why does everyone say that marriage sucks so bad?

[No_Go]

Tell that to the guys paying lifetime alimony..

 

TFY

 

I'm not sure about the laws in the US - why would an alimony last a lifetime? Isn't it supposed to cover just a timeframe after the divorce so the lower income partner keeps their lifestyle? (something is in my head that's alimony is proportional to marriage duration but could be from another country...)

[preraph]

Hardly any states still even do alimony. It's temporary, sometimes a one-time payoff, sometimes simply in the form of they get the house or something.

[Woggle]

Truth be told I would have been fine without legal marriage but my wife wanted and I know it means a lot to her so I did it. Truth be told I am glad we did it but only because I know there is real commitment behind it on both of our ends. After 12 years it is still going strong because we meant it when we said our vows and we meant every word when we renewed them in 2016.

 

That being said divorce should be easy and cheap. If a couple doesn't want to be together then give them an easy divorce and there should no alimony in a no fault situation. If the commitment is not there then no piece if paper can put it there.

[bathtub-row]

Oh reason is plain and simple: people are confused with the concept, some feel like it is something permanent, like a perma-prison with someone. It is not - average duration of marriage is 8 years, which is I bet comparable to any other long-term relationship form.

 

I think of it no different than an employment with a contract / marriage vs employment at will / other relationship type. You can exit from both, if one or both parties are dissatisfied. Just different procedure needs to be followed but the idea is exactly the same. No contract and/or relationship entraps you for life. With putting these facts straight it sounds way less scary:)

 

Ha, that’s an interesting idea and hitting the bullseye of marriage dissolution anyway.

 

But I think people would oppose because 1) want to take advantage (financial) of dissolution of the contract 2) prefer to leave a myth than facing the reality (that they may need to get back hunting but now older/burdened etc)

 

I’m very conflicted about marriage. I like the idea of it, but it also scares me to death because I’ve been there and know how fast it can go south. I guess everyone has to do what they think will work for them.

 

Someone said that they think marriages in America fail because so many of us are on this me-me cycle, searching for happiness. I disagree with that. I think it has more to do with a lack of tolerance for misery, for being treated badly, for wasting our lives on things that are counter to self-respect.

[No_Go]

I’m very conflicted about marriage. I like the idea of it, but it also scares me to death because I’ve been there and know how fast it can go south. I guess everyone has to do what they think will work for them.

 

Someone said that they think marriages in America fail because so many of us are on this me-me cycle, searching for happiness. I disagree with that. I think it has more to do with a lack of tolerance for misery, for being treated badly, for wasting our lives on things that are counter to self-respect.

 

Marriages in America fail more (than Europe) just because people marry more. Lived both places long term and haven’t seen difference in rate of failure of relationships. Just in Europe first 1-2 LTRs are without marriage on paper, so they’re not in official divorce statistics. Otherwise there isn’t much of a difference. Contract vs at will... are both ‘at will’

[thefooloftheyear]

If nothing else, a pre nup should no longer be the type of things only big wigs and movie stars do....Everyone should have one, and if the other person won't sign, then its not worth the exposure and potential strife...

 

TFY

[basil67]

I'm 50. I have never known anyone who's carried on about marriage sucking so bad. Sure, there may be people who's individual marriage is suck or been through a rotten divorce but they don't bang on about all marriage being bad.

 

I think anti marriage rant says more about those older coworkers than it does marriage. I'm guessing they are about my age...and I'd be avoiding socialising with them like the plague. They sound awful.

[Springsummer]

 

With OLD and women giving out sex much more easily, its resulted in a big drop in guys committing to marriage..No longer do you need to commit to get laid...Its as easy as it has ever been..So guys no longer have that pressure...

 

TFY

 

That‘s it.

 

The real enemy of a woman is a woman.

[pepperbird]

I was serious actually.

 

I’m personally the type that doesn’t even entertain the thought of a first date unless 100% sure it has a potential. But from my perspective (non-religious) marriage is no different than any other legal contract, and any legal contract is made so it can be broken.

 

I don’t think I’d go for it thinking that way, but yet doesn’t change the facts that >8 years is above average duration of marriage contract, so far from lifetime.

 

Are you looking at it from religious standpoint?

 

 

No. I'm, a agnostic socialist. No religion here.

[2.50 a gallon]

I was 35 when I married. I had a nice nest egg, a 69 El Camino, with a SS Package and a 4-speed, a Formula race car, a small self contained RV, half interest in a speed and ski boat, and a couple of motorcycles, which I owned and held titles to.

Prior to marriage we had been together for over 3 years, two of which we lived together. She was a fantastic girl friend, never said no. Sex was when ever, where ever and any where.

There was a big difference between a girl friend and a wife. By the time we got back from the honeymoon, I had already began to wonder who I had married. The dream of having a house, basement and kids was rapidly fading. She had turned into the virgin Mary. I no longer knew who she was. Oh and the BS lies she told about me.

We broke up 6 months later, when I caught her kissing a guard where she worked.

I no longer had a nest egg, the race car, motorcycles and speed boat were history. Just because I said "I do" I had to pay a man thousands of dollars to save what was left.

[CollinW]

Because most people fall in love with the idea of being married instead of the person they marry. If anything you need to envision your marriage with the worst version of the person you're with and imagine if you can deal with that, rather than envisioning this ideal marriage.

[Mr. Lucky]

I think anti marriage rant says more about those older coworkers than it does marriage.

 

Marriage sucks in the same way dieting or exercise suck, they're all challenging disciplines which require effort and commitment to be successful. In my experience, most marital complaining is sour grapes, comes from people looking for shortcuts to happiness (newsflash - there aren't any!) or unwilling to put in the work.

 

Considering the source, I certainly wouldn't let them influence my opinion...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Woggle]

Marriage sucks in the same way dieting or exercise suck, they're all challenging disciplines which require effort and commitment to be successful. In my experience, most marital complaining is sour grapes, comes from people looking for shortcuts to happiness (newsflash - there aren't any!) or unwilling to put in the work.

 

Considering the source, I certainly wouldn't let them influence my opinion...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

A good marriage shouldn't be that much of an effort.

[d0nnivain]

I was 41 when I married for the 1st time so I see marriage as something precious to be cherished.

 

For a long time in my 20s I didn't want anything to do with marriage or commitment. It was too much responsibility. I could barely deal with being in a committed relationship because that entailed not being able to go off & enjoy myself with whoever struck my fancy at the moment.

 

People complain about marriage somewhat as a cliché, it's one of the few things that can be the butt of a joke without everybody going on & on about the need to be PC & sensitive. The jokes are against the institution not a person specifically.

 

Despite the fact that DH & I waited, the 1st year of marriage was one of the toughest of my life. After a lifetime of being on my own, I had to figure out how to function as part of a team. It was a real change. Somebody else was relying on me. I struggled with that. Now, 10 years later it seems like second nature & we work well together. It's such a luxury to have a partner, somebody to share things with who I can count on. Just this morning he dealt with a mouse for me. If I was single I would have had to suck it up & find a way to fix my problem alone. Instead I got to be all freaked out & then be grateful because my husband "saved me". I'm fairly sure he would have preferred to be my white knight well after 8 a.m. on a Saturday but he did it because he loves me.

 

People also have unrealistic expectations. It's not a fairy tale. It's work. You both need to put each other first.

 

When you are married to somebody who isn't working with you, that could be hell on earth.

[Springsummer]

I was 35 when I married. I had a nice nest egg, a 69 El Camino, with a SS Package and a 4-speed, a Formula race car, a small self contained RV, half interest in a speed and ski boat, and a couple of motorcycles, which I owned and held titles to.

Prior to marriage we had been together for over 3 years, two of which we lived together. She was a fantastic girl friend, never said no. Sex was when ever, where ever and any where.

There was a big difference between a girl friend and a wife. By the time we got back from the honeymoon, I had already began to wonder who I had married. The dream of having a house, basement and kids was rapidly fading. She had turned into the virgin Mary. I no longer knew who she was. Oh and the BS lies she told about me.

We broke up 6 months later, when I caught her kissing a guard where she worked.

I no longer had a nest egg, the race car, motorcycles and speed boat were history. Just because I said "I do" I had to pay a man thousands of dollars to save what was left.

 

wow...

 

I don't think your experience is about gf and a wife though.

 

I think you simply just met a con artist. she didn't love you at all. she was in it for your money once she got what she wants, her true color revealed.

 

I think I am the opposite of your ex. I would never pretend to love someone and swindle other's money. but look what I got though.

 

anyway, why did you marry her though? can't you see a person for who she was? can someone really hide and pretend that well? maybe she deserve an Oscar.

 

what kind of law is it that someone can get someone's half of the wealth by simply marrying for 6 months?

[SteadyPace]

Most marriages have ups and downs. From the married couples I know most appear to be happy. I know a few marriages that have crashed and burned but it was mostly due to substance abuse problems. Marriage is a mixed bag. I’ve been married for 13 years now and there are times the marriage is good and times that leave me shaking my head and wondering why I’m sticking with it..

[Mr. Lucky]

A good marriage shouldn't be that much of an effort.

 

Having been married over 30 years, I disagree. It's very easy for a good marriage to get stale as partners take each other for granted, become complacent and feel entitled. Just as the majority of people gain weight as they get older, they also lose incremental focus on making their partner feel valued and loved. Without effort and commitment, most spouses suffer a notable decline in the quality of their marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Woggle]

Having been married over 30 years, I disagree. It's very easy for a good marriage to get stale as partners take each other for granted, become complacent and feel entitled. Just as the majority of people gain weight as they get older, they also lose incremental focus on making their partner feel valued and loved. Without effort and commitment, most spouses suffer a notable decline in the quality of their marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I have been married for 12 years and while a good marriage does need to be maintained it should never be some daily struggle to make it work.

[Mr. Lucky]

I have been married for 12 years and while a good marriage does need to be maintained it should never be some daily struggle to make it work.

 

We're getting down to semantics here. No, marriage shouldn't be a grind. But a LTR can't operate on autopilot, it's too easy for either partner to feel taken for granted. Some of the same effort we put into courting our spouse hopefully will continue during throughout the marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mysterio]

I was married for 4 years. my biggest issue was the loss of privacy and having someone around 24/7/365.

 

Alpha Male. I don't know why. That makes me laugh.

[Mysterio]

Between the genders. Women come off to me as wanting it a lot more than the men.

 

If a Man can just get away with just having a GF and Sex is in abundance and the woman is loyal to him. No way is he pushing marriage.

 

Women are the ones that I hear pushing marriage. Not men.

[Mr. Lucky]

Depends what your goals are. I always knew some day I'd want kids and marriage provides a (relatively) stable with which that can be done successfully. So a "GF and Sex in abundance" wasn't a long-term solution for me. YMMV...

 

Mr. Lucky

[alphamale]

Women are the ones that I hear pushing marriage. Not men.

 

yea that's pretty true

[Woggle]

We're getting down to semantics here. No, marriage shouldn't be a grind. But a LTR can't operate on autopilot, it's too easy for either partner to feel taken for granted. Some of the same effort we put into courting our spouse hopefully will continue during throughout the marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

True but to me wife and I it is natural. It is as natural as the bond I have with my closest friends and the one some people have with family. We don't to force anything.

[Art_Critic]

I've been married 11 years, we have had our great years and mid years and down years, right now we are kinda in a down year.. not a lot of growth happening and more complaining on both sides than anything and living with a bunch of drama..

 

but we will get thru it and then put down a great year, hopefully...

 

If you had to ask me right now I would tell you being married sucks but I think that is because I am getting nothing that I need and she is getting it all...

If you ask me in a year I'll probably tell you marriage is the best thing ever, so it really depends who you ask and if they are in a good place or not.