Guy best friend talks about marrying me? Interpretations?

[girlinNYC]

It’s hard to say if he’s nervous because if he were, he would be nervous to text you as well. I don’t like what he’s doing because he’s being so ambiguous. If he’s interested he should be showing it by now. What’s his history with women been like? Is he one of those guys who’s hardly dated or had no serious girlfriends?

 

It is quite confusing. He has had two girlfriends in the past who have ended up being quite psychotic and possessive so they haven’t worked out.

[girlinNYC]

He just sounds like one of those guys who can't have a real-life relationship to me because he's too fearful. But in his mind, he probably thinks this is a big relationship. He may have sexual problems as well, in fact, I'd pretty much guarantee it or he'd be wanting to "see" you.

 

He says he hasn’t had sex in a while, presumably because of his schedule. I’m not sure. He has been in relationships before however they haven’t worked out as they have ended up quite possessive over him.

All that you say makes sense.

[girlinNYC]

yeah, a woman who is keen knows how to show it. maybe it's because your 50/50, he keeps carrying on as he does.

 

He needs to get a stronger signal from you if you are keen. A bit of fire, the smoke signals aren't working.

 

He will continue to joke around and not deviate until he sees that signal.

 

I’m not 50/50 about it, I’m in love with him I just haven’t told him clear cut because we haven’t seen each other lately. I don’t want to do it over text or phone but realistically there’s no concrete plans to catch up at the moment.

It’s the strongest signal I can give but I don’t want to be pushy.

[Lotsgoingon]

Actually, this is the time to be pushy ...

 

You guys are like a rocket that needs major energy to blast off ... So at some point, one of you is going to have to be pushy to cross that chasm that separates friendship from romance.

 

Btw: have you had him over to your place? ... sitting near you on a couch? ... Or same at his place?

 

This guy is cracking quips about marriage and kids with you ... You have the total right (and it doesn't seem needy or desperate) to get in his face and say, are you serious about marriage kids with me. I've never had anyone joke like that.

 

Many ways to do this ....

[girlinNYC]

Actually, this is the time to be pushy ...

 

You guys are like a rocket that needs major energy to blast off ... So at some point, one of you is going to have to be pushy to cross that chasm that separates friendship from romance.

 

Btw: have you had him over to your place? ... sitting near you on a couch? ... Or same at his place?

 

This guy is cracking quips about marriage and kids with you ... You have the total right (and it doesn't seem needy or desperate) to get in his face and say, are you serious about marriage kids with me. I've never had anyone joke like that.

 

Many ways to do this ....

 

I agree completely. No we haven't been in a situation like that at each other's houses, frankly I couldn't care where we are as long as I get it off my chest. I have wanted to have the 'what are we' chat for a while now since 'friends' normally wouldn't joke about marriage and kids together if it was purely platonic - none of my other guy friends joke about those things with me.. I know I'm within my rights to ask, it's just a matter of getting him to agree to a time to meet because I feel I can only ask once and have one chance at it, if I ask again then THAT will be pushy. I'm feeling the pressure.

[girlinNYC]

Is there a possibility this guy may be gay?

 

Not at all, he has only ever dated women.

[nospam99]

OP, the way you describe this relationship is so SWEET that I am getting diabetes. I, for one (bet there's more on LS), WANT to hear the Happy Ending to this Love Story! (Of course we'll also be here to commiserate if it doesn't 'work out' but it's sounding very positive at the moment.) WHEN do you think you'll find time to meet with your guy besttie and have THE TALK?

[preraph]

Any way of knowing if he may be just stringing you along when he's still out there chasing women or after some other woman? I mean, you did say he's had a couple of girlfriends so I am considering the possibility that he's seeing other women and kind of appeasing you. I'm sure he knows if you like him back.

 

There is one inescapable fact: If he wanted to see you live in person, he'd be doing it. Why he's not is the mystery. One can only conclude he does not want to.

[JuneL]

Not at all, he has only ever dated women.

 

The reason I asked was that my gay very good friend used to joke that I was his gf many years ago.

 

Personally I’d be rather turned off if a guy keeps making jokes about marrying me (unless we’re in elementary school); it’s just odd. But that’s just me.

[girlinNYC]

Any way of knowing if he may be just stringing you along when he's still out there chasing women or after some other woman? I mean, you did say he's had a couple of girlfriends so I am considering the possibility that he's seeing other women and kind of appeasing you. I'm sure he knows if you like him back.

 

There is one inescapable fact: If he wanted to see you live in person, he'd be doing it. Why he's not is the mystery. One can only conclude he does not want to.

 

He doesn’t talk to me about other girls, he’s only ever told me about his former failed relationships and the horror stories that came with it.

That’s exactly the mystery I’m trying to uncover - since up to the present day he speaks to me almost daily, always brings up our future etc. it’s nothing short of mind boggling.

[girlinNYC]

OP, the way you describe this relationship is so SWEET that I am getting diabetes. I, for one (bet there's more on LS), WANT to hear the Happy Ending to this Love Story! (Of course we'll also be here to commiserate if it doesn't 'work out' but it's sounding very positive at the moment.) WHEN do you think you'll find time to meet with your guy besttie and have THE TALK?

 

It is sweet. I just am trying to uncover the mystery as to why we aren’t catching up in person but he will talk to me almost daily about the future or casually bring it up whole we’re talking about something unrelated. It’s bizarre.

[alphamale]

The title is self-explanatory, my guy best friend lately has been flirtatious and will constantly bring up our 'wedding' one day and the kids we will have. It is cute, and I don't find it particularly weird as I am low-key in love with him but I haven't shared the extent of my feelings yet. I have played along with it and we have joked around on the topics multiple times.

 

Lately, he has been doing it more. Basically during every conversation we have had. What could it mean? Does he perhaps have feelings for me too? For context, he is quite introverted and is not the most 'out there' person, he is very internal.

 

He hasn't clearly said "I love you and want to be with you" but he will call me wifey/other pet nicknames.

 

I don't initiate the marriage/kids banter, he always does. Is he trying to tell me something given they are not just a one off comments?

 

why don't you two just hook up already?

[girlinNYC]

why don't you two just hook up already?

 

Because despite all of that he lately hasn’t organised a time for us to see each other. We have only been texting, which I don’t get.

[preraph]

He's actively avoiding live contact with her.

[nospam99]

It is sweet. I just am trying to uncover the mystery as to why we aren’t catching up in person but he will talk to me almost daily about the future or casually bring it up whole we’re talking about something unrelated. It’s bizarre.

 

It's so great to vicariously follow a relationship on LS that sounds like it's going in the right direction yet frustrating that it's not getting to the station. You're turning into Mary on Downton Abbey for me. So I'm going to go full-Violet ...

 

Exactly how long has it been since you've had alone face-time with this dude?

How much time did you get to spend with him then?

What's stopping you from phoning or texting him and arranging a quiet DATE where you two can be alone together? Like in Central Park or on the East River Greenway THIS AFTERNOON!!!

[JuneL]

Just curious: How long have you known this guy?

 

Since he’s joking about your future together pretty much every time you guys chat over text, which happens daily, why don’t you just use that line about first date as suggested? I don’t see anything wrong about saying it over text.

[girlinNYC]

Just curious: How long have you known this guy?

 

Since he’s joking about your future together pretty much every time you guys chat over text, which happens daily, why don’t you just use that line about first date as suggested? I don’t see anything wrong about saying it over text.

 

Been friends for a year now.

[girlinNYC]

It's so great to vicariously follow a relationship on LS that sounds like it's going in the right direction yet frustrating that it's not getting to the station. You're turning into Mary on Downton Abbey for me. So I'm going to go full-Violet ...

 

Exactly how long has it been since you've had alone face-time with this dude?

How much time did you get to spend with him then?

What's stopping you from phoning or texting him and arranging a quiet DATE where you two can be alone together? Like in Central Park or on the East River Greenway THIS AFTERNOON!!!

 

yeah, everything seems to be going fine minus the spending time together part. I haven't seen him in the flesh for just over a month. Now that I have developed feelings I feel fearful to initiate a date. I have put hints out there.

[marky00]

I’m not 50/50 about it, I’m in love with him I just haven’t told him clear cut because we haven’t seen each other lately. I don’t want to do it over text or phone but realistically there’s no concrete plans to catch up at the moment.

It’s the strongest signal I can give but I don’t want to be pushy.

 

Exactly my point but your acting as if your 50/50 and probably have been for the whole time he's been making these comments.

 

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

 

Something isn't right here but. Dumpers talk about kids and marriage the days leading up to dumping. I wonder if that's possible in a friend situation?

 

Maybe he's worked out you like him and he's pulling away but doing the silly dumper thing where he feds you crap to alleviate guilt. Weird for a friendship but if he thinks you really like him, he may be treating this like ending a relationship.

 

Not sure of course, just throwing the idea out there. He's avoiding seeing you in person and its been a month. And your probably here on LS because your gut is telling you something and it might not be a nice thing.

Edited May 30, 2018 by marky00

[girlinNYC]

Exactly my point but your acting as if your 50/50 and probably have been for the whole time he's been making these comments.

 

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

 

Something isn't right here but. Dumpers talk about kids and marriage the days leading up to dumping. I wonder if that's possible in a friend situation?

 

Maybe he's worked out you like him and he's pulling away but doing the silly dumper thing where he feds you crap to alleviate guilt. Weird for a friendship but if he thinks you really like him, he may be treating this like ending a relationship.

 

Not sure of course, just throwing the idea out there. He's avoiding seeing you in person and its been a month. And your probably here on LS because your gut is telling you something and it might not be a nice thing.

 

But why would a dumper continually compliment you, and make conversation at that? Wouldn't they just drop off and save the trouble? Just the other day he mentioned taking me to future family events. So my original question stands there.

[preraph]

Some people just keep baiting you for their own ego gratification -- see if she still has a thing for me. Doesn't mean they want you.

[girlinNYC]

This is a follow on to my story about being in love with my best friend. Sorry to keep it going or if I'm annoying anyone by doing so, but it's just been a whirlwind of emotion for me lately.

 

I'm at a point now where I'm 10000% in the line of thinking where I have to tell him how I feel, because ultimately I will regret not saying something and what could be worse than that down the line?

 

We haven't seen each other in a little while, we have just been mainly texting almost daily. He has put out hints (or what I think are hints) like coming to visit him at college or going with him to the next family function of his but has then 'joked' after it.

I am working 1 mile from his college for the next 2 weeks, so should I send him a message to say that I will be around for that period of time, and if he wants to catch up we can lock in a time?

 

I feel weird about doing it, even if we are really close but I guess that's due to me being clouded by the nervousness.

 

Thoughts?

[d0nnivain]

Oh dear. College? Ugh oh. For some reason I thought you were past that stage & were in your late 20s early 30s. College changes the equation drastically.

 

Although I have been one of the people telling you to go for it, now I am going to reverse myself. Say nothing. Absolutely nothing! If he's away at school & you are not, this won't work right now. You said you are "Old fashioned" & a traditionalist in your way of thinking. Your friend may be different but the majority of college boys are all about dating multiple people. Especially if you are not right there, unless he brings it up, now is not the time for you to make your move.

 

Do go see him. Catch up but don't plan to sleep over. It's only 1 mile so that shouldn't be an issue. Smile. Talk. Touch his arm. Laugh at his jokes. Be flirty but do not be the initiator.

 

If he broaches the subject of you dating, be my guest but you can't start it if you want it to last. He's not in that head space yet. College boys think that if a woman initiates it's all about sex & only sex. They see no value in a woman who pursues them because they are still thinking with caveman brain & they have to be pursuer.

 

Bide your time. I'm sure graduation is not that far off.

[girlinNYC]

Oh dear. College? Ugh oh. For some reason I thought you were past that stage & were in your late 20s early 30s. College changes the equation drastically.

 

Although I have been one of the people telling you to go for it, now I am going to reverse myself. Say nothing. Absolutely nothing! If he's away at school & you are not, this won't work right now. You said you are "Old fashioned" & a traditionalist in your way of thinking. Your friend may be different but the majority of college boys are all about dating multiple people. Especially if you are not right there, unless he brings it up, now is not the time for you to make your move.

 

Do go see him. Catch up but don't plan to sleep over. It's only 1 mile so that shouldn't be an issue. Smile. Talk. Touch his arm. Laugh at his jokes. Be flirty but do not be the initiator.

 

If he broaches the subject of you dating, be my guest but you can't start it if you want it to last. He's not in that head space yet. College boys think that if a woman initiates it's all about sex & only sex. They see no value in a woman who pursues them because they are still thinking with caveman brain & they have to be pursuer.

 

Bide your time. I'm sure graduation is not that far off.

 

Sorry to be unclear, he isn't a resident at the college. He is just there a few times a week as part of his PHD program. He graduates at the end of the year.

He has been weirdly suggestive with us being together lately so that's why I figured maybe I should take the hint, if it's a hint. What do you think now?

[d0nnivain]

PhD fine. Go back to my original advice. Speak up.

 

18 - 24 year old frat boy, say nothing.

 

Serious PhD candidate understands the value of long term goals & a solid relationship.