Desesperado Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Hollywood movies TV Novels It is what they are bombarded with all their lives You, I, others with our view of this, are the exception. But even with me, I started out like the OP and had to spend the last several years breaking myself out of that. I'll probably never manage it 100%. I wasn't always like this either, I was way up the nice guy hierarchy for years, until a woman pissed me off so bad, that I flipped and suddenly I worked on myself, got really happy and confident. The irony is now I'm living a very fulfilling life and though I'm much better with women and don't attract damaged ones anymore, well I mostly do not give much f*** anymore having a relationship, if it doesn't come I'm good ! Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 I’m puzzled as to why she didn’t give you a heads up that she just wanted to hang out as friends before you met for the supposedly 3rd date. It’s rude to show up and say “look, I’m here to hang out as friends only”. It’s also odd that the you would just go along with it. Many guys with self respect would just say “look you’re wasting my time to make me come here for a date and say you just want to be friends” and left. I’m really curious as to why you would still stay for the whole thing. OP: I think it’s not just that you’re too wooden per se, but that you’re giving off a very beta vibe, which can be a big turn off for many women. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 I wasn't always like this either, I was way up the nice guy hierarchy for years, until a woman pissed me off so bad, that I flipped and suddenly I worked on myself, got really happy and confident. The irony is now I'm living a very fulfilling life and though I'm much better with women and don't attract damaged ones anymore, well I mostly do not give much f*** anymore having a relationship, if it doesn't come I'm good !Same here. I had what I considered a really good one give me the "Just want to be Friends" speech the very next day after a first date. I decided enough is a enough. I'm clearly screwing something up and it is time to figure out what it is and fix it. I learned from many different ones, but learned the most from Corey Wayne,...YouTube channel "Coach Corey Wayne",...his book "How to be a 3% Man". In the end he didn't tell me anything I didn't deep down instinctively know, but he helped me unlock what was tucked away deep inside. Most things I don't have to even think about now,...it is just instinctive because it had always been there, it just needed to be set free. Funny how when you have the ability to get the relationship you used to want,...you don't worry about it so much any longer. I grew up with my grandparents in an alcoholic home with the grandmother dominating and running the show. I knew my mom but didn't know my dad till I was 16 (yadda, yadda, whaa, whaa). So I had a lot of pre-programming crap to push past. Luckily I never had a full university education so I was not indoctrinated with the PC crap there (did some college for occupation skills), and my grandparents in spite of their flaws came from a generation before the PC crap became dominate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 I’m puzzled as to why she didn’t give you a heads up that she just wanted to hang out as friends before you met for the supposedly 3rd date. It’s rude to show up and say “look, I’m here to hang out as friends only”. It’s also odd that the you would just go along with it. Many guys with self respect would just say “look you’re wasting my time to make me come here for a date and say you just want to be friends” and left. I’m really curious as to why you would still stay for the whole thing. OP: I think it’s not just that you’re too wooden per se, but that you’re giving off a very beta vibe, which can be a big turn off for many women. What was I supposed to do? Kick her out of the car and drive home? I drove about 35 minutes to see her and would have been stuck in stop and go traffic the whole way home. One thing that really bugs me is that she told a funny joke and instead of laughing I took it seriously and then just said "oh" when she explained it. Right after I thought to myself "what in the world am I doing? I think in the 1st few dates I'm trying to be so polite, ask questions, seem interested, etc that I forget to have fun and relax. In general how do I stop giving off a beta vibe? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 In general how do I stop giving off a beta vibe? try treating girls like objects instead of people Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 I agree. In dating, people either like you or they don't. Often it's not because of anything you did wrong, sometimes you just don't connect. It happens to ALL of us. There isn't a soul on earth who's had every single person they've gone out with like them just as much or want to move forward. You just have to accept that as part of life. 3 dates in is not much invested at all...you barely know someone at that point. Rejection at that stage should be much easier to shake off vs a breakup where you've gotten a lot more attached. If someone says clearly they aren't interested listen to them and keep it moving. You like her, it makes no sense to pretend to be friends and then think you'll get upgraded. If you want real female friends that are truly just friends you can find that in some other way. How do I know she has no interest in me as a friend? Since she agreed to 2 dates (and 1 meeting just as friends) it seems like she doesn't find me that repulsive. My main reason for wanting to stay friends would be to have some kind of practice talking to a woman around my age and getting more comfortable interacting with one, even as friends. As it is now the only time I do is either trying to cold approach someone or meeting someone I met with OLD. With my guy friends I'm relaxed and have a lot of fun, with these women I get so nervous that I start sweating, can't think straight, or stop acting so darn robotic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 I’m actually puzzled as to why you would want to do first date type of touching to your platonic female freind It's not just first date touching, but touching that could done with anyone. Just to get me used to touching someone without fear of messing up a relationship. My other idea of having a female friend around my age is maybe she probably knows other women that are similar and maybe she'd set me up with one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 I think in the 1st few dates I'm trying to be so polite, ask questions, seem interested, etc that I forget to have fun and relax. In general how do I stop giving off a beta vibe? The book that "saved my life" was Corey Wayne's book "How to be a 3% Man". It is fairly short and only $20 for the paperback. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 What was I supposed to do? Kick her out of the car and drive home? I drove about 35 minutes to see her and would have been stuck in stop and go traffic the whole way home. One thing that really bugs me is that she told a funny joke and instead of laughing I took it seriously and then just said "oh" when she explained it. Right after I thought to myself "what in the world am I doing? I think in the 1st few dates I'm trying to be so polite, ask questions, seem interested, etc that I forget to have fun and relax. In general how do I stop giving off a beta vibe? That’s why I said she’s a little rude not to let you know beforehand. At least I’d have said gently to her “Why didn’t just let me know already?” I think that you’re trying too hard. Just relax and enjoy the moment. There’s a poster on here Versacehottie who’s really good at giving advice to guys like you. Hope she’ll chime in :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 I wasn't always like this either, I was way up the nice guy hierarchy for years, until a woman pissed me off so bad, that I flipped and suddenly I worked on myself, got really happy and confident. The irony is now I'm living a very fulfilling life and though I'm much better with women and don't attract damaged ones anymore, well I mostly do not give much f*** anymore having a relationship, if it doesn't come I'm good ! What's tricky too is that I want to show that I'm organized and will take the initiative and plan something to show I'm interested, but on the other hand I need to act like I don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Desesperado Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 What's tricky too is that I want to show that I'm organized and will take the initiative and plan something to show I'm interested, but on the other hand I need to act like I don't care. That's the problem, acting like something isn't doing something, women will feel it and just see through you. You seem to have very high esteem for women, while at the same time being afrraid of them a bit, but dude just realize they are human like us guys, just as imperfect and capable of being ass***** as any man, you're not putting yourself on equal level here that's why you act like you think you need to. Reality is you have to introspect, find your strengths build on them, be more confident and stop thinking women are better than you, they aren't. When you'll manage this, you'll just be better and not care so much anymore, no more acting ! Link to post Share on other sites
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