Scared to call my guy best friend

[JuneL]

I texted him when I got to work this morning, I just said, “Hi ——, I’ve been thinking about you lately, how have you been?” Then I turned my phone off because I didn’t want to think about it... and I had a ton of work to do... I just turned my phone back on a few minutes ago and I have 4 texts from him, I only saw the last one that says “I’m in —— (overseas), I’m just boarding a cruise.” I didn’t read the rest yet... ugh! What if he’s like, he’s on vacation with someone? Do guys answer texts when they’re on vacation with someone else??? Ugh. He used to go on vacations (esp cruises) alone all the time, he just likes to, but that doesn’t mean he’s alone this time! I always think the worst!

 

Please read the texts and report back

[Malin889]

Please read the texts and report back

 

That’s about all he said. He just asked me how I was and then said he just boarding a cruise ship. So for all I know he’s in the middle of the Ocean somewhere.

[Malin889]

I feel like it's a lot of bad timing... I call him while he's at a conference (my bad), now he's travelling... I hope it's just bad timing. I would think he'd be happy to hear from me since it's been so long, and the disconnection is because of him being in the middle of the ocean somewhere on a trip. I'm sure it has nothing to do with me. He did answer my first text to tell me where he was... I did tell him I was thinking about him. Maybe I'll try to call in a week or so after he's back on dry land...

[JuneL]

That’s about all he said. He just asked me how I was and then said he just boarding a cruise ship. So for all I know he’s in the middle of the Ocean somewhere.

 

I think you can keep up with the text messaging instead of letting it die down; he’ll reply when he has cell phone reception again. You’ve already called him recently. I think you can gently bring that up during your text exchange and admit that the timing was probably bad (due to his conference), and let him explain. Honestly, he should at least have acknowledged with a text after the conference.

[Malin889]

I think you can keep up with the text messaging instead of letting it die down; he’ll reply when he has cell phone reception again. You’ve already called him recently. I think you can gently bring that up during your text exchange and admit that the timing was probably bad (due to his conference), and let him explain. Honestly, he should at least have acknowledged with a text after the conference.

 

Thank you June... Yes, I agree and was disappointed that he didn't acknowledge my voice message after the conference... lame head!

 

I did text back later that day after he texted about boarding the ship, trying to be cute, saying, "we haven't spoken in forever, I wanted to see what was up, and it must be late (where he was)", (It was after midnight where he was), then I texted the next morning, "have a nice trip." So hopefully he will get back to me when he's back from his trip or has reception. I honestly don't know what else to say or do right now. I don't feel I deserve to be ignored so hopefully he has a good excuse. :-)

(I'm not trying to sound negative, just being realistic!)

Edited August 13, 2018 by Malin889

[kamani]

If he is your best friend why are you so afraid to call him and have a friendly chat? Is he coming back to town after the trip? You can even meet him because you are a friend. You can have a friendly chat and ask jokingly whether he is dating someone. I mean friends talk about these stuff without embarrassment. He'll tell you the truth if he considers you as a good friend.

 

Are you now fallen so hard that makes you nervous to talk to him as in the past?

[Malin889]

If he is your best friend why are you so afraid to call him and have a friendly chat? Is he coming back to town after the trip? You can even meet him because you are a friend. You can have a friendly chat and ask jokingly whether he is dating someone. I mean friends talk about these stuff without embarrassment. He'll tell you the truth if he considers you as a good friend.

 

Are you now fallen so hard that makes you nervous to talk to him as in the past?

 

^ That last sentence above.

 

I just don’t want to lose him, even just as a friend.

[Malin889]

Thank you all for your replies in the past. So I haven’t thought about my friend as much in a few days because, well, I’ve been busy, with work, with interviewing for a new job, with getting my daughter into a new school, I just joined a new gym, have been trying to talk to people on online dating, etc etc... in other words, I've been busy,which is a good thing... but between the business every once in awhile thoughts of him creep in.

 

The last time we connected was a few weeks back when he was overseas on a cruise, and we exchanged a couple texts but that's it. He didn't sound excited when I texted him, even though he texted back right away when I told him I was thinking about him,but all he said was "Good, and you" and then told me where he was and was about to get on a cruise ship. Then I texted him back to have a good trip and that was the end of the exchange. Not that you can ever tell how someone feels over text, so maybe he was excited for all I know.

 

Anyway, Since then, no contact. I would like to call him again (the only call I made was back in July when he was busy at a conference), and hopefully this time will be a good time, but I don’t want to think about it, I just want to be able to call without worrying what he’s thinking about and whether not he wants to talk to me. Like most friends, he should just want to talk to me, but who knows. I don't want to call and look desperate in some way, I wish he would call or somehow tell me it's ok to call again, or maybe I should text him and tell him to call me whenever he's free? What is the best way to go about this without seeming desperate? (I know in me writing this I probably sound desperate, lol)

[Malin889]

I finally started to talk to him again, but not in a romantic sense. We are in this sports betting thing together, so I reached out to him the last couple weeks to joke around about how we’re both doing and both times he responded and continued the conversation. The conversation even paused for a day and he picked it back up again. Last week we talked about my new job, it was nice, like old times. The only thing that’s been weird, and maybe it’s me, I don’t know, but we haven’t talked about anything else. Like, he knows I bought my first condo a few months ago. He’s into real estate, but never asked how my new place was doing. We don’t talk about each other’s dating lives, but then again, we never did. It feels to me like there’s a pink elephant in the (text) room. Or maybe I’m just looking for problems where there are none.

 

Should I just continue to reach out and keep the conversation going and just go with the flow?

[JuneL]

It seems that things have become one-sided. If you feel like chatting as a friend, then why not.

[Malin889]

It seems that things have become one-sided. If you feel like chatting as a friend, then why not.

 

One-sided? Like do you mean he won't contact me unless I contact him?

Edited October 5, 2018 by Malin889

[kamani]

Men are complicated only he knows what he thinks. Why do you leave voice messages? I would never do it to a friend. Some people never listen to voice messages. If you want to find out whether he has a girlfriend you can do it by jokingly asking him or asking it through a mutual friend explaining your situation. I suggest you to take it slow and pull back a little.

 

By the way why do you want this long distance headache? May be he thinks the same?

[stillafool]

I don't understand if this guy is your best friend why is so hard for you to talk to him?

[JuneL]

One-sided? Like do you mean he won't contact me unless I contact him?

 

It seems that you’ve been the one initiating contacts. It doesn’t look like he has romantic feelings for you. But if you want to keep up with your friendship, then you should just text him whenever you feel like. The reason why you’re making such a big deal out of things is probably that you’re still having a crush on him.

[Malin889]

Men are complicated only he knows what he thinks. Why do you leave voice messages? I would never do it to a friend. Some people never listen to voice messages. If you want to find out whether he has a girlfriend you can do it by jokingly asking him or asking it through a mutual friend explaining your situation. I suggest you to take it slow and pull back a little.

 

By the way why do you want this long distance headache? May be he thinks the same?

 

Wow you’re the first person to say “men are complicated”, usually people say “men are so simple”, which I personally disagree with, lol. Some are simple but some are very complicated. (I’m not speaking of men on here though of course)

 

I left one voice message awhile back but the last couple times we were just texting. Why don’t you leave voice messages with friends? He used to leave me vms anytime he called, and I thought they were kind of sweet.

 

I feel like I have been taking it slow, not saying anything serious, just texting about light and funny stuff, talking about sports. I never thought of it as a headache, I just always thought we were friends. :-) I’ll keep my “distance” (no pun intended) even more than I have been.

[Malin889]

It seems that you’ve been the one initiating contacts. It doesn’t look like he has romantic feelings for you. But if you want to keep up with your friendship, then you should just text him whenever you feel like. The reason why you’re making such a big deal out of things is probably that you’re still having a crush on him.

 

Yeah but even this past winter, when I thought we were just friends, he still reached out to me. He always initiated contact. It just seems of late that he’s not. Even if we are just friends which we are I’d like for him to initiate contact like he used to. We used to work together so we would talk more often, about work and then about personal stuff. And the few months after we worked together, he reached out to me to see how I was doing.

 

It just seems like we have to try harder to be friends now since the work thing is no longer the bridge between us.

Edited October 5, 2018 by Malin889

[Malin889]

He used to call me a “very close friend”, he did last summer anyway, and he doesn’t have a lot of close friends, so I just want him to know that we’ll always be friends.

[JuneL]

He used to call me a “very close friend”, he did last summer anyway, and he doesn’t have a lot of close friends, so I just want him to know that we’ll always be friends.

 

I’m sure your message is loud and clear to him.

 

You need to be honest with yourself. Do you or do you not have romantic feelings for him?

[Malin889]

I’m sure your message is loud and clear to him.

 

You need to be honest with yourself. Do you or do you not have romantic feelings for him?

 

Yes I do have feelings for him.

[Malin889]

I don't understand if this guy is your best friend why is so hard for you to talk to him?

 

I don't know, but I felt a lot better about my situation and was actually quite confident about it before I wrote this update. Now I feel like I'm back to square 1.