What should I do?

[donotmicrowave]

It was the “longest three hours of my life” signals very significant event to me. Can you tell somebody about the police interview, somebody who will let you cry and will cry with you? Guinea pigs, your sister and dad are also part of the healing, but don’t try to “move on” from ordeals so fast. Process it with someone. To me that means TELL the story to someone who knows how to really listen. You’ve done this a couple of times—report a horrific, gut-wrenching life event that would unbalance the most well adjusted adult and then switch gears a little too fast. These events will come back to bite you if you ignore them. You have to get mad at them and throw them out first. THEN when you turn and embrace the joy, it’ll have your full and undivided attention.

 

That day in the police really had an effect on me. I'm at work now, but before heading out of my apartment, I noticed that I really am in weakest condition of life so far. My long hair feels brittle and is falling out, there are terrible bags under my eyes, I look sick. I hopped on the scale and I have hit the underweight mark, which I am not happy about. I just want to sleep and be alone at this point. Really really bad.

 

I want to heal more than anything! Happiness IS a choice, but I cannot seem to make that decision now. Bringing myself to feel the hurt is really difficult, too. I shut down in therapy a lot. I trust my therapist, he is an amazing person, but I just hit a wall myself. Just physically cannot keep talking or expressing. I feel like I'm shutting down in general.

[donotmicrowave]

Have contacted a mod to close my thread. Can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.

[donotmicrowave]

Hello everyone,

 

I have been waiting for "the right moment" to update my thread, it finally feels right! The thread was moved here from "Infidelity", not sure if the people who gave me advice will see this update, but here it goes!

 

First of all, I want to apologize for leaving the way I did. I had hit rock bottom at that point. I was underweight, my bones were poking out, hair was falling out, I was weak and nauseous and just so very sad. And I wanted to detach myself from the story, as quickly as possible. Not really an excuse as I made some lovely people here worried. I truly am sorry.

 

My gorgeous little sister just had her birthday. She turned 15. It scares me how quickly she's growing up. But I'm also worried as I'm not sure how she's doing. She is happy around everyone. She smiles, she laughs, cracks her silly jokes, she's my little sis. But she still restricts her food, she is very insecure and is now out all the time. She got to know some 15/16 year old girl who has a boyfriend, hops around in minis and heels. I do not like her. Not just because of how she dresses, she truly is a very "odd" influence. My little sister once hit me up at 4am, asking me for a place to stay. She was sober and everything, but I am just worried. I have noticed scratches on her arms. I don't know what to do. I live on my own, rarely see her these days. I don't know.

 

Dad is healing well. Mother is still insane, but my dad is gaining his strength back. We don't talk about the divorce, but my dad said it's very rough, as mother, crazy witch that she is, believes that she is entitled to everything + more. It baffles me how someone has the nerve to act like she does, after everything she's already done. She has showed up at my dad's, she's harassed family members, she posts on Facebook about how the entire universe has basically betrayed her and how she is oh so sweet and innocent. I get sick writing about it.

 

But my dad is killing it. He is still struggling so very much. But he has started working out, he goes fishing with friends, he bought himself a new boat, works a lot in the garden. Gosh I love him.

 

As for me, I guess I'm healing, too. I've ended up very alone. And sometimes I get lonely. A few days ago I rescued a horse from the slaughterhouse (a beautiful young gelding, lots of training to do as he's been abused), I also adopted another guinea pig, who had been abandoned! I named her Annie. All my pigs are doing really well. They have their indoor "piggie mansion" and now an outdoor cage as well that I've made myself.

 

I also dyed my hair. I had bleached my hair a beautiful shade of blonde, but now I'm back to my natural color, brunette. Need some time to get used to it.

 

Still working a lot. After I left LoveShack the last time, I took a short vacation and let myself be. But now I've got my mojo back, work-wise. Will be going to a big exhibition in Italy this fall and a bunch of other places, I've got a lot to look forward to, and although I'm hurting, I'm so very lucky.

 

I do not wish to talk about the OM/coward, but his wife is still struggling a lot, and I'm not sure how to help her. She feels so much guilt. She's gained a lot of weight, in a pace that is definitely not healthy.

 

All in all, this is a very awkward stage of life. I am very alone, I crave friends, a partner. I am 20 in a month and it makes me sad that the only romantic relationship I've had was very abusive. I really want to know what it feels like to receive real love from someone, I've been thinking about it a lot recently.

 

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Whatever life throws at me, I'll take it in and deal with it. Let's see what's next.

Edited August 3, 2018 by donotmicrowave

[nospam99]

Wow. I am a 'late-comer' to this thread, seeing it only today for the first time when you posted again. I don't think I was following Family enough before. All I can say is that you (and your father and sister) have my sympathy for your pain and my admiration for your courage. i hope everything works out for you. I doubt there is anything someone like me could do to 'help' though I wish I could. My 'best' suggestion is to make sure your dad has a good lawyer to help with the divorce - with the story you tell, your mom deserves nothing. But having gone through my own divorce in a no-fault state, I learned that the law is not always what moral people would regard as fair.

 

One more thought: ditto the sympathy and admiration for the scumbag's wife.

[starlight8]

{snip}

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Whatever life throws at me, I'll take it in and deal with it. Let's see what's next.

 

I've just read your thread this evening and just wanted to leave you a quick message of love and support from a stranger...you sound like such an amazingly strong, intelligent young woman. I'm sorry you've had to go through all that you've had - I grew up with a similarly dysfunctional entitled mother and have had some similar experiences to you and can really understand and relate to so much of how you describe your feelings and reactions. If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm happy to listen (or rather, read ). Stay strong and honour your own feelings and emotions during this process - not just of those that you love and hold dear. You've got a bright future ahead of you

Edited October 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[AnnaHoll]

Talk to your mother and tell your father everything, This is my opinion.

[donotmicrowave]

Haven't been here for a while. But felt like updating the thread, so here goes.

 

I hit 20 last week. It's very scary to me. I don't feel old, but I feel like time is running out.. Not sure if that makes any sense at all, if might if you just don't think about it. I really want to be happy this year, it worries me that I'll just end up disappointed in myself again.

 

Birthday itself was alright. I don't celebrate birthdays, but this year all my family came together, for me. I received so many beautiful flowers, a lot of chocolate (yesss!!) and an amazing birthday cake, I wish you guys could've seen it. It was designed as Toothless the dragon, and after two decades of begging, I finally got myself a chocolate birthday cake!! Yes, I'm an adult.

 

Life is still a struggle. Besides work, I'll also be continuing my studies in university. I'm studying international business management, the year has just started, but it's already very difficult. I have managed to get myself addicted to energy drinks. Trying to quit, but it's just so hard.

 

Little sis is doing alright. I got her a giant Shaun the Sheep for her birthday, so she got me a giant fluffy unicorn.. And blue roses! My favorite. She will move in with me in a little while as my dad is going sailing.

 

Dad is hanging in there. He has lost a lot of weight. Me and the little sis try everything to cheer him up. I recently rescued a horse from the slaughter house and although my dad is allergic to hay and pretty much all animals, he loves my horse, Arabella. I have always believed that horses have some sort of healing effect, and my dad is starting to see it, too. He is so funny and awkward around Arabella, but they both love each other. He helps me bring Arabella back to "life" as she had been neglected by the previous owner. He is constantly searching for the best equipment and foods for the horsy, he's so very sweet. He also really loves my little guinea pigs, who are all doing wonderful. I have recently upgraded their "piggy mansion" and added a new "wing" for them with a small bridge, not too far up so they can't hurt themselves. They love it a lot and get along great with my dad, he helped me craft a mini birthday cake for them on my birthday.

 

I guess that's it. We're letting time heal us, and as it seems, the animals are a great help for us, too. Offering them a good home and caring for them, it makes us happy.

 

Hope everyone is doing okay, me and my dad are very grateful for all of you taking the time out of your lives to read and offer such great support for us in this difficult time. Cheers, our family is wishing you the best only!

Edited September 18, 2018 by donotmicrowave