Husband is now asking for a hall pass.

[Mr. Lucky]

Would you mind citing where NYDame has said any such thing, where she has told us that is what he's doing?

 

So I'm living with my mom, cramped into her bedroom with my 2 girls. This has caused so many challenges for me and it has not been easy adjusting to living here. There's an issue with the distance to my daughters school, the fact he didn't leave me with the car and other things.

 

He's left the 3 of them - soon to be 4 - sharing a one-bedroom apartment with Mom and has taken the car. So while I agree the marital issues are of her making, there should be other priorities than his sexual availability...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

For those saying he hasn't abandoned his children or doesn't care about them.

 

Did you not read this...

 

I'm living with my mom, cramped into her bedroom with my 2 girls.*

 

There's an issue with the distance to my daughters school, the fact he didn't leave me with the car and other things.*

 

Nothing any of you guys are saying excuses this behaviour.

 

It's all to easy for men to bugger off leaving the woman to cope with the kids.

 

You just don't ask your pregnant wife for a hallpass...unless you're totally heartless and insensitive.

 

Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time for women and even the mere mentioning of wanting sex with other women is enough to cause stress to the expectant mother...which can in turn affect the baby.

[Timshel]

For those saying he hasn't abandoned his children or doesn't care about them.

 

Did you not read this...

 

I'm living with my mom, cramped into her bedroom with my 2 girls.*

 

There's an issue with the distance to my daughters school, the fact he didn't leave me with the car and other things.*

 

Nothing any of you guys are saying excuses this behaviour.

 

It's all to easy for men to bugger off leaving the woman to cope with the kids.

 

You just don't ask your pregnant wife for a hallpass...unless you're totally heartless and insensitive.

 

Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time for women and even the mere mentioning of wanting sex with other women is enough to cause stress to the expectant mother...which can in turn affect the baby.

 

Who gets pregnant in the midst of this shenanigans?

Really, this is a serious question.

 

Yes, pregnancy is a vulnerable time, preach to the choir. Why is OP getting knocked up in the midst of this turmoil?

 

Yep, birth control is the responsibility of all parties. If a woman does not want to be pregnant, a woman makes for darn sure she isn't. Had enough of the woe is me from women bringing children into the world.

 

Own this OP. A life is coming, your marriage is over. Attention is a cruel thing...the more you seek, the less you get.

[sandylee1]

Who gets pregnant in the midst of this shenanigans?

Really, this is a serious question.

 

Yes, pregnancy is a vulnerable time, preach to the choir. Why is OP getting knocked up in the midst of this turmoil?

 

Yep, birth control is the responsibility of all parties. If a woman does not want to be pregnant, a woman makes for darn sure she isn't. Had enough of the woe is me from women bringing children into the world.

 

Own this OP. A life is coming, your marriage is over. Attention is a cruel thing...the more you seek, the less you get.

 

I'm sure she thought the marriage was going ok.. and she's not the one who wants sex outside the marriage.

 

Surely if a man doesn't want a child with a woman he thinks cheated...He'd make sure it didn't happen. That's child support for 3 kids and an Ex Wife in a divorce.

 

For all we know this was a planned pregnancy. I don't see this as woe is me at all.

 

I'd usually agree that a woman should take more responsibility for birth control....but this is a child conceived in.a marriage...not some single woman or teenager who isn't in.a stable relationship.

[Timshel]

I'm sure she thought the marriage was going ok.. and she's not the one who wants sex outside the marriage.

 

Surely if a man doesn't want a child with a woman he thinks cheated...He'd make sure it didn't happen. That's child support for 3 kids and an Ex Wife in a divorce.

 

For all we know this was a planned pregnancy. I don't see this as woe is me at all.

 

I'd usually agree that a woman should take more responsibility for birth control....but this is a child conceived in.a marriage...not some single woman or teenager who isn't in.a stable relationship.

 

She is not in a stable relationship. Point taken.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, even I thought this forum was meant to be a place for support of those who came here asking for help. It comes to mind that Moderation has made it clear on many occasions that (a) people are telling the truth when they report their situations here and (b) while making suggestions and observations, although the facts of a case may be alluded to objectively, the overall aim of people posting to advise an OP should be to offer useful proactive advice to that person so that he/ she has something positive to work with. By making blatantly negative and harsh, hurtful comments I think the only purpose served would be to drive people away till finally, few would have the courage to come to a forum like this one knowing that they are going to bashed black and blue.

 

I have no agenda here in case folks are wondering. As I have stated repeatedly before , I am an objective poster not having been subject to infidelity personally, although I have seen the horrifying effects of it at close hand. There have been occasions when I myself have overstepped my limits and have been pulled up by Moderation. I guess if we want this forum to continue to be a place of refuge for people to come to get help a certain measure of compassion and restraint will have to be exercised by all of us. Otherwise we might as well close shop and stay at home.

 

The OP here has reiterated that firstly, she never cheated on her husband and secondly, that it was an error of judgement on her part when she was a young woman barely out of her teens. Let us all give her some degree of leeway for having made mistakes which were the result of immaturity and lack of experience of the real world. Of course this is just my opinion and everyone is free to ignore it. Just thought I would put it out there. Warm wishes.

[Maraud3r]

He's left the 3 of them - soon to be 4 - sharing a one-bedroom apartment with Mom and has taken the car. So while I agree the marital issues are of her making, there should be other priorities than his sexual availability...

 

Mr. Lucky

Once again, I am absolutely not blaming her for all of this or saying his behaviour is acceptable and isn't making everything worse, a lot worse. But there is still the general perception that children should stay with their mother, I'm fairly certain both OP and others here would react just as badly if he had taken the two children he could and have them stay with him.

 

We'd hear how he has no right to cut off the access of OP to her children, how she should try and get sole custody etc.

 

There's absolutely better ways to handle all of this, the problem is that their relationship is effectively shot and has been ever since this initially happened. The victims here are the children and they're between a rock and a hard place no matter what.

 

I'm sure she thought the marriage was going ok.. and she's not the one who wants sex outside the marriage.

Except the way she is describing it and telling us about it it's pretty clear it wasn't. Why she didn't notice it and paid no attention to her husband is an entirely different question though.

 

You could argue most of this was on the back burner and fairly low key up untill it bubbled back up again. After she decided it would be a good idea to contact the boss and get into contact again. Sure she asked first but that she had this idea in the first place and brought it up likely did more than enough damage already.

 

And no she isn't the one who wants sex outside the marriage. However even if we take her side of the story at face value she is the one who engaged in flirting and racy text exchanges. Who encouraged another man to send her nudes. Then set out to hide it up untill her husband found out. Thus destroying the exclusivity and foundation they had prior. Who then thought it was a good idea to ask her husband to be allowed to get into contact with the same man again.

 

And remember, her husband doesn't know how far this actually went. He can't trust what she is telling him because she was actively hiding and lying to him and I wouldn't be too surprised if he found an online community or other people for advice who are telling him he's being gaslighted and worse. That her wanting to get back into contact with the boss is her getting that affair back on and he's a sucker for staying/believing her.

 

We have that type of stuff here on the forum on the regular.

 

Surely if a man doesn't want a child with a woman he thinks cheated...He'd make sure it didn't happen. That's child support for 3 kids and an Ex Wife in a divorce.

 

For all we know this was a planned pregnancy. I don't see this as woe is me at all.

Except you know, she tried to get into contact with her boss AFTER she was already pregnant unless I misunderstand the event time table here. Which was what ultimatively caused all hell to break loose, all this stuff to bubble back up and the complete break down of their relationship.

 

Flirting + Nudes with boss > Lying about it > Conflict with Husband > Time passes > Husband forgives her and decides to stay > More time passes > She gets pregnant > She decides it's a good idea to get back into contact with the boss, asks husband (bringing this up alone is bad enough) > Husband like an idiot thinks he can deal with it > Everything breaks down.

 

If I have the time table wrong please correct me but this is how I understood all of this went down?

[wmacbride]

No but he doesn't know that. What she has done the way she describes it seems "minor" but we only have her word, her version for it. To him she did stuff and initially lied about it to his face. She was dishonest and it introduced doubt.

 

You can be almost certain other people have been fanning the flames ever since then, that he stumbled into various online communities who enhanced his doubts and preyed on his fears and insecurities. Then she went and got back into contact with the guy, deleted messages etc.

 

Let me play devils advocate here. From his perspective his relationship was fine, they were exclusive and both had never been with other people and there wasn't any desire for it either. Afterall they had each other.

 

Then his wife went and started flirting with other guys, exchanged messages and pictures and lied about it. In his mind she likely did far more and worse and he's the sucker who got played for a fool. It destroyed that exclusivity, it destroyed that unique part of their relationship where they weren't with someone else, weren't interested in someone else and where his wife would never do such a thing. That is even if anything physical never went down. She showed interested and engaged with other guys.

 

He likely thought he could get over it, ignore it and deal with it but that change in their relationship dynamic stayed and the damage isn't something that can ever be undone. He apparently pushed it down and ignored it for the longest time and he thought he could deal with it even if she got back into contact.

 

We now know he was wrong, he could not, very much not. It opened old wounds, reintroduced old insecurities and enhanced them and made him feel like a complete and utter sucker and doormat. This much shines through from his insecurity, constant doubt and questioning of their relationship.

 

People say it was a "minor thing", to him it very much wasn't. People say it's okay because she "didn't really cheat" but he doesn't know that and that she showed interest in other guys and engaged in such a way with them destroyed a part of their previous exclusivity and security they had. People forget that afterwards she lied about it and tried to hide it, which made it oh that much worse.

 

People say he just wants to be "Peter Pan" and "get his cake and eat it too" and is just "using this as an excuse". Completely ignoring that the rabbid insecurity, jealousity, self doubt and other things do not line up with that, at all. From what OP tells us her actions were "minor" but within context of their relationship and its dynamics they were the equivalent of a nuclear bomb. It destroyed the trust, it destroyed the exclusivity, it destroyed his belief that they were mutually exclusive and not missing anything, that he wasn't being played for a sucker etc.

 

 

Agreed, except she didn't and that's what caused these issues in the first place. She did flirt with the boss, she did engage in stuff she shouldn't have, she did go out of her way to try and hide it, she reengaged with the boss later and that is only the stuff she told us about.

 

Given how exclusive they were prior, it doesn't really matter if this was a full blown affair (which he doesn't know it wasn't and given she lied to him prior and he's likely being told he's being gaslighted or worse by other parties) it completely changed the dynamics they had.

 

 

Oh agreed. His behaviour isn't very nice and only serves to make all their issues worse, vastly so. But people pretend this comes out of nowhere, that there is zero reason for him to have doubts and be insecure about their relationship. Downplay and excuse her actions while ignoring the dynamics they had prior and how they nuked those for good.

 

If his actions were only affecting himself and his wife, this might be an excuse.

 

The issue here is that he is a father, he has kids and his wife is pregnant. He has ways of handling the situation that don't involve uprooting his children and leaving his pregnant wife with no mode of transplantation. He's making his kids pay because he's hurting.

 

Add to that his desire for a "hall pass" and comment to her that she can have control over who, where and when. To me, that sounds like it was meant as a way to hurt her, and that's just cruel. Planned out and cruel. Say what you will about her behavior, his is every bit as bad.

 

Quite frankly, they need some heavy duty therapy and he needs to grow up. I can understand him being deeply hurt and angry, but there are far better ways of dealing with that than lashing out as he has.

[d0nnivain]

Flirting + Nudes with boss > Lying about it > Conflict with Husband > Time passes > Husband forgives her and decides to stay > More time passes > She gets pregnant > She decides it's a good idea to get back into contact with the boss, asks husband (bringing this up alone is bad enough) > Husband like an idiot thinks he can deal with it > Everything breaks down.

Fine. Assume she is a horror show. How is a hall pass going to fix this? How does any of her behavior excuse his failure to support his children? I'm still stuck on the family's financial problems & his decision to abandon everybody to go live with his dad, forcing the OP & the kids into her parents' house.

[BettyDraper]

Your husband was very wrong for abandoning you during your pregnancy. Asking for a hall pass during such an emotionally fraught time is immature and selfish. Though your behavior with your boss was reprehensible, your husband's response to it was not helpful in the least.

[William]

On that positive note, respecting that the thread starter has not been here in a number of days, I'll close this up pending their return. Thanks for the on-topic and thoughtful comments!

 

-> Per thread starter request, thread re-opened for an update.

Edited March 21, 2018 by William
Reopened thread

[NYDame]

 

 

The fact is that there are a lot of folk on here who have been the victims of infidelity and when they seem to sense that a poster who comes Jere for advice has possibly cheated on their spouse, they pounce on them and then instead of extending any kind of constructive advice they literally pile on to tear that person to pieces. Sadly, posting on a public forum means it's open house and all and sundry are free to post as they wish. However, since you know your truth and there are other posters in the crowd, who come forward with useful and practical advice to enable you to best resolve your problem such as it is, you should pick and choose such posts and concentrate on them to help you move forward. You are not beholden to take into consideration advice which is irrelevant to your present dilemma. You have been given some good advice here and you would know which posts carry these. Take those into consideration toove ahead. Warm wishes.

 

Thank you for this advice Just a Guy. Appreciate the wise words.

[Just a Guy]

You are welcome Lady! Best of luck with your situation and I wish you the very best going forward.

[NYDame]

 

Would you mind citing where NYDame has said any such thing, where she has told us that is what he's doing? I might have missed it but otherwise you're attesting a whole bunch of things to him which were never said to support your general premise that the guy is at fault and the problem in any given situation.

 

Even if he were to divest himself of his wife, this doesn't mean he wants to do the same to his children nor that he could legally do so.

 

HI Maraud3r, first, thank you for your insight. I think it's very on point in regards to why he's feeling insecure and unsafe in our relationship. I do feel inclined to clear some things up here though. I've explained this before but the dynamics of our relationships are a little more complex.

 

My ex boss was a flirt, yes. I always ignored it/changed the subject whenever it happened and should have been firm and put my foot down to stop it in the beginning. This request for a "sexy picture" as he put it, was the one time I decided I was going to mess with him for fun, hence I participated in the flirting. I was naive back then to think it would be nothing. After I challenged him he didn't send a picture right away. He actually texted me the very next day (my husband was playing a game on my phone) that said "I emailed you a picture, please delete it." This is how my husband found out there was a picture. I was ashamed, of course, that I had not shut this down with my ex boss. I told myself at the time that I will lie about this and handle this when I got to work. I didn't want to make a big fuss of this and have my husband see me as this weak person who couldn't stand up for herself and I also wanted to avoid tension between my husband and the boss.

 

The "dick pic" incident happened 9 years ago, before we were married. We were together for 3 years and just had our daughter at this time. My ex boss is relatives with some of my relatives and is very integrated in the family. As a matter of fact his aunt was my daughters babysitter and he till this day is very close friends of 2 of my husbands cousins. He has a business he runs with my husbands cousin and this was the job opportunity I had contacted him about because our family was/is struggling. So in other words, this man is not just somebody I decided to bring back into my life out of the blue. My ex boss had apologized for what happened to me and to my husband years ago when this first happened. They appeared cool afterwards, and we've hung out with my ex boss and his family after all these years. My husband trusted me completely all this time. If there was any doubt from my husband, I didn't catch it or it was poorly communicated.

 

Now is when I'm realizing that this was rug swept this whole time. I was just so happy with our lives and the trust my husband had given me, that I was blind and inconsiderate to how my husband might feel about my ex boss if I started working with him again. I wish I could change this. I feel like sh*t for not thinking of how my husband might've seen this relationship. I've let this drawbridge down in our marriage and he is questioning everything and feeling unsafe. I keep wanting to "fix" it and prove to him that I can be trusted but I've done the damage already.

 

Our counselor says I need to be transparent now and I have no problem having my husband look through my phone, computer, knowing where I am, answering all his questions, etc...It's been hard...very hard because his questions come through as accusations. He always thinks I'm up to something...scheming ways to make him jealous...he questions insignificant comments I make or looks I give him or other people.

 

So he wanted a break from me, hence why I'm at my moms and he's at his dads. I've been fortunate that my two brothers live at home with my mom and we've worked out the car situation thus far although it's been a challenge at times. My husband wanted to keep our car because he wants to Uber in the evening but this is another issue as well because he doesn't always get around to doing Uber as much as promises. But is he an absent father? No! He comes around my moms house and is present for them. The few times I've asked him to take them for a night, he does. Of course I have to ask. Haha...but what can I expect?

 

He is suffering through an emotionally immature phase right now. It's disappointing to say the least. He's done things that are very wrong. Spending money we don't have on outings with friends, quitting side jobs that were helping with bills, telling me he wants to have sex with other women because he thinks I cheated and other reasons, flipping his middle finger at me out of nowhere, just real immature stuff. Let me leave it at that. I'm honestly fed up. Even though I know that my past actions have caused some of this, I'm still fed up with his behavior when he's like this.

 

I want to update everyone on here also and let you know that he has since told me that he wants me to move with him at his dads house and that he respects that I will not allow a hall pass and that he's not going to go outside the marriage. Obviously, this isn't something I can just believe anymore as it's already out there. I know how he feels now, so the trust issues are now in both directions. None of this looks good, but I still have hope here that we can fix this. Am I crazy to think that?

Edited March 26, 2018 by NYDame

[Maraud3r]

My ex boss was a flirt, yes.

Which in itself makes your ex boss an incredible shady character, especially given the context shown here. The problem is you did not take it serious because he is so integrated in your family/friends circle, he however very much was.

 

Just take a step back for a moment and imagine that this guy who apparently knows your husband, is friends with his cousins and other people decided it would be appropriate to pursue you. This shows an incredible lack of respect towards both you, your husband and all these relations.

I decided I was going to mess with him for fun, hence I participated in the flirting.

The problem might be that you never took it serious, yet he was. Which means that from his perspective and possibly other peoples you started to waver, you gave him an in and he could push further.

 

We know from you that you wanted to mess with him, that however isn't many other people would see it. Instead it looked more like his tireless work finally bearing fruit. The guy would've needed to be cut out entirely as far back as he started trying to chip away at your relationship.

 

The "dick pic" incident happened 9 years ago

Not trying to be mean but how long ago this was is, besides the point. The important thing is that it happens. Imagine it like dealing someone (in this case your relationship) an open wound that will never truly heal. Leaving this guy in your vicinity/friend group was introducing an infection that was slowly festering all this time. Now getting him closer again, was the wound going full blown gangrene.

 

My ex boss is relatives with some of my relatives and is very integrated in the family.

Not trying to be mean but once again, besides the point. If anything it makes his behaviour WORSE. This man decided to try and wrench open your relationship, he decided to pursue you despite you having a fiancee/boyfriend and a child at the time and despite all the other relations.

 

If anything, it makes him an all around WORSE person. And that he's around, as a constant reminder like some infection that wont go away only makes it worse.

My ex boss had apologized for what happened to me and to my husband years ago when this first happened.

"For what happened...", no wait. Back right off there. This isn't something that happened like some car accident, someone falling down the stairs and breaking a leg. This is something HE DID ON PURPOSE AND KNOWINGLY regardless of the consequences.

They appeared cool afterwards, and we've hung out with my ex boss and his family after all these years.

Here's the question, did he have a choice? You said how incredible integrated this piece of crap is in your family and friends circle. There was no reasonable way for him to get rid of this guy. If he had said anything, there was a good way he'd be the one who'd been excluded.

 

I don't think I saw this prior. Your misstep was arguably minor. Within the context of your relationship however quite meaningful. But knowing that all this time this guy was around, a part of your family and friends circle. That it happened with someone so close.

 

What this guy did was basically tell your husband he had zero, absolutely no respect whatsoever for him. That he could pursue his girlfriend/wife and break any kind of boundaries and shown him there would be no consequences whatsoever. That said wife would actually show interest in him. And that if your husband had any issue with it, it would likely be him who'd lose his family and friends.

 

I want to update everyone on here also and let you know that he has since told me that he wants me to move with him at his dads house and that he respects that I will not allow a hall pass and that he's not going to go outside the marriage. Obviously, this isn't something I can just believe anymore as it's already out there. I know how he feels now, so the trust issues are now in both directions. None of this looks good, but I still have hope here that we can fix this. Am I crazy to think that?

Just to be clear, I'm not excusing his behaviour now, saying he should be given a hallpass or anything. It's just that your whole situation seems to be messed up quite a bit. I wish you the best of luck and hope that at the very least your kids will be okay.

[Dutchman1]

Hello NYDame,

 

Maraud3r is so right about this, like 100%.

 

9 years ago your husband made the choice to bite the

sandwich he was presented by you and your ( what he thinks) lover.

 

Ok, he swallowd that for the team (family)

Years later after not worked through the first one, your husband got presented sandwich nr 2.

 

In your eyes this may all seem one soap show from the beginning until now.

For your husband it is a whole new event. He probably thought he survided nr 1 affair, and here is nr 2.

 

In this case you write there was no cheating, for your husband: it doesn't change anything

 

If your husband was not insecure and full of trust in you and in your future before the incidents, than you know what caused it.

 

I wrote before that I could not believe that your husband already cheated or would seriously do such.

 

Please understand that all he believed in got nuked.

His trust in you, having you on a pedestal, the purity and warm feeling of exclusivity got blown to bits.

 

His ego was playing up, trying to save face, not to be looked at as a man without any value except, income, an a helping hand.

 

And we know now this is not the case, your husband doesn't. The only one who made vows to him and promised to have his back always did it again.

 

He will not cheat, and I think you can believe him.

He must heal still from your first affair, because it was never been worked on, just swept under the rug.

 

Book a poly asap, If you don't have the money do a crowdfund.

Let him make the 3 questions.

This might be the only way to prove it. And if he refuses, then make him because this horror must end for your soon to be multi members family.

 

I wish you wisdom and well.

 

Dutchman1

 

PS, better break all ties with this p.o.s. boss. he's scum, and no friend of your marrage

[DKT3]

It's great progress, in my opinion that you've finally recognized that you actions did this. Even if you didn't have an affair (which honestly is really hard to buy you didn't) it doesn't matter because what you did do, and how you lied about it made him believe you did.

 

I also applaud you for not taking the easy route here when people assumed your husband abandoned the kids. Sadly many here will offer up excuses for you, it show strength that you didn't take the opportunity to lessen your responsibility by painting him as the bad guy.

 

The Free pass is a horrible ideal, and I suspect that your husband is already out there. Sadly, you can't control that. All you can do is what you're doing, recognize and understand how your actions lead to where you are now, how to improve to avoid it in the future.

 

However, absolutely don't allow him to bully you into something you don't want.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, how long are some of you going to hammer home the point that the OP made some bad decisions at the start of her relationship because of which she now has to suffer some serious and painful consequences, and start offering her some constructive advice on how to handle things from here on out so that she gets her life back. It is like you were to find a hit and run victim on the road bleeding to death and you start pontificating to him about how what he did wrong landed him in that state instead of rushing him to the hospital. I get the point that the OP needed to be made aware of her errors so that she does not forget the lessons inherent in them but to keep piling on ad nauseum just to prove a point or make oneself look good misses the point completely. This is a place where people come for advice and not to be hammered repeatedly for what they did wrong. If that were the purpose then I am sure only masochists would visit this site to pose their dilemmas.

 

NYDame, keep up with what you are doing and keep trying to build bridges with your husband. He may be immature and whatever else but he was someone you chose to marry many moons ago. The two of you have to work on your flaws and grow together. Just keep the faith. Warm wishes.

Edited March 26, 2018 by Just a Guy

[NYDame]

Hi everyone. Life just got a little crazier for me today. Please tell me if I should be concerned for my husband?

 

We went to a kids birthday party on Monday with our kids of course. It was my families side and it was at a public kids indoor amusement park. Well yesterday my cousin calls me and tells me that she doesn’t know how to tell me this but my husband took her aside at that party to have a private conversation and told her that we are having marital problems and that he has always been into her and asked for her to kiss him. He then touched her elbow as if to bring her in for a kiss.

 

So I’m most definitely divorcing this person as I don’t recognize who he is anymore and he is causing me tremendous amounts of pain. The day of my sons delivery he also told me that he asked a nurse about paternity testing. Even after that blow to my face I gave him a chance but I’m done.

 

I’m on here because I don’t know if this is something a sane person would do? He says his intention isn’t to hurt me. But this seems very deliberate. Like...he wanted me to find out right?!?! What would make him think a cousin of mine would let him get away with this? Should I be concerned for his mental health or do I just have a bad case of an ******* husband? How do people change like this? Did I really break my husband so badly with this betrayal?

[stillafool]

As we've told you before your husband is done with this marriage and yes he is very attracted to your cousin. He's at the point where he doesn't care if you find out that he's pursuing others because he isn't going to stop. Divorce is your only option unless you want to be around for more of this behavior or worse. I don't believe he is actually TRYING to hurt you it just is what it is at this point.

[PegNosePete]

He says his intention isn’t to hurt me.

No, his intention isn't to hurt you. His intention was to cop off with your cousin!

 

Divorce!!!

[Mr. Lucky]

Did I really break my husband so badly with this betrayal?

 

You didn't break your H as much as you fractured the relationship. And once that happens, even if you stay together out of necessity or desire, things are rarely the same.

 

Since your H obviously feels entitled to act out in any way he wants, your choice becomes pretty simple - deal with it or opt out. You've underestimated the amount of hurt and anger he's carried forward and this would probably be your new married normal...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

He says his intention isn’t to hurt me. But this seems very deliberate.

 

Should I be concerned for his mental health or do I just have a bad case of an ******* husband?

 

I would say that you have a bad case of a ***** husband.

 

His intention was not to hurt you, but to get with your cousin.

 

Did he get your attention? What are you going to do about this? Either accept it, or get out.

[Poutrew]

Well, he didn't actually bang the cousin, just 'talk' to her... the same way you claim you only 'flirted' with your boss... and you are ready for divorce. Which is probably what he is feeling he should have done a decade ago. Yeah... I feel this relationship is pretty well over. Been dead for a decade, actually...

[pepperbird]

I would divorce.

 

You can't trust your husband, as he will forever use the "what NYDame did" as an excuse for his behvaior.

 

Reconciliation of a marriage post cheating ( or whatever it is he thinks you did) doesn't give the betrayed license to treat their ws like crap or cheat on them, and to be honest, I highly doubt your past behavior is causing his current actions at all. It may be a convenient excuse though, but it's still crap.