Why women don't approach?

[fredflint]

It is risky in a different way for a woman to approach a man because the double standard is still in play out there. If a woman makes the approach, a man may either instantly think all she wants is sex and it clears his conscious entirely since she approached him to just take that and run; or he may totally just decide she is a promiscuous woman and look down on her.

 

That's not how I view a women who approaches me, I view her as confident and attractive. It makes her a lot more appealing to me. I want a woman who's going to initiate sex in a relationship often. Therefore if she approaches me, it seems we're off to a great start for ANY kind of relationship, not just a sexual one.

 

And like Mortenschild said, women soon learn that if they have to chase a man, the man isn't that interested in her to begin with.

 

I'm not sure how women "learn" this, because it's really a myth as a generalization. There are some men who won't do all the chasing, period. No matter how interested they are in the woman. I'm one of those men. When a women makes me chase her it feels demeaning and annoying. Stop playing the game, be straightfoward and upfront, I'm thinking to myself. I might have been really interested, but she just ruled herself out of a relationship. I've already lost respect. I'm not saying she has to do all the chasing, but the effort should be roughly equal.

Edited June 2, 2018 by fredflint

[preraph]

That's funny because I don't want a woman who expects me to do everything for both of us either.

 

It sounds like you're not "partner" material then.

[fredflint]

It sounds like you're not "partner" material then.

 

I'm not partner material because I don't want a woman who expects me to do everything for both of us? You're saying I'm only partner material if I'm willing to accept a woman who expects me to do everything? Who in their right mind goes into a relationship like that? Maybe I'm just confused but I can't make any sense out of what you're saying. Sounds like you expect men to be slaves or lap dogs? If so, what kind of bull**** is that?

[basil67]

Question for the men who are OK with a woman asking him out: Are you OK with her being forward in other parts of the relationship? For example, if the relationship is solid are you OK with her taking initiative in proposing marriage?

 

My ex-h was OK with me being forward in getting us dating.....but he refused to discuss marriage timelines with me because he felt it was a man's job to propose when he was ready. It's like he was only good with me breaking gender roles when it suited his purposes.

 

I hope these days that men who are OK with progressive women are good with all else it entails.

[Logo]

I don't view women who approach me as "easy" or "promiscuous".

 

I actually respect the fact that (1) She dares break with old traditions and is a free thinker who doesn't care what society dictates. (2) It shows me that she has a strong personality, is confident, is assertive -- not passive -- and knows exactly what she wants.

 

I think a lot of women look at men and see "Player" written on their foreheads for no other reason than stereotypes and myths.

 

"Oh men are dogs"

"Men are only after sex"

"They just want to get into your pants"

 

With those stereotypes and that line of thinking, why do you think men are approaching women less and less with every passing generation?

 

I need more than my fingers and toes to count the number of times women have sent me signals like direct eye contact or a smile or a compliment only to turn me down as soon as I said, "Hi!"

 

Teasing, playing hard to get, trying to get an ego boost and playing mind games isn't attractive at all.

 

And here we are in the 21st century, where women want to and demand to be equal, yet when it comes to dating, they expect the man to do most of the work.

 

Ladies, make up your minds.

[Woggle]

Question for the men who are OK with a woman asking him out: Are you OK with her being forward in other parts of the relationship? For example, if the relationship is solid are you OK with her taking initiative in proposing marriage?

 

My ex-h was OK with me being forward in getting us dating.....but he refused to discuss marriage timelines with me because he felt it was a man's job to propose when he was ready. It's like he was only good with me breaking gender roles when it suited his purposes.

 

I hope these days that men who are OK with progressive women are good with all else it entails.

 

With my wife we stuck up a conversation. I can't remember exactly who initiated it but I ended up asking her out. She is the one who proposed to me though and I was thrilled.

 

With the climate we have today more and more women will have to approach if they want to meet a guy because men these days are scared to even look at a woman.

[Shining One]

Question for the men who are OK with a woman asking him out: Are you OK with her being forward in other parts of the relationship? For example, if the relationship is solid are you OK with her taking initiative in proposing marriage?

I certainly am.

[fredflint]

Question for the men who are OK with a woman asking him out: Are you OK with her being forward in other parts of the relationship? For example, if the relationship is solid are you OK with her taking initiative in proposing marriage?

 

My ex-h was OK with me being forward in getting us dating.....but he refused to discuss marriage timelines with me because he felt it was a man's job to propose when he was ready. It's like he was only good with me breaking gender roles when it suited his purposes.

 

I hope these days that men who are OK with progressive women are good with all else it entails.

 

I'd be ok with a woman proposing to me. I think its a bit ridiculous for him to refuse to discuss marriage timelines with you.

[alphamale]

I'd be ok with a woman proposing to me.

 

so Wilma proposed to you?

[preraph]

I'm not partner material because I don't want a woman who expects me to do everything for both of us? You're saying I'm only partner material if I'm willing to accept a woman who expects me to do everything? Who in their right mind goes into a relationship like that? Maybe I'm just confused but I can't make any sense out of what you're saying. Sounds like you expect men to be slaves or lap dogs? If so, what kind of bull**** is that?

 

Don't put words in my mouth. i never said "everything." You did, as if doing ANYTHING for a woman, say, when she's trying to care for a baby is too much to ask. I think I was pretty clear you need to be able to carry half the load at least in daily tasks, business, etc. People are looking for someone who enhances their life, not makes it harder and busier.

[carhill]

If a man hasn't the fortitude to approach a woman to seek mating, how can he be expected/tasked to serve and protect the woman and family? Some aspects of historical mating behavior and preferences were/are rooted in practicality. A strong-willed and confident man was essential when life was much more precarious than it is now. Genetics and socialization display remnants of such history in our mating rituals.

 

IME, women are less likely to approach when the male body count is high and especially when such a body count includes marked numbers of strong, confident men. They're more likely to approach when male numbers are low (competition for mates) and/or when such numbers reflect a shortage of strong, confident men.

 

I noted the latter in the FSU where there were plenty of men but rampant joblessness and alcoholism. 'Good' men were hard to find even if there were a lot of male bodies around, hence the women were more aggressive if perceiving a modicum of the genetics for safety and security in a potential male mate. Those same women, if existing in my local demographic, could have just sat back, had a man cool them with a fan and bring them a drink, and select from any number of potential suitors. Demographics at work.

[guest569]

If the person is into you then it shouldn’t be such a massive burden.

[stillafool]

I think because of the MeToo movement more women will start to approach men they want to date. Men are spooked right now and aren't sure what is appropriate anymore. Better to be safe than sorry. Things are changing whether we want them to or not.

[hotpotato]

I always thought it would be awkward to ask a guy to take me out.

 

I doubt a guy will be accused of sexual harassment just for asking a woman out. I've never heard of it personally.

 

I'm looking for a certain type of man, and that man is the kind to ask a woman out. Also, guys usually pay for dates especially the first ones.

[Mysterio]

I am at a crossroads when it comes to asking out women. On the one hand its current societal tradition. On the other hand. It always feels like women are on the defnsive, like the attitude is. Not this again. Women get hit on a lot. Men don't. So for a man its a treat. For a woman its same ole same ole.

 

There is a woman at the Health store that I like. I guess once again. I have to make that major effort. Everytime I make that effort. The woman usually has some sort of a obstacle for me to overcome. The woman is usually attached.

 

Based on the conversation here. I am going to go against what is the usual for me. I just have to ask her out. I have to take whatever answer she gives me.

 

I have come to the conclusion that for the most part. We men are just going to have to ask out women and take what comes with that. Its just that for me. It feels unnatural on the inside of mind to be that way. I just don't want to come off as always being on the hunt for love. I don't want to be with a lot of women romantically.

 

So this week. The Health store woman. Who I will call AM. I have to ask her out and let the chips play out as they may. All I know about her is that she has a dobberman. I don't know if she is married. So when I ask her out. I am not a total stranger.

 

A lot of us guys here are more tired of the rituals of dating more than anything else. Tired of the rejection and figuring things out all the time.

 

I think that both sexes should take it easy on each other. No one wants to build anything anymore.

[Mysterio]

Adding some other thoughts. For me. When a woman has made a move on me. The relationship is a lot smoother. No woman I have ever asked out, has it gone very smooth and we dated for a long time. Its the women that told me they had a crush on me, that things went closer to being more romantic.

 

I think that a lot of us need to relax and say the universe has our back. Ask out whom ever you want and if it works great. I don't even know if its a numbers game or not.

 

I think cold turkey does not work. Just develop a 2 to 4 times interaction with the person and then ask them out. Unless they are attached. Why would they really say no. Go out and have a good time.

Edited June 3, 2018 by Mysterio

[Fair]

http://quotationsquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/3c045578f0ebc42ff309ee5e2bff4f99.jpg

 

I hope this shows up. I really believe this and I think at least subconsciously, most women do too.

 

If you want a woman, I wouldn't be sitting back waiting for her to do the work. On some level, it tells us you're not interested. At some point, most of us have tried to pursue men... I tried it. It doesn't work. Some part of them screams you're needy and pathetic, as unfair as that is... but you seem to come across as an instant undesirable, not a compliment. The best a woman can do is show a man she's interested in him... but only IF he shows interest in her first so he gets the green light to pursue.

 

It's awful, really, the way we women don't have the option to go after whomever we like... that we have to sit and wait to see if we can attract someone like a flower rooted to the earth waiting for the bees. It's a power imbalance. But ... that just seems to be the way it is... As I said, if you try this as a woman you'll fall flat on your face.

Edited June 3, 2018 by Fair

[Shining One]

It's awful, really, the way we women don't have the option to go after whomever we like... that we have to sit and wait to see if we can attract someone like a flower rooted to the earth waiting for the bees. It's a power imbalance. But ... that just seems to be the way it is... As I said, if you try this as a woman you'll fall flat on your face.

I know several women, including a couple who dated me, who would disagree with this. In fact, all of them have significantly higher success ratios than I do pursuing women.

[hotpotato]

Also, even if women started asking men out, it doesn't mean any particular man will be asked out.

 

I'll be honest and say I don't find most men sexy on a purely physical level. I wouldn't be sexually attracted to men and wanting to ask out everyday guy. If you're cold approaching, you're mostly going on someone's looks.

[Logo]

I am at a crossroads when it comes to asking out women. On the one hand its current societal tradition. On the other hand. It always feels like women are on the defnsive, like the attitude is. Not this again. Women get hit on a lot. Men don't. So for a man its a treat. For a woman its same ole same ole.

 

There is a woman at the Health store that I like. I guess once again. I have to make that major effort. Everytime I make that effort. The woman usually has some sort of a obstacle for me to overcome. The woman is usually attached.

 

Based on the conversation here. I am going to go against what is the usual for me. I just have to ask her out. I have to take whatever answer she gives me.

 

I have come to the conclusion that for the most part. We men are just going to have to ask out women and take what comes with that. Its just that for me. It feels unnatural on the inside of mind to be that way. I just don't want to come off as always being on the hunt for love. I don't want to be with a lot of women romantically.

 

So this week. The Health store woman. Who I will call AM. I have to ask her out and let the chips play out as they may. All I know about her is that she has a dobberman. I don't know if she is married. So when I ask her out. I am not a total stranger.

 

A lot of us guys here are more tired of the rituals of dating more than anything else. Tired of the rejection and figuring things out all the time.

 

I think that both sexes should take it easy on each other. No one wants to build anything anymore.

 

She might be flattered and agree to go out with you, or you might get the ol’

“I have a boyfriend”

“I’m married” (No wedding ring)

“I’m sorry, I don’t date guys I don’t know” (This one always struck me as odd. The whole purpose of dating is to get to know the person.)

[Chilli]

l've never known if this was the right thing or what but l've always tried to give off def' no signals if l feel someone l'm not interested in , is getting ideas.

That's happened a bit and the thing is , women just do not understand no signals.

Yet they do that themselves when they aren't interested in someone that's sniffing around.

 

But l also really , really , hate the idea of having to actually say no to someone and l'm not interested, which is also pretty stupid really, because she would.

Edited June 3, 2018 by Chilli

[hotpotato]

I don't view women who approach me as "easy" or "promiscuous".

 

I actually respect the fact that (1) She dares break with old traditions and is a free thinker who doesn't care what society dictates. (2) It shows me that she has a strong personality, is confident, is assertive -- not passive -- and knows exactly what she wants.

 

I think a lot of women look at men and see "Player" written on their foreheads for no other reason than stereotypes and myths.

 

"Oh men are dogs"

"Men are only after sex"

"They just want to get into your pants"

 

With those stereotypes and that line of thinking, why do you think men are approaching women less and less with every passing generation?

 

I need more than my fingers and toes to count the number of times women have sent me signals like direct eye contact or a smile or a compliment only to turn me down as soon as I said, "Hi!"

 

Teasing, playing hard to get, trying to get an ego boost and playing mind games isn't attractive at all.

 

And here we are in the 21st century, where women want to and demand to be equal, yet when it comes to dating, they expect the man to do most of the work.

 

Ladies, make up your minds.

Dating in my experience does seem to be mostly about sex. I thought dating was about romance when I was young. I was very wrong. It seemed liked men pushed for sex immediately then would figure everything else out later. There's a saying that men find love looking for sex.

 

Maybe men and women aren't the same. *shrug* Some things haven't changed, like men's sex drives are more urgent and women absorb many of the negative aftereffects of sex.

[Woggle]

I always thought it would be awkward to ask a guy to take me out.

 

I doubt a guy will be accused of sexual harassment just for asking a woman out. I've never heard of it personally.

 

I'm looking for a certain type of man, and that man is the kind to ask a woman out. Also, guys usually pay for dates especially the first ones.

 

Let me first say this is an extreme minority of women and not at all reflective of most but there are some who will accuse you of harassment for simply saying hello or good morning. They hate men period and any action will be seen through a hostile lens.

[fredflint]

http://quotationsquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/3c045578f0ebc42ff309ee5e2bff4f99.jpg

 

I hope this shows up. I really believe this and I think at least subconsciously, most women do too.

 

If you want a woman, I wouldn't be sitting back waiting for her to do the work. On some level, it tells us you're not interested. At some point, most of us have tried to pursue men... I tried it. It doesn't work. Some part of them screams you're needy and pathetic, as unfair as that is... but you seem to come across as an instant undesirable, not a compliment. The best a woman can do is show a man she's interested in him... but only IF he shows interest in her first so he gets the green light to pursue.

 

It's awful, really, the way we women don't have the option to go after whomever we like... that we have to sit and wait to see if we can attract someone like a flower rooted to the earth waiting for the bees. It's a power imbalance. But ... that just seems to be the way it is... As I said, if you try this as a woman you'll fall flat on your face.

 

The quote is a common myth. It's simply not true. That you have to sit and wait is simply not true either. Also, the suggestion of power imbalance in dating favoring the man is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while. Most women can get sex any night of the week. Most men have to work for weeks to get to that point.

[carhill]

 

To all the ladies who say approaching men does not work: Welcome to the club, because approaching women doesn't usually work either. Men generally got shot down more often than not. Just because you approached a few guys and it didn't work out doesn't mean approaching men does not work, it means the men you approached were not interested. Do what men do and keep trying until it does work.

 

That explanation points to the toughening process boys go through to become the men women desire to mate with. You (perhaps) and I remember all the rejections we went through just in the first couple years of transitioning from pre-pubescent boys to young men. All the girls who laughed at us, later becoming more polite in their rejections as they matured. Still, we soldiered on. That's what men do. If a girl went through that meat grinder and quit heck I wouldn't blame her a bit. Those were great lessons in stuffing down emotions and building self-esteem from social rejection during peer integration. If a woman today gave that reason for choosing not to approach men I'd nod knowingly and with empathy.