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Saw ex for the first time in NINE months?

faithandfood

By faithandfood,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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faithandfood

faithandfood

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Funny because he has someone else now. Broke up a month ago because he was pressuring sexually and became disrespectful.

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Arieswoman

Arieswoman

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Q

What does it mean if an ex says, "I don't want you to hurt anymore."

 

A, "I'm not interested in seeing you any more but I don't have the guts to come out and say so directly, so I'll just give you patronising soundbites instead" :rolleyes:

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faithandfood

faithandfood

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If you read my previous posts: in brief: I broke up with my first boyfriend last month because of the way he treated ne after not giving him a BJ, also sexually assaulted me. Was becoming more pressuring. He's 24 and I'm 19. First guy I opened myself up to since 2010. He knows about my dysfunctional family, past assault, and my anxiety. I Besides that, he was becoming disrespectful and dishonest. He last told me that he would distance himself from me so he wouldn't hurt me anymore. I tried my best to work on this relationship because of the feelings I had for him. I was there for him throughout his first semester of grad school. And he would always tell me how I made him happy, how I'm different, blah blah. So the breakup was hard.

 

Last saw him three weeks ago at a concert with a girl. He stared at me for some time. His new girl and him were dancing, flirting. The girl even smiled at me. This hurt me so bad. The fact that he had already had a rebound pained me. After this happened, I blocked him on Twitter and removed him from my Snap.

 

So yesterday, I was checking my email and I have a texting app. It said that he had texted me, "Hey how are you ..." So many things are going through my head. I'm guessing either his rebound failed, he wants a friendship, he's lonley, he realized what he did, etc. I do NOT want to get hurt again because last month freaking sucked. A part of me wants to reply, but then a part of me wants to leave it. If he sincerely apologized, then I would see but I'm confused.

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PegNosePete

PegNosePete

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What's to be confused about? This guy is a jerk and you should have nothing to do with him ever again.

 

Delete his message and block his number, his email address, EVERYTHING.

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Zahara

Zahara

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A part of me wants to reply, but then a part of me wants to leave it. If he sincerely apologized, then I would see but I'm confused.

 

So, this guy sexually assaults you, treats you like a piece of meat, disrespects you, and who knows what else and you are confused?

 

A guy that treats you that way apologizes only for one reason -- to get you back in his control again because he knows someone like you who has tolerated poor treatment may chose to revisit a douchebag like him again.

 

Stay NC. Block him EVERYWHERE. Hold on to your self-respect. And move on with your life.

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Redhead14

Redhead14

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If you read my previous posts: in brief: I broke up with my first boyfriend last month because of the way he treated ne after not giving him a BJ, also sexually assaulted me. Was becoming more pressuring. He's 24 and I'm 19. First guy I opened myself up to since 2010. He knows about my dysfunctional family, past assault, and my anxiety. I Besides that, he was becoming disrespectful and dishonest. He last told me that he would distance himself from me so he wouldn't hurt me anymore. I tried my best to work on this relationship because of the feelings I had for him. I was there for him throughout his first semester of grad school. And he would always tell me how I made him happy, how I'm different, blah blah. So the breakup was hard.

 

Last saw him three weeks ago at a concert with a girl. He stared at me for some time. His new girl and him were dancing, flirting. The girl even smiled at me. This hurt me so bad. The fact that he had already had a rebound pained me. After this happened, I blocked him on Twitter and removed him from my Snap.

 

So yesterday, I was checking my email and I have a texting app. It said that he had texted me, "Hey how are you ..." So many things are going through my head. I'm guessing either his rebound failed, he wants a friendship, he's lonley, he realized what he did, etc. I do NOT want to get hurt again because last month freaking sucked. A part of me wants to reply, but then a part of me wants to leave it. If he sincerely apologized, then I would see but I'm confused.

 

You aren't even remotely thinking he's changed in 2 months, are you????!!!! BLOCK/DELETE/IGNORE this guy on every communication vein possible . . .

 

I'm guessing either his rebound failed, he wants a friendship, he's lonley, he realized what he did, etc.

 

It doesn't matter what HE wants. What matters is that he treated you like dirt and disrespected you to a spectacular degree and you must protect yourself from being in that position again. It's not worth the tiniest bit of a chance that he would be sincere and/or changed. And, it's extremely unlikely. He's coming back to you because he knows you're vulnerable and don't know how to enforce boundaries. Even though you broke up with him, he knows you're history, you have history with him that shows him you can be manipulated and things are "dry" for him. He will work you until he gets what he wants and then HE will dump YOU.

 

I tried my best to work on this relationship because of the feelings I had for him. -- You did the work in the relationship and made everything easy for him. Why would he want to let go of that???? He didn't have to do much and what he did do sucked.

 

Don't you dare answer him!

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faithandfood

faithandfood

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Went through first breakup with ex about eight weeks ago (dated for 8 months

). Even though I didn't want to end it, he was starting to take me for granted, disrespecting/ sexually pressuring (almost lost my v-card to him)/lying to me. I told him all these things before we broke up. Instead of trying to fix the issues, he last told me that he would keep his distance so he wouldn't hurt me anymore. I agreed and have not talked to him since July 6th.

Saw him at a concert three weeks ago with a new girl. Saw me and didn't speak. Instead gave me the cold shoulder and tried to make me jealous with his new girl. Blocked him on Twitter afterwards.

Keep in mind, I deleted his number in June, as this is was when the problems started. I have been gradually trying to moving on as it been hard since he was the first guy I opened up to in a while. I honestly thought he deleted my number since. I received a text from him on Friday night, asking, "Hey how are you..." I didn't reply.

He still has me on Snapchat as I post stories. I posted a story today, and he saw it. Afterwards he texted me again, "Should I just delete your number since I don't get reply?" Like what. I don't know what kind of mind games he is playing. I'm not the one to quickly block. If he wanted to make amends or reconcile or whatever, then this is not the approach. He had the chance to talk to me at the concert. I didn't reply again. He's 24 btw. Although I have forgiven him, I don't know why he's acting like that. Today is my first day of classes as I am applying for nursing school in a few months. I don't have time for these games tbh. Like I do feel bad for ignoring, but still. I'm not about to get a hurt a second time. I've heard it's wrong to ignore, that I should hear him out. But idk. I'm just gonna leave it for now.

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CosmicTrey

CosmicTrey

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If you broke up because you lost trust in him, then He needs to at least make an attempt to show he wants your trust back. If you felt pressured sexually and disrespected, then these are issues that would need to be addressed moving forward, and it sounds like you already brought up all of these problems. Passing comments like "how are you doing?" Shouldn't be reciprocated unless you are ready to be friends, because they don't show an effort on his part to change what hurt the relationship.

 

It's not wrong to ignore him at this point, your silence is clearly telling him that he hasn't said anything you are looking for. Maybe it shows he still cares, but it could also be that he is asking for his own self comfort.

 

(Take this with a grain of salt, I'm relatively inexperienced and going through my own stuff right now... But, as someone who was on the other end of things, I've been in a similar situation and I would imagine that I'd be biased towards your ex if anything)

Edited by CosmicTrey
Added a bit to the first paragraph and parenthetical)
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FML_101

FML_101

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At the risk of sounding like a terrible person/male I'm going to tell you my honest opinion. He probably still has feelings for you but he wants your relationship to involve sex. He was probably pressuring you because he was sexually frustrated.

 

If you want to save your virginity until you are ready and with the right person, great, more power to you! Don't give up who you are for somebody who takes you for granted. If you no longer want to be with him and have no desire to have sex with him, than you are doing the right thing. Keep ignoring him. I will repeat this for emphasis, keep ignoring him. The alternative is to block his number. You are no longer in a relationship and you have no obligation to reply to him. The relationship is over do what you want and don't comprimise yourself for anybody.

Edited by FML_101
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preraph

preraph

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Time to block him off everything. Trouble with people you break up with is a lot of them want to come back, but they aren't actually going to change a thing. They just think maybe you're desperate enough to take them back as is. Block him. Save yourself the pain. He probably thinks he made you jealous and now you'll put up with him because of that. Block him. Move on. Find a better one.

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faithandfood

faithandfood

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You're right. It's just I do somewhat miss him as I think I still have feelings. We used to talk everyday, hang out for almost the whole day. But I know sex will be an issue, whuch I told him. His reponse was, "I know I wasn't sleeping with you." But still. Don't want to get hurt. Like I don't mind being friends, but he needs to make a better effort like at least apologize.

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faithandfood

faithandfood

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I find it so funny. I've been NC with ex since July 6th. He last said that he would keep his distance. Last Friday, at 1 in the morning, he texted me "hey how are you..." I didn't respond. I last saw him at a concert earlier this month with a new girl, and he tried to make me jealous/give me the cold shoulder.

Yesterday, he then texted me "Should I just delete your # since I don't get a reply?" Still didn't respond. And today, he was like, "If you got my last message, just type yes and I'll delete your #."

Like dude, if you want to delete my number, then go ahead. What's stopping you. I deleted his number since June, even though I have it memorized. I feel like he either wants me to beg or whatever. If he wants to be friends, at least come with a different approach. Plus I haven't even healed completely as the breakup has been just a month. (Read previous posts to see what caused breakup)

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1fish2fish

1fish2fish

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Please stop this guy from even entering your orbit. Why are you letting him text you and read your snapchats??? He is not going to change, despite your hope that he will wake up and realize what he lost. And you know darn well that's what you're hoping for.

 

It's not going to happen. He will NOT change!

 

It's up to you to create and enforce your boundaries, and until you do, he's going to test them over and over until you cave.

 

Re-read Redhead's post above. And re-read it again.

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Zahara

Zahara

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If he wants to be friends, at least come with a different approach.

 

You want to be friends with this...

 

I broke up with my first boyfriend last month because of the way he treated ne after not giving him a BJ, also sexually assaulted me.

 

I suggest you focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and look into seeing a therapist as you noted in your post about the dysfunction in your family and past sexual assault. You have a warped sense of what love is and seeing that you are 19, you're headed down a very unhealthy path if you keep on with this mindset.

 

Expending your energy on figuring out YOU would be much more beneficial than investing it in someone who has treated you very poorly.

 

He's not worth it. Block him and stop trying to analyze. He's sniffing because he knows you'll put up with rubbish so he's hoping you'll cave and repeat the cycle. That's all.

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faithandfood

faithandfood

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So I broke up with my first bf in July due to him sexually assaulting me as he was becoming pressuring, dishonest, disrespectful, and apathetic. I'm 19 and he's 24. Four weeks after the breakup (August), I saw him at a concert with a new girl. He acted like he didn't know me, saw him and the girl flirting, and the new girl even smiled at me. That hurt me sooo bad, and I vowed to never talk to him again. Two weeks of the concert, he texted me at 1 in the morning, and when I didn't respond, he told me he was going to delete my number, which I thought he did.

 

TURNS OUT NO..two months later, and I receive a call from him last Friday. As I was confused, I didn't call back because I refused to get hurt. So the next day, I was advised by close friends to text him, "Hello. Saw missed call. Was busy. What's up?" He responded by saying, he wanted to check on me and asked how I am. With short replies, I took my time to respond and told him, "Good. You?" He then told me he was okay, and how he was Djing. He then proceeded to ask me where I was. I was shocked as if these last four hurtful months were nothing. I did not tell him, but I ended up replying "Ooh okay." on Sunday and he didn't respond. I really thought he was gonna apologise. These last four months have been so hurtful, but I'm slightly feeling better. And I'm actually kind of glad I replied.

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A_New_Earth

A_New_Earth

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The messaging floodgates have been opened. Be careful. 99 times out of a 100...no good can come from this.

 

So I broke up with my first bf in July due to him sexually assaulting me as he was becoming pressuring, dishonest, disrespectful, and apathetic. I'm 19 and he's 24. Four weeks after the breakup (August), I saw him at a concert with a new girl. He acted like he didn't know me, saw him and the girl flirting, and the new girl even smiled at me. That hurt me sooo bad, and I vowed to never talk to him again. Two weeks of the concert, he texted me at 1 in the morning, and when I didn't respond, he told me he was going to delete my number, which I thought he did.

 

TURNS OUT NO..two months later, and I receive a call from him last Friday. As I was confused, I didn't call back because I refused to get hurt. So the next day, I was advised by close friends to text him, "Hello. Saw missed call. Was busy. What's up?" He responded by saying, he wanted to check on me and asked how I am. With short replies, I took my time to respond and told him, "Good. You?" He then told me he was okay, and how he was Djing. He then proceeded to ask me where I was. I was shocked as if these last four hurtful months were nothing. I did not tell him, but I ended up replying "Ooh okay." on Sunday and he didn't respond. I really thought he was gonna apologise. These last four months have been so hurtful, but I'm slightly feeling better. And I'm actually kind of glad I replied.

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faithandfood

faithandfood

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Yeah I know. Worst comes to worst, I will block his number. But I am now in therapy and will actually be going on a date soon.

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A_New_Earth

A_New_Earth

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Sometimes it's 'nice' to know that they haven't forgotten we exist. But now you know that, I would just keep it short. He'll get the message. And if he doesn't...get the blocker out. :)

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