How to ask out a very obese girl?

[dude360]

Generally, a fetish means you're sexually aroused by a particular aspect or action, not particular to an individual. As example, if two obese women were sitting side by side, you'd be sexually aroused because of their obesity, not because of their being individuals who happened to be obese. They'd be interchangeable.

 

If you find this woman attractive and want to get to know her better, easy enough to make small talk and, if discerning mutual interest, ask her out. It doesn't have to be complicated. In your case here, apparently what caught your attention was her weight. It could have been her breasts, legs, hair, face, eyes, voice, whatever. There's always a start point. Accept it and run with it. Good luck!

 

You mean just like how women have a fetish for tall men, muscles etc.

 

People like what they like and have a preference for certain body types. Go figure.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Now you have just narrowed your chances.....to zero

 

I disagree. Why do you say that?

 

 

OP, it sounds like you're attracted to MORE than just her body even if that's what originally attracted you to her. I see nothing wrong with answering her question, if it ever comes up (and it probably will), "so what originally attracted you to me?" with "I admired your gorgeous body." Seriously, what is wrong with that?

 

This poor woman is damned either way....men will be turned off by her body, or turned on but too afraid to approach her in fear of hurting her feelings for their reasons for doing so!

 

Does a thin woman ever get hurt over a man saying he was first attracted to her for her body? Rarely, I'm sure.

 

I personally really want to see where this story goes . I've never been in her shoes (or yours since I'm a woman), but I'm rooting for you two .

Edited March 17, 2018 by CautiouslyOptimistic

[Starkey]

I personally really want to see where this story goes . I've never been in her shoes (or yours since I'm a woman), but I'm rooting for you two .

 

Oh man, no pressure or anything!

 

I'm going to sit in the same carriage on Monday and see what happens. I've never been all that great at striking up conversation with strangers, and I'm also prone to dithering, but I've also never been this attracted to a woman and I don't want to lose my chance. I don't even know how much longer we'll be catching the same train. She might disappear at any time. I've probably been dithering too long already, actually.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Oh man, no pressure or anything!

 

I'm going to sit in the same carriage on Monday and see what happens. I've never been all that great at striking up conversation with strangers, and I'm also prone to dithering, but I've also never been this attracted to a woman and I don't want to lose my chance. I don't even know how much longer we'll be catching the same train. She might disappear at any time. I've probably been dithering too long already, actually.

 

Keep us posted . And you're right, she could change trains/jobs at any moment. I remember many moons ago being attracted to someone I rode a train with, but then I got a new job, and poof! There went that!

 

Good luck!

[thefooloftheyear]

Did you happen to get stuck in an elevator with Anthony Robbins??

 

 

TFY

[salparadise]

I feel it's a bit risky to say anything at all about her weight when I'm just getting to know her, as it could be a touchy subject, and I wouldn't be risking much by omitting it until later.

 

 

I agree. Tell her that you find HER attractive, not fat women generally. After you get to know her wait for cues that she wants to talk about it.

 

The problem is that it's not just an ordinary characteristic like nice breasts, or a nice ass... this is something that has a social stigma attached, and for which she probably carries some shame.

 

I suggest that you never call it a fetish, because that depersonalizes it. We all want to be loved for the unique human beings we are, not because we trigger someone's crazy fetish (not that this is crazy, but it is an outlier thing). Make it about her as an individual, just as you've done in this thread.

 

Think of it this way... if you had a micro penis, or stood 4'6", would you want a woman to tell you that she's only with you because she has a fetish for the unusual feature? Of course not. You'd want to hear that she loves YOU, both in spite of and because of your uniqueness.

[Starkey]

The problem is that it's not just an ordinary characteristic like nice breasts, or a nice ass... this is something that has a social stigma attached, and for which she probably carries some shame.

 

The other thing, which makes me feel kind of bad for being attracted to her weight, is that it's also very unhealthy.

 

I have a friend who's attracted to women who smoke (although he's never smoked himself as far as I know). He pretty much got through a fine arts degree by painting smoking women. His current girlfriend used to smoke quite heavily when they met, but has since cut back and is now trying to quit altogether, and he's said he's quite conflicted about it as he's supportive of her efforts to quit and wants her to be healthy and live to old age, and they want to have kids some day, but he also really misses the days when she smoked all the time.

 

If I was in a long term relationship with someone weighing 150kg, I think I might feel the same way.

[losangelena]

Not to start a debate or anything, but obesity does not always mean someone is unhealthy. Yes, carrying extra weight increases ones chances of health issues, but it's not always a one-to-one situation. If you're at all interested in learning more about that, I recommend you look into "health at every size."

[marky00]

Now you have just narrowed your chances.....to zero

 

lol.... why?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The other thing, which makes me feel kind of bad for being attracted to her weight, is that it's also very unhealthy.

 

I have a friend who's attracted to women who smoke (although he's never smoked himself as far as I know). He pretty much got through a fine arts degree by painting smoking women. His current girlfriend used to smoke quite heavily when they met, but has since cut back and is now trying to quit altogether, and he's said he's quite conflicted about it as he's supportive of her efforts to quit and wants her to be healthy and live to old age, and they want to have kids some day, but he also really misses the days when she smoked all the time.

 

If I was in a long term relationship with someone weighing 150kg, I think I might feel the same way.

 

Interesting. I have never in my life heard of someone who was attracted to a smoker in that way.

Edited March 18, 2018 by CautiouslyOptimistic

[Starkey]

Interesting. I have never in my life heard of someone who was attracted to a smoker in that way.

 

Isn't there a lot of old imagery from the 40s, 50s, 60s, etc, that associates smoking with sex appeal and attractiveness? I thought it used to be pretty mainstream.

[Popsicle]

For Gods sake please don’t say anything about her weight. Just talk to her like you would anybody else and ask her out.

[Starkey]

OK, well, I don't know if I made any progress today. I sat across the aisle from her, and glanced over a few times, eventually made eye contact, and we kind of exchanged smiles. I was working up the courage to start a conversation, and then her phone went off and she was still talking when my stop came (it's only a 15-16 minute journey for me).

 

Also, when she was talking on her phone, it was in another language (I don't have a good ear for languages, so I couldn't say which one - maybe Italian). I suddenly started worrying, what if she doesn't speak English, or her English isn't that good and I have trouble talking to her? I tried to think if I'd definitely heard her and her friends speaking English together. I'm sure I'd have noticed by now if they weren't, but on the spot it's hard to be sure.

 

So yeah. I'll try again tomorrow. When I got to work, the boiler in our office building had broken down, and it was FREEEEEZING. It's not going to get repaired until at least Wednesday (there's some part that they need that won't be delivered until then), so at the end of the day my boss told everyone we could take tomorrow off if we wanted, as everyone was miserable and nobody was getting much done. I was like, "No, I'll come into work tomorrow!" So now he probably thinks I'm really keen, when actually I just want to talk to a girl on the train! I hope it goes well, or I'll be sitting in a freezing office by myself all day for nothing.

[Starkey]

Today was amazing!! I had a bit of good fortune, because when we got on the train she took out her Nintendo Switch, and that made it really easy for me to talk to her. We mostly talked about Breath of the Wild, then moved onto other Nintendo games (Wind Waker and Metroid Prime, for the curious). I was actually having such a good time talking with her about games we both like that I almost missed my station.

 

There was nothing wrong with her English after all, she sounded like a native speaker, although I thought I picked up a slight trace of an accent (may have just been my imagination after yesterday, though). I got a really good vibe and she seemed to enjoy talking to me, so I'm getting optimistic. I'm going to get to the station slightly earlier tomorrow, as she's usually there before I arrive, and I'll try talking to her on the platform.

 

When I got to work after, I was really giddy and excited for a while, but the freezing cold office brought me back down again, and I started wondering why on Earth I said I'd work today instead of just taking the day off and riding on the train anyway, or why I bothered getting off the train when the conversation was going so well. Fortunately my boss rescued me by phoning at lunch time and telling me to go home.

 

Keep us posted .

 

Are you still interested in hearing how this goes? Because this is starting to feel like my blog.

[alphamale]

logic dictates that you would ask out a fat girl the same way you ask out a skinny girl

[maxi105]

hiya starkey, I havent read the posts replies so applologies there, im just gonna throw in my initial thoughts as usual and it up to you what you think as to whether its for you or not.

 

 

ok, its a short answer really, (well as short as my answers can be before they spiral down the screen at folks haha!!!!!)

 

 

I think you gotta ask the girl out in the very same way you'd ask a slimmer girl out.

 

 

she's a lady you are interested in first and foremost, don't make her weight an issue. if you like her that's all you gotta look to.

 

 

its a question if you are attracted to her weight or her as a person. if you are only interested in larger girls then make sure you actually like her as a whole person and she is good to be around, I say that as if you are with her and she feels good about herself and choses to lose weight for you she would be devastated if you dropped her and then told her you only wanted her when she was a higher weight. that wouldn't be fair or that good for her.

 

 

im sure you like her for her (as I say I haven't read the posts so if ive missed a lot sorry about that).

 

 

maybe get her an easter egg and give it to her before you break up for work.

 

 

don't make it flashy as it might be read into, but a nice egg might help to break the ice between you both. it will show you care.

 

 

then when the break is over you can ask if she liked the egg...then your heart will dance all the way to work...

.....unless she tells you her boyfriend or husband bought the same egg for her last year! haha...

 

 

GOOD LUCK WITH IT, im sure she is lovely lady, so just focus on her nice personality and let her see that you like her company and you'd be happy for her to share your company some time soon.

 

 

it sounds exciting and im sure you will make her day to hear your thoughts, whether she is single or not.

 

 

just don't mention the weight thing; it isn't what should define her over her personality.

 

 

let us know how it all goes. best wishes maxi.

[BarbedFenceRider]

logic dictates that you would ask out a fat girl the same way you ask out a skinny girl

 

A man of so many words.

 

But in reality...Yes. Just get the number to the phone and maybe do a nintendo date of something... Easy ice breaker. No pun intended concerning your office. lol

 

I remember a CSI: Las Vegas episode when the lead character was asked what type of female turns him on...He simply replied "One who doesn't judge me." very wise words. Love the person, and simply enjoy everything that entails.

 

Best of luck. I am going to watch this to see how it goes...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Today was amazing!! I had a bit of good fortune, because when we got on the train she took out her Nintendo Switch, and that made it really easy for me to talk to her. We mostly talked about Breath of the Wild, then moved onto other Nintendo games (Wind Waker and Metroid Prime, for the curious). I was actually having such a good time talking with her about games we both like that I almost missed my station.

 

There was nothing wrong with her English after all, she sounded like a native speaker, although I thought I picked up a slight trace of an accent (may have just been my imagination after yesterday, though). I got a really good vibe and she seemed to enjoy talking to me, so I'm getting optimistic. I'm going to get to the station slightly earlier tomorrow, as she's usually there before I arrive, and I'll try talking to her on the platform.

 

When I got to work after, I was really giddy and excited for a while, but the freezing cold office brought me back down again, and I started wondering why on Earth I said I'd work today instead of just taking the day off and riding on the train anyway, or why I bothered getting off the train when the conversation was going so well. Fortunately my boss rescued me by phoning at lunch time and telling me to go home.

 

 

 

Are you still interested in hearing how this goes? Because this is starting to feel like my blog.

 

Awesome update, and yes still interested in seeing where it goes! Sounds like you made the right choice braving the cold today. She's probably telling her friends about the cool guy she talked to on the train today .

[Starkey]

logic dictates that you would ask out a fat girl the same way you ask out a skinny girl

 

I hope you don't mind, I imagined that in a Mr Spock voice...

 

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I'm just so relieved that I talked to her and she didn't shut me down right away, I'm still on kind of a high. It's possible I may not get much sleep tonight.

[Noproblem]

Omg I am excited to know what happens next!

 

 

Ask questions about her favorite tv shows or anime or about her favorite topic at school, her horoscope, anything fun but not so intrusive, so we know more

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Omg I am excited to know what happens next!

 

 

Ask questions about her favorite tv shows or anime or about her favorite topic at school, her horoscope, anything fun but not so intrusive, so we know more

 

Also, ask her name .

[Starkey]

Also, ask her name .

 

That was top of my list.

[Starkey]

So, I learned a few interesting things today. And I know her name.

 

I got to the station about 7 or 8 minutes earlier than usual, and as I was coming up by the car park, I saw her coming out of WHSmith's with two of her friends. After yesterday went so well, I really thought I'd just slide in all suave like no problem and pick up where I left off, but when I actually got there I was incredibly nervous and hesitated a bit, but eventually I went over and said hi and introduced myself.

 

Her friends were really nice, and when we got on the train they gave the two of us room to talk. I found out she's Romanian, but her family moved to the UK when she was 7. She definitely has a slight accent, I notice it mostly on the vowel sounds, but her English is pretty flawless for a non-native speaker. She works part time and is doing a distance learning course in Business, so she's studying most evenings. We also talked a bit about my job and studies at university (I'm a software developer).

 

Her friends got off the train at the same time as me, and I ended up walking out of the station with them, which felt kind of awkward for some reason. They're full time students and sometimes get the same train when they have morning classes.

 

Also, I got her number just before we got to my station. I texted her on my way home from work, just saying hi and asking how her day was, and she said she was studying but she kept replying. When I got off the train I said I'd stop distracting her (that was a couple of hours ago), but I'm thinking of texting again after I finish this post. I'm super excited and don't know if I'm going to end up going too fast - should I ask her out straight away, or wait until I've talked to her on the train a bit longer? I never did traditional dating with either of my previous girlfriends. One was in sixth form/college at school and I'd known her since we were 12, and the other was on my floor in halls in my first year at university, and I didn't really go on dates with either of them until after we were already together.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Great update, Starkey! I vote for asking her out for this coming weekend .

[smackie9]

Don't miss lead her that you are looking for a committed relationship. Make sure soon, if you do go out with her that you let her know you have intentions of keeping things open to dating other people.