js_77 Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 I'm dating my girlfriend for a few months and sometimes I think she is a gold digger because everytime we go out she never offers to pay and everytime time we see each other I always pick her up, she has car and never goes to my place with her car! Red flags?
Author js_77 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Posted March 16, 2018 Nothing you state shows she's a gold digger. If you don't like making effort to date her - then find someone else to date. I think things should be equal, don't you think? Maybe she took me for granted!
CptInsano Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 I think things should be equal, don't you think? Maybe she took me for granted! Did you suggest she'd pick up the tab? Does she help you out in other ways?
Author js_77 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Posted March 16, 2018 Did you suggest she'd pick up the tab? Does she help you out in other ways? No I didn't suggest!
CptInsano Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 No I didn't suggest! She may just have a conservative attitude when it comes to dating. I once dated a Latina where it was very much the case. She however made sure that I didn't get the idea it was one-sided. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 I think before you label her a gold digger you ought to suggest a more equitable split. Perhaps the next time you pay you say something like, "Why don't you get the next one?" If you want her to come to your place, invite her over for dinner. If you are making the dinner (even if it's ordering take out) it's sort of implied that she drive to you. I suspect she's less of a gold digger & more of a traditionalist who expects to be treated by her BF. FWIW a true gold digger asked her guy to buy her stuff. If that has been going on, run but otherwise, see if you can tweak the expectations & explain that you'd like to be treated once in a while. 2
RecentChange Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 I'm dating my girlfriend for a few months and sometimes I think she is a gold digger because everytime we go out she never offers to pay and everytime time we see each other I always pick her up, she has car and never goes to my place with her car! Red flags? Do you have gold to dig? Are you a wealthy man that she might try to use for your money - beyond dinners and gas for a car, I don't think that really counts as "gold digging". Do you think she is maybe faking attraction to you, but rather just loves your money? Do you treat her to extravagant things? I'm 32, she's ten years younger, ....She's still in college Perhaps she doesn't have the money to pay for your dates? Or even gas? I know that when I was in college I was B R O K E. I couldn't afford to eat out, and certainly couldn't afford to treat my date. Does she have a job in addition to going to school or some source of income? If you are worried about paying for dates, a woman out of college, and established in a career may have more financial ability to pay their own way. 4
Author js_77 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Posted March 16, 2018 Actually I make more money than her so I don't mind paying BUT she never offers? Never bought me anything, not even a gift!
RecentChange Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 Do you buy her gifts? I never bought a boyfriend a gift. Cooked them dinner sure... Didn't buy random gifts (not my love language). Do most of the women you date, pay for the dates and buy you gifts? You said you make more than her - does she have an income? At that age 90% of my income went to rent, tuition and books. 3
StormyEyes Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 How old are you guys? Are you exclusive and thinking about the future or just dating and having fun? Are your careers, responsibilities, and incomes fairly equal? Men generally make 20% more than women for the same work so she may not have the same disposable income you have. Is the situation causing you hardship? Her actions as described don't sound like those of a gold digger. It sounds like two people who have different ideas about dating and relationships. If it is really important to you, talk to her and outline your expectations. It is better to find out you fundamental differences now. If you are happy to have her company, it isn't a hardship on you, and everything else is going smoothly, what's the big deal?
Author js_77 Posted March 16, 2018 Author Posted March 16, 2018 How old are you guys? Are you exclusive and thinking about the future or just dating and having fun? Are your careers, responsibilities, and incomes fairly equal? Men generally make 20% more than women for the same work so she may not have the same disposable income you have. Is the situation causing you hardship? Her actions as described don't sound like those of a gold digger. It sounds like two people who have different ideas about dating and relationships. If it is really important to you, talk to her and outline your expectations. It is better to find out you fundamental differences now. If you are happy to have her company, it isn't a hardship on you, and everything else is going smoothly, what's the big deal? I'm 31 she's 22 and still in college, we're exclusive, she has a job but I make more money than her! About the future I don't know how to talk about that it's too soon for this
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 The economics of your relationship will remain unbalanced in her favor with you always paying until she graduates & gets a job. If that bothers you, stop dating students. Still I think it's fine for you to invite her to your house & ask her to bring something like a bottle of wine, a 6 pack or dessert. 7
thefooloftheyear Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 I'm 31 she's 22 and still in college, Well....there you go.... TFY 8
lovephule Posted March 16, 2018 Posted March 16, 2018 If she is digging for gold, she doesn’t seem to be getting it from you. Do you suspect her of seeing someone else?
Author js_77 Posted March 17, 2018 Author Posted March 17, 2018 If she is digging for gold, she doesn’t seem to be getting it from you. Do you suspect her of seeing someone else? I don't know, I hope not!
Els Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 Were you really expecting someone 10 years younger who's still in college to split costs with you? C'mon, man, be realistic. If you really want to split costs, chances are you'll need to date someone your age who already has a career. Can't have your cake and eat it too. 10
carhill Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 So, OP, you've never made out in her car because it's always off-limits? IMO, ramp down the gold-digger stuff and assess how she treats you in the relationship. People who love give. It doesn't have to be stuff or cash. How does that go for you?
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 She may or may not be gold digging, but I know this: she is under the impression that this is the role that older men play, yes that is why she is dating you. She's in college, no career, no money, practically a child....what the hell were you expecting? IMO, like Elswyth said, you need to be more realistic. If you want equal, you need to date someone closer to your own age that has a career, independence and money of her own. 6
kendahke Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 I'm dating my girlfriend for a few months and sometimes I think she is a gold digger because everytime we go out she never offers to pay and everytime time we see each other I always pick her up, she has car and never goes to my place with her car! Red flags? Have you ever asked her why she doesn't pay or drive over to your place? If this bothers you this much, why haven't you broken up with her? 1
kendahke Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 I'm 31 she's 22 and still in college, we're exclusive, she has a job but I make more money than her! Well, stay in your lane and stop dating college students if you're that hung up on who pays for what. Unless she's a trust fund baby (and even if she is, the executor of her fund may have her on a short leash), college students, by and large, are broke. That's the trade off for having such a young sex partner. When you talk to her about this, what does she say? What does she offer to do, besides have sex with you? If you need presents and gifts, you need to speak up. No one is going to read your mind. She may not show her love in that manner and if getting gifts is the way you qualify love, then you have to own your voice and speak up. You're old enough to get with that, no? 5
Lorenza Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 Yes, cause dinners and car rides are gold... Sure, you don't have to invest that if you don't want to, but calling her a gold digger is completely undeserved. Plenty of guys pay for food and give free rides, maybe she's just used to that kind of traditional dating 7
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 I suspect she hasn't brought anything to this relationship, not even a compliment and you are feeling this is too one sided. Kinda like dating an escort. Am I correct?
thefooloftheyear Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 Yes, cause dinners and car rides are gold... Sure, you don't have to invest that if you don't want to, but calling her a gold digger is completely undeserved. Plenty of guys pay for food and give free rides, maybe she's just used to that kind of traditional dating Or maybe she's too young, naive and inexperienced to know better.. TFY 1
Author js_77 Posted March 17, 2018 Author Posted March 17, 2018 Were you really expecting someone 10 years younger who's still in college to split costs with you? C'mon, man, be realistic. If you really want to split costs, chances are you'll need to date someone your age who already has a career. Can't have your cake and eat it too. I know about that, maybe I didn't think about this the way I should before dating her. So, OP, you've never made out in her car because it's always off-limits? IMO, ramp down the gold-digger stuff and assess how she treats you in the relationship. People who love give. It doesn't have to be stuff or cash. How does that go for you? She's very loving and caring to me, maybe that's the way she shows her love to me, I think. She may or may not be gold digging, but I know this: she is under the impression that this is the role that older men play, yes that is why she is dating you. She's in college, no career, no money, practically a child....what the hell were you expecting? IMO, like Elswyth said, you need to be more realistic. If you want equal, you need to date someone closer to your own age that has a career, independence and money of her own. Thanks for the reply, you're right but I don't want to date other girl because I like her. Have you ever asked her why she doesn't pay or drive over to your place? If this bothers you this much, why haven't you broken up with her? Because I like her. Well, stay in your lane and stop dating college students if you're that hung up on who pays for what. Unless she's a trust fund baby (and even if she is, the executor of her fund may have her on a short leash), college students, by and large, are broke. That's the trade off for having such a young sex partner. When you talk to her about this, what does she say? What does she offer to do, besides have sex with you? If you need presents and gifts, you need to speak up. No one is going to read your mind. She may not show her love in that manner and if getting gifts is the way you qualify love, then you have to own your voice and speak up. You're old enough to get with that, no? ok Yes, cause dinners and car rides are gold... Sure, you don't have to invest that if you don't want to, but calling her a gold digger is completely undeserved. Plenty of guys pay for food and give free rides, maybe she's just used to that kind of traditional dating Used to be spoiled too much? I suspect she hasn't brought anything to this relationship, not even a compliment and you are feeling this is too one sided. Kinda like dating an escort. Am I correct? No, she's kind, loving and caring to me.
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2018 Posted March 17, 2018 Well then that is all she can bring to the table, take it or leave it. 2
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