Author mortensorchid Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 Anyway, you cut this guy off before you could even ascertain if he was open to a LTR. I'm really not at all surprised that you find yourself single. This one is on you. That was a truly horrible thing to say to someone, truly. Would you say that to someone to their face? I think you would. And what would you do if that person reacted with anger or burst into tears in front of you, or went home and committed suicide over what you said? The joy you must get from hurting others, you are sadistic. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Anyway, you cut this guy off before you could even ascertain if he was open to a LTR. I'm really not at all surprised that you find yourself single. This one is on you. That was a truly horrible thing to say to someone, truly. Would you say that to someone to their face? I think you would. And what would you do if that person reacted with anger or burst into tears in front of you, or went home and committed suicide over what you said? The joy you must get from hurting others, you are sadistic. It's the truth. If you cut people off before even bothering to find out what they want or mean, you will remain single. If you want different outcomes, you first have to recognise how you're contributing to the problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 (edited) That was a truly horrible thing to say to someone, truly. Would you say that to someone to their face? I think you would. And what would you do if that person reacted with anger or burst into tears in front of you, or went home and committed suicide over what you said? The joy you must get from hurting others, you are sadistic. I didn't call you names, I didn't say anything which you hadn't already told us. I just stated that he could well have been open to a LTR and you cut him off without giving him a chance to explain AND to top it off, you made out like he was doing something wrong. How can you improve if you can't first see when you're contributing to the problem of not being able to find anyone? And yes, I would point this out to a friend. Edited March 25, 2018 by basil67 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 And if you think you can chase around a rambunctious kid(s) when you are past 50 and your tired, your feet hurt and you have a bad back...good luck...Then you can humiliate yourself when your daughters friends think you are her grandma... TFY Hey now.... I was almost 45 when my Son was born, almost 55 today and I have no problem keeping up, spent a good part of the day yesterday at the ball field.. I'm one of the coaches of his team and have been for years.. I also work 10 to 12 hours a day and have a fairly physical job. While being tired and worn out at the end of the day is real it's also real for younger people too... while tough it sure was worth it though... coming home after a hard days work and being greeted with "Daddy" at the door as I stepped into not being able to take a nap.. I do think 45 is the outside though.. for some of the reasons you are speaking about. I can't imagine what is would have been like if I was 60 when he was a toddler... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 MO, I don't blame you for being sensitive; there were some truly cruel comments in this thread that I'm glad the mods deleted, but basil67's wasn't one of them. If you are happy with a long-term relationship that won't lead to marriage, why did you cut this guy off so quickly? If marriage is your goal, why not just admit it? What this guy did was admirable and what we all should do in relationships: he told you immediately where his boundaries are. Everyone should be as clear as possible and as quickly as possible about these things, so there are no misunderstandings and nobody wastes their time. Before I was married I told every man up front that I probably couldn't have biological children, because I knew for some people it was a deal-breaker. If you really don't need marriage you should have given this man a chance. For what it's worth, in the US at least, a bachelor's odds of marrying drop drastically after 36 and continue to decline. Men who have married and divorced or been widowed frequently remarry, but the odds of finding a man over 36 who hasn't married and wants to are slim. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Most of the comments on this thread wouldn't have been said had the OP been a man... no one has any issues with a man doing or wanting anything, including being 50 and marrying a 20 year old and having kids. The world is hard on women. He wouldn't have been slapped in the face for not giving some woman he didn't think was worth it a try. But I must say again, the OP said nothing about wanting kids yet the thread is full of comments about kids... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Most of the comments on this thread wouldn't have been said had the OP been a man... no one has any issues with a man doing or wanting anything, including being 50 and marrying a 20 year old and having kids. The world is hard on women. He wouldn't have been slapped in the face for not giving some woman he didn't think was worth it a try. But I must say again, the OP said nothing about wanting kids yet the thread is full of comments about kids... Utter nonsense... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Nobody is saying you should have continued to date him. But I'm not sure why you're making him out to be some sort of monster, either. All I'm seeing is two incompatible people, and a man who was decent enough to tell you the truth about what he wanted. Not all women want marriage or kids (or even LTRs), so I wouldn't assume that any man who didn't would automatically strike out with all women. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Most of the comments on this thread wouldn't have been said had the OP been a man... no one has any issues with a man doing or wanting anything, including being 50 and marrying a 20 year old and having kids. The world is hard on women. He wouldn't have been slapped in the face for not giving some woman he didn't think was worth it a try. But I must say again, the OP said nothing about wanting kids yet the thread is full of comments about kids... If anything this board is harsher on men. The harsh posts are resulting from the other posts the OP has made, indicating her difficulties in finding a boyfriend. Interestingly, a lot of these posts were made by women. I don't think anyone was trying to be mean, rather point out the source of some of the difficulties which the OP is not seeing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I dunno, I think you may be writing him off too soon. Unless you had other indications that he was not long term material. Marriage is a strange thing. Not necessary to sign a paper to tell someone you’re in it for the long haul. Not very romantic either if you ask me. Many end up divorced anyway 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 (edited) Most of the comments on this thread wouldn't have been said had the OP been a man... no one has any issues with a man doing or wanting anything, including being 50 and marrying a 20 year old and having kids. The world is hard on women. He wouldn't have been slapped in the face for not giving some woman he didn't think was worth it a try. But I must say again, the OP said nothing about wanting kids yet the thread is full of comments about kids... bahaha. There is a thread here right now where a 50yo guy is being given a very hard time by most posters about wanting a future with his pregnant 20yo girlfriend. Have you not seen it? And for what it's worth, if a 50yo guy wanted to marry my 20yo daughter, let me assure you that I'd have PLENTY to say....and none of it good. If a guy was here frequently complaining about being single and unwanted...then posted about ditching an interested woman without even getting to know how she ticks, I'd give the same reply. Edited March 25, 2018 by basil67 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lolgorgeous Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 OP: His answer may have disappointed you, but can you imagine if he had lied? Imagine if he had strung you along with the promise of marriage for years and then just dumped you seemingly out of nowhere? Wouldn't that be far worse? Rejection may hurt for a little while. Long-term manipulation can be nightmarish. Moreover, I really don't see what the problem is. Some people just don't want to get married, myself included. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 If you were otherwise interested, why not ask what he is looking for?? Also don’t forget to keep it fun and light at the same time as the basic (boring) factual and serious life questions! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 From what I've read of her posts, it feels quite clear to me that the OP would prefer marriage (although she says otherwise in this particular thread, it comes across to me as more like a defensive reaction - which is one of the things that I'd urge her to work on if she is interested in self-improvement). While it's fine to not prefer marriage or to even prefer NOT marrying, it's also fine to prefer to marry. And in that case, she wouldn't be compatible with him, so no point pursuing this further. I'd urge her to have a think about why her gut reaction in that situation is to rake this dude over the coals for just being honest, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 To mortensorchid: I asked my long term girlfriend about some of her single female friends and their dating experiences. One of which is 45, quite attractive, divorced many years, both her kids are grown with established careers and don't live with her. She has a great personality, bubbly and fun. She is having an awful time trying to find anyone to date. She has tried EVERYTHING, from OLD to Country Line Dancing. I asked my girlfriend what she thinks the problem is?? My girlfriend told me "Oh that is easy, 'so and so' always brings up marriage very early in the date and scares all of the guys away" So like other posters have written, maybe its not such a good idea to bring up marriage so early in the "getting to know you" stage of dating someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts