happyhusband0005 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I had a high school sweetheart. After 2 1/2 years together in high school she went off to college, she was a year older than me. After 6 months in school we broke up because of the distance and she was at a women's college with all these girls with the attitude we don't need no damn men. I was crushed, but I focused on my busy life. There was no texting or social media in the mid nineties so we didn't have any contact. So about a month later over school break, I went to visit a group of people I met on a school trip. She knew there was a girl from that trip who was obsessed with me. She knew I was going on this trip because I was tight with her younger sister and I would take her sister and her friends skiing with me and my friends. On these ski days we didn't talk about her anything having to do with the girlfriend. Well after winter break she showed up at my indoor track meet with gatorade and snacks for me and my friends it was her spring break. A couple of days later she asked me if I wanted to get together for a movie. Long story short, We have now been together 26 years have 2 kids and life is cherry. The point is in long term relationships that become long distance emotions and perspective can get confused, especially when dealing with major life milestones and changes. Sometime's a reset will put things back in perspective and make things stronger than ever. You should keep moving forward with your life put your energy into to things that make you happy, keep an open mind. Don't sit around hoping and plotting, to get her back. If it's meant to be it will be. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhusband0005 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Is there something I can text her to make sure she is okay, but I don’t want to talk about the relationship? Like “hey, I don’t know why I feel like I have to worry, but take care yourself and don’t forget to make your mental health a priority too.” I wouldn't contact her directly but maybe you can shoot her concerned friend and quick note suggesting she keep an eye on her. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Is there something I can text her to make sure she is okay, but I don’t want to talk about the relationship? Like “hey, I don’t know why I feel like I have to worry, but take care yourself and don’t forget to make your mental health a priority too.” Why would you be blur about it. If you want her to feel free to talk to you about her issues and not about the relationship (Which I think is a mistake and not for your best interest)m you can text her this exactly. "Hey, if you have issues and need anything, feel free to call me". Link to post Share on other sites
Author somuchgrief Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 I wouldn't contact her directly but maybe you can shoot her concerned friend and quick note suggesting she keep an eye on her. I did, and the friend said that they have been trying to get her to come over to hang out, and she has taken them up on it a couple times, but never looks happy during it. The friend has caught my ex hiding and crying a few times, but my ex will quickly pretend that nothing is wrong. The reason I am worried is that my ex is super good at internalizing feelings, and projecting an outward appearances that everything is fine. She greatly put her self-worth in the opinions of others, and hates coming off as vulnerable even to the people she should trust (i.e. her mother, her sister, best friends). There were times were I urged her to be honest with her family about how much the death of her father affected her, and she outright refused to do it because she was afraid her mother would think she was weak for still thinking about it 15 years later (don't even get me started on their relationship). She told me multiple times that I was the only person she has ever trusted enough to open herself without fear of being judged. Anyways, I am afraid of sitting on the situation for too long, and letting her spiral down, but I also don't 100% know if I am ready to talk to her. I am still hurt and betrayed by what she did, but I ultimately still want her to be well. I also know that I am more mentally resilient than she is, and if anyone can recover more quickly it is me. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhusband0005 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Well, you know her best. She did just end a very serious LTR. Even though she was the one who prompted it to end doesn't mean she isn't having very normal and very strong emotions related to it ending. These emotions could be the same as any women ending a 4 year relationship would go through. It's a very tough situation for everyone. I would think she is having the same doubts as you when a relationship like this ends things just don't go to business as usual in a week or two. If she has been relatively healthy mentally, and has the support of friends she should be fine. Your going to be seeing each other sometime soon I would think to exchange possessions. I don't think there would be anything wrong with you just telling her if she ever needs to talk you always take the call. Your not saying you'll be waiting around for her to decide she wants you back, your just offering to be there if she needs you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 (edited) She is going to need to learn to depend on other people for emotional support now. You also don't know if her tears and seclusion are about you, OP. She could have had an upset with her new crush, for all you know. Think about this: you contact her, express your concern, chat a bit, she feels better and thanks you for your help, and then totally drops off the radar again. How will you feel when you go back to silence between you? She is a big girl. As much as you want to help her, she has to take some accountability if she that upset about the mess she created. I would strongly advise you not to play White Knight to her. Edited March 23, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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