic self-respect. If I really want some hot sex with a good connection to tide me over, I can find that with a single man. Most likely I won't do that, either, as it would just be a distraction.

Ah good! Phew

 

 

You can find hot sex anytime if you want to. Just go about finding that if you really want it.

[elaine567]

... it would just be a distraction.

Which is exactly what this MM would be too.

You could actually waste years with this guy like this...

There is too much "quality" here for him to stay as a quick fling. He is not "throw away" material.

You already want him for yourself.

BUT he is NOT available to you and likely wont ever be.

It is how many MM hook their OW.

[pepperbird]

I'm glad I started this thread! I went from "he's so dreamy" to "I'm not the easy sex you're looking for, move on". Not saying that's my final decision. I must admit the idea of letting him "conquer" me is somewhat fun. On the other hand, it's fun to consider never giving in. As a dreamer I always try on many ideas until I find just the right one. The perspective is helpful, for sure!

 

 

That's the thing.

You've got an idea about the fun and excitement it could bring to you, but have you given any thought to what you are asking others to do?

 

 

What you are doing is asking some complete strangers who have done nothing to you, to suffer because of your actions, because that is exactly what you will be doing.

[Orokotikki]

Also, you are much less likely to find 'good' husband material during an A with an MM - because:

1. Great guys will sense your divided attentions and do better for themselves.

2. You will think your needs are being more fully met then they are because AP will be meeting some.

3. A great guy (who values and really be committed in a marriage, and is halfway smart at all) would be sent running from a committed relationship with someone who would so de-value and disrespect a committed relationship.

[Ruby Slippers]

Truth bombs galore in this thread! Love y'all

[minimariah2]

Pro.......

 

^ EXACTLY my thoughts.

 

smooth operator! he already has the OP where he wants her - i'm almost in awe... this dude is brilliant, Lmao.

 

If she were taking care of him, he wouldn't be looking elsewhere.

 

this dude is amazing. he chose the dangerous but super effective route: manipulating you with the "TRUTH" & honesty - you didn't even start this A and you're already thinking of his wife as the main villain in this story.

 

needless to say - men cheat even when they're getting amazong sex on the daily basis in their marriage.

 

It's tempting because I've told him I would keep seeking husband material...

 

you won't. you'll fall in love with him & focus on planning your future with him, hoping he'll leave his wife for you. you won't seek any other partners and you won't date, he knows this.

 

there is no chance you'll be able to resist him, you're way too inexperienced & in need of a man's attention to resist. so - my advice - try to keep your distance while the A lasts. who knows! it might end up being his exit A so you'll luck out.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's not going to happen. I told him today. I believe him he's never done it before. He agreed with me he'd hate himself if he went through with it. Now I'm advocating for his wife, trying to give him advice. He says he's tried everything he can think of for 3 years, now "giving up", but very bummed about facing the 2nd half of his life with no sex. It's a tough situation - and very common, I've learned. I feel for these guys. I understand much better now how affairs happen. I'm not going there, but I get it.

[brigit87]

I'm glad I started this thread! I went from "he's so dreamy" to "I'm not the easy sex you're looking for, move on". Not saying that's my final decision. I must admit the idea of letting him "conquer" me is somewhat fun. On the other hand, it's fun to consider never giving in. As a dreamer I always try on many ideas until I find just the right one. The perspective is helpful, for sure!

 

If you don't end this now and quick you'll be in hell soon enough.

 

Do you really want to be an unpaid escort?

[FMW]

Now I'm advocating for his wife, trying to give him advice. He says he's tried everything he can think of for 3 years, now "giving up", but very bummed about facing the 2nd half of his life with no sex. It's a tough situation - and very common, I've learned. I feel for these guys. I understand much better now how affairs happen. I'm not going there, but I get it.

 

Don't advocate for his wife - just stay away from him, stay out of their marriage. You aren't helping and whether you are willing to admit it or not you're not 100% resigned to closing the door on the possibility of an affair with him. You're walking a dangerous line.

[Starswillshine]

It's not going to happen. I told him today. I believe him he's never done it before. He agreed with me he'd hate himself if he went through with it. Now I'm advocating for his wife, trying to give him advice. He says he's tried everything he can think of for 3 years, now "giving up", but very bummed about facing the 2nd half of his life with no sex. It's a tough situation - and very common, I've learned. I feel for these guys. I understand much better now how affairs happen. I'm not going there, but I get it.

 

Hook. Line. And sinker.

 

He is lying to you. Trying to get you to build up more sympathy. Trying to get you to hate his wife so you dont feel guilty. So he is the victim. This guy is pro. And you are FAR too naive.

 

You'll be on this board soon enough discussing how you slept with him and it was the best sex ever and you cant stop regardless who you hurt... because that evil wife who doesnt put out. But likely... he is banging all the time.

[Ruby Slippers]

I didn't call her evil or anything close. I considered her side and suggested a few things he perhaps hasn't tried.

 

Unpaid escort - that's funny. Even at my age, random men online still offer me ridiculous amounts of money for pics, cam, a date, etc. Within the past month I've been offered $500 for cam and $3,500 for a "date". I never have, never will. I talk to him because I like him as a person and I want to.

 

He told me about how as soon as he put on that wedding ring, when traveling for business, women constantly approach him to chat at hotel bars, etc., but he's never done more than chat. Of course, it's more tempting now that he's barely getting it at home.

 

I suggested if he's ever single/divorced and I'm still single, you never know. He already told he's very unlikely to ever divorce, and yesterday said even if he did, he's unlikely to ever remarry. That makes him now about as appealing as a relative! lol

Edited September 29, 2018 by Ruby Slippers

[JuneL]

I am just baffled. You haven’t even met this man once in person, but you seem to buy everything he told you.

 

I know why he can text you constantly every single night. He probably tells his wife he’s got lots of work to catch up after dinner and is multitasking in his study.

[JuneL]

I saw that you were talking with another married man for months a year ago. Just curious: where did you meet these married men? It’s really not such a great idea to share your deep personal issues with married men. So you have had an emotional affair with two married men in a row now.

[Ruby Slippers]

Of course it could be that it's all a bunch of lies. But it rings true for me. He said they're so disconnected that she often takes one or more kids and spends the night with relatives. Cordial, but living "as roommates".

 

Anyway, it doesn't matter, I'm not going to meet him, and I'm pretty sure I'll gradually backburner him as a chat buddy as I continue improving my social life. If I want a little meaningless fun with a single guy, that'd probably take a few minutes to line up. But not my style, so unlikely.

[elaine567]

I suggested if he's ever single/divorced and I'm still single, you never know. He already told he's very unlikely to ever divorce, and yesterday said even if he did, he's unlikely to ever remarry. That makes him now about as appealing as a relative! lol

But it also makes him intriguing and to some women that is seen as a challenge. He is opening the door a little bit, he "could" get a divorce but he is "unlikely" to remarry - it would therefore need a very "special" woman to persuade him to do so...

For some fired up by the interest he has shown in them that is all the encouragement they need...

Of course they are so much "better" than his boring frump of a wife who is denying the poor man sex, so logically "If he married her, he will definitely marry me... it is so obviously a no-brainer"

The ego of the potential OW is flying high, she has a goal in sight too...

Once she is truly hooked she realises when he said "I am not getting a divorce" he meant it and even if he did leave he is probably not going to marry her.

This is not the world of single dating this is the world of extra marital sex...

[Ruby Slippers]

JuneL, I talk to lots of people online, all around the world, often as a kind of counselor. 99% of the men are single - but this guy and the last are highly intelligent and articulate, which I love. I spent more time doing this when going through the health ordeal, as I was totally in my shell and it was some form of connection, some way I could feel useful. I'm beginning to fade it out now.

 

I've learned that it's true most men just want to make a woman happy. Both of these men seem disappointed and saddened primarily because they no longer get the masculine affirmation that they turn her on, get her going, give her sexual pleasure.

 

Quite a few of my chat buddies have stayed in touch for many months, often reporting awesome breakthroughs in their lives, crediting my advice as a big driver of the transformation. Recently more men are telling me they dream about me, usually dreams of me appearing in their world and inspiring them to transform for the better somehow.

 

I've considered how to market & sell this service, but for now I'm still honing my skills and it's free! I like to help people. Many real-life acquaintances, energy worker types, have told me I have a "big white aura" - that's the "angelic" energy, supposedly very rare.